Date: 2nd February, 2016.
Still can't get over the fact this book is on #1.
"Who made you hate yourself
to where you barely look at
yourself in the mirror anymore?
Who made you hate the way
your voice sounds, so you
stopped talking and singing?
Who made you stop seeing
galaxies in your eyes?
Who? Who did that to you?
And the sad part is, I didn't
have to say their name.
Because you know who broke you."
ALASKA'S POV
"Hello sweetie, what's your name?" The therapist asked me.
"Hey, I'm Alaska." I speak up, shyly, looking at my mum after a second.
"I'm Lily Matthews. I'm going to help you." She said and I nodded at her, feeling a little confident by every passing second.
"So what actually happened the day you started having the dreams?" She asked me, looking into my eyes.
"Uh, I don't remember much. Blaze, my best friend had come over in the morning to wake me up and then we attended school. I went to swim at midnight and then I almost drowned. When my dad rescued me, I saw blurry faces." I said.
"Okay, so what are your dreams about?" She questioned further.
"They are all violent and different. But they have the same storyline. I get hurt or the ones those are close to me do." I looked up at her from my hands.
"Do you see who does that to you? Hurts you, I mean." She said in a gentle voice.
"Um, no. No, I don't. Their faces are always blurry. But for the past two or three days, they're getting clearer." I answered truthfully.
"So, do you think you almost drowning and seeing blurry faces triggered this?" She asked me.
'Maybe" I shrugged. That had never occurred to me.
"And can these be some sorts of flashbacks? Not the whole entire thing, but some parts of it" She asked, or rather said.
I shrugged and looked at my mum. "Not that I remember of."
"Okay Alaska. I'll prescribe some meds for you. Do you mind going out for a second? I want to talk to your mom." I smiled at her politely and walked out.
Five minutes later, mum came out and sent me back in, alone. Lily talked to me for the next half an hour and made an appointment to see me the next week.
Before I could fully exit her office and she called out for me. "Yes?" I asked her.
"Go home and try midnight swimming again. Tell me how it works out the next time you see me." She says.
"Sure thing." I replied and walked out.
We brought my medicines and went home. My mom dropped me off and went out for a dinner date with my dad. As soon as I removed my shoes, the bell rang. I groaned and walked to the door. Looks like mum had forgotten something. I opened the door and there stood the gang on the other side of the door. I stepped aside and let them in.
"Come on, in."
Soon, the living room came alive and was filled with chatter and laughter. The loneliness vanished into the thin air. I went into the kitchen and brought out something to drink for everyone. I settled down on the sofa between Liam and Noah. Liam put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards me. Noah just smirked at us. I looked at Liz and she was looking everywhere but us. I didn't bother to look at Blaze because I knew he would have his jaw locked and fists clenched.
Jealous, my mind said.
Friend jealous, my conscious said. That's what Blaze used to call it.
"So why didn't you pick up my calls or answer any of my texts?" Liam said.
"Um, I was at therapy." I spoke up timidly. They didn't know about therapy. I dared to look at Blaze and saw him widen his eyes but he quickly composed his composure and acted indifferent.
"And?" Sean pressed further.
"And nothing. I've got to try out midnight swimming again." Looking at their confused expressions, I elaborated further, "The first dream was when I almost drowned and she thinks that's what triggered it."
A courses oh "ah"s and "oh"s filled up the room. After a moment of silence Liz inquired, "Did you tell her about the marks?"
I shook my head no and said, "No, not yet. I will. Soon."
"Any pills?" Blaze asked.
"Yeah" I nodded. "Lots of them." I replied.
"Contains sleeping pills?" He pressed on further.
"Yeah." I replied.
"Good. You ned sleep. Lots of it" He said.
"Yeah" I whispered and averted my eyes.
After that everything went by smoothly. Pizzas were ordered and eaten. Drinks were passed. Jokes were shared. We al had fun. Whenever I felt Liz was left out, I tried my best to include her.
After a while, my parents came home and the gang decided to go home. They all bade my mom goodbye and my parents and I were left standing in the house. "I'll go and try out the night swimming." I told mom, and kissed good night to my dad on the cheek. I sprinted up to my room and changed into a black bikini.
I wasn't scared or afraid. No. I thought I was stronger than that. I placed the towel by the chair and played music.
I entered the pool. The water was cold. I took in a deep breath and swimmer around the pool in laps. I was an hour into swimming and nothing happened. I felt relieved. At peace. The song that was playing was cut out.
"My name's 'Blurryface' and I care what you think.
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol' days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out."
After a second I realised it was my ringtone and I swam to the edge. I got out of the pool successfully without tripping or falling back into it and answered the call. It was Liam.
"Hey Al. Its my mom. She's in the hospital." He sounded so broken and it hurt my heart.
Instead of me asking what happened, I told him, "I'll be there in a few. What hospital?" I was shocked. His mother was a very strong lady.
"St. Anthony's." He mumbled.
"Okay Li. Hang on. I'll be there in a few." I said.
Just as I was about to hang up he said, "Alaska, please call up the gang on your way?" He said with no energy.
"I will. Take care. I'll be there soon." I hung up.
I got out of the pool and ran to my room. I called up Noah on my way up and he picked up on the first ring. "It's Liam's mom. He need to go to the hospital." I said in a rush.
"Okay, hold on. I'l be there in a second. I'm almost there."
