Please Read: Any readers that have self-harmed before, you may not want to read this. I don't want to stir up any past memories that might not be the best. I have never self-harmed so I'm taking these from past experiences with friends.
Harry- "I don't know mate..." Harry trailed off while talking to Louis in the kitchen of your flat. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but there was something that made you feel uneasy about the way that Harry was talking. "She's just... I mean she's quite pretty but man, Caroline and Taylor were both so stunning. It's like Y/N doesn't even compare.." Harry continued. Harry's words pierced your heart, all you've ever heard him say is that you're all he sees, that you're so gorgeous and that you're flawless. The truth stung, and so did your eyes when tears began to form in them. You knew there was no point in attempting to hold back the tears, you tried to sob silently with your head tucked between your knees. No matter how hard you tried to stay quiet, Harry still heard you. "Y/N..?" He called sounding nervous. You couldn't move, so he came to you. "Y/N.... baby why are you crying?" Harry asked. "Why don't you go ask Taylor or Caroline while you talk about how gorgeous they are and how I'm just okay.' you snapped. "I didn't mean it Y/N !" he said reaching out to hold and comfort you. You rejected his enticing offer and ran to your bedroom slamming the door. You move to your mirror and stare at your reflection. You strip your shirt off and remove your make-up and again stare at your reflection that disgusted you. "He's right..." you mumble "ugly and fat..." you continue "You're just a worthless piece of shit" you tell yourself over and over again. Pinching the 'fat' that lines your stomach. You simply want to disappear, you feel so ashamed to be alive. You never realized that Harry was standing outside the bedroom door listening to your harsh criticisms the entire time. You walk to the bathroom, one thing on your mind; razor. When you close the bathroom door you hear pounding immediately begin to erupt from the bedroom door. "Y/N, STOP! I know what you're thinking. Open the door..... OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Harry began screaming in a panicked voice. But why would he care? He gave you the mindset to do this. Razor in your hand, a silent tear escapes your eyes and rolls down your cheek. You press the blade to your soft skin and effortlessly pull the razor.The blade easily glides through your skin allowing blood to escape. You let out a rather loud whimper of pain, and it was clear that Harry had heard your moan because you heard him burst through the bedroom door. He ran to you and grabbed your bleeding wrist and cleansed it. The cut was deeper than you had expected it to have been and your vision began to blur and soon you blacked out. When you woke up your wrist was bandaged and you were lying in bed. You rose from the comfort of the tangled blankets and pillows and headed downstairs in hopes of scavenging some food. As you walk down the stairway hundreds of notes reading "Gorgeous" "Beautiful" "Stunning" "Amazing" were hung all over the walls. You walk into the kitchen to see a red and puffy-eyed Harry holding a massive amount of roses and a final note that said "Perfect" Your stomach churned and you just wanted to wrap up in his arms. "Harry..." you stutter as tears again blurred your vision. "Never hurt yourself again, you mean too much to me" Harry stated trying to stop crying. "What about Caroline and Taylor.? I thought they were just... stunning.." you replied remembering the truthful words that caused the eventful night. "They are pretty, but they don't even compare to you. You are the most amazing and beautiful girl that I have ever met. I just don't ever want to lose you." he said "I love you baby girl." Harry said "I love you too Styles." You said smirking before embracing Harry with a long and passionate kiss.
Niall- You hadn't eaten in what felt like forever! You're stomach was constantly moaning and growling, begging you for food. Niall was in the kitchen cooking dinner, you walk in to grab a quick snack. "Babe, I'm cooking dinner right now." Niall told you "Don't worry I'll eat both!" you replied smiling and grabbing a banana. "Of course you will" he mumbled not thinking it was loud enough for you to hear him. You drop the banana you were holding and walk to your bedroom. You slide your shirt and pants off to look at your body in just your underwear. You stare at your reflection and you pinch at the microscopic pudge on both of your sides. "Was he trying to say I'm fat?" you thought to yourself . "Shit... he's right, I'm like a whale." You could feel your face get heated and tears stung your eyes. You forced the tears back and slid on your clothes refusing to stare at your reflection any longer than you already did. "He's right, I do eat too much." You walk to your bathroom and create three new scars on your wrist. You clean up the blood and bandage your wrist. You return to your bedroom and sit on the bed watching t.v. What Niall doesn't know can't hurt him right?
