Melissa
I watch as he licks his lips and know that at this instant that I have to get away from him. I hate that I'm attracted to him. I hate that I like talking to him. Damn, life is cruel.
He looks back at me, smiling a little. "You want to kiss me, huh?" His smile is wider as he shows his teeth.
I push him, angrily. "No! I have to go."
As I turn away from him, he grabs my hand. I look into his eyes, and he smirks at me. "The next song I play is for you. Remember that."
Cameron lets go of my hand and continues to the restroom. I stare after him, until I can't see him anymore.
*****
I slide my hand across the bed with my eyes closed, reaching for Jason. When I don't feel him in the bed, I open my eyes a little.
"Jay?" I call out for him, sitting up in the bed. "Jason." I swing my legs on the side of the bed, grabbing my phone for the time. I have no idea where he could be at three in the morning. I stifle a yawn as I slide my feet into his house shoes. I walk out the room and open the bathroom door a little. "Jason?" No answer.
I open the door to the spare room, wondering if maybe he stayed up doing job applications online. When I see the room is empty, I continue to the baby's room. I push open the door and glance inside. He's not in the there either. I rub my eyes and dial his number into my phone. I try to remain calm and not let my mind think the worse from him, but why would he sneak out in the middle of the night?
I walk into the living room as his phone rings. I take a seat on the couch, biting the inside of my lip.
"On my way." He answers the phone on the third ring. "I got a little held up at the store, baby. I'm sorry."
"At the store?" I tilt my head to the side and frown a little. What the hell could he possibly need at the store?
"Yeah, I had to get some garbage bags, but I'm coming up the stairs now."
I can't help, but to notice how he sounds a bit out of breath. I end the call and toss the phone beside me, staring at the front door. I might have let it go that he became a little ho the moment that we broke up, but this shit isn't going to ride. I stay fixated on the door, waiting for him to walk through the door.
Jason walks through the door with his shirt all wrinkled and wet stains on it. He looks me dead in my eyes, before tossing his phone and keys on the entertainment center.
"Where are the garbage bags?" I notice right away that he doesn't have any damn garbage bags in his hand.
Jason licks his lips a little, looking at me as though he doesn't want to talk about what he's been up to. "They ran out. I guess I will have to get some tomorrow." He mumbles his words, heading to our bedroom.
I jolt up from the couch and follow him, folding my arms across my chest. "So, we so desperately needed garbage bags that you snuck out the house in the middle of the night to get some? That's new."
"Can we talk in the morning?" He turns around to look at me, before taking his shirt off and tossing it on the dresser. "I'm tired, and I haven't slept at all."
"No, we can't talk in the morning. Are you serious? You walked through our door, talking about purchasing garbage bags, but you don't have any." My voice cracks a little.
Jason takes a seat on the edge of our bed, hanging his head low. He finally looks up at me. "I just want to lay down with you."
"I'm sure. Why don't you lay down with whoever you were laying down with."
"Why shit has to come back to me cheating?" He raises an eyebrow as though he's in disbelief that I could come to this conclusion. It's not like I'm jumping to conclusions and imagining things. He loosen his laces, shaking his head. "I should be insecure about us, but you don't see me accusing you of anything."
"Did I come in the house in the middle of the night, when you thought I was asleep next to you?"
"Kerri called me, and I took the call outside. I went to the store. Stop making a mountain out of a mole. I'm not doing shit."
He has an attitude as though I have done something wrong. I shake my head sadly, walking out the bedroom. I slam the bedroom door after myself, angrily. Within seconds, Jason is behind me. He places his hand on my shoulder, and I whip around to face him. I throw my hands up and shake my head, letting him know not to touch me.
"Give me my space." I challenge him with my eyes.
Jason grabs my hands, pulling me to him. "We've had too much space."
I try to push him away from me, but he moves his hands to my wrists . I look into his eyes, wondering what he's done. Tears come to my eyes, realizing that I don't trust him.
"Mel, don't do that." Jason tries to get me to look at him, but I turn my face away from his. I'm embarrassed that we might be going through crap again. I just want us to be okay. I told him that I wasn't going to go for this dysfunctional shit.
Jason presses his forehead, staring into my glistening eyes. He doesn't loosen his grip on my wrists. "Why are you crying?" His voice is below a whisper.
"You're hurting me."
"I told you that I wouldn't. Look at me."
I slowly bring my eyes to his.
"Please trust me, Mel."
I sniffle a little and turn away from him. He eyes say that he's not doing anything, but I don't know what to think. Anytime that a guy stays out and makes up a lie about where they've been, they are usually doing something.
Jason leans down and kisses my neckline softly. "I love you, baby. I don't want to argue anymore. I wouldn't bring you all the way here to cheat again. I promise. I put that on both my kids."
