Date: 23rd January, 2016.
Edited on: 23rd June, 2016.
It's almost 2 am and I'm tired.
"Dear body, you were never a problem.
There is nothing wrong with
your size, your curves,
your scars, your flaws,
your stretch marks or you.
It's not your job to look
like the people in magazines.
It's not your job to look 'pretty'.
You're already good enough."
ALASKA'S POV
I felt hollow. Tired, even. Unloved. Unsafe. Unwanted. The list could go on and on. And most of all, I missed Blaze. I missed my best friend so much.
Today was different. I knew it. The second time I woke up today morning it wasn't because of some unforgettable horrible dream or a nightmare, it was because of a flashback. I sat on the bed, staring at the painted wall which had pictures stuck all over it. But they weren't just pictures, they were memories.
It went something like this, the flashback, I mean.
I looked into the mirror, admiring my dress that mom had brought for me and the seven year old back me stared right back. There was joy and happiness clear in my eyes. They were shining. Bright. I grinned and made my way downstairs, getting ready for another day of elementary school. I was jumping with excitement because I could finally see Blaze after a long weekend.
Seeing as I was late, I ran toward my bus stop. I was just in time. The bus arrived as I placed my hands on my knees, panting. I climbed the three steps of the bus and sat next to a certain crystal blue eyed boy. His smile was contagious, resulting me to smile back.
"Hey Al." Blaze said.
"Hey yourself." I grinned.
We chit chatted all the way to the school. He told me about his weekend events and I told him about how my mom took me shopping and I absolutely hated it. However, I showed him the white lace dress I had worn and which I loved, the only positive thing from the shopping trip.
The bus came to a halt outside the school and the students poured out of the bus in a hurry. I slung my black and red backpack on my shoulder and hopped off, Blaze right behind me.
We walked to our class and attended all of our lectures without any complaint. The break came soon and we walked into the cafeteria and grabbed some sandwiches and chocolate milk. Making our way to the school playground, Blaze first climbed on the monkey bars then taking our food placed on the tray and then helped me climb up. We talked about the his upcoming birthday and our plans.
When the school was over, he came over. We had moved in that house a few days ago so I didn't really know the way around or what rooms it had. Blaze and I decided to look around and discover. After having some refreshments, we were off on our mini adventure. Al least, it seemed like one to our seven year olds.
The house was huge. Enormous. We started from the top floor. We looked around and there was a door which wouldn't open. We both kicked it and pushed it with the shoulder but it still wouldn't open. Out of frustration, we both gave up and decided to check the rest of the floors.
Most of the floors were boring with nothing exciting or attention-grabbing. We went to the basement through the stairs. Every stair creaked with every step we took due to the pressure. It was honestly creepy. We had the torches we had grabbed quickly in our hands and we went down flashing them everywhere. They were the only source of light.
As we reached all the way down, I saw a bulb switch and switched it on. To say the basement was huge would be an understatement. It was even bigger than our living room. Blaze and I watched it in astonishment. It had wooden floors and no furniture. We went in deeper and the light became duller. Then we decided that this place would be our secret haven.
Within a few months, the basement had become a completely different place. I had asked my dad to install proper lighting and a fan. Blaze and I had painted the room in colourful colours. One wall was dedicated just to our photos. From the time to we met till we discovered the basement. We had also moved down a TV and a fluffy mattress , that occupied ninety percent of the room, a couch and two recliners down there. We had shelves full of video games and DVDs. We also had a mini refrigeration with drinks and candies downstairs. We were in love with the place.
I remember one day when we were 10, after we were done with playing Call of Duty on the TV, Blaze and I sat down on the recliners, getting up from the cushioned floor. He sat closer than he ever did. He had his hand around my shoulder. We had talked for hours that day. I guess that was the day when we were finally committed to each other. The day our friendship grew. The day I realised I never want to loose him.
Ages had passed since that day and today I didn't know whether I was getting my Blaze back. I missed him. I missed him so so much. Clearing my head, I reluctantly got into the shower for getting ready for school. Ever since Blaze has stopped talking to me, school sucked more.
After an hour, Liam and I were sitting in our seats, waiting for the teacher to arrive. I didn't talk to him and he didn't push me to. The lectures started soon and surprisingly, I could pay attention in the class. Today my mind was clearer than everyday but I was sadder than everyday.
Lunch soon arrived and we were sitting round the table. The squad members starting arriving one after one and soon all of us except Blaze were present. I looked around the cafeteria and realised that Alice was missing too. Hooking up. Hooking up. Hooking up. Thats all I could think about. I got a feeling like someone was stabbing my heart hundred times per second. I couldn't take it.
The table was silent and all eyes were on me. I just rolled my eyes and continued eating. They always wanted to know what was going on but that was okay, they were family.
"I just miss Blaze" I confessed and stabbed a pasta piece with my fork. Liz winced. "Please remind me never to mess with you" she said.
Ten minutes later, Blaze arrived, his hair looking all disheveled and with a lipstick stain on his collar bone. Liam cleaned it out for him and then looked at me. I had to act like I didn't care, but to be ducking honest, I did. I cared so much. I couldn't help but look at Alice's table. There she was, setting her hair and smiling with her friends. I couldn't hate her. She was just too nice.
