Words for Mikey: Day 3
Transient: (n.) a person or thing that is transient, especially a temporary guest, boarder, laborer, or the like.
I feel more tired now than I did before I went to sleep. I think it's because I slept on and off waking up so often. It doesn't matter anyways, you're still in a coma and we still don't know if you'll ever be okay again. My mum was on the phone yesterday with a police officer. They were talking about the girl who found you and she showed up today. I want her to leave. What if you wake up and you don't love me anymore but her instead because she saved your life and I couldn't? What if you want to be with her instead? If you woke up I think I could let you go be with her if you wanted. As long as you're alive and happy you know? Or maybe I wouldn't and I'd do bad things and our roles in this situation would be switched. I tried apologizing to her but then I screwed up. And then Ash and Cal got a doctor to let us in for 5 minutes. God Mikey. Please just wake up. I'm not ready to lose you.
I love you,
Luke
Luke was exhausted. Sleeping had done nothing to refresh him and he felt as if he hadn't slept in a thousand years, but it was for Michael so of course he didn't mind.
Luke saw the police officer gently guiding the girl over to where they were seated with red puffy eyes, but his brain was stuck on Michael and nothing connected. Her skin was tan and he noticed she was incredibly short. Or perhaps he was incredibly tall. She dressed in black. Black pants Luke believed to be called leggings, a black shirt that had words he could not be bothered to read and an un-zipped black sweater.
Michael wore all black.
Tears escaped his eyes, but he continued to watch the girl. What was she doing here with a police officer? Her hair which hung in thick waves, was a deep chocolate brown, but he noticed she had highlights the colour of melted caramel.
"Hemmings?" the officer asked in a gruff voice that set Luke on edge.
Both he and Liz went to move, but Luke let his mum lead. He could feel Ashton and Calum moving to follow behind, but they left a few feet of space.
"Liz Hemmings," Liz told him. "And my son, Luke," she motioned to Luke and he half-heartedly wiped his eyes.
The girl didn't look at them. She gazed around the room timidly, she knew if she looked them in the eye she would break down again. These were the people that loved him. She thought. Luke was familiar, she remembers the officer saying he was the boys boyfriend. And Liz sounded right. She wasn't sure of the two behind them.
"This is Ashton, and Calum," Liz said. Each boy raised their hand at their name so the girl could differentiate them.
Luke was beyond confused. He wanted to go back to his chair where he could cry and wait for Michael to get better and wake up.
"Liz, this is the girl I spoke to you on the phone about," the officer began. "The one that found Michael,"
Luke bristled and his reflexes kicked in. Every time a doctor or police man mentioned Michael's name Luke couldn't resist. "Do you know anything?" he blurted. "About, about Michael?" it hurt so unbelievably bad to say his name aloud.
"No," the officer said glumly. "All I know is it doesn't look good,"
Luke had been holding it together for a long time. He hadn't screamed. He hadn't felt anger yet. It was just an overwhelming sadness. But right then he lost it.
"Everyone keeps saying that!" he shouted. "Are you all trying to tell me he's dying? Is that it? Because he isn't! He can't! He can't leave me here! He won't! He said he'd never leave me! Don't say that he's going to! Don't even say his name! You don't know him at all! You don't know how strong and how brave! You don't know anything! You don't know anything," Luke's voice broke and became a faint plea. Why was he shouting? Michael couldn't hear him. That was all he wanted. He wanted Michael to hear him and wake up. F*ck he just wanted to see Michael. He wanted to touch him. But they wouldn't let him in.
Luke sobbed. And it was this sound that finally made the girl look at them.
"I'm sorry," she said.
Luke shook his head. "No you're not," he sobbed. "You aren't sorry. It's f*cking pity and sympathy. Michael hated pity and I don't want yours,"
"Luke, mate. She didn't have anything to do with it," Ashton tried reasoning, but Luke was beyond that point. He felt insane, but he didn't even care.
"Yes she did. Everyone did. If the world wasn't so screwed up, if the people weren't such monsters. If we didn't destroy everything so perfect...that's why he did it. Because everyone made him,"
"Luke enough," Ashton said firmly.
