{edited/rewritten}
thought we were going strong,
thought we were holding on, aren't we?
___
I felt out of place standing next to a bunch of young teenagers. The training classes I'm attending are meant for the newly shifted wolves. With me shifting so late in life, I feel a little odd being in a class with girls that are so much younger than me.
Chance and Ryan were currently showing us some new self defense techniques to practice. I wasn't really paying attention. I sometimes get bored when things I already know are being taught to me again. I would occasionally see Chance lift his leg and hit the dummy in the face or get low and pretend to avoid a punch. I was too busy staring at his body to be paying attention to what he was teaching. I have the right to stare at his body since I am stuck with him forever, right?
"Alright, class, let's do some sparring. Pair up with the person on your right. Ryan and I will come around and assist you if needed. We'll show you how to stand correctly and what to do when the other person is coming at you. Remember, this is just for practice. We aren't truly trying to hurt our partners. This is all for learning."
Chance told everyone to begin pairing up and I turned slowly to my partner. She was a short girl with long black hair, great to pull on during a battle. "Hi, I'm Bailey."
She bowed her head at me. "Hello, Luna. I'm Grace. I promise not to hurt you."
I smirked. Grace was clearly nervous and it probably didn't make it any better for her that she was paired up with me. "I'm not the Luna so you can just call me Bailey. You don't have to take it easy on me or be nervous. Just picture me as any other member here wanting to learn to protect themselves. I want this to be fair."
Grace finally made eye contact with me. It was beginning to get annoying when the other members of the pack won't make eye contact with me. "You're not the Luna?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Sort of, but not officially. Just pretend I'm another average wolf in the pack. No formalities needed."
"I'm not really good at this stuff. My mom's making me take these classes as a precaution. I don't really want to fight anyone but my mom thinks that everyone needs to learn self defense or at least the basics."
I smiled, remembering how I used to be when I first started taking self defense classes a few years ago. "How about we skip what the Alpha says and I show you a few things? I took self defense classes for a couple of years and I know a few things. Come closer to me and position your body like this."
***
Four hours had passed and my arms were aching. My legs felt like they were going to fall off. I don't know how I'm going to walk back home. Sweat was dripping off of my body in ever place imaginable and all I wanted to do was take a nice cold shower. I also wanted to stuff my face wth bunch of food after working off so many calories this morning.
Chance thankfully ordered everyone to stop. "Alright everyone this was a great class. You all did a great job. This is the end of the class and as always, I pick someone to spar me at the end. This person is picked by how good their performance was during the class and how well they did. So, Bailey, please join me up here."
People were whispering around me and Grace gave me a thumbs up. I walked up to the front of the room and stood beside Chance. Ryan looked at us and sighed. "Alpha, you know the rules. Bailey, the rule is to pin your opponent to the ground. Whoever pins the other first will win."
I smiled and looked at Chance. "Don't go easy on me, big guy."
Chance gave me a wolfish grin. "Oh, little peach, I wasn't."
Ryan counted down and shouted at us to begin. I went into my sparring stance and stared at Chance, never breaking eye contact with him. I watched his movements closely and already could tell when he was going to throw a punch. I had been watching him fight all day and picked up on some little things that he did. His right leg muscle twitched a tiny bit and I jumped back, avoiding the punch he threw at me. I noticed that his right left muscle twitches before he throws a punch. He also furrows his eyebrows when he begins to lift a leg to kick out.
"Your moves are sloppy." I said, circling around Chance.
Chance narrowed his eyes at me and I smirked. We circled one another a few more times and then I brought my leg up and kicked Chance in the chest. He jerked back quickly and let out a sharp breath. It was probably going to leave a bruise or at least I hope it does. Chance growled at me and some of the other wolves snickered quietly behind us.
"Oh, so we're playing dirty?" Chance asked
I grinned. "Who ever said I was going to play nice?"
Chance growled again and lunged at me. I jumped back, not expecting him to do that. He landed a punch to my jaw and I winced, moving my jaw and feeling the pain. I felt my wolf getting anxious. I let her come to the surface and take control, which was a big mistake. I felt myself get stronger as she began attacking Chance. Chance fell back on the mat and I felt myself punching his face repeatedly. I didn't have control of my actions. I tried taking control of my body back but my wolf wasn't letting me. I kept kicking and punching Chance until his arms lay flat against his sides and he tapped out. My wolf was hungry for some blood, even if that meant hurting her own mate. I kept punching Chance even after he had tapped out. I wanted this to stop but I officially lost control.
I felt hands grabbing at me and I turned around to see Ryan with a worried look on his face. I could see how my claws had come out and my eyes were most likely bright yellow. Ryan wrapped his arms around me to stop me from hurting him or Chance. I tried breaking free, but my wolf knew this was for the best. "Stop, Luna. He tapped out which means you won."
