(Song: Paradise - Coldplay)
Harry Styles
It had been exactly a week since the fight at Darren's place. It had been eerily quiet for me... I hadn't gotten texts. And nothing about it felt right to me. But I made a habit of stopping the thoughts once they started... I didn't dwell on it as much. I knew he wasn't gone... he was never gone.
I woke up that morning, the sun shining in the balcony doors. I rubbed my eyes and pushed my hair back before I noticed Louis' side empty... except there was a note there on his pillow, and a vase full of red roses sitting on the table next to the bed.
I sat up slowly, not being able to take my eyes away from these beautiful roses that he had apparently gotten me. I was blown away, honestly.
I slowly picked up the note to read it...
"This is day one of a new beginning. Let's make it count. Harold, up for it?
Hope you like the roses, love.
Louis xx "
I was grinning from ear to ear reading those words. He was absolutely incredible. He constantly surprised me with just how caring he was. He was more amazing every day, it felt like.
I picked up the roses, looking them over, a smile creeping over my face as I thought of Louis picking them out for me... he probably even asked Zayn or Niall's opinion on what to get me. Wonder if he knew how partial to roses I actually was?
For a week straight, he had been nothing short of supportive. I had never met anyone like him. He constantly went out of his way for me.
He had told me in bed one night how he had a dream where he was standing in what he thought was some posh home that was used for wedding ceremonies, and he was marrying me. He was waiting to marry me in the dream. I still hadn't stopped smiling about his dream; I wanted it to be reality one day. That's all I wanted really. A family. With him.
Louis had come such a long way with me. I never would've guessed to begin with that he hadn't had relationships. He seemed comfortable enough in himself when I first met him.
Truth was, I had been his first in a lot of areas. And I guess in a way, I could say he was mine.
No one could've prepared me for that day when I saw him in class. Of course, I didn't really know what I felt for him then. I knew I liked him... I liked his spirit and his smile. I fell in love with that smile actually. After the first day, it was like that smile, the one that would run to his eyes, was engraved in my mind forever.
Maybe that's why I tried to push him away, too, that night after the pub, when I thought he had left. I knew what I felt for him... I knew it was actually real and I had no way of really dealing with those feelings.
And he could've really left then. If he would've left, I don't think my future would've been different though... because if he would've left, I would've went after him, even then. He already meant too much to me.
I heard Niall's laughter coming from the sofa a few moments later as I got up slowly.
The day before, I had met who would be my therapist. Louis had gone with me and waited until our session ended 4 hours later. I knew he didn't have to sit and wait, but I understood that he wanted to. And it had meant so much to me to have him there. He knew how much staying by my side meant to me.
I started throwing clothes on while I thought back to how the first session had gone. It was mainly just me explaining things... it wasn't something that I had been prepared for. Louis knew it and surprised me when he had actually remembered my meds for me so I wouldn't go into panic mode before I could even talk.
"Is he still asleep?" I heard Louis' accent coming from the balcony, "Jesus, it's like noon."
I shook my head smiling as I walked out of the room to the balcony, Louis' eyes meeting mine.
"You could've just woke me up," I told him smiling.
"Well, I didn't get back till a few moments ago," he shrugged, "had to do a little shopping with Malik."
Zayn smiled at me from beside Louis, exhaling his hit, "he asked me to take him."
"Why?" I gave them a curious look.
"It's a new day," Louis replied looking smug.
I grinned at him, knowing he was referring to the note he had left me. "The roses are beautiful, Louis. Thank you."
"Welcome, love," he gave me a nod and stepped over to kiss me gently before his eyes met mine again, "morning, by the way, beautiful."
I couldn't help but laugh, "morning."
"God, you two," Zayn rolled his eyes but smiled, "you get worse every day... damn. When we get all the shit in the flat, are you two going to stay locked in your room all the time to spare the rest of us?"
Louis smiled back at me and I shrugged, "sure, why not?"
Zayn only shook his head and walked back inside as I looked back at Louis, almost frowning, "why'd you go shopping without me?"
"Oh, God, don't give me the pouty face," he groaned at me.
I smiled a little, "well, you know I don't turn down shopping trips by now."
