I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now and talk me down
-Troye Sivan
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Stiles
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It hit me like a truck. All at once, I could feel it. It weighed me down, pulled me lower and lower, tightening in my chest and threatening to rip through my stomach.
That feeling... That horrible, disgusting feeling.
For some reason it hadn't been happening when she was around- it was always when she was gone- when i had snuck out of her house and walked down the road late at night, trying to prevent anyone from seeing me with her as to not let Chase find out about our secret gatherings.
They had been frequent now- and every time I went- I wouldn't want to leave. But after the first night of me sleeping at her house... We couldn't risk anyone finding out. So I go over for some hours and then leave.
Is it the best situation? No. But it's all we had.
I sat on my bed, clenching my teeth. I wanted to go to her house... To hurt her... But part of me knew it wasn't really me. I had to control myself.
I stood up, pacing. I hadn't felt like this in a while, the feeling died down a bit after being with her so much, but it was so bad now that I cringed from the anger.
My head shot over to the window as I watched it slide open, a small figure sliding through and closing the window.
"Wh-what're you doing here? Get out-" I said to Lydia as she walked across the room quickly, closing my bedroom door, locking it.
"I could feel you angry so I came over-" She said. I spun her around, slamming her into the wall.
"That's so stupid, you knew I was angry, why the hell would you come here??? I want to kill you! I could kill you." I screamed into her face. She shook slightly before shaking her head and spoke softly between gritted teeth.
"Because. I knew you were feeling horrible... And I figured you're fine when you're with me... So I came over..." She said, pursing her lips and looking up at my eyes.
I clenched my teeth, trying my hardest not to hurt her.
"You don't want to hurt me Stiles, I know that you don't. You just have to control it..." She said softly, not moving as I held her against the wall. She shook slightly, staring at me.
"How do you know that?...." I ask, inches from her face, glaring at her.
"Because. You're too strong to give in Stiles, you can't hurt me. Just think of how you felt when Malia called me worthless... When you broke a chair because you cared about me so much... You wouldn't have broken that chair if you didn't care about me... You don't want to hurt me." She says.
And I don't. I actually don't. I feel something else, something different. As I watch her, shaking against the wall, nervous, I don't feel strong- I don't feel happy about hurting her... I feel weak. I feel vulnerable and compassionate.
I let go of her and she sighs, sinking slowly down the wall, still shaking.
"I-I'm so sorry I... I'm sorry... You shouldn't have come here- I could have hurt you I could have. I was about to- I could feel it." I say, pacing back and forth. She quickly stands up and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, look at me." She said before placing her hand on my face, forcing me to look down at her.
"You weren't going to hurt me. If I thought you were going to hurt me, I wouldn't have come because you would have never forgiven yourself if you did something to me. I'm fine, I'm here. And you didn't hurt me." She said, smiling softly. She was still shaking slightly, uncontrollably.
But she didn't start shaking when she came in, she was shaking when she climbed through the window.
"Are you sure you're fine?... Cause you're shaking like crazy." I said, my eyebrows knit together. She shook her head swallowing.
"What're you talking about? No, I'm fine." She said, smiling softly. I watched her carefully and noticed her eyes darting to the side quickly for a second before looking back at me.
She was lying.
"Lydia... What happened to you, what happened?" I asked before my eyes darted to her wrists and notices cuts peaking out of the sleeves. I knit my eyebrows together and ignored her soft "Don't." as I pulled her sleeves up.
Purple marks on the inside of her wrists were revealed, marks that were all too familiar. I know that I did that to her. And I would have to talk about that later, because the bigger marks on her arms were even worse and were something not done by me.
Pulling up her sleeve revealed cut marks going all the way up her arms. But not just cut marks, claw marks.
Malia.
"What'd she do?... Did she just go by your house?" I asked. She shook her head and sighed.
"Stiles it's not a big deal can we just forget about-"
"No we can't. What happened Lydia? Did she just do this to you?" I asked her.
She glanced up at me before sighing and looking at the ground.
"No... She came by a few hours ago. I didn't want to call you or go by your house because then she would've found out that I spoke to you. I couldn't risk it. But then I felt that you were hurting so I..." She trailed off and I shook my head.
"What did she say to you Lydia?" I asked. She didn't respond and instead pursed her lips.
I huffed and tilted her head up to meet my gaze.
"What. Did. She. Say." I asked again. She sighed and pursed her lips, not making eye contact with me, looking everywhere but my eyes.
"She... She came in to my house. Told me she was tired of playing games. And I told her that I didn't know what she was talking about. She said that I had to be honest with her and tell her why you didn't want to talk to her anymore. And I told her to screw herself and that I didn't know anything. And then she..." Lydia paused and took in a deep breath before shrugging.
"She came closer to me. Told me she was tired of explaining the situation, and that I was stupid to open my mouth. Because... Because 'my cute little boyfriend' isnt mine anymore and isn't there to protect me when I say something stupid to people that are stronger than me." She said.
I blinked and bit my lip.
"And what did you say back to her Lydia..." I asked, knowing she must have said something bad to her to lead Malia to hurt her.
She sighed.
"I said... 'at least I had him. You had to brainwash him just to like you for a few weeks, and that didn't seem to work out very well for you did it?'"
I shook my head, letting go of her face.
"And then she cut your arms?" I asked. She nodded, and her eyes shifted slightly at the last second. "Yeah." She said.