I growled loudly and felt myself gain control of my body again. I looked down at the ground and saw a bloody Chance laying on the floor with his eyes shut. I looked up and saw all of the young wolves staring at me with fear in their eyes. I sagged in Ryan's arms and then I did something I hadn't done in a long time; I cried.
***
"What happened back there?" Ryan asked me.
We were sitting in Chance's office. The pack doctor came and took a look at Chance. Already, Chance's body was beginning to heal as his wolf took over. "I don't know. I just wanted to win and then I let my wolf take control. I only wanted her to rise to the surface a tiny bit. I just wanted some extra strength to go up against Chance. Once I let her out, she took more control than I wanted and she wouldn't stop. I couldn't regain control of my own body. I don't know why she was so violent to her own mate. She's not talking to me right now because I think she's ashamed. I felt Chance give up long before he even tapped but I couldn't stop myself from hitting him. I just kept hurting him. Why didn't he stop me himself? He could've knocked me out in one punch if he let his wolf take over."
I felt so bad for Chance. Despite all of our issues and differences I never wanted to hurt him like that. I felt ashamed, Ryan gave me a sideways hug. "You need to be more careful, Bailey. I know your father very well. I'm not sure if he's told you this but e's on a special medication that helps him control his wolf. He once lost control once and almost killed his own father. I don't know if he's told you that but you should talk to him about this. Maybe this runs in your family or maybe you need the medication too to keep your wolf at bay. You and Chance are a team. You let your wolf take control and if you can't get control back from her, you'll be gone forever and the wolf side of you will be dominant. You'll be stuck in your wolf form forever. That is how some rouges are made. You need to learn control, Bailey, or next time you're going to kill him or someone else."
"Is Chance going to be okay?" I asked. I was beginning to feel anxious.
Ryan nodded. "He'll be fine, don't worry."
"Where is he anyway?"
Ryan pointed upstairs. "In his room. He's awake but I figured he needed to come to terms that he got beat up by his own mate. I mind linked him and he wants you to come up."
I thanked Ryan and began walking upstairs. There were three floors in this house and the entire top floor was his bedroom. I've actually never been up here before. When I got to the door, I felt the pain he was in. I know Chance and I aren't fully mated but I could still feel what he was feeling, especially when those feelings were at their strongest.
I opened Chance's door and winced when I saw his black eye. "Hi."
"Hello."
I stayed a little far away from his bed. I was scared to come over and hurt him again. I felt tears prickling in the corner of my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Chance. I lost control of my wolf and I'm not used to this and I know that's not an excuse but I'm really really sorry and I swe-"
Chance cut me off and smiled. "It's okay, I promise. No matter how bad I want to be mad at you, I can't. You're my mate and my wolf says we should forgive you and so we do. However, I think we need to discuss how powerful your wolf really is but we can leave that for another day."
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I walked closer to Chance's bed and sat down on the edge. "I'm still really sorry."
Chance let out a small, shaky laugh. "Well, at least I know now that you can protect yourself. By the way, where did you learn to fight like that?"
I looked down at my hands. "I took self-defense classes all throughout high school."
Chance furrowed his eyebrows. "And why would you need to take classes like that?"
I stood up from the bed once Chance began to sit up. "My mom just thought it would be a good idea since we lived in a bad neighborhood."
Chance growled. "Stop lying to me!"
I frowned. If he can yell at me then clearly he's feeling much better already. Looks like Grumpy Chance is back. "I'm not lying."
Chance 's eyes flashed yellow. "Yes, you are! I can hear your heart beating faster. Why are you lying to me? I'm your mate."
I walked closer to the door, trying to escape. "I'm not lying. Believe what you want. You're not my mate fully so please stop saying that."
Before Chance could say anything else, I pulled his bedroom door open and stormed out of his room, down the steps and out the back door. I jumped midair and shifted into my wolf. She was sad knowing that I lied to Chance. She let out one, long, howl and then we ran.
***
When the sun was finally setting and the moon was beginning to rise, I decided I should go back. Before I even made it far from where I was sitting, I smelled something that I hadn't smelled in a very long time: my grandma's sugar cookies. I got really excited and was happy to be back in a familiar place. I followed the scent to my grandparent's house and was greeted by my dogs, Lucky and Lucy as well as Rusty. Lucy barked and didn't stop until my grandpa came outside.
"What is it Lucy? Oh my, is that you, Bailey?"
I nodded my head and a smile appeared on my grandpa's face. He went running back into the house and then came back out with my mom, who had sweatpants and a hoodie for me to change into. I went behind a tree and shifted, quickly putting the clothes on. I inhaled the scent of my clothes, missing the familiarity of it all. I ran up to my parents and hugged them, breathing in their scent as well. "I missed you guys so much."
My mom had unshed tears lingering in her eyes. "We missed you more, Bails. The Alpha won't let us come and see you. We kept sending in requests to visit the pack house but they kept coming back denied."