"You guys were there right? When we were in the hallway after his dad had the gun. You heard what he said, what I said. If I had done something differently, something better. If I had shown him how much he meant-"
"Luke please," Calum begged. "I know he told you it wasn't your fault. Don't call him a liar Luke,"
Calum had Luke beat. Luke wouldn't dare to do that and therefore he had to stop blaming himself. Luke was reduced once again to tears.
"Tatiana said she would like to stay here with you if that's alright," the officer said.
Liz agreed immediately. This girl was the only reason Michael even had a chance.
Luke on the other hand couldn't do anything. His legs weren't able to hold him up any longer and he stumbled his way over to the chair he had made his home and collapsed into it. His hands grabbed at Michael's last note to him and he clutched it to his chest settling himself.
Calum's bottom lip trembled but he kept his promise to Michael and did not cry. Ashton was worried about Luke. He wasn't sure how long this would go on for, but for the time being he simply wrapped an arm around a shaky Calum and led the boy to a chair. Liz smiled down at Tatiana and placed a hand on her shoulder before guiding her to a chair beside her own.
Luke reached for his own stack of paper and began writing to Michael for that day. It took him a while to find a word he searched through the dictionaries Ashton and Calum had brought him until he found one that summed up how he had felt all day. And then he talked to Michael through words. Luke wasn't really good with his words, but Michael loved them, so Luke would write for Michael and he prayed that he'd be able to watch the boy read them all.
Luke knew he was in the wrong for snapping at Tatiana earlier. He had an emotional breakdown and he was just angry that someone could do that to Michael. That Michael could do that to himself.
It took him an hour to get around to it, but he knew he had to apologize to her.
"Sorry,"
"What?" Tatiana looked up at Luke with an eyebrow.
Luke hated that she did that. Michael used to do that. "I said sorry,"
"Why?"
Luke deflated. It was the question he didn't want her asking. "For freaking out earlier. It was uncalled for," Luke rubbed his neck and cast his eyes straight ahead looking clear over the girl.
"Your boyfriend is barely alive and you're apologizing to me for breaking down?" Tatiana questioned.
"Habit I picked up from Michael," Luke muttered.
"I should be the one apologizing for what happened,"
Luke scoffed. "You're the only reason he has a shot. You'd be apologizing for keeping him and I alive," Luke realized he slipped up as the words left his mouth only Tatiana was not prepared in anyway to handle them.
"Ashton!" she called.
Luke started crying again and twisted his fingers in his hair. Ashton's arms were there holding him up and Calum's eyes were locked with his, but Luke could not hear the words coming out of either boy. All he wanted was Michael. He couldn't understand why he just couldn't have him.
"Please get me in there," Luke begged. "I just want to see him. Touch him,"
"We'll get you in Luke. Just hang on,"
Luke nodded and let Calum and Ashton lead him over to a doctor who had just left Michael's room.
"Ma'am?" Calum asked, the doctor looked up and pity instantly swarmed in her eyes. "Do you think you could let us in? Just for a few minutes, please. Even just him," Calum gestured to Luke.
She bit her lip and nodded. "You have exactly five minutes," she said hurrying them into the room.
Luke instantly fell to his knees by Michael's bed a sob ripping its way up his throat. His hands enclosed one of Michael's and his head hung low his hair brushing the bed. "I'm sorry," he cried. "I'm so sorry, Mikey. I could have done something if I had only figured it out. I should have figured it out. I told you I loved you, but I couldn't see past your act. Why'd you have to act?"
The doctor came in before Ashton or Calum could talk to Michael's comatose body and Luke left a lingering kiss on the top of Michael's head.
"I'll talk to some people, pull some strings. There isn't any reason for you not to be allowed in, more the fact that he's just not stable right now, but that can be overlooked quite easily," the doctor told them.
Luke struggled with himself. He wasn't sure if seeing Michael had helped him now that he was forced to leave him again. But for the moment he was relatively calm. It really was Michael behind the door and Michael really was alive. So Luke clung to that and tried to ignore the transient girl named Tatiana because she was too nice for him to hate.
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