Just when he thought he would live a happy and successful life, it instantly fell below his feet and slid down the slivers and cracks of the earth down to hell and burned, burned so that that dream would never to be seen again. It was three in the morning and there was a half empty vodka bottle sitting atop the floor next to the piano and slightly vibrated as Eren's fingers slammed against the keys. His eyes were fluttering closed and his vision was hazy and dark. He was trying to keep himself awake, to play away the pain, to play something so beautiful so that it would reassure him that everything was going to be alright.
His shoulders were swaying to the beat and he played the dynamics like they were the most important thing in the world. Eren was playing Nocturne op. 9 No.2 by the amazing Chopin. Eren was obsessed with that man's music, mainly because it was able to convey many emotions and thoughts in different pieces. Other times they were angry, sometimes relaxing, then sad and sometimes even a mix of everything. At least, that's what Eren thought. He couldn't believe that he refused to play an instrument such as the piano, it was an enchanting thing and he felt like he was in the clouds every time he played it.
He was crying and he couldn't help it. Such grief couldn't be held in because that would be like filling a water balloon with fluid until it popped. Sadness was the water and Eren was the balloon and if he popped, he would die. You can't keep holding it in, you have to let it out and let your emotions flood the place like a giant tsunami. He was drunk and his tears were raining all over the piano keys. He was a cloud, he was the very storm on a gloomy day. His mother said she was going to be okay, saying everything was going to be just fine, but he knew that was a lie. The way she looked was too tragic, she looked broken and she was like a toothpick; she would snap in half if someone were to touch her.
He locked himself in his apartment, but he knew Levi was still waiting outside the door. After visiting his mom, they didn't go out to eat. Eren just ran straight to his place and played on hours end. He's been playing for almost two days straight (excluding washroom breaks) and he felt so damn empty inside. Levi was still softly tapping at the door, telling him to come out because playing for so long wasn't healthy. He was trying to tell him that there was a chance his mom was going to just fine, but Eren knew it wouldn't change anything. She was still sick. She wasn't going to be all healthy and glowing in just one snap of a finger. He knew it wasn't a cold.
He was extremely dizzy and his fingers hurt, they felt like they were going to fall off and he had the most ear splitting head ache he's ever gotten in his entire life. He couldn't breath properly. Eren had insisted that he stay with his mother, but she refused and told him he couldn't because he had to practice. Eren played his chosen song at least a billion times, there was no use for practice. She didn't want him to watch her grow more ill, which was a little thoughtful of her. She was in pain and if he saw that, it would make him hurt and ache and she didn't want him to. Little did she knew that he was in pain because he knew. He was scared of what news he was going to hear and what he wasn't going to hear. He was playing Divertimento in G major, Hob Allegro by Haydn, and the song sounded like some sort of ballroom dance. He played it with such loud dynamics that it didn't even sound like what it was supposed to sound like, it sounded like the very definition of hate.
Even so, he could still hear Levi's pleading voice over the noise he was making. He was hoping his neighbours didn't mind such loud piano music.
"Eren, come on," Levi said, loud enough for him to hear. "Please let me in. Play all the goddamn piano scores you want, but please let me see you. I need to see you."
"I wanna be left alone," he slurred as his head dipped from fatigue. "Leave me beeeeeee."
"I swear I won't stop you from playing. I just want to see if you're okay," Levi told him.
"Trust me, I'm not okay," he mumbled and played even louder.
"Open the door."
Eren groaned and got up anyway to open the door. The music stopped abruptly, like a paused YouTube video. His legs were shaking like jelly as he made his way towards the entrance and weakly unlocked the door and pulled weakly. Levi was waiting outside for him, dressed his his pajama's which consisted of grey, baggy fleece pants and a white t shirt. He looked cool and collected, but his eyes were tired. He really did stay up just to convince Eren to let him in.
"Don't mind me. I won't stop you," he said as he walked in without an invite.
Eren just shrugged and went back to the seat. He had no idea what he was playing now, he just played whatever came to mind and everything felt like he was still alone in the room. Levi was leaning casually against the wall so that he was facing Eren's side and he watched intently as Eren's endless tears continued to flow all over his hands and the poor piano. He couldn't hear anything anymore and that was just fine with him. He was alone with his thoughts now.
He lived terribly away from his mother now and she knew him well herself, so now there was no one around who could possible ask how he felt, or what he was thinking. He could go on lying and lying, and no one would ever have to ask what he was thinking inside that brain of his. No- his heart. His heart was screaming at him, but his mouth wouldn't move. Do something to ease this anxiety. He was pounding at the piano keys now and they were slippery from all the tears that carelessly fell from his sore eyes.
Eren felt something wrap around his waist and his piano playing stopped suddenly and ended with a note sharper than what he intended to play. There was a pair of pale hands snaking their way around him like a seatbelt and hugged him close like he was the only who mattered.
"What are you doing?" he demanded quietly and let his hands drop into his lap.
"Nothing. Just continue playing. I won't be a bother."
Eren made a small 'hmph' sound and did as he was told. He started to play again, the sound of the piano dripping into his ears until it flooded his brain and also through his mouth and nose. He was vomiting out the sound and noise that filled the room to the brim. He felt something else now, something soft but a little cracked was pressed to the nape of his neck.
"What the hell do you want?" Eren asked grumpily.
"Pay attention to me," Levi said and buried his face into Eren's back and nuzzled it.
"You said you weren't going to stop me," Eren accused.
"I'm bothering you, not stopping you. I thought you were smart enough to know the difference between the two," he muttered sharply.
"Well, could you stop bothering me then?"
"No."
Eren grit his teeth and exhaled deeply as he felt Levi's mouth roaming freely. He was sucking and nipping at a few places, which made the younger male hiss with pain and pleasure at once.