I frowned. Why would Chance do that to me and my family? "What? He told me you guys didn't want to come and visit."
My dad furrowed his eyebrows. "That's not true. The four of us have missed you so much."
I smiled, not wanting Chance to ruin this moment with my family. I quickly changed the subject. "So, I shifted."
My dad beamed with pride. "You're the same color as me, Bails."
I smiled and then followed everyone inside. I sat down at the kitchen table, stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. "Chance is such an asshole."
My grandma scolded me for my language. I grabbed another cookie. "He is just so possessive and controlling and you guys know me, I like to do stuff on my own. I like to be my own person. I tried running away to London to Carter's sister's place and he caught me on the plane. He ended up going to London with me and we stayed with a friend. I shifted for the first time over there. Everyone keeps calling me Luna and I hate it because I'm not their Luna. I just want my old life back."
My mom sat down next to me. "He's an Alpha, sweetie. They're always going to be possessive. You guys barely know each other but once you do, you'll realize how great and special he is. Just wait it out a couple more weeks. You don't officially become Luna until you're marked and initiated into the pack so you still have some time to take everything in."
My grandpa gave me a glass of milk seeing as I'm on my fourth cookie already. "Does he know you're here?"
"No but I didn't run away this time. I went for a run because we had gotten into another fight and then I smelled the cookies and my wolf brought me here."
My dad stole my glass of milk and drank the whole thing. I laughed, missing this stuff with them. "What was your fight about?"
"We came in contact with some rouges and he thought I couldn't defend myself but I can, just not in wolf form. I asked to go to a training session and he let me. We sparred with some people and then I ended up sparring him in the end. I beat him and I pinned him but I had let my wolf take control and I lost all control of her and myself. I kept hitting him until he passed out. The Beta ended up restraining me. Later Chance asked me why I took self defense classes after we had made up and I lied. He picked up on me lying and so I didn't want to deal with him anymore and I left to go on a run and be by myself for a bit."
My grandma frowned. "You have the temper of your father. He could never control his wolf. Your father was on medication to suppress his wolf until he learned how to control his wolf. It took many years but your father and his wolf are alright now. We can look into getting you the same medication and I can teach you some breathing techniques and other ways to calm your wolf when things begin to get out of hand."
"Thanks, Grandma."
She smiled. "Now, let's not change the subject too much. Why didn't you tell him the real reason why you took self-defense classes?"
" I'm going to be twenty tomorrow and I just wanted to forget about those years of my life. I don't want to remember him and everything he did to me. I lied so I wouldn't have to talk about it anymore."
"I think it's time you told him."
My grandma looked up and when I turned around, Chance was standing at the door. His hands were clenched to his sides and his eyes were bright yellow. "So, you did lie to me and you ran away again!"
I laughed. "If I ran away, why would I stay on pack territory? I would have gone far away from here if I was running from you."
My grandpa shook his head. "Bails, you need to stop provoking him."
This time, I felt my anger growing. "He needs to stop being so damn controlling!"
My mom let out a little chuckle. "The two of you are so alike, no wonder the goddess mated you two together."
I growled. "I hate you!" I screamed at Chance.
"Good! I hate you too! You're so annoying and you never listen to a goddamn thing I say. I would reject you right here but I need you for the pack. I'm only with you for my wolf! I don't care about you, Baily. Now suck it up and let's go home because it's time we discuss what you're hiding from me."
I backed up, suddenly feeling small. "This is my home! Stop acting like that stupid fucking place is my home. I'm not happy there! I'm not happy with you and I wish we never fucking met!"
Chance growled loud this time, making my family step back from us. "You're such a fucking brat."
"The only way I can go back with you is if they come back with me too or are allowed to visit me whenever they please and vice versa. You lied to me too so it looks like we're both keeping secrets."
Chance growled again and I growled back, getting annoyed with all of this growling. Stop growling at me!"
Chance grabbed my wrist and I had a flashback to my ex-boyfriend. I felt my wolf come to the surface, wanting to protect me. I grabbed onto Chance's wrist and flipped him over, pinning him to the ground. "Touch me again and I kill you."
I got up from the ground and looked at my mom who looked worried. "What?"
"You're still afraid, even when you told me you weren't anymore. You're still scared he'll come back. You need to tell Chance, honey."
I let out a frustrated sigh "What do you want me to tell him? Tell him that I was fucking abused and raped for four years? That I trusted someone and they took advantage of me? Are you happy? I told him."
With one last glance at Chance and my family, I stalked up the stairs and went into my room, slamming the door behind me.
The biggest secret I've been holding in for so long, is finally out
___
LET'S TALK ABOUT ONE DIRECTION AND JUSTIN BIEBER'S NEW ALBUMS HOLY SHIT.
Song: History by One Direction (because that song and music video make me cry every time)