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"Y/N! Time to eat!!" Niall yelled "Not hungry!" you yelled back to him. You're stomach groaning at the denial of food. You heard footsteps run all the way to your bedroom. You look up to see Niall holding your banana from earlier. "Y/N, what are you doing.?" "I'm just not hungry" "You haven't eaten anything today and hardly anything yesterday!" Niall walked over to where you were sitting on the bed and wrapped you up in his arms. He looks down and notices the bandages wrapped around your wrist from earlier. You can practically feel his heart breaking for you, and it only makes you cry harder into his chest. He pulls you in closer and wraps his arms around your stomach and you feel the tears pour down your cheeks. "I'm sorry that I'm not skinny enough and that I eat all the time. You deserve someone who looks like a model, not a monster. I already signed up for a gym membership and I'm going tomorrow." You sincerely said in a hushed toned. "Wha-??" "I heard what you said, the 'of course you will'. I'll just workout and starve myself until I look like Eleanor." "Y/N, i didn't mean it like that" Niall began crying knowing that he had caused you to hurt yourself. "You're beautiful and prefect. I would never say something like that and mean it the way that you thought I did. I love my princess too much to hurt her. Ever. Please don't do this to yourself."
Liam- "Did you really just buy that? It's not very flattering is it?" Liam told you as you admired your reflection. His response didn't sink in until about 5 minutes later. You had loved the dress you had tried on and couldn't wait to show him. But his response was awful, it broke your heart to hear him speak in that way towards you. You had never felt so insecure before. Anything that you hated about yourself, even the smallest thing seemed massive now. You walked out of the store and drove home leaving Liam behind. You walk straight to the bathroom and pick up your old friend. Razor. It had been so long since you had done it last. Your parents' divorce emotionally destroyed you, but when you found Liam, he just seemed to make everything okay again. You just needed a release, and you knew this would solve it. You mutter to yourself "I hate my nose, I hate my eyes, My stomach is too big, and those damn thunder thighs, my lips are too small, my ears are too big...." each time you thought of something new that you were self-conscious about you added a new-to-be-formed-scar on your wrist, but you began to feel light headed and knew you were going to pass out. 18 cuts. 18 scars. 18 painful judgements on yourself. You woke to find that you were okay. That Liam had come home and seen you in your most vulnerable state, he had helped you. Your heart hurt remembering that he hated knowing that you used to self-harm and that he had to come home and find your bloody mess. You wanted to curl up in his warm arms and apologize over and over again. But then you remembered that you felt so insecure yesterday because he made an arrogant comment about you. You were mad. Frustrated. Wanted to scream. How could your own boyfriend tell you that 'it's not flattering' especially when you have the confidence of a flea! You march downstairs looking for Liam when you pull a trip wire. A video began to play on the television. You walk over and sit in front of the screen on your large sofa. "I don't want to bury my girlfriend" the title flew across the screen in big curly-lettering. "I love you, and I never meant to make you feel insecure yesterday babe. You are gorgeous and I simply meant that the dress was ugly, no one could pull it off, you are too good to be wearing a dress like that. So if you're still mad I understand..*Liam began crying at this point in the video* but- but I want you to know that when you hurt yourself, it absolutely destroys me. I came home to find you passed out, dry tears staining your cheeks, and lying in a pool of blood that was constantly pouring from the 18 cuts that you made. I love you, everything about you, but 18 cuts means you felt soo bad about 18 things about yourself. I could tell you thousands of things that I love about you. I just wish you saw what I did. So babe could you do me a favor and turn around, I have something to show you." The video clicked off, and you did as instructed. When you turned around you saw Liam standing with a giant teddy bear wearing eighteen small bandages around it's arm and another bear that look sad but was holding the first bear. "This is us. and I never want to end up like this again. I love you beautiful." Liam said to you handing you the teddy bears. You move them aside and kiss Liam passionately to say thank you. "I love you so much Liam."
