"Alaricas..." I whispered.
He shook his head as more tears ran down his face. He clenched his fists, trying to hold back his sobs. I had no idea what to do, so, I hugged him.
He abruptly tensed up, but as I continued to hold him and stroke his cheek, he relaxed. He turned and sobbed into my shirt, it pained me to see him like this. I have no idea what caused him to break, but he did.
He wrapped his arms around me and held onto me as if his life depended on it. His body was shaking from his sobs, tears were soaking my shoulder.
"Shhhhh, it's okay. I'm here." I murmured.
It took him an hour to relax, by the time his sobs stopped, he seemed exhausted. He just laid his head on my shoulder and zoned out. I didn't mind though, I continued to run my fingers through his hair.
I sighed, "What caused that?"
He was silent for a moment before answering.
"My thoughts." He murmured.
"Your thoughts?"
He nodded, "What did I do to deserve this? W-was I cursed because I was a bastard child?"
"No, it just ran in the family. It's not your fault, Alaricas."
"Yes it is! If I weren't born then....then you wouldn't have been abused! My parents could have been happy! My pack would of been safer! Everyone would of been happier!"
I frowned, "Not everyone..."
I imagined my world without Alaricas, sure, I wouldn't have been abused. But I wouldn't have someone like him. I would probably be mated to a warrior or to some alpha who doesn't want me. I'm happy right now being beside him, even if our past was rough. He may not know it, but he's teaching me a valuable lesson.
To not leave someone behind without knowing their story or what they're going through.
He looked at me with confused eyes, "Everyone would of been."
"No. Our lives are meant to be like this, we're meant to be together. We're meant to fix each other and that's what I'm going to do. Damn it, Alaricas, stop doubting yourself. I can't understand what it feels like to know your parents hated you, but it doesn't mean I can't learn to love you."
"They were wrong for what they did, but they aren't here right now. You matter to me, but you also matter to your brother. How would he feel if he heard this? He would be heart broken to know his own baby brother is thinking like this. Don't you understand? If you weren't here then everything would be messed up and....dark."
He stared at me in shock, honestly, I just surprised myself too. I had no idea where all of these emotions came from, but I don't care. I was scared of what he was thinking, I'm terrified that these thoughts will become suicidal.
I don't want to find out what it's like to live without him. The last six months I couldn't get him off my mind and now that I know the truth, I don't want to leave him. I can't abandon him again.
He just continued to stare at me before clearing his throat and looking down.
"I just want to know why I was made like this." He whispered.
"Why my life couldn't just be perfect. Why I couldn't just love you like I wanted to."
I smiled softly and stroked his cheek, "Because whatever god is up there knew you were strong enough to lead this life. And the moon goddess knew I was strong enough to be your mate."
I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his head. I ended up falling asleep, laying beside him in the very room that was the main source of my nightmares.
And you know what?
They never came.