Harry Styles
I felt my phone buzzing by my head and opened my eyes, trying to focus on the screen. It was really early still, I knew. Louis and I hadn't come back from the flat until nearly 4 am. I felt like I had just fallen asleep, although sleeping didn't come easy at all.
I picked up the phone and saw 3 missed calls from Niall and then a text saying, "Harry, let me in."
I got up quickly, but trying not to wake Louis. I slipped my boxers back on and went to open Gemma's door to see Niall standing there giving me a miserable look.
"How long have you been here?" I asked before yawning.
"Like 15 minutes," he replied as he walked in with his bags, "did you lads not get my message saying I was coming back?"
"I... I haven't really checked my phone," I replied rubbing my eyes, "sorry, man. Been avoiding it."
"It's alright," he shrugged and threw his stuff onto the sofa, then turned to me, "Zayn asked me to come back."
"Why?" I asked him, crossing my arms.
"Said I needed to keep Louis company," he told me, "I don't know what's going on, Harry, but whatever it is, it doesn't feel right."
"It's not," I mumbled back, "so, Zayn asked you to keep Louis company today?"
Niall nodded a little and stared at me, "I'm not gonna ask why... it's not really my business... but..."
"Darren found out it was us who broke into his house," I admitted to him, "or, well, me anyways. I don't know if he knows Zayn and Louis were there."
"He knows?" Niall asked through wide eyes, "what... what's he going to do about it?"
I bit my lip and thought over how to explain it, without telling the complete truth, "I have to meet Zayn to get the stuff back from him. I'll cost Darren a lot of money if I don't. So, Zayn is getting it and I'm taking it back to him."
"And that's it?" Niall asked, "he's just going to take it back and let you off the hook completely?"
I didn't say anything. I kept my eyes on the floor while Niall's eyes stayed on me.
"Yeah, I didn't think so," Niall said finally, "look, maybe someone should go with you to meet him..."
"No," I interrupted, "he asked me to bring it. I'm not taking anyone. It wouldn't end well, Niall. You know that."
"You're damn right, it wouldn't," Niall almost snapped, "if the 4 of us go with you..."
"Stop," I said back looking up at him, "you know if the 4 of you went, you'd kill him."
Niall stayed still for a second, then finally managed to nod, "yeah, well, he'd deserve it, in my book."
"I've... I've gotta go meet Zayn in just a few minutes," I started, trying my best to change the subject, "I know Lou is going to be pissed at me for leaving him here..."
"That's why I'm here," Niall stated, "look, I'll do my best to keep him here... can't make any promises."
I nodded and I went back into the bedroom, Louis still snoring from under the covers. I dug out some clothes, opting for one of my sheer button ups and skinny jeans.
I loved dressing up; for me, it had always been more of an escape because I could dress and make myself look like a well off, happy young man... even though that was far from the truth.
I could put on any fancy shirt, or pair of boots, and walk around looking as if I did have it all. And I had done that for so long; it was part of the front I had put on for years.
I loved the clothes I wore though. I had grown into this look. I liked the way I looked. It took me a while to even accept that. If only I felt like I could accept I was worth the trouble I put someone through... I didn't think I'd ever accept that when it came to Louis.
I fixed my hair in the mirror, my mind filled with so many different thoughts. I didn't know how any of this would go, or even what to expect. I didn't know what Zayn was going to have to say for himself. I think that worried me more than even seeing Darren.
What could Darren possibly do to me? It's not like he hadn't put me through enough hell... it couldn't possibly get much worse.
I pulled out the box in the closet again and took out some things and stuffed it down in my skinny jeans. I knew I wouldn't make it through this day completely sober. I hated myself for even thinking that way, but that's what my life had come to. It had come to using things I shouldn't to cover and numb feelings I should feel.
After I finally finished getting ready, I picked up my phone and wallet and glanced back at Louis, still sleeping peacefully. I leaned down and kissed his head gently and whispered an 'I love you' to him before getting up and opening the bedroom door.