I look back into his eyes the moment that the words leave his lips. Jason releases my wrists and wipes my tears from my left cheek.
"You promise?"
Jason nods his head. "Yes."
I hug my body, pushing pass him to go to our bedroom. I don't care if he promised me on his parents, something fishy is going on with him.
*****
It's four o'clock in the evening, and I'm in the kitchen, trying to whip up a quick dinner for Jason. I'm expecting him home soon. Jason and I've been doing the living together thing for almost two weeks now. I still get sad about leaving my life in Chicago, but only for a short period of time. I talk to my mom a few times a week, because she's worried about me and Jason, especially with a baby on the way.
He begun looking for a job almost immediately, because he said that Leslie will be having his baby soon. He wants to be able to take care of his son and us. I admire him for standing up and trying to be a man. So far, he hasn't gotten a job, but he does have interviews lined up.
My job is to cook his meals, do laundry, run errands, and whatever else that I can do to help him lighten his load.
My phone rings and I pick it up, feeling extremely bored. Since Jason is a full time student, I don't get to spend that much time with him. I mean, when he isn't in someone's class, he's studying in the library. He says that I'm a big distraction. He says that when he comes in the house, he wants it to be about us. No school, or anything. Just us. Well, I'm all for this, but it sucks that I'm alone most of the time, starving for some kind of human interaction.
I answer the call, when I see that it's Kerri calling me. "Hey, Ker bear. What's up?"
"I'm bored." She gives a deep sigh. "Girl, I miss high school."
I smile at her words. I agree with her. I lean against the counter and rub my stomach.
"How are you, anyway? Have you guys found out the sex of your baby?"
"Not yet. I have an appointment coming up tomorrow. We'll find out then."
"How's Jas?"
"He's good. He's adapting well. He's still looking for a job. What about you?"
"Home sick." I hear the sadness in her voice. "This long distance shit is hard to do. I really miss Terrance like crazy. It's weird to be by myself, you know? I'm used to either being around you, or Jason . . . or my baby. Well, I'm alone now."
"Aww . . . we'll be in Chicago in a week or so. You know that Jason's isn't going to miss the birth of his son. Do you think that you can try to come and see us?"
Kerri gives a light chuckle. "Nope. Classes, baby. Send me a pic."
"Okay."
"Well, I'm about to get off the phone. My roommate invited me to go to this party with her."
She has a party to go to? Well, she has more of a life than I have. "You have fun, baby."
"It's not the same without you." She sounds genuine. "We used to have so much fun, even though I had to make you go with me."
I laugh, quietly, thinking back on the days when Kerri had to force me to be her fifth wheel. "Yeah, we did."
"Tell Jason I love him. As always, I love you."
"I will and I love you too." I end the call.
She always stayed getting on my nerves, but she is what most true friends are made out of. I set my phone on the counter, and look at the door. I hear Jason putting the key in the keyhole. When you're home by yourself, you pay attention to the small things like that.
Jason walks through the door with a big smile on his face. It's really hard to be sad, when he comes through the door.
I walk out the kitchen and meet his at the door. Jason drops his bag at the door and put his arms around my waist, giving me a full kiss on the lips. He smacks my butt, playfully, and I giggle against his lips.
"I miss you."
"I miss you. And baby, I have an interview lined up for tomorrow."
I grab his hand, leading him into the kitchen. "My ultrasound appointment is tomorrow." I glance at his face. "Remember?"
"I know." He looks down at me with apologetic eyes. "I can meet you there."
I don't say anything to him as I begin fixing his plate. I really want to be upset with him, but I know that he needs a job. I've just never actually went to an appointment by myself.
Jason comes and stand behind me, putting his arms around my body. "Say the word, and I'll just reschedule."
"No, it looks bad, if you resechedule. It's like you don't want the job." I turn to the side and give him a weak smile. "I'm a little disappointed, but I still love you."
He gives me a weak smile. "I promise that I will try my very hardest to be at that appointment. Okay?"
I nod. "Let's eat."
*****
I lay on the hard surface as the ultrasound tech grabs the gel. I look at the clock on the wall, praying that Jason will walk in the room in the next two minutes. Last night, I really didn't think that he will make it, but I want to have a little faith in him.
"This is going to be a bit cold. It will most definitely get the baby moving a little bit. We're going to make sure that everything is perfect." She gives me a bright smile as she puts a generous amount of gel on my belly.
Shit. She wasn't lying about it being cold. The moment that the gel touches my tummy, my baby begins kicking.
"Alright, let's get started, Mrs. Scott. What are we hoping for?"
"A healthy baby." I look up at the sound of Jason's voice. I'm so emotional that tears come to my eyes. He walks all the way into the room and gives me a kiss on the forehead and then brings his lips down to my ear. "I told you to stop doubting me, baby."
