15th January 2015 was when my nanny died. I did an emotional post on fb....so I'll keep it short.
I was so sad & full of regret (still feeling regret) but I wasn't close enough with her. I didn't talk as much - I was shy. It took me 10 yrs to recover from my great granny's death, I only knew her for 2 yrs. I knew my nanny for 13 yrs. It's going to be emotional.
My friends dad died of cancer on Saturday. He was 46 years old. I cried on Monday, because;
1. My best friends twin is best friends with the son. And he stayed over there on the Saturday. She told me at 4 am she heard crying from the bathroom (door was opened) she walked in. He ran to her and hugged her while crying on her shoulder. He's 15. 15 and he lost his dad. That's so fucked up. He had cancer everywhere. He saw a lump and ignored it. Let this be a lesson, readers. Don't ignore, sort it out. He's now in a really bad state.
2. It upsets me that I've known the son for 11 years and he's upset. That really depresses me.
3. They mentioned my nanny. I'm still really sensitive about the topic.
4. They kept talking about the death.
People asks me, what's your biggest regret?
My answer is, not visiting my nanny enough. I can't go back in time and fix it. I regret this every day. Everytime when I think about it, it makes me want to cut. The feeling is that bad. I cry about it so much. When ever I'm alone & not listening to music, I break down. And knowing that I'll live with that regret for my rest of my life, makes me not want to continue. It's gotten that bad.
I'll be updating soon. I miss writing that's why this part is here. I have one more request to do, it was requested in summer & only saw it now. I'm still thinking that I should update this every so often but add in some DDMs. What do you think?
Sorry about this part if it bores you. I truly am sorry. I needed to get of my chest.
Anyway.
R.I.P Lilian Jane Walker ❤
I love you.
From,
Rachel Jayne Walker.
I didn't make a mistake. My parents changed the 'Jane' part. Think it was because its not as common.
Hope you're all doing well!
Love ya xx