Niall glanced over at me as I went to the kitchen and took out one of Gemma's note pads. I wrote out a note to Louis slowly.
I'm not sure why I wanted to do it... I felt like he needed a handwritten note so that maybe it would feel more personal... and he would understand me. That really didn't make sense in my head, but that's what kept crossing my mind while I wrote out this long ass note. Louis was right. I was going to be that person to write out really long, sappy as shit, vows. I could hear his accent in my head and I smiled as I kept moving the pen across the paper, the words for him flowing freely.
I smiled a little and folded it up, looking over at Niall. "Can you give this to him as soon as he gets up?"
"What is it?" He got up and walked over.
"Just... make sure he gets it," I sighed, "alright?"
"Ok," Niall agreed and took the note as my phone went off.
I pulled it out to see a text from Zayn saying he was almost here. I turned back to Niall, "I'm gonna go. Thanks for coming back, man."
"Hey, you'd do it for me," Niall said quietly, "look, just be careful, alright? Please?"
"I'll do my best," I nodded and headed to the door, my mind beginning to race again.
I pushed my hair back nervously in the elevator on the ride down. I hated this. I wanted Louis to go with me. I wanted him by my side. But I knew that this was something he couldn't be here for, no matter how much he or I wanted it.
If I had taken him to Darren's with me, I knew what would happen... I knew Louis would beat the shit out of him... I knew Louis would have a hard time stopping himself before Darren was dead.
I stepped outside, the wind blowing like crazy and drizzle falling. I pulled my coat tighter and buried my hands in the pockets waiting for Zayn to arrive.
I was nervous, to put it simply. He was my best friend. He was the person who was there for so long; I couldn't see him betraying me. It just wasn't possible.
I pushed my hair back and saw his car coming. He slowed and stopped and I walked around to get in.
I opened the door, my eyes widening when I saw his face. He looked terrible; his eye was swollen, his lip was busted...
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked quickly as I sat down looking him over, "Jesus Christ, Zayn. What the fuck?"
He lit a cigarette and sighed out a hit, not glancing back at me while he started back up the street.
"Tell me what happened," I said quieter as I kept watching him.
"Let's just say I know who ratted you out this whole time," he mumbled lowly.
I looked at him confused, "what? What are you talking about?"
"How Darren has always known where you were?" He looked back at me.
"Who?" I whispered, not taking my eyes off of him. I couldn't get over how he looked. He looked absolutely terrible; he had the shit beat out of him.
He hit his cigarette again and stayed silent.
"Tell me, please," I said, "tell me what happened."
"I will," he mumbled a little, then sat back and continued our drive.
We arrived at his friend James' house. I had been friends with him, too, years ago. Not so much now.
"You left Darren's shit here?" I asked him as we got out.
He nodded a little, "yeah, well, James didn't know what it was. I just told him I had some bags I needed to put up somewhere until I got back."
I followed him inside looking around. He wasn't here, it seemed. I noticed the blankets on the sofa and I had guessed that's where Zayn had slept.
I took a seat on it, placing my hands together as I stared up at Zayn. He was taking his coat off slowly, as if he was having trouble removing it.
"Are you alright?" I asked him.
He nodded a little, but his face wasn't convincing me.
I stood up and walked over, pulling his coat off completely. I pulled his t-shirt up and glanced over his chest, then back up at him, "what the hell happened to you, Zayn?"
"I ran into a few guys who work for Darren," he admitted finally, his eyes not meeting mine.
"They did this to you?" I asked. He stayed quiet again. I pulled his shirt over his head slowly, tossed it on the sofa, and looked him over, "Jesus, you could have a broken rib. You should go to the hospital."
"No, I'm fine," he mumbled back, his eyes finally looking back at me, "I'm... I'm sorry. It's my fault... an old friend of ours is working for Darren..."
"What?" I asked him quietly.
"Yeah, I just so happen to run into him in Dublin, the club we were at," Zayn replied, "was just talking and, you know... turns out he was working for Darren..."
"Who?" I asked.
"Remember Jason?" Zayn asked me softly.