"Uh, well, just wanted to be done before you got up," he replied looking back, "I'd like to take you out today, if that's alright."
The smile grew on my face as he grinned back, "you want to take me out? Oh, like a date finally?"
Louis nodded, "yeah, a real date... I think it's sorta long overdue, given the circumstances."
I laughed a little as I stared at him, "do you think I'd ever turn you down?"
"No," he smirked at me, giving me a wink.
"So, where exactly?" I asked curiously, "or is this one of those surprises again?"
"No, I'll tell you," he replied grinning, "uh, I got really shitty seats to Coldplay and thought..."
"What?" I asked him almost shrieking. He snickered at my wide eyed grin, "you got what?"
"You're hysterical," he shook his head smiling, "yeah, I got tickets. I'm guessing you're ok with going, then?"
"Of course," I nodded excitedly, Louis only laughing more.
"You're like a little kid sometimes, I fucking swear," he smiled back at me, "doesn't seem to take much to please you. I mean, they're really shitty seats."
"I don't give a fuck where the seats are," I threw my hands up smiling at him, before taking his cigarette, "I just... wow... I haven't ever seen them. I've always wanted to. I just never went."
"So, you're ok with seats so far away from the stage that they look like tiny ants?" He smirked at me.
"Louis, it's about the music and the experience," I told him slowly, "it's more about the atmosphere and the lyrics and hundreds of people singing along to every line."
"Yeah, suppose when you put it that way," he nodded and shrugged a little, "quite passionate about music, aren't you?"
I smiled and nodded, "yeah, some music. Coldplay just happens to be one of those bands for me... go to bands."
"I kinda figured that from your reaction," he almost laughed, "are you a fan of the lead singer, too?"
I almost snorted as he just smiled at me.
"What? Just a question?"
"He's alright looking," I replied smiling, "he's an incredible singer. I love his voice."
"Oh, you're like a fan girl or something," Louis pointed at me and smirked.
"I'm not," I laughed, shaking my head, "I do think he's a beautiful guy. There you go."
Louis sighed still smiling, "he seems like your type, love."
"Why do you say that?" I giggled at him.
"I don't know," he shrugged and smiled.
"So, what time does it start?" I laughed out and shook my head at him.
"8:30," he replied and glanced back at me, "I do have one request for tonight... and, I mean, it's not like an order or anything... and I'm not trying to pressure you... I mean, it's your decision obviously..."
"What are you going on about?" I asked him crossing my arms and smiling.
"No drugs," he whispered, his eyes not leaving mine, "if you're alright with that... that's my request..."
I stayed still studying him, knowing how much he wanted that, how much it would mean to him. I could just tell.
"It's a deal," I agreed quietly, "not even Mary Jane."
"Well, we can negotiate that one later," he winked at me, nudging my arm.
"Wait... is alcohol off limits as well?" I asked as we walked back in.
"What? Are you fucking crazy?" Louis laughed as he sat down on the bed in our room, "no, we're having alcohol at the concert."
"Just making sure," I grinned at him, my phone sounding from the dresser.
Louis looked at me immediately. I stepped over and picked it up, my heart speeding up for a second. I hadn't heard from him in a week, though I knew it wouldn't continue to be like this. None of it felt right still. We all felt it.
I saw Gemma's name and the tension that was rising disappeared.
"Just Gemma," I told him softly.
"Didn't she say your mum wanted you to come see her?" Louis asked me as he walked back into the hallway, "I heard her say something about that after work the other day..."
I watched him picking up bags from different stores he had went to and I smiled at him as he turned around with them and noticed me.
"What?" He almost groaned, holding the bags down at his sides.
"You went shopping to all of those places without me," I almost laughed, "do you know how fucking rude you are for that?"
"Jesus, Haz," he rolled his eyes, smiling, as he threw the bags on the bed. He turned back to me, his hands on his hips, "I just needed a few new things, alright?"
My face lit up because I knew what he had done, "you mean, you bought an outfit for our date?"
Louis smiled sheepishly as I sat down on the bed, immediately pulling the clothes out.
"Haz," he laughed and watched me going through them, "I just got a few different choices..."