Soon lunch was over and Blaze passed by me, his hand touching mine. Electricity shot up my arm but I kept my head straight up and kept on walking. In reality all I wanted to do was hit him and then hug him tightly, never wanting to let go. But of course that didn't happen. It was too late.
After school, all of us gathered around Noah's car. I sat on the hood with Liz besides me and the boys in front of us in a half circle.
"So, Blaze steals glances at you when you are not looking." Damien started.
"He misses you, y'know?" Ashton continued. I rolled my eyes, not thinking much into it.
I tended to roll my eyes a lot when I'm around them. Is is possible for them to get stuck in the back of my skull?
"I know he does but his ego won't let him admit it." I said.
"True. Plus he always asks about you. Not directly, of course." Noah says.
"Oh and he's jealous that you've replaced him." Connor says.
"Blaze and jealous don't go in the same sentence." I laughed.
"Oh, but they do. He's so fucking angry that you've replaced him with Liam." Connor said.
"Blaze isn't jealous, end of discussion." I said because I know Blaze. He doesn't get jealous. Ever.
"Okay, fine. But what about him being mad, hmm?" Liz piped in.
"Nobody likes getting replaced, not that I am replacing him." I reason with a shrug.
"Oh, you aren't?" Liza challenges back with this glint in her eye.
"No, I am not." I fired back. "He holds a special place in my heart and nobody could ever replace it however hard they tried." I said intensely.
"Woah, okay. How much ever I want to see a cat fight, lets stop before things get nasty." Liam pitched in, putting his arm around me. He was very close because I was sitting on the hood and he was standing. He had to lean on me.
From the distance, I could see Blaze make his way over to us so I started random topic. About cars. All the attention of the boys got diverted quickly but Liz seemed bored, as usual.
Okay then.
Blaze reached us and sort of pushed Liam, standing besides him.
What was the about you fucking egoistic asshole?
Of course, I didn't say it even though the words were on the tip of my tongue. I swallowed them in, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
We continued taking about cars and I often caught Blaze burning holes through his eyes at Liam. Oh, and me too. Sure, we made eye contact several times but never spoke to each other. I'm sure Ashton lied when he said Blaze misses me.
Misses me my ass.
When I shared too much of knowledge about cars, Liam would tease me and he would earn glares from Blaze... and Liz?
She so likes him.
I just giggled and went with it because I wanted Liz to confess it herself to me. But I didn't just stop there, I teased Liam in return.
Blaze Fucking Ryder needed to stop glaring at me!
I acted as if his glares didn't affect me. But really, if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under already. I couldn't help but notice how sexy he looked with his jaw all set, with burning fire in his eyes and his fists clenched.
Plus it wasn't only me who noticed it, there were several other girls too, eyeing him as if he was the last pizza slice on the plate/box left. Or salad leaf, in their cases. He's a pizza slice for me because pizza is life. It's just so cheesy and- Okay, I need to stop rambling.
Eventually, everyone left and I got into Liam's car. Blaze was going to offer me a ride (I'm going to kill Damien because he suggested it) but I left before he could.
Liam dropped me off, telling me to be on time the next morning as I was late most of the time and I simply flipped him off, entering the house. Taking off my shoes, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a chocolate bar. Putting my bag on one of the stools, I removed my socks with the chocolate bar in between my teeth, holding it that way that there was not too much pressure that it would break and fall.
I walked down the stairs to the basement and turned on the light switch. I hadn't been here for a while. After Blaze and I stopped talking, to be precise. Everything was the way we had left it. There were candy packets littered around with a bottle of Coke which was half empty on the all bed, no floor mattress thingy. I cleaned up the place, not changing the sheets and setting the blanket back on its place.
I played Call Of Duty alone, not calling up the boys because they didn't know this place existed. It was always locked.
I walked towards the photo wall, looking at each photo, running my fingers on them. Remembering the stories behind them. I didn't notice I was crying until a tear rolled down my cheek and dropped on my collar bone.
I went upstairs for dinner and we ate in peace. My mom and I. I entered my room, changing into comfortable clothes and carried my laptop and earphones downstairs, back to the basement. I switched on the air condition we had installed over the years and laid down on our usual spot. It smelled like him. I cried.
I opened up the Wattpad on my MacBook and went to 'My Works'.
EXCERPTS FROM A BOOK I'LL NEVER WRITE
"I glance at him through the corner of my eye.
I want to tell him everything.
I want to tell him that his smile could brighten the sky at midnight,that his eyes are like pools of often chocolate that I want to dive into,that he makes me happier than anyone else could.
I want to tell him that I want to steal his heart like he stole mine.
Apparently, I've been staring for too long, because he looks at me like I'm bit crazy.
"What?" He asks with a laugh.
"I'm just thinking about what an awesome best friend I have." I reply.
He smiles, while on the inside I feel like I may have broken a piece of my own heart."
I click on 'Update' and in seconds, I had votes and comments flooding in. I surfed through the net for the next few hours, Blaze's addictive scent surrounding me.
I prayed to God for sound sleep with no nightmares, but we all know that wasn't going to happen.
___________
What ship name sounds better?
KaZe (alasKA and blaZE)
or
BlEr? (BLaze and novembER)
PS: November is Alaska's middle name.
Opinions on chapter?
All the love,
Pia xx
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