I let out a humorless breath. "What else did she do?" I asked. Her eyes looked up at me and she knit her eyebrows together.
"She didn't do anything what are you-"
"Oh cut it out Lydia. I can tell when you're lying- what else did she do?" I ask.
She sighs and purses her lips, shaking still before turning her back to me and slowly lifting her shirt. I lift up more of it and see slash marks all the way down the length of her back in a bloody mess.
"Holy... Ugh shit Lydia come on." I said, pulling her into the bathroom with me.
She sighed and shook her head.
"Stiles it's fine just-"
"It's fine?! Yeah okay- you could get an infection and end up killing yourself but no- it's totally fine. It's not like you already left it for two hours." I said, getting out supplies to clean up all the cuts.
"If she ever goes to your house again, you're going to be the most polite person ever. And not sarcastically polite- sincerely polite.If she says something rude to you, you aren't going to respond." I said. Lydia scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Oh please Stiles, I'm not a child, you can't treat me like I'm five-"
"Well if you're going to act like you're 5 I'm gonna treat you that way. You're not going to get your self killed just because you feel like being sarcastic. Trust me- I know sarcastic. But we aren't kids any more Lydia, there's people out there that will kill us if we do something stupid." I say, slowly starting to clean up the mess of her back.
She winces a bit and huffs.
"Stiles you can't just tell me what I can and can't do, you don't control what I say-"
"Yeah but I have to clean up the messes all the time don't I? Whether it be you saying something stupid to Malia and getting yourself hurt, or saying something stupid to Aiden and getting yourself hurt, I always have to clean up the mess." I said.
"And I don't clean up your messes? Yeah right, how about all the times I drove you home when you'd call me drunk at the cemetery? Or the times you'd get in trouble with teachers for stupid sarcastic comments and if have to charm them into letting you out of a mess? I deal with your messes too." She said.
I shook my head.
"Yeah. But I stopped doing things so that you wouldn't have to clean up my messes anymore. I agreed to stop drinking right? And I stopped making sarcastic comments to teachers. That's the difference, you don't want to stop. You're so stubborn that you'll just keep on saying shit to her." I said.
Lydia shook her head, wincing still before sighing.
"I don't want to stop cause she took you Stiles. She took you, and tried to get you to kill me, and made you hate me. She took all I had left." She mumbled.
I stopped for a second and blinked. I was all she had left? I swallowed and sighed, pursing my lips.
"But you have me now Lydia. I'm not gone anymore. So you can't let her take more from you by letting her hurt you. Just please... Do this one thing for me okay? Be polite to her and don't be sarcastic. Please." I said.
She pauses before nodding and letting out a breath. "Okay." She said.
We stayed in silence for the remaining time that I cleaned her up, until I finally finished.
"Okay. Done." I said and she turned before giving me a nod and a soft "thanks." I nodded and put everything away and she smiled slightly.
"I'm gonna go home... I'll see you tomorrow." She said, staring to walk out the door. I turned off the light in the bathroom.
"Chase is at some girls house, and my dad isn't coming home till late tomorrow, though he wouldn't mind seeing you. Just stay over, I know you don't sleep when I'm not there cause I don't sleep either." I said, leaning against the door frame.
She hesitated slightly as she looked at me before glancing at the floor. "Are you sure?... Cause what if she..." She says, pursing her lips.
"If Malia tries to come through the window? She won't. Trust me. I can lock the windows, plus I told her that if she tried to sneak in my room again I'd cut her head off and she wouldn't see the light of day." I said, dead panning at Lydia.
She raised her eyebrows, looking at me with wide eyes before laughing as she realized I was joking. I smiled, laughing softly before shaking my head.
"Seriously though, she won't come in. I won't let her touch you." I said. The corners of Lydia's mouth rose up ever so slightly, an actual genuine smile, not a fake one like the ones I had been seeing lately. She nodded as she pursed her lips. "Okay. Thanks Stiles." She said, smiling still.
We walked into my room and she got under the covers first, wincing slightly at the pain of pressure on her back, but getting over to the left side of the bed as I moved into bed and slowly wrapped my arms around her, her head going to the crook of my neck.
I rubbed my hands softly up and down her arm and thinking.
"I don't feel different." I said. Lydia scrunched her eyebrows together, looking slightly confused as to what I was saying.
"What?" She asked, glancing up at me.
"I don't feel like a separate person anymore Lydia... I know I have my issues and everything but... I feel like the same person. Minus a memory here and there but... I don't feel different." I said.
She didn't speak for s few seconds, staring straight ahead for s few minutes.
"Goodnight Stiles." She mumbled, closing her eyes. I knit my eyebrows together.
"You... You don't think that?... You still think I'm a separate person... Don't you?" I said, confused.
She sighed shaking her head. "Stiles... Do we have to talk about this now?... Can't we just... Talk about this another time?" She said, not looking at me.
I blinked and nodded.
Another time.
Another time.
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AUTHORS NOTE
IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ.
Hey guys so I think this story might soon be coming to an end so I'd like to ask... Would you like a sequel to this story when this is over??
COMMENT IF YOU WOULD LIKE A SEQUEL TO THIS STORY.
I love this story but it seems live I've strung it along in this book for a while.
Also, I have another story like this, and I have a lot of chapters ready to be updated for it. It's called "Strawberry Blonde" so if you like stories like this one, check it out!!!
Thanks
-Sarcastic_Stiles