"Turtle necks, scarf," I said out loud as I tossed them across the bed and kept digging, "oh, this is a nice jumper. I bet it looks really amazing with your hair."
Louis grinned at me from where he stood.
I kept going through the bags, "yeah, this one will look amazing with your eyes."
"Alright, could you stop now?" He chuckled a little.
I propped my face with my elbow and looked up at him, "you know, you at least could've let me gone and, like, helped you pick out something."
"Oh, Jesus, you and your Saint Laurent shit? I'd be wearing something that looked like it fell off Mick Jagger in the 70s," he rolled his eyes and sighed.
"That's not true," I laughed as we sat there staring at each other. I moved the bags over and patted the bed beside me, "come here."
Louis smiled and lay down on the bed, stomach first, his eyes staying on mine.
I lay there on my side, my hand propping my head up and the other hand going to Louis' back. I took my fingers and gently traced down his spine, before going back up, keeping my eyes on his the entire time.
His arm was breaking out in goosebumps and I bit my lip and grinned at him. "Does it feel that amazing?"
"Is it not obvious?" He smirked, his eyes falling on my lips.
"Do you wanna kiss me?" I whispered to him, searching his eyes.
A small grin creeped out of the corner of his mouth, "when do I not want to kiss you, curly?"
I smiled a little, then placed my hand on the back of his head, pulling him into me. His lips crashed into mine while my fingers stayed on the back of his neck as our kiss deepened even more.
We stopped for a second and I took my fingers and gently ran over his back again, "can I give you a blow job?"
Louis snorted and laughed while I smiled back at him. "Wow."
"What?" I asked.
"I just love how blunt you are," he grinned back at me, "or, maybe, it's the fact that you can say anything and make it sound hot as fucking hell still."
I laughed a little, keeping my eyes on his. "No point in not just being straight up, right?"
He smiled even more, that beautiful smile that I was so used to now, "right."
"So," I said, looking back at him, "is that a yes?"
"Do you expect me to turn you down?" He asked me with a smug look.
I pushed him over on his back and straddled him, my lips inches from his as I stared in his eyes. He watched me closely before he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to mine.
My hands went through his hair as he threw his arms around me, our mouths lost in motion with one another's.
I bit his bottom lip gently before crashing my lips back into his, my hand wandering down into his Adidas sweats and grasping what was already hard.
My lips moved down his jaw line, then his neck before I glanced back up at him, his breathing speeding up while his eyes met mine.
We stayed that way for several seconds; just losing ourselves in each other's eyes, each other's presence. I had never felt something like this when I looked into someone's eyes... Louis had a way of seeing through every little detail of me. He had a way of staring into my soul, it felt like. He had a way of making it feel real, something I had always wanted to experience.
I started pulling his sweats down, Louis smirking at me, "the door is wide open, love."
I glanced back and noticed it, Louis snickering under me.
"Who cares if they see?" I smirked at him and climbed off of him before I stripped his pants down.
"Harry," he almost yelled, "close the fucking door, please."
I chuckled as I got up to close it, "calm down, tiny."
"You did not," he pointed as I stripped my shirt off slowly.
I just grinned at him before I climbed back on the bed, situating myself between his legs. My lips traced over his sides and down as my eyes stayed on his.
I gently placed my fingers into him, then took him down my throat as he moaned out a lot louder than he probably wanted.
He picked up a pillow and placed it over his face.
"That's not fair," I told him and took it away.
"Why not?" He laughed at me.
"Because I wanna see your face," I whispered to him, my lips only inches away from his.
I felt him flinch beneath my hand as I said that and I couldn't hold back the smirk that came over my lips.
"Wow," I managed to say to him, his eyes staying on me, "guess I've found another weakness for you, yeah?"
Louis' face was red but he smiled, "yeah, I suppose you have."
"So, you appreciate eye contact as much as me?" I whispered in his ear before my eyes met his again.
Louis was literally clay in my hands right now. I had a feeling I could make him come untouched easily.
I moved back down and swallowed him down, my fingers pulling his hips closer and my eyes piercing his, his hand pushing my hair back.
I pushed my fingers back into him, watching his face change as he leaned back moaning.
I ran my tongue up and down him before taking him back into my mouth, my fingers slowly moving in and out of him.