"Can you please stop that?"
"Are you saying you choose an instrument over me?"
"At the moment yes," Eren snapped as he tried to push him away weakly.
"Ouch," Levi mumbled as he slid his hands to Eren's face. "I'll make you feel better. Just face me."
"Don't wanna."
Levi sighed and unwrapped his arms around him and walked around so that he was between Eren and the piano now. He carefully sat down on his lap and he was basically straddling him. Eren muffled a laugh when he noticed that the older man's feet were not touching the floor. Levi was cupping Eren's face in his cold hands and leaned towards his ear so he could barely whisper into them.
"Now tell me why you're feeling so sad," he whispered.
"You already know why," Eren murmured back.
"I know that, and it's because Carla is sick, but what makes you so sad about it? You have no idea why she's sick yet. It could be something minor for all we know."
"Yes but, maybe if I were still there I'd be able to nurse her back to health. You see, my dad is always on trips and Mikasa is busy with her work as well. I don't have a job yet, so maybe if I stayed she would wouldn't have looked like that. She looked so... so dead, you know? I'm a little useless, but maybe I'd be able to so something."
"It's not your fault, Eren, and you know that. You really need to stop blaming yourself for things that you can't even change. Nothing's your fault," Levi reassured him and pulled back to look at him again. His brows were furrowed and he was frowning. His face got closer so that he could kiss his tears away.
"I rely on people too much. She brings me here, in my own place and pays so much money, and I can't even be there for her. Who the hell is gonna make her dinner when dad and Kasa are busy working their asses off? Who's gonna help her up when she tumbles and falls because she's growing weak?"
"You need to have more faith in your mother. Yes, she looked sick but she didn't look like she was dying. Don't get so worried until you actually know what's wrong with her, okay? I'm sure she wouldn't want you to cry and worry over her for hours and hours. She's understanding and I'm sure she knows that you're busy finding yourself in this world," Levi explained and kissed away another tear that managed to leak from Eren's breath taking eyes.
Eren realized that Levi was right. He shouldn't cause an emotional tantrum just because he didn't know what was up with his mom yet, but there was still doubt in his heart. He was sure he would have to visit her again to check up on her and see what he could do. He felt a little relieved now that Levi had said what he told him. Eren couldn't help but still feel sad, and Levi noticed this.
"I love you."
"I knowwwwww" Eren dragged his words. "I... I love you too, Mr. Ackerman. A lot. I love you a lot." The teen stretched out his arms as wide as he could. "Like this much. Maybe a little bigger, but my arms aren't long enough to show you."
Levi's mouth twitched into a small smirk and he quietly chuckled as he put his arms around Eren's shoulders and tugged him closer. Eren was still crying and Levi sighed with frustration and make a small 'tsk' sound.
"Could you stop dripping your eye fluids everywhere? I came here to make you feel better and you're still bawling your eyes out. Do I not make you happy?" Levi was speaking in his demanded voice, the voice he used to use when the concert band messed up a bar and he asked them to do it again and again until they were out of breath.
Eren laughed, and a big smile covered his face and seemed to shine brighter than the sun. "You make me happy," Eren told him and kissed his bottom lip. "You should already know that, Levvvviiiiii."
"Then smile even more. If you're gonna cry, you don't have to lock yourself up. I want to see you, I want to see all your emotions play on your face like a movie and I want to be the only who gets to watch. Got that?"
Eren nodded as a another goofy grin spread on his face and started to kiss all over Levi's face. "Soooo demanding." The boy laughed, which almost sounded like a giggle. "I love you a lot. I love Levi. He's my favorite person everrrrrrr."
Levi flinched, not because of pain, but because he knew Eren wasn't always like this. He would pay so much to have Eren drunk just so he could hear those precious three words. They meant a lot to him. Eren was tangling his shaking hands into the black hair and pulled at it so that their noses were touching. He was breathing heavily and Levi could smell his alcohol in his breath.
"I love youuuuu," he drawled and kissed his lips again. His kissing was quite sloppy when he was drunk and he was more relaxed. Their lips were being pushed against each other lazily and Levi didn't try to stop him. He kissed him back of course and parted his lips as an attempt to deepen the kiss. Eren was continuously tugging at his hair, urging him to go on and on until he was dizzy and his lips were bruised. When they pulled away, Eren looked like a complete mess. He was breathing hard because of the lack of air and stared straight into Levi's eyes, but went straight to where he left off. It was a very heated kiss, and the alcohol made it a lot worse.
It reminded Levi of the song Eren listened to the other day; it made him all light and higher than any cloud in the sky. It was all a fantasy, kissing Eren was like the kind of kissing you would find in the books because it would make anyone all giddy and mushy inside. It was all still a dream to him. He wondered how he was so lucky to even love such a person in his life. Maybe he was using his life's supply of luck so that he could meet Eren again. It was a miracle, really, because Levi thought himself as a very undeserving person. Eren's hands were all over the place; one second they were in Levi's hair and the other they were holding Levi's face.
Levi was squeezing Eren's waist and got moans and groans out of the boy. It was like music to his ears. Hell, it sounded so much better than his singing voice. He was muttering Levi's name over and over again like a chant and his lips were very intoxicating. Levi couldn't bring himself to pull away nor push away; the boy was too much. Overwhelming and magical.
Levi didn't say anything and remained silent. He just wanted to bathe in Eren's presence and enjoy being with him. He adored him.
He would choose Eren over music any day.
___
AN: i figured i should update before new years since my last update was horrible, at least in my opinion.
i mean, i wouldn't want my last update of 2015 to be sucky :P
anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! vote and comment if you must and thank you for reading! i wish you a happy new year!
~your best friend takeshi