Sarcastic comebacks

Jeezus

1-
Girl: I don't like you
Me: I don care if you don't like me, I love me
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2-
Man: is it your "time of the month"?
Girl: keep this up and I guarantee you that one of us will be bleeding
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3-
Mom: Do you think you'll be single your whole life?
Reply: If I'm lucky
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4-
Her: are you really gonna eat that?
Him: you don't know how many calories I burn, by putting up with your shit
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American kid: You from UK?
British kid: yes
American kid: cool! Do you have tea with the queen?
British kid: Do you have McDonalds with Obama?
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6-
Let's play a game of "Fuck off", you go first
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7-
Boy: I bet your balls haven't even dropped yet
Other kid: ask your mom when I dropped them down her throat
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8-
Me: Heart, why can't you sleep at night?
Heart: because you slept all afternoon, don't act like you're in love all the god damn time. Jeezus
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9-
Girl: *Thinks for a long time*
Guy: you're thinking about my dick aren't you ? *smirks*
Girl: trust me if I was thinking about your dick, it would be a much shorter thought
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