I kept my eyes fixated on his face, watching the quiet moans escaping his lips as he stared back at me; every single time I went down and came up on him, my eyes were staring into his.
Louis gently pushed my hair back again before grasping it a little as he watched me. I sped up the pace as I felt his body beginning to shake; his back arched and I watched his face closely for every second of his release.
I swallowed it down before wiping my lips slowly, Louis breathing heavily.
I sat back down beside him as he sighed out and stared at the ceiling.
"You alright?" I asked him smirking.
"I'm... incredible," he responded slowly as he sat up.
"You seem to make that way too easy," I joked with him, nudging his arm.
"I can't help it," he stated, "you make it way too easy, let's say that."
"Can I ask you something?" I whispered.
Louis glanced back at me, "sure, love."
"When... when I gave you a blow job at the house, the second day I had known you," I started, Louis smiling again at my bluntness, "and you tried not to act like it was a big deal afterwards... you told me it was nothing, what was it, really? I've wondered that every day..."
"Have you?" Louis almost burst out in laughter, "you could've asked me by now, Haz."
"I know," I nodded, "I just... never did. Was it because I was your first, or like, something else?"
"You weren't my first," he grinned, "at least, not in that department."
I smiled a little as he climbed up to sit next to me, "so, what, then?"
"Uh," Louis started, pursing his lips but smiling, "it was more... more because even at that time, I felt like you were really special."
I smiled a little, "did you?"
"Yeah, well, I remember thinking I had never felt that way before during one," he stuttered out, "and when I looked in your eyes while you did it, I felt like I was seeing someone who I had known all along..."
I stared back at him, words failing to come to mind. He never failed to amaze me with his words.
"Yeah, so, there you go," he said smiling a little. "Plus, it was hot that you held eye contact... is that a better answer?"
"Basically, you're turned on by looking in my eyes," I said shortly.
Louis nodded a little and smiled, "yeah, there's a better way of saying it. Thank you."
I laughed a little as I watched his eyes staring down at the covers, a grin still across his face. "You're perfect. Have I told you that recently?"
Louis glanced back, "not today. I'm sure you have in the past week."
"What do you see," I started, slowly, "when you look in my eyes?"
Louis sat back, his eyes watching mine, "I see what you see."
"How do you know what I see?" I managed to ask quietly.
He smiled at me, his eyes glancing from my lips to my eyes, "because I can read you... I can... I can see what you need when you look at me."
I bit my lip, refusing to look away from him, even if it was almost too much to bare in this moment.
"What do I need?" I asked in almost a whisper.
His eyes stayed on mine, "you need to feel loved. You need someone to look at you with love in their eyes as well... you need to 'see' the love that person feels for you during those intimate moments... because you've never seen love in someone else's eyes..."
I glanced back at my hands, trying to fight back emotions again.
He smiled a little when he noticed my expression, "am I close at all here?"
"Yeah... yeah, I'd say you got it spot on," I answered in a low voice.
"Hey," he started, his hand running down my cheek, "don't get upset..."
"I'm not," I mumbled, "that was just... wow. Maybe you should be a psychologist."
Louis grinned a little, "actually, it just comes easy with you. I fucking suck at any other psychological situation."
I smiled back at him, using my fingers to fix his fringe over his eyes, "you're too good to me, you know."
"Don't start," he pointed.
"I'm not," I laughed a little, "I meant that. I'm not going to go into how I don't deserve you and all of that... don't worry."
"Good," he nodded a little, "because you've gotta stop that shit."
"I know," I agreed, "I'm just... thankful for you, I guess. Never realized how beautiful simple things could be, you know? Something as simple as a kiss, or even a touch... I never realized how much you could feel behind those things, because I never experienced that until you."
He looked back at me and smiled, "it's mutual, love. I promise."
I leaned over and kissed him gently, before my eyes met his again... I could get lost in his eyes and never even worry about being found; I trusted him with my life now.
"Oh, do you have plans for before the concert?" I asked him, my fingers gliding down his bare chest.
"Uh," he started, "not really. Maybe dinner?"
"Sounds lovely," I nodded a little, "but I have one other place I wanna take you, if that's alright."