Eren was tired, but he forbade himself from sleeping because it would lead to dreams, and those dreams would often have Levi. He was all he could think about. Thoughts and flashbacks of the man clogged his brain and suffocated him until he couldn't think of anything else. He couldn't continue doing regular, everyday activities without thinking about him, and it made him sick.
It was almost 10 p.m.
Eren watched the moon light blend into the pavement of the sidewalk as he dragged his feet restlessly to the direction of the coffee shop. He didn't intend to go there, his feet were just guiding him as if he were a soulless shell of a boy. He didn't each anything healthy for the past couple of days, and Jean tried to force feed him something like salad but it was no use. He was living off muffins and ramen.
It was raining very heavily and Jean had warned him before he exited the house, but he left before he could hear anything. The thick droplets of rain seeped through his black, cotton sweater and he could almost hear his soaked sneakers make weird squishing sounds as he walked around. He was chilled to the bone, so cold that he couldn't even shiver. There was nothing but the light of lamp posts to guide his way through the dense darkness.
There wasn't many customers at the cafe when he finally reached his destination. He remembered how it was always so packed during the day time, and now it looked like it was run down. It was night after all. The hours where the heartbroken individuals revealed themselves from their cocoons of isolation. At least, that's what Eren believed because he was one of them.
There were three other people sipping their tea or coffee when he entered the shop. He knew Marco worked in the shop and he spotted him cleaning the counters near the cashier with a rag. He had one ear bud on as he moved swiftly around the tables like they were obstacles. Marco looked up when Eren approached and smiled softly.
"Hey, Mr. Musician. Haven't seen you in a while," he greeted and removed the ear bud.
Eren grinned back. "I get that a lot. You're still working? I didn't know you worked night shifts."
"Yeah, well someone has to pay for bills once me and Jean live together," he replied. He look a little embarrassed, too.
"You're going to move in? No wonder there's an extra room at his place."
"How do you know that? You sleeping over or something?" he asked. Marco sounded a little jealous. Interesting, Eren thought.
"I wouldn't call it sleeping over. I haven't had any sleep for last couple of days. Totally ruins the idea," he answered and chuckled.
"You have a point. Anyways, what brings you here? Did you and Mr. Ackerman get into a fight or anything? I mean, you don't have to answer me, but you can tell me if you want."
Eren flinched.
"Bull's eyes?"
Eren nodded. "I knew that question was going to get me sooner or later. Enough about me. I'm probably distracting you from your work."
"Are you blind?" Marco said and gestured around the shop with his free hand. "It's always dead here at night. I'll get you coffee the way you like. Black, and it's all on me."
"Marco, you don't have to."
"We have discounts at night, so a medium coffee is worth less than two dollars. I don't mind and besides, we barely talk anymore ever since you..."
He didn't finish his sentence nor did he have to. Eren already knew what he was going to say. Ever since you broke your hands. Eren really appreciated a friend like Marco at times like these. He was always so friendly and understanding. He handed Eren a cup of perfectly brewed and black coffee just five minutes later. Eren pulled out a stool near the cashier as Marco continued to clean around the area.
"Thanks," Eren mumbled.
"Anytime. If you don't mind me asking, what happened anyway?" He wasn't asking because he was nosy, he was asking because he wanted to know if there was anything he could do to make Eren feel better. "Between you and Levi I mean."
"He broke up with me," Eren said quietly and took a sip from his cup.
"Why would he do that?"
"I don't know. I didn't give him the chance to finish what he was going to say. It was probably stupid crap anyway. I don't think it matters," he answered.
"You do realize you fucked up, right?" Marco said with a worried expression on his face. "It was probably something very important."
"Like I said, it doesn't matter anymore," Eren said as his eyebrows knit together in a stern line. "It would probably end the same way no matter what he said or what he didn't say."
"I don't think so, Eren. I know you're that kind of person who always has to get the last word, but I don't think it's going to work in this case."
Eren looked over at his friend with a confused look. The sound of a bell rung through the shop as a customer left, but they didn't notice at all. They were too deep into their conversation to notice anything else.
"Dude, it's Levi Ackerman. A big time musician who once claimed in an interview that he never wanted to fall in love, but he did. If he's going to break up with you, there must be some reason, right?"
"How do you know about that?" Eren asked and raised an eyebrow and he leaned in closer.
"Leaked videos and a lot of internet searching," he replied.
"Interesting," he said and lifted the cup to his mouth again. "You're not half bad, Marco."
