Idiot: You're a chicken
Me: Yes, that's why I go 'fcOff fc fc fcOff'
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Teacher: Tell your class why you are 15 minutes late.
Me: Someone Told me to go to Hell.
Me: Couldn't find it at first.
Me: Now I'm here
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READ THIS OUT LOUD
This is This cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is an cat
This is idiot cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is second cat
NOW READ THE THIRD WORD IN ALL THE SENTENCES
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Twinkle Twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven't f*cked
Was he skinny, was he tall
Nevermind you did them all
Twinkle Twinkle little b*tch
Close your legs it smells like fish
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: I'm late?
Teacher: You missed an entire period.
Student: Are you telling me I'm pregnant?
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Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
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Teacher: Why did you not study?
Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
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So I go to McDonalds to get a drink when I see this fat girl bullying a mentally disabled kid. So I walk up to her.
Me: You know that can happen to any of us, right?
Girl: Well God gave me a mouth to speak with so I'm going to use it
Me: Yeah? Well God gave you a mouth to eat too, but you abused that privilege, didnt ya?
Girl: -Speechless-
Me: Wipe that ketchup off your chin, too.
Girl: -Wipes chin-
Me: No, your other chin.
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Teacher: "Do you want to share that with the class?"
Me: "No that's why I whispered it."