Zayn- You two were eating at a really nice restaurant. You were wearing a stunning red dress and Zayn was wearing a suit. You loved getting dressed up because you knew you had a slim enough body to pull it off. When the waiter came around to your table Zayn ordered first, when it was your turn, you ordered an 8 oz. steak with a side of vegetables. "An 8 oz.? That's a lot don't you think.? Maybe just a 6 oz.?" Zayn said almost immediately after you ordered. You could feel your face flush red. Your boyfriend practically called you fat. Wow, that stung just a bit. "Actually, I have just lost my appetite, excuse me." You stand and walk out of the restaurant with tears pouring down your face. You walk to the car and start the engine. You sit for a second and calm yourself down. "Zayn thinks I'm fat, I know I'm ugly, no point in me being here is there?" You think to yourself. You would have purposely gotten in a car accident if it had been your own vehicle and not Zayn's car. When you arrive at home you walk to your room and grab the only thing you can think of. Your razor. You can't find it though. You have to release, have to do it. A knife is too big of a scene. Then you remembered the broken window. "Perfect." You say outloud. You walk to the shattered glass in the front room of your flat. You pick up a small shard of glass from the floor and carry it to your room. You raise it to your wrist and make three new cuts. It was just enough release for you. You sit there and watch the blood pour out of your wrist. "Y/N!! Where are you!!" You almost panic because you don't want Zayn to see you like this. You rush to clean up the mess you had made, but you didn't move fast enough. Zayn stood behind you staring in almost fear but mostly disbelief at what he saw. You turn around to see his eyes begin to fill with tears. "I just needed a release.." you begin, but are overwhelmed and begin crying yourself. "Why did you do this to yourself.?" Zayn questions. "Maybe because my boyfriend called me fat in front of our waiter." you respond quickly and sharply. "What are you talking about? Zayn responded. "The steak.?" "Noo Y/N!!! No that's not what I meant baby!! The last time you ate that much meat your stomach was killing you for like a week straight. I just didn't want to see you in pain anymore. I didn't know that's what you thought I meant. I never would have left you alone..." Zayn was crying really hard now, and it broke your heart to watch the boy you loved so much to be in pain because of something you did. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, Zayn." "I love you too baby girl, just promise you will never do this to yourself again." "promise."
Louis- You had just spent the last hour and a half getting ready to go to an awards show with Louis and the other boys. You are very self-conscious so when you looked in the mirror and felt beautiful and confident it was a completely new feeling. you walk down stairs careful not to trip in your high heels. You see Louis dressed really nice and you began to feel a little less confident. there was no way you could even compete with him and you knew that so you were a little cautious when in public with Louis. "Ready to go? You look...(Louis looked up at you for the first time of the night)... different." Louis said . Your heart sunk, you're confidence is lower than it ever was. Did you really look that bad? Wow. Not going out tonight. "Y/N, come on we need to go." "I don't think I'm going." You responded. "What? Why.?" "Nothing, never mind its whatever. Actually I'll go, just let me grab something real quick." You walk to the bathroom grab your razor and slip in your purse. You need to do it now but you have to leave. Even though Louis had made that comment that tore you to pieces.. you still wanted to be there to support him. When you arrive at the show you immediately avoid walking the carpet with everyone. You dart for the restroom and take care of what you needed to take care of. Only two new scars, you clean it up and walk back out to join Louis and the rest of the boys. Louis reaches for your hand and by accident grabbed your wrist. You pull your arm back and wince in pain. He had accidentally ripped open the new scabs. Your wrists began bleeding again. You hoped that Louis hadn't noticed, but he did. He pulls his hand back and stares at his hand. Its covered in blood. Your blood. He takes your hand and leads you out of the venue. He hugs you and tells you that he will help you through everything. "I love you more than life." "I love you too." you responded
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