They chattered until the rest of the customers disappeared and the room was filled with nothing but the sound of their urgent murmuring and whispers. Something about the moment made Eren feel free but sad all at once, but also relieved too. Eren's phone buzzed suddenly in the middle of their conversation. Eren swore under his breath.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said quickly as he struggled to place it back in his pocket.
"I know it's Levi," Marco guessed with a sigh.
He took another glance at his phone before springing up abruptly. "Oh shit. He says he's coming to the shop right now. Gotta blast, Marco."
"Running away won't do you no good," he shouted from across the room as Eren was about to leave. "Whatever. Good luck trying to escape him."
He ran out into the pouring rain once more and ran as fast as he could. Eren ran like his life depended on it. He tried to place his hood back over his his head but the howling wind thought otherwise. It was like a thousand, puny and cold needles of ice were being stuck into his skin. His skin felt raw against the powerful weather, and he was shivering harder than ever. His shoes were soggy and loose as he ran and ran. Eren's breath was falling short. His lungs were going to collapse if he ran any harder or faster than this. His heart throbbed and was going to escape from inside his ribcage. His whole body was on fire despite the intense and dreadful weather. His hair was completely wet, and his clothing became so weighty from all the water it drank up.
Eren had no idea where he was going, but he did know he wanted to be very far from the coffee shop. He imaged it was like running away from an upcoming explosion. Only it wasn't a building that was going to blast to smithereens, it would be Levi. He would blow up and he would end up hurting Eren. He didn't want to get hurt anymore. Anything but that.
He almost skidded to a complete stop when he heard a honk of a car behind him.
"Eren!"
He didn't have to turn his head to see who it was. "Leave me alone, you bastard."
"I still need to talk to you!" Levi shouted from his car window, slowing down so that he was driving just beside Eren.
"We have nothing more to talk about," he snapped and quickened his pace.
Levi sped past Eren and for a second, he thought maybe he was listening to his request. He should be happy that he listened, but there was a tiny, annoying and quiet voice inside his head screaming 'No! Come back! Please try to change my mind and talk to me'.Then there was the other part that shouted 'Good! I don't need you in my life anyway'.
He was dead wrong. The car parked just in front of liquor store and out came Levi from the front seat. He made a mad dash towards Eren. The younger male spun on his heel and ran even faster. He couldn't stop shivering and he was just so tired. He waned to stop, but that stubborn and childish part inside of him refused to do so.
"Eren, please stop." Levi commanded.
"If you don't leave me alone I am seriously going to scream and tell the police that you're a stalker," Eren threatened angrily.
Eren's legs grew weak and they were turning into sand, gradually slowing him down and making his heart beat faster than it ever has. He was crying. Not because of Levi, but because he was mad. Mad at Levi. Why did he follow him all the way there just to talk to him when they were already finished? Talking to an ex was painful; almost having your heart stabbed, pulled out from your body, ripped to a million shreds then thrown into the ocean where no one would ever find it again. Why was Levi the one to make him so happy, then so sad in just a matter of weeks?
"Eren, Eren, Eren," Levi was saying. He sounded like he was chanting. The way he called his name was definitely something. It sounded like it was the most beautiful and important name coming out of Levi's mouth.
Eren swore under his breath as his legs gave in and his lungs begged for him to stop running so that it would get more air. He was breaking inside. Like a tumbling tower of stones.
"Eren, Eren, Eren," Levi repeated. His voice grew agitated and firm. He was mad. He always used that voice when he was mad. He sounded like he was about to scold a puppy.
Eren looked up at what was in front of him. They were in a park now with gravel paths and youthful, blooming trees. The rain was heavier by then, and the wind was fiercer. He heard Levi stop behind him. He felt him wrap his arms around his waist and rest his head against his back. He felt everything. Everything exceptional and surreal. That's how it felt like when Levi touched him. Pain, regret, fear. It was all gone, and that's how Eren wanted things to be.
"You little shit," he uttered. "You worried me."
"And yet you break up with me," Eren answered coldly. "You love me, but you ruined me. You're here to feed me even more lies, aren't you?"
"No. I don't want that," he said gruffly. "Look at me."
Eren didn't move an inch. He let the water spill into his face. Splatter onto his already moist skin and dampen his hair than it already was.
"Eren," Levi whispered. "Please."
