Peeta POV- (District 10, Brandon's funeral)
"I never thought I would see you again and here we are. I'm sorry it's under these circumstances." I mumble, laying a letter Carter wrote him on his chest.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.
Bristol was going to deliver the letter to him herself but she couldn't take it. She ran out crying as we approached him and I tried to go after her but I just had to stay.
I had to tell him what I've wanted to tell him for six years.
"I know you probably hated me but I don't care. All I want you to know is that you gave up two amazing girls. I will never forgive you for the things you put them through, especially Carter. You have no idea how kindhearted and beautiful she is. And I'm proud that I get to be there for her since you can't." I say, leaving it at that and turning around and walking out.
I am the last to exit the church.
I find Bristol outside on the steps, crying her eyes out, looking as if she was a small animal wanting to be camouflaged by the woods around her.
People are staring at her and whispering, some of them still teary eyed from the funeral.
I kneel down, "Do you want to go?" I say quietly.
She looks up at me, nodding her head.
I help her up and she hugs me.
"It's alright." I mumble to her.
I glance back and see Brandon's father coming towards us.
He looks sad but more tired than anything.
He looks tired of the world and tired of the hurt.
I know that look well because it's the same look Katniss gets when she's really upset or depressed.
"I am so sorry." Bristol says, wiping away her tears, looking embarrassed of them.
"Thank you for coming. I know it means a lot to him and it does to our family too." He says awkwardly.
Bristol nods, looking at the ground.
"Bristol, I am sorry for the things he put you through but I want you to know that he never stopped thinking about you."
Bristol glances at me, speechless.
"I know you got remarried and he knew about it too. He was really happy for you and hoped that this man treated you better than he did." He says and it's news to both of us.
"He said that?"
"Yes."
She turns and looks at me and I see a hint of hope in her eyes and she turns back.
"You and I both know he wasn't the same after he went in but I just want you to know that even though he treated you badly at times, he really did love you."
Bristol wipes away her tears, "I loved him too. I still love him."
"Well, I just hope that you are doing okay and that your new husband treats you better than my son did. I'm sorry, you know I raised him better." He says shaking his head.
"I know you did but that's what war does to a person." She mumbles quietly.
Brandon's father walks away, no more exchanges of glances or talking.
"Let's go." Bristol tells me a few seconds later.
I sigh and we go.
We get into the car and buckle up.
I'm not sure what to say and we sit there in silence for a few minutes.
"Do you want to go see your family? I know Katniss wouldn't mind if we stopped."
She shakes her head, "They'd be upset I didn't bring Carter and Carson and I don't want my dad to know I came. He hated Brandon."
"Well, I'm sure he would understand. If you want to go see them we can."
"No thank you, Peeta. I'm just ready to get home and see Katniss and the girls."
I smile sadly, "Okay."
With that we start making the four hour journey home.
"Peeta, is it bad that I still love him?" Bristol asks me after awhile.
I shake my head, "No, it's not bad."
"Then why do I feel so bad about it? I have a different husband and I haven't been around Brandon in years."
"Because you were best friends at one time and I know you really loved him." I say truthfully.
"But I hate him too."
"I know."
"What would you do?"
"What do you mean what would I do?" I ask her.
She sighs, "Pretend that you and Katniss were like Brandon and I were. She changed and you guys had a baby and broke up? You moved on and had another kid with someone else you love? And then she died?"
I take a deep breath. I've never thought about putting myself in her shoes exactly. Like I've always known how lucky I was to find Katniss but I just realized I'm so so damn lucky to have her and for us to have a relationship that isn't horrible.
"I would devastated. I would be devastated for our kid and for her family no matter how long it would have been that I saw her. And I would be really upset because of what we had at one time. It will never really go away even if we didn't love each other that much anymore, I know my heart would never let it go. It's no different for you." I tell her.
She sighs, "I'm glad someone understands."
"Katniss does. She explained it to me the other day." I say truthfully.
Bristol nods, "You both seem to understand a lot of things."
"We've been through a lot."
"I know you have and despite it all you're both still so in love with each other and have a beautiful growing family. It makes me kind of jealous sometimes." She tells me, wiping away tears.
"Why are you jealous? You're apart of our family."
"Because I want to have what you guys have."
"You have two beautiful kids and a husband that loves you." I say, even though I'm not so sure on the last part.
I mean I am sure he loves her but he's not around much and favors his own kid over another man's.
"I love Blake but we both know he's never around and I'm not so sure he doesn't cheat on me while he's at work."
I am shocked.
I had never thought about that and for her to bring it up kind of makes me wonder if she's had her suspicions.
"You really think that?" I ask her.
She nods.
I frown, "I didn't know that. I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"No, it's not. Have you asked him about it?"
"Yes, but he denies it."
I take a deep breath, "I'm really sorry. I hope that he's telling you the truth."
"I hope he is too." She shrugs her shoulders.
"What makes you think he may cheat on you?" I ask her curiously.
"He's barely ever home. He makes excuses of why he can't come home on time. When I call him he doesn't usually answer and he doesn't answer texts either."
"Well, maybe he is just busy." I suggest.
"He's not busy." She says.
I sigh, "I don't know what to say but if it's true, leave him. It's not worth staying." I say truthfully.
"I know. I've been contemplating it but what if he's really not?"
"Talk to him about it."
