"I can't believe we just signed with Hollywood records!" Rocky exclaimed. We were in the backyard, having a celebratory barbecue. R5 just had a meeting with Hollywood Records. Hollywood Records wanted R5 to be their, and I quote, "hot, new artists." Of course they all said yes. This is their big break and I just can't believe they've come this far. I'm so proud!
Then my mind wanders. I think about how they're going to make such a big impact on people's lives. And where will I be? I'm not even brave enough to play my violin in front of my family, let alone a huge stadium, which is where R5 will play one day.
"I'm gonna tweet the fans about this!" Rydel said. "I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom," I said as I put my plate down. As I made my way to the restroom, I thought about how useless I am, how I'll do nothing for the world. I felt the tears run down my cheeks. I can't be sad now, this is such a happy day, I thought. Yet I still couldn't let go of how I couldn't do anything right, how everything just seemed hopeless for me.
I made it to the bathroom and locked the door. I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the many scars on my arms. "I should stop," I said to myself. But why couldn't I? Why do I feel like I deserve this?
I opened a drawer and grabbed the small pocket knife that was hidden in the back. I watched intently as the blade sliced my skin. I watched as the blood dripped down my arm and onto the floor. I cut at pre-existing scars. I cut at scarless skin.
After I was satisfied, I washed out my cuts, cleaned the floor, and walked out. When I made it back to the backyard, everyone was staring at me with faces of shock and disbelief. "What?" I asked. "This," Rydel said, holding her phone out to me, "Why, Rei?" She had tears in her eyes and when they slipped down her cheeks, she made no move to wipe them away. As I scrolled through her Twitter account, I realized why they were all so shocked. They all said the same thing.
"IS REI OKAY?"
"Why does Rei cut?"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO REI?"
"What'd you guys do to Rei?!"
"Is Rei cutting?!"
"Since when does Rei cut?!"
"Did you guys know Rei cuts?"
I looked up. They were all looking at me expectantly. "I-I..." I started, "There's no proof of this." "Rei, let us see you arms," Rocky said. "No," I said. I looked at everyone. Rydel was clinging onto Mama, they were both in tears. Riker was looking at me expectantly. Ross and Ratliff looked shocked. Rocky and Daddy both looked disappointed. I rolled up my sleeves and showed them my scars. I broke into tears and ran.
"Rei, wait!" I heard Riker yell. I didn't listen. I grabbed my skateboard and ran out the door. I kept boarding until I knew I was away from them.