He turned around just because of mere curiosity. Levi was looking up at him. Not just him. He was looking at his sparkling eyes, the small ridges and bumps of his smooth face, his mouth, his nose and then his eyes again. He was admiring the art before him. Levi didn't say anything. He only lifted his hand and cupped the boy's cheek. He nuzzled into it without thinking. Even his body was responding to Levi's touch. He needed him that badly. Needed him more than he ever needed anything.
"Isn't it ridiculous and pathetic how..." he trailed off and bit his lip hard, "I still love you."
Levi eyes flew open and he looked at him with disbelief. He shook his head and sighed, then exhaled loudly. He appeared like he just saw the sun for the first time or learned that maybe not every single person in the world wasn't too bad.
"Please let go of me. I don't want to see you. Just pretend I didn't even say that," Eren said suddenly and tried to shove him away. Like always, he failed.
"Let me explain-"
"Explain? I already know what's going on. You lie and say you love me and then dump me, spam me with messages and then follow me here for some reason. What else do you want to tell me? Tell me, Levi. Are you here to get back with me, only to dump me again? Is this some fun game for you?" He was shouting. "First you win the prize ten years ago that should have been mine, and now you win over my feelings and heart? What the hell is wrong with you?"
He finally set himself free and tried to walk off. Levi moved forward and grabbed his wrist tightly and held him in place.
"You love me?" Levi asked quietly. Excitement leaked into his voice.
"Are you stupid?" Eren demanded. "Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't have kissed you or spent so much time with you if I didn't. I'm not that kind of person."
"You love me," Levi repeated, only it wasn't a question this time. His face fell black, then lit up with a small grin. "Oh. I see."
"Is this what it was about?" Eren questioned and narrowed his eyes. "You thought... I didn't love you." He meant for it to sound like a question, but it sounded more like a statement.
"You never really said it and I just assumed you stayed with me out of pity," he said quickly. "Ever since you... broke your hands and your mother passed away, it was like you forgot I existed and so I thought I was being bothersome and well..." he trailed off and shook his head, "I thought you didn't need me in your life anymore. You even said it yourself and I quote 'I don't need you to be happy.' Because it would be be vain to stay with a person when you can't even make them happy or smile when they need it. I changed my mind; I would have stayed with you no matter what you thought about me. Because I love you so much it hurts me to be away from you for even a second. Even though you're with me right now, I still miss you. It's so preposterous of me, isn't it? If I'm ever away from you again, I'm going to go insane."
Eren's mouth fell open slightly and Levi's grip was loose on his wrist now. Levi took his hands in his and brought them to the left side of his chest, just where his beating heart could be found. It was beating like crazy; he was always like this when he was with him. Just the thought of him was enough to get his hear worked up. Levi's voice was low and almost neutral when he spoke.
"This beats for you," he told him. He then raised the hands to his mouth and planted a delicate and soft kiss on each hand, lingering there for more than a second. "I missed you."
It was darker now, but the lamp post just beside them fought to stay lit despite it flickering off once in a while. It reminded Levi of a stage; they always looked gloomy and grim outside of it. The light of the lamp post was the spotlight and Eren was he centre of attention for him in that moment. His star eyed boy was back with his gleaming eyes and sweet smile. Levi thought that if the world were to come crashing down and crumble until its presence disappeared for infinity, he would be fine with that. He would be totally okay with that because his last moments would be with Eren.
"I'm so sorry," the younger male apologized and lowered his head. "I've been so selfish, haven't I? Only thinking of myself. No, I take that back. When I was explored this town once more and expected to remember old memories, all I could think was you. I'm sorry. Truth is, you do make me happy. I think you'll be the only person who would be able to make me so happy. I don't even deserve this. I'm a horrible person. I'm so sorry."
"Eren, look at me," Levi said again as he tipped Eren's jaw upward so that their eyes would meet. "I'm sorry, too."
And he kissed him just like that.
Their wet lips were so out of shape for not kissing for so long, and they both missed it. In that moment, Levi was an admiring aesthete. He held him like he was never going to see him again and his lips moved like he wanted him. Eren melted into pure bliss and he was under the man's spell once more. They didn't need to say anything else, everything was exchanged by their body language. The felicity was mind boggling in that shared moment of theirs despite the horrible rain. A dream, a fantasy. That's what it was like for the two of them.
Eren's hands were splayed on Levi's shoulders as the man's hands were exploring. One found his way to the small of his back while the other cupped the nape of Eren's neck as he opened his mouth, making Eren moan enthusiastically.
