Katniss POV- (About noon, January 23rd)
(On the phone)
"Hello?" I say nonchalantly.
"Is this Katniss Everdeen?"
"Yes." I say, my heart sinking.
"Are you or your mother available to come into the station today?"
"My mother is no longer in District Twelve. May I ask what this is all about?" I ask softly.
"We are reopening Primrose Everdeen's murder case. You are her sister, correct?"
"Yes." I mumble, my throat dry and choked.
Murder?
Prim wasn't murdered. We were told it was an accident. Sure, it was a hit and run but they never made it seem like more than some random occurrence and they never found who did it.
"I need you come down to the station immediately." He says.
I hang up and walk into the living room where Peeta is chasing Willow around.
"I'm gonna get you!" He says and chases her as she squeals and runs as fast as her little legs can take her.
She's got the walking thing down to a T.
"Peeta..." I choke out, hating to ruin their fun.
He turns and immediately knows something is wrong. He comes to his feet, "What's going on?" He asks.
I take a deep breath, "It's about Prim. The police called and I need to go talk to them." I stumble to get the words to come out of my mouth.
His expression falls flat, "Would you like me to go with you?"
"Yes, please." I say, feeling totally sick to myself.
When I was finally feeling content and happy again, they call me up after two years and rock my world again.
He comes over and grips my shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze, "Whatever happens, we will get through it." He assures me.
I nod my head, "I'm going to call Finnick to take Willow."
"We can drop her off on the way." Peeta says, rushing to get her diaper bag and pack some stuff she may need for the next few hours.
I find her trying to head into the downstairs bathroom but I stop her.
"Come here, baby girl." I say, scooping her up off the ground.
She looks carefree until she sees my expression and again, even for such a young thing, she knows exactly when something isn't right.
I put her in her carrier and Peeta and I head out.
We drop her off with Finnick and Annie and head to the station.
"Did they say what it was about?" Peeta asks on the way there.
I sigh, "They said that they needed to talk to me and my mom as soon as possible to discuss Prim's murder?" I say it as if I'm questioning it myself.
Which I am.
"Prim wasn't murdered. Or at least I never heard them even mention the possibility." He says, rambling on.
"Yeah. I know that, Peeta. I'm not sure what he was talking about. He said they were reopening the case. I thought they settled it all but I didn't know it was a murder case."
He frowns, "I mean technically, whether they did it intentionally or not, she was murdered."
He's right but just the way that it all sounds now, makes it sound much worse than it was. It makes me wish I would've been there to protect her better. There's got to have been something I could've done to stop it.
"Yeah." I say, staring out the window.
Peeta pauses and then takes a deep breath, "We need to tell your mother. Or at least give them a way to get ahold of her so they can tell her."
"No." I'm quick to say.
"Okay." He says.
"Then she would just come down here and I don't want her here. It would only cause more issues and she doesn't deserve to be around us." I say bitterly.
My mother chose to leave and to have absolutely nothing to do with me or her granddaughter.
Of course I'm going to be bitter about it.
"Okay, but you don't think she deserves some closure?"
"I'll let you call her if you promise not to give her any closure when it's me." I shoot a bit harshly, the words just rushing from my mouth.
His eyes narrow at me, "Katniss, stop." Peeta scolds me.
"I'm sorry, I'm just still so angry at her."
"I know, so am I but I still think she deserves to at least be aware. I bet she wouldn't make the trip anyways, there's no reason to. Surely, whatever they have to say they could tell her over the phone." Peeta suggests.
"You're probably right." I mumble.
When we arrive, I start to feel that need to puke again but Peeta takes my hand and it immediately helps calm me.
Right before we walk through the door Peeta pulls me into an embrace, "It's going to be okay. I promise you." He mumbles into my ear and kisses my cheek.
I nod my head and we walk in together.
"Miss Everdeen?" A man at a desk asks.
"Um, yes. But technically it's Mellark now." I mumble.
"Well, yes. Sorry about that. Are you Mr. Mellark?" He asks Peeta.
Peeta nods.
"Have a seat." He instructs us and we sit down.
Peeta takes my hand and rubs little circles into the back of it.
"I just want to again give my condolences to you about your sister. This has been a tough case but I have been doing everything in my power to get any kind of evidence I could so that we could find the monster that did this." He starts.
"Your sister's death was suspicious to me the second I got to the scene, mainly because it occurred in broad daylight. Things like this can easily happen and night, but there was no reason for it to happen during the day. I've done more digging and I've been led to believe that the death of Primrose Everdeen was no accident, it was a purposeful act. A murder." He explains.
I look at Peeta and his face is expressionless.
I don't know what to say so I don't say anything
"We were told it was an accident and the case was closed. Why was it opened back up besides your suspicions?" Peeta asks after a second.
"Katniss, your mother requested that it be opened back up about a year ago after seeing reports of other hit and runs occurring across Panem in broad daylight. She claimed to believe that her daughter's death was not an accident, but a murder by a possible serial killer that attacks random pedestrians."
My heart shatters more.
Other families had to experience this same tragic event that devastated us.
I bury my head into Peeta's arm, trying not to burst into tears.
"With further investigation of your sister's case and others, we connected some dots."
"Why would anyone purposefully kill an innocent child?" Peeta says, sounding angry. I can hear his heartbeat racing.
"I can't say. We've arrested him. We've done multiple evaluations and screenings and discovered that this man is a serious addict of multiple substances that effect the brain in terrifying ways. These substances are known to trigger psychological disorders that are found in the minds of natural born serial killers."
I sigh deeply.
"How did you guys hunt him down anyways?"
"Honestly, Mrs. Mellark, he just sort of showed up and confessed to every single hit and run. He admitted he abused substances and needed help. He's been very remorseful so we also aren't so sure it's not just a ploy to get him an easier sentence or be pardoned."
I bring my head up, "He doesn't deserve to ever be out on the streets again."
"I can assure you that he will never be released, no matter how much remorse or good behavior he brings on. No jury will ever allow him to leave and I will do everything in my power to make sure it never happens. Those families, your family deserves justice and peace of mind." The man promises us.
I turn to Peeta, "The letters. Do you think they had anything to do with any of this?"
"Ma'am?" The man asks towards me.
I sigh, "My sister wrote us all these letters saying how she knew that something bad was going to happen to one of us, but it was her. We didn't find them until a year or so after her death. I highly doubt this was anything more than a coincidence on her part." I mumble to him.
"There's no way, Katniss. What happened to Prim wasn't deeper than an addict making bad choices."
"That must purely be coincidence, Mrs. Mellark."
"Yes, there is no way that it is more than that." I tell them truthfully.
It was no more than a tragic, truthful hunch that Prim had.
Sometimes, I just wish it was me or hell, even my mom. She doesn't enjoy life anyways. Not really at least, not since my father died.
"Well, I'm sorry to reopen these wounds. I'm sure it's still very hard and it's even been upsetting for me and the investigators. We are having trouble contacting your mother though?"
"I don't speak to her but Peeta will give you