Jason holds my hand as she takes the handheld device and moves it around my stomach. We both look at the screen. Excitement grows in me as I see my baby's face.
"Do you see that?" I whisper softly to Jason.
"Yeah, I do."
I peek at him, and his eyes is focused on the screen.
"Okay, fluids look great. Your baby is sucking on its thumb. Do you see it?" She moves the device in her hand a little to give us a better angle.
I laugh a little as I squeeze his hand.
"Do you and him want to know the sex?"
"Yes." Jason and I say in unison.
"The legs are opened, so . . . " She gives a big smile. "You guys are having a baby girl."
A girl? Tears well in my eyes as I stare at the monitor. I instantly try to picture how she will look, or how she will be. I turn my attention to Jason, because he's being unusually quiet. He's looking down at my stomach with a sad look on his face.
"Everything looks wonderful." The technician gives us both a smile. "I just have to print up your pictures, and I'll be right back. It'll be a couple minutes." She wipes the gel off my stomach and wash her hands. After that, she walks out the room and closes the door after herself.
I sit up and pull my shirt down. Jason is still looking at my stomach. "What's wrong?" I don't know why I'm asking him this. I know what's wrong.
"I'm good. A baby girl, huh?" He gives me a weak smile as he helps me sit up.
I can tell by his reaction that he's not really happy. He must be worried that this baby isn't his. We really don't talk about if this is his child, or not. We just focus on trying to be happy. While I am happy, I still want him to be honest with his feelings. I don't want him to keep it from me, until the baby is born. Our relationship won't grow, if he's hiding feelings.
I stand in front of him, still holding onto his hand. I grab his other hand, looking into his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not here. We'll talk later. On a lighter note, they asked me to come back for a second interview on Friday. So, I must be doing something right." He kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes.
"Here are your ultrasound pictures, Mr. and Mrs. Scott." The technician walks back into the room, holding the pictures that she took earlier of my little baby girl.
"Thanks." Jason steps away from me to take the photos away from her.
"You're welcome. Good luck on her."
I give her a friendly smile as I grab my purse off the chair. Hell, I'm going to need a little more than luck. I'm going to need a whole damn prayer group to come together for this one. In Jesus name, please let this baby be Jason's baby.
******
I wake up in the middle of the night, hearing Jason talk quietly on the phone. I get out the bed, moving slowly. He sounds like he's in the living room. I really don't want to eavesdrop on him, talking on the phone, but hell, I have my trust issues. Yeah, we agreed to forgive, but that doesn't mean that I'm entitled to forgetting. That shit is etch on my heart, like the ink from my tattoo is on my body.
I tip toe to the bedroom door and stop suddenly, because I can hear him really clear. He sounds like he's in the nursery, next to our bedroom. I lean on the frame of the door, listening to his conversation.
"Man, I thought that I could do this shit. It's really hard, because I really want her to have my child. It's going to kill me, if this isn't my baby." There's silence from his end as he listens to the person talk.
He must be on the phone with Kerri, or Terrance. I'm really hoping that it's Kerri, so that I can call her later and get the full details of whatever I missed.
Jason chuckles a little. "I know. I'm a confusing individual. I'm sorry." He clears his throat. "No, I still want to be with her, and I want to accept the situation for what it is. Times like today it's really hard. When I look at the ultrasound pictures, I get so jealous. I can't even explain it."
I wish that I can comfort him in some kind of way, but I don't know how. I can't change the fact that I'm pregnant.
It hurts that he doesn't want to open up to me and still feels the need to tell our friends our business. I will have to talk to him about this in the morning. Which means that I will have to bring up hearing his side of the conversation. I don't really care, because I promised myself that I will stay honest with him. I just really want my relationship with him to work.
"Ashlee, don't you have to be at work in the morning?"
My ears perk up a little at him saying her name. Ashlee? I could have sworn that this bitch was out the picture. How long have they been communicating? Is he cheating on me with her? All these questions run through my brain.
"Hey, thanks for telling your cousin about me at Target. I really appreciate it. I have a second interview Friday. I need to bring some money in to feed my wife and her baby."
My eyes widen at his words. His wife and her baby? WOW. So, this is how he feels?
"Night. Yeah, I'll pick you up tomorrow, when you get off. I'll be getting out of class around the same time. You gon buy me a cheesecake?" He laughs a little bit as though she told some funny ass joke.
"Bye, girl."
I rush back to the bed and get under the covers. Tomorrow we're going to have to talk about this shit. I understand that she stays across the hall, but I thought they weren't talking anymore. And Jason didn't tell me otherwise. How do he expect to rebuild trust, if he can't be honest about simple shit? Such as talking to the bitch across the fucking hall?