"We need to continue this later. If you moan like that again, I won't let you out of my grasp until morning," Levi whispered in his ear when they finally parted from the kiss.
"Hotel? I'm not patient enough to drive all the way home," Eren suggested as his fingers slipped under the hem of Levi's we shirt. He put his mouth just beside the man's ear. "Take responsibility, Mr. Ackerman."
And he did just that.
---
The hotel room door had barely closed before Eren was shoved roughly against the wall.
It was a nice room. The walls were painted ivory with an arrangement of coil like designs on the ceiling. The large king sized bed was covered with scarlet comforters and the window curtains appeared like silk. It looked like that kind of room that would be an exhibit at an art museum. Only Eren and Levi paid little attention to their surroundings. Their main focus was each other.
Levi was peppering smooches along the boy's jawline and was grabbing fistfuls of his shirt in each hand as he lead him to the perfectly made bed. Their legs were jumbled together and they nearly fell at least more than five times on their way there. Eren was trying to unbutton Levi's shirt but struggled. His hands were trembling, and Levi seemed to notice this the moment they landed on the various, multicoloured cushions. Eren was straddling Levi, but the older man was dominating.
"I'll do it," Levi muttered and moved Eren's hands away. He slowly unbuttoned his own shirt while Eren watched timidly. Levi was teasing him. Eren waned to rip the stupid shirt off. Fuck patience, he thought to himself.
The second Levi's shirt was off, Eren tackled him and pushed him against the bed. Levi's body was toned, and there was a very visibly v line downwards. Eren stared for a while. He really did have a great body, but nothing can compete with Levi himself.
"Like what you see?" Levi asked as he twisted his fingers into the boy's luscious, brown hair.
Eren mumbled something that sounded close to 'yeah' as he bent down to kiss Levi once more. Was love always so warm? They were out in the rain just moments ago and freezing, and now they were sweating and the room was just some giant cup of hot milk. He licked and bit the man's lower lip and caressed his chest with shaking hands. The delicious and small kiss had soon transformed into a heated make out session in just a matter of seconds. Levi's skin was moist under Eren's fingers, and he shivered. He placed his knee between Eren's legs and pushed it upward. The boy made a sound between a groan and a choke. He rubbed it back and forth.
"N-No," Eren stammered against his mouth and tried to push Levi's knee back down. Levi rubbed harder in response.
He hid his face in the curve of Levi's neck in embarrassment and felt goosebumps rise to the surface of his skin when Levi decided he wanted to remove Eren's shirt. His hands lingered on his skin before proceeding to remove the article of clothing. Fireworks and dancing fires; that's what it felt like when Levi touched him. Eren's body quivered as Levi's finally removed his thin sweater and glided his nose against Eren's chest. It stopped when it bumped into a perked nipple.
The boy opened his mouth in protest but stopped abruptly when Levi's mouth closed around it and started to fondle it with his tongue.
"Stop," he whispered frantically and tried to move away, only to cause friction with Levi's knee. There was no escape. He grit his teeth to keep noises spilling out of it. Eren noticed how touchy-feely Levi was when his hands continued to move and touch even more. They snaked down his bare and damp skin and found his ass. He squeezed it lovingly.
"Levi," he whined as he gradually weakened from all the pleasure coming from all directions. Eren slumped on Levi, but he wasn't crushed by his weight. He switched their positions but resumed to what he was doing. Eren's back arched automatically off the bed when Levi started to nip and gnaw. The room was filled with no other sound than the bed creaking and their heavy breathing.
"Levi," Eren moaned out and wrapped his hands around his neck and clung on to him. "I love you."
He hugged him like there was no other thing in the world hat could possibly be right. If Levi has messed up on a note that day they went against each other again, would he not be here and work with Eren? Would things have ended differently? Would Eren been able to find a girl and grow intimate with her and forget about Levi's existence altogether? There was nothing he could do to ameliorate the moment; Eren was with him again and that was all that mattered.
"I love you more than anything, Eren."
---
AN:
i'm really emo rn because i don't want to end this fic but i kinda have to because i'm releasing two new fics after this one ;-;
this is the last chapter before the epilogue and dw; the epilogue will be long, pretty much like a regular chapter :3
i'm so sorry if this chapter seemed really sudden! i didn't know what else to write. and the kiss in the rain scene was totally necessary because breaking gender roles!111!1
thank you so much for reading! i love you all <3 drop a vote and comment what you think :^)
~your best friend takeshi