"Okay." I said and hung up. I quickly wriggled into my shorts without changing my bikini and before I could put on a top, Noah honked.
"Oh, fuck it." I said and rushed down.
"Mum, going to the hospital." I shouted and slammed the door shut in a hurry. I got into the car and closed the door quickly. Noah, being the kind person he was, switched off the AC and put it on a mild heater. I bikini top felt wet on my skin but I had a lot to think about, I didn't really care
I picked up Noah's phone from his lap and I dialled Blaze's number.
"Hey man, I'm in a middle of something. Call me up later." He said and his voice was breathless. He moaned into the phone and I instantly knew what's up.
"Listen here, you fucking asshole. Don't speak before I say something. That has always been the rule. Liam's mom is in the hospital Bye." I said and hung up, my voice cracking a bit. Tears formed into my eyes and I let them slip. I then realised I called up from Noah's phone and that's why he spoke up before I did. (When I called him up, it was our rule for him letting me speak first.)
And it was Noah, I could cry freely in front of him. I called everyone up and by the time I was done, I was a trembling mess.
"Hey, don't worry. She'll be okay." He assured me.
"I hope so. She's such a sweet heart." I croaked out.
We soon reached the hospital and I ran to the front desk while Noah parked the car.
"Mrs. Jenna Wright?" I asked the receptionist.
"Foor 2. Room number 203. Left as soon as you get out of the lift." I thanked her and waited impatiently for Noah, biting my nail.
He jogged in and we waited for the elevator. "It will take it for-fucking-ever to arrive, let's take the stairs." I said and we both jogged up. As soon as we stepped on the second floor, I made a dash towards Room 203. It was empty.
I called up Liam from Noah's phone and he picked up.
"Heywhereareyou?" I asked in a single breath.
"Outside the operating centre." I hung up and we made our way towards the operation theatre.
As soon as we reached and I spotted Liam, I hugged him tight. He hugged me just as tight.
"Isn't this just a lovely sight to see" Blaze seethed behind me. I let go and Liam and he did the same. I completely ignored and asked Liam, "What actually happened?"
"I don't know. One moment she was completely fine and the next she was clutching her chest saying she couldn't breathe. The doctor said she experienced a myocardial infarction."
"Heart attack." I said simplifying it for them.
I turned around and looked at Blaze. I instantly wished I didn't. He had most of his shirt unbuttoned and his jeans dangerously low on his waist. His hair was all messed up and stuck in different directions. He had lipstick marks on the side of his neck and on his chest and he looked flushed.
I turned around and looked at Noah. I wiped my eyes and asked him, "How did you arrive at my place in exactly ten seconds?"
"Well, I promised you today I'd bring you ice cream because you tutored me and I scored the highest so I was bringing you ice cream. It's probably all melted up right now." He half smiled.
And I realised how funny we must look to the naked eye. A group of teenagers, dressed funnily. Me with my shorts and bikini top. Blaze with his clothes half undone. Liam in his shorts and a tank top and Noah in his jeans and a casual t-shirt.
We all sat on the chairs in the waiting room and slowly, all the members of the gang showed up. They all talked to Liam and to be honest, I think Liam felt a little better. They left after a few hours. In the end it was Liam, Blaze, Noah, Liz and I who stayed back.
Five minutes later, the doctor came out. "She doesn't seem all too well. We must keep her on life support for now. She's unconscious so you can't see her until until a few hours more." He said in a very profession manner but his eyes reflected sadness.
Liam broke down crying. She is a single parent after all. If she wouldn't make it, Liam will be alone with no parents. I went ahead and hugged him. His warm hands made contact with the cool bare skin of my back. I could read Blaze's eyes and all they said was fury and sadness. Liz's eyes said jealousy, anger and sadness. Li clung to me like second skin. He cried and he sobbed. It was so painful to hear. The guy who's always laughing and flirting now crying was not a pretty sight to see.
A while later he released me and Noah went to bring him water. So many hugs were shared. Liz and Blaze went home. Liam slept in the chair in his mom's room.
Noah and I were sitting on the chairs in the waiting room, talking.
"It has been a while since I have talked to you properly."
"Yeah." I said. It had been a while indeed.
We somehow went from deep talking to sharing stories with one another.
Noah started, "Once me and this guy went for lunch. What I didn't know that he was gay and he started hitting on me.
So when he asked me why did I bring him to the lunch date I replied, 'No bro, its not a lunch date, its a brunch date.' Bro plus lunch is equal to brunch. Get it?" I giggled at him and his silliness and thats how we spent the next thirty minutes, telling each other lame and stupid jokes.
"You know what can we call gay friends?" Noah asked me.
"What?" I questioned.
"Homiesexuals." He replied and we both giggled.
I felt guilty for smiling and giggling when Jenna was in this condition but I guess that was Noah's objective.
A while later Blaze came in with a bag and he gave it to me. "Cover up. You're showing too much of skin. People are staring and you might fall sick, you're all soaked." He said.
Inside the bag were a fresh change of clothes and one of his hoodies. I thanked him and he nodded back. I went to the bathroom and got changed, putting the wet clothes back in. His hoodie smelt just like him. Heavenly.
When I went back, Blaze was already gone and Noah and I went back to talking. We had deep talks this time. It was after 3 am after all, the perfect time for having deep talks.
___________________
Yay, an update.
AN// I still suck at author notes.
All the love,
Pia xx
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