Cameron
I sit on the edge of the bed, reflecting on what I just did to Melissa. I look down at the carpet, resting my elbows on my legs. I have never been the type to hit a girl, but she made me lose my fucking temper. This past month, I've been getting more pissed off at her. It's been at least two hours, since I have hit her, and I can still hear her crying in the bathroom. I can't believe that I actually told her that I will pass her to my boys. I hope she knows that I didn't mean it.
She really doesn't deserve how I've been acting towards her. I'm the first to admit that I'm jealous of the hold that her ex has on her. I keep replaying the way that she looked at him at the party. The way that he had looked at her, and her reaction to it. I really can't understand how I'm doing everything right, and she is still in love with him.
My phone rings, and I look at the screen to find that it's my little sister calling me back. I've been blowing up her phone, since I had put my hands on Mel. I desperately need someone to talk to about my frustrations. My Jazzy is the only one who fully understands me. Besides that, she's the only one in my family that doesn't hate me for putting Marcus in jail.
I answer her call, before it can go to voicemail. "What's up, lil' me?"
"What it do, Cam baby?" I can hear her smiling through the phone.
"I fucked up." I decide to get straight to the point.
"What did you do? Did you fuck one of those nasty ass strippers at your favorite spot? Boy, you - - -"
"Nope."
I've actually been a hundred percent faithful to Melissa. Which is weird, because before her I used to have a problem with being loyal to just one girl. The only girl I used to stay loyal and honest to is my baby sis. Mel came into my life and changed all that. Now I put her in the same category as Jasmine.
"What did you do?" She sounds scared and her voice has gotten low.
"I put my hands on her." I squeezed my eyes shut, already knowing that Jasmine is going to go in on me. Yeah, I fucked up.
She gasps, loudly. "You didn't?"
"I did." I don't even feel like explaining my thoughts that led to me storming into the bathroom and slapping her. "Man, I woke up around midnight to find a note on her pillow, saying that she had to drop something off at his house." I know that she knows who he is. Hell, there's only one fucking he in her life that I can't seem to get rid of. "Man, she came home around four this morning and rushed her ass into the bathroom. She walked right pass me in the kitchen and didn't speak to me. So, I decided to go talk to her, but when I walked in there, I saw the hickeys on her neck and lost it." I pause, shaking my head, sadly. "She had hickeys all on her thighs and shit. I lost it."
"Is she okay?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. She's been in the bathroom crying. I'm afraid to check up on her. What am I supposed to say? Sorry?"
"Are you going to leave her to cry?"
"Can you come over and talk with her?"
"Clean your mess up? No, thank you."
I sigh. "I also told her that if she cheats on me again, I'll pass her ass around."
"You what?" She screams at me. "Are you serious?"
I nod my head, knowing that she can't see me. "I told you that I fucked up."
"What's going on with you to make you act like this? I told you with a girl like her that you have to be patient and kind. You can't be smacking her and threatening her. Poor girl."
"I know, and I think that I have been patient with her. I mean, what else can I do for her? I have done everything that I can to show her that I want to be here for the long run. I don't even know if this baby is mine, but I'm still here like it is. I feel betrayed that she can still run to him, after everything that I'm trying to do for us. I can't comprehend this shit."
"She's in love with him." Jasmine says, softly. "It's not you, Cam. She's just in love with him."
"Okay, so when she was fucking me on the side, what was it then?"
"When she was fucking you on the side, it was because their relationship was going through some shit. It was never because she's in love with you. The sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner you can let her go."
My jaw tightens at her words. My sister is harsh as hell with her words. I know that everything she is saying has a lot of truth.
"Alright, lil' me. I'm about to let you go." I let out a deep sigh. "So, you're not coming over to check on her?"
"Fuck no. You caused that shit. No one told you to be a woman beater. I'm really disappointed in you. I thought that you knew better. Obviously, you don't."
Obviously. I think the word to myself. "Well, I'll let you go. Love you, Jazz."
"Mmm . . . Love you too big head. Talk with you later, bug."
I end the call and toss my phone over my shoulder onto the bed. I know eventually that I will have to talk with Melissa about my actions, but I'm not ready to talk with her yet.