"I probably will. After all of this I will soon." She says looking out at the car window.
I sigh, "When it all comes down to it, I want you to have what Katniss and I are lucky to have, especially if you want it too but you have two kids that matter more than that. Making them happy should be your only priority, especially if you and Blake don't work out." I tell her truthfully.
I love Bristol, she's like my little sister and she's my wife's best friend-of course I care about her.
But in all honesty, she's kind of selfish.
She wants someone to love her like I love Katniss but she has kids who love her just because they're her mom. I know if Katniss or even myself were in her shoes we'd choose our kids happiness over our own.
"I know. I've had a hard time with it too." She admits.
"What?"
"With not being selfish. I know that's what you're thinking and you're right, I just-ugh. I don't know." She says shaking her head and groaning.
"I'm sorry, I just know that I would choose my children's happiness and care over my own. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong at all but maybe if you end it with Blake, leave the whole boyfriend thing alone for awhile. A long while." I say.
If she doesn't slow down she's going to end up with several more kids and ex husbands.
"I know, you're right."
"And if things don't work out, you need to make your girls happy and then worry about yourself and your job." I say.
She nods her head, "I know."
I sigh, "Just please promise me that if it doesn't work out, you'll try to stay single until Carter is at least 12? Give it that long, maybe you'll meet someone but you will have roughly four years to get to know them-Katniss and I waited four years."
"I promise."
"You know I'm not trying to tell you how to deal with life but I just care about your happiness."
"I know you do, Peeta. Don't worry, anything you and Katniss tell me I know it's for a reason."
I take a deep breath, "You know that not everything between Katniss and I have always been perfect?"
She makes a face, "I know you've both had your ups and downs but besides that you're lives together have been nothing but perfect."
I laugh, "It really has been good but not perfect."
"Like what?"
"Do you want to know about before you knew us? Because that was not the best time for us."
"Please. Everyone at college had heard somehow about you two being this perfect couple that nothing bad had ever happened to."
"I don't know where you heard that but it's not true." I scoff.
"Tell me about it, it makes me feel better knowing it's not just me things happen to." She says.
I laugh, "It's not only you that bad things happen to, trust me. Bad things happen to everyone, every second of the day and I think we are all pretty fortunate because it could be better and it could be worse."
"We just have to be thankful that it's not worse?"
"Exactly."
She sighs.
"Katniss and I knew each other for a week before we had our first fight and it was because I was an asshole teenage kid."
"Peeta, please."
"I'm serious. Our first fight was because I overheard Katniss talking to Johanna about this guy she was in love with. I was so oblivious to the fact it was me. I got mad, not at her but at myself because I was being selfish, wanting it to be me, so I left and I didn't talk to her or answer her phone calls or let her come into my room. I cried and was angry with the world for like two weeks before my dad dragged me out to the bakery and Katniss was there. She was just bad off as I was." I explain.
"What happened after that?"
I sigh, "Well, we went to my room to talk and we cried and hugged each other forever. Then she told me that it was me that she fell in love with and we shared our very first kiss."
"I didn't know that. Were you together after that?"
"The next day I asked her to be my girlfriend. Things were pretty great until we decided on colleges. We broke up over it, actually. It was another teenage drama thing but we never really fought again until Prim died."
"Prim?"
"Katniss's sister."
"Oh." Bristol frowns.
"Anyways, I have not always been so nice, especially to Katniss."
"What are you talking about?" She asks me.
"You know about my mom? How she use to hit me and stuff?"
She nods.
"Well, it pretty much stopped after Katniss and I got together, I'm not sure why but it did. Anyways, sometimes if I think about it too much or get really mad, I'll lash out. I haven't done it in forever but I have thrown stuff at her and yelled. I hit her once too."
Bristol's eyes fall to the floor, "I didn't know that."
"Yeah, it's not something I let everyone know because I still feel so ashamed over it. Even if Katniss has forgiven me for it."
"But you're not like that anymore."
"It wasn't something that happened a lot. Just like twice."
"But you didn't threaten to kill her. You didn't cheat on her or any of the things Brandon and Blake have done."
"Bristol, you don't even know if Blake has cheated on you or not."
She sighs, "I have a gut-feeling."
"Well, we will see." I sigh.
"I guess."
"Anyways, the point is that Katniss and I haven't always been perfect. Don't you remember when I left right before Willow was born to go work? We needed money so bad. I didn't think she would ever forgive me." I say truthfully.
"I was so mad at you for that."
"I know and I didn't want to do it but I was about to become a father and my wife was working so hard and made pretty good money but it wasn't enough for us to survive forever. I didn't want to have to admit to her that we didn't have as much money as we should have because of bills and college. I wanted her and Willow to have anything they wanted or needed." I explain to her.
"Well, you've done a really good job of it. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks but I'm serious, that's the only reason I did what I did. It killed me leaving her those few months." I say, feeling that pain again.
It was horrible.
When I wasn't working I was thinking about what Katniss was doing and if she was doing okay without me.
"It nearly killed her too. If it weren't for Willow she would've given up."
I gasps as I see a car driving towards me, in my own lane-it hits us head on.
The last clear though I have is that Bristol is right; if it weren't for Willow-she would've given up along time ago.
***Happy Easter :) lol like I didn't plan this but it worked out so I guess I'll see what evil stuff I have planned next