"I don't understand why you're doing this," Levi stated apathetically as Hanji pressed record on her camera.
"Because then people will finally understand what it's like to be you," Hanji replied from behind the screen.
Levi scoffed in response. "Trust me, kids. You don't want to know."
"Start by telling us your daily routine," Hanji said.
Levi sighed, knowing how much he protested, he will never win. He had simply grown accustomed to accepting it, so he started to talk. "So I wake up."
"Mhm," Hanji nodded the camera with her.
Levi stared at the strange child before continuing. "And you're nodding the camera up and down because-"
"They need to know I'm following you," Hanji said.
"You don't have to-"
"CONTINUE!" Hanji bellowed.
"ALL RIGHT!" Levi shouted back. "So I wake up."
The camera bobbed up and down.
"I brush my teeth."
"Mhm," Hanji nodded along with the camera once again.
"I take a shower-"
"Yo Levi," Erwin called out.
Levi rolled his eyes and groaned.
"I have a very important question," Erwin stated.
"I don't care, but you're going to tell me anyways, aren't you?" Levi asked.
"So," Erwin began as Levi sighed. "If someone were to-"
-CENSOR-
"Is there an option for all the above?" Levi asked as he rubbed his forehead.
"Erwin!" Hanji shouted. "I am literally going to have to censor this out." Suddenly, she began to snicker. "It's funny because no one will have a clue about what you said."
"No don't censor it," Levi protested casually. "Let it be known that Erwin Smith-"
"I do not do anything of the sort," Erwin replied. "It was just a random question."
"Get on with it, Hanji," Levi attempted to change the subject.
"Hello world," Erwin waved before walking away.
"Okay, so how does your school day usually begin?" Hanji asked.
"So I walk into school," Levi began. "And this happens."
"What happens?" Hanji asked.
"Someone bothers me-"
"Hey Levi!" Gunther's voice rang clear through the hallways as he ran up to them with a pair of shades in his hands. "Ever wanted to throw some serious shade at people?"
"I do it all the time perfectly fine," Levi replied.
"Now you can with the SlayedShade! Now you can Slay all Day!" Gunther announced.
At this point, Levi wanted to murder something. "The past of 'slay' is 'slain' not 'slayed'-" however, Gunther interrupted him.
"Next time you feel like you wanna roast a bitch throw some SlayedShade," Gunther advertised.
"Why am I in a real life infomercial?" Levi asked.
"Even Einstein couldn't calculate an equation to formulate it's dopeness."
"Okay, this is officially the most stupid thing I've experience all day," Levi stated.
"Watch as I demonstrate!" Gunther announced. "Hey Auruo!"
Auruo, who was on the opposite end of the hallway, glanced over. "Yeah-"
He was interrupted as Gunther threw his pair of "SlayedShade" at maximum velocity towards Auruo. The projectile hit him in the face, causing him to bite his tongue as he fell backwards into the floor.
"That didn't roast anyone. It only injured someone," Levi stated.
"WHY ARE THE SUNGLASSES CATCHING ON FIRE!"
"Never mind," Levi stated.
"And that is how you roast a bitch with the-"
"Get the fuck out," Levi threatened.
"Okay," Gunther said.
"Anyways-" Hanji began, however she was barely able to finish the word when Levi's name was called out once again. This time it was Petra and Erd.
"You guys seen Gunther?" Erd asked.
"Yeah," Levi stated. "Just told him to GTFO like five seconds ago."
"He stole my sunglasses and made them flammable," Erd stated.
"With my help," Hanji added.
"Also, if he advertises 'Cups of Death,' walk away immediately and shield your eyes," Petra stated. "He'll literally fling a bra full of hot sauce in your face."
"Your bra?" Levi asked Petra.
"Oh thank goodness, no," Petra stated. "He stole it from someone's PE locker. I think it belongs to a sophomore."
"Wait, a sophomore guy?" Levi asked.
"Apparently," Petra shrugged.
"Dude!" Erd stated as he bent down to pick something up. "Gunther dropped his phone. I better text him, then."
Erd began to text away at his phone with his right hand as he held Gunther's phone with his left.
Levi pointed to him in question. "Should we-?"
"No," Petra interrupted. "Let it happen." She stood next to him with her hands folded patiently as Erd continued to send a text for Gunther.
Then, Gunther's text tone came up as Erd's attention was directed to the other phone he was holding.
"ERD!" Petra bellowed. "YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"
"Hey Levi," Erwin came back into the scene. "I have a very important question for you."
"You already asked me," Levi said.
"The one about the-"
-CENSOR-
"Yes!" Levi shouted.
"Petra!" Gunther called out as he walked in front of the camera once again. "Wanna see a new product?"
"It's probably as interesting as your love life so no thanks," Petra snapped back.
"OOOHHH! Erd shouted. "Someone call the waiter because you just got SERVED!"
"Bitchtastic, I will cut you," Gunther shouted.
"Bitchtastic?" Levi said in question.
"So please," Gunther continued. "Go shove a towel up your butt."
Erwin lowered his voice two octaves as he wiggled his eyebrows. "Kinky."
Levi sighed as he looked into the camera. "Did you see all you needed to see?"
The camera nodded up and down.
"Good," Levi stated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: fun fact when you're a writer you can throw some serious shade rather subtly
*puts on SlayedShades*
*walks away in slo-mo with explosion behind me*