I did remember him. He and Zayn were best friends back in the day. But how did he work for Darren? "He's... he's worked for Darren this entire time?"
Zayn managed to nod, but didn't glance back at me.
"So, he's been telling Darren where I am because you told him?" I asked him, "I'm confused."
"I didn't tell him every time," he looked back at me, "Harry, we were close... alright? I've talked to him so much over the past 2 years and yeah, he did ask where you were a lot. I.. I never thought of it as a big deal when he asked how you were and what you were up to... but, he was with them in Dublin... imagine that, right?"
I sighed and crossed my arms, closing my eyes. "He's bought off everyone, hasn't he?"
"He didn't buy off me," Zayn almost snapped at me as he stepped closer, "alright?"
"I see that," I replied seriously as I looked him over, "and I'm not upset over it, alright? I'm fine."
"Yeah, but it shouldn't have happened to you," he sighed and rubbed his head slowly, "I was cornered by these guys in Dublin when Jason offered to go get us an ale... and yeah, he works for him..."
I kept my eyes on him and could tell how much he was struggling to admit this.
"Zayn, don't," I whispered, "it's really ok. Look, I know how Darren works. And I'm not surprised in the slightest he found a way to get to you, too."
"I want to kill him," he glanced back at me, "he deserves to fucking die, Harry. I'm not playing."
"Have you even doctored your eye?" I asked him.
He smiled a little finally, "uh, not really. Just sorta rinsed it off."
"You're pathetic," I sighed and went to the bathroom, Zayn tailing me. I searched through the cabinets looking for a first aid kit while Zayn watched me.
"You don't have to baby me, you know," Zayn smirked at me.
I smiled a little and pulled out some ointment and a wet cloth. I rubbed it over his eye slowly, his eyes staying on mine.
"Almost done," I said quietly as I wiped off the excess water with my hand gently, Zayn smiling a little.
I applied the ointment gently around his brow and down the side of his eye while he kept staring at me.
"You alright?" I glanced back at him smirking a little.
"I'm... I'm fine," he muttered out, "sorry... I'm just out of it, I guess."
"You sure that's all?" I raised an eyebrow and asked, giving him a sly smile.
"Are you high already, Harry?" He chuckled a little, his eyes searching mine.
"No comment," I grinned and put a little more on his eye.
"Harry... I have to tell you one more thing," he said lowly and acted as if he didn't want to say it.
"What?" I asked him.
"I... I have told Darren before where you were," he whispered to me, his face inches from mine. "It's been a long time ago... but even now, I feel guilty."
I stepped back a little and stared at him, "why? Why would you?"
"It was when you were with Jeff," he admitted, "I... I was jealous..."
My mind went blank and I couldn't find the words again as I stared back at him. There were none. I hadn't expected to hear that from him.
"Why were you jealous?" I got out, "why?"
"Because I had feelings for you," he admitted staring at me seriously, "and when Jeff came along, I just hated it."
I was trying to get the words out of my mouth, "you had feelings for me... so, what, you told Darren when I was with Jeff or something?"
He nodded a little, "I told him several times... Darren knows how I feel about you... why do you think he hates me?"
I pushed my hair behind my ear, biting my lip again. It was a terrible habit I had when I was this nervous.
"The past is the past," I finally got out and rubbed his eye a little, "I'm not mad about it and I don't hate you. There. maybe that'll help your eye."
Zayn put his hand on my waist, his eyes staying on mine as he smiled a little.
"I should get Darren's things and go, Zayn," I said trying to force a smile.
He nodded a little and walked into one of the rooms. It looked like an office. The bags were in the floor and I got down to gather them up.
"I'm trying some of this," Zayn started as he took one of the bags and pulled something out.
"What?" I laughed at him, "no. He'll know it's missing."
"I'll put cash back in here," he shrugged.
I sat the bags down in the living area while Zayn went in the bathroom. I waited in the doorway while he put it out on the counter.
"Want some?" He turned to me.
"Uh," I started, my mind saying yes and no. It'd make Darren's even more bearable. "Yeah, sure."
He put it out for me and I did it within seconds, closing my eyes and staying still for a few minutes as I held my nose. It still burned.
"Are you sure you're not mad at me?" He asked me, crossing his arms.
"Zayn," I said quietly, "no. I'm not. Louis might be though if you ever tell him any of that."
He laughed a little and I grinned at him.
"He's a lucky guy," he said seriously, "really. I've been fortunate enough to know you since you were 13... and yeah, I was stupid enough to used to think that we'd end up together."
"That doesn't surprise me," I laughed a bit, "I mean, I used to tell myself that at 14... if I never found someone I'd just be with you."
Zayn laughed even more, "really? Well, yeah, guess we could've been each other's back ups... made a pact that if we were both single at 30, we'd get married."
I shook my head and laughed as I put up the first aid kit. "You don't even like guys, remember?"
Zayn shrugged, "yeah, well, I liked you."
I stared back at him as I propped up against the doorway.
"I realized how childish it was of me after Jeff died," he looked down at his hands, "and I finally sorta just let it go... and we started working together a lot, so, you know... it was like I still had you..."
I can't believe you didn't tell me," I said quietly, "why'd you keep it from me?"
"Because you and I both know you never felt the same," he said back in a sincere tone, "and I knew that. Yeah, I was immature a time or two when I told Darren where you were. And I regret stooping that low... makes me no better than him and what he's doing trying to keep you."
"It's really ok," I said giving him a reassuring nod, "you know me... I don't hold grudges. Against anyone."
"Yeah, well, some people you should," he said back, "but I get it that you don't... that's one thing about you that will never change."
"Why don't you go back to Gemma's?" I asked quietly. "And I'll be back from his place in a bit?"
"Really think that's a good idea? Louis probably fears the worst about me right now," Zayn smirked. "He probably thinks I work for the bastard."
I smiled, "yeah, well..."
I picked up the bags and carried them outside to Zayn's car and threw them in the backseat. Zayn made his way back out while I climbed into the passengers seat.
"I was almost expecting the worst," I told him as he headed back to Gemma's.
"The worst?" He asked.
"Yeah, like... Darren had bought you off, too, or something," I mumbled out, "that's sad, isn't it? When you have to start questioning people you've known for a long time..."
"I'm sorry," he said again, his voice low, "I didn't know he was working with them you know that."
"It's alright," I whispered, "thanks for being honest with me... about everything."
He smiled a little, "yeah, well, I care about you a lot, Harry."
"Yeah, that was apparent when I heard your voice shouting at Darren the other morning," I told him.
He sighed a little and lit another cigarette, "he had the audacity to FaceTime me, Harry...."
I looked back at him, "what?"
He nodded and kept his eyes on the road, "yeah, when he was taking you back to your mum's... he FaceTimed me and told me thanks for telling him... I yelled a lot of shit to him and told him I wanted to kill him."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before glancing back out the rain covered window, "I'm ok, though."
"Harry," he started, "it's always going to be 'I'm ok though' until one day it isn't ok..."
I looked back at him, "he won't kill me..."
"No, you don't know that," Zayn shook his head, "you have no idea what a guy like that is capable of... if he can be that obsessed with you, then, tell me how he'd stop himself from getting too carried away?"
I stared back down at my hands, knowing he was completely right.
"Harry, he brought you back not too many days ago and you looked like he beat the fucking shit out of you," Zayn started again, "tell me, would he be able to stop himself from killing you? If it came to that point? He beat you senseless that day..."
"I know," I managed to reply, keeping my eyes on my hands, "what's your point though? Can you tell me what other choice I might have in this, considering he's apparently quite powerful and all?"
Zayn sat back again and sighed, "killing him."
I glanced back at him and I knew he was serious. I didn't answer him. I turned my attention to the passing streets and cars again.
I didn't think I could ever bring myself to kill Darren, I knew that. As much as I did hate him, and despised him, I knew I'd never go that far; that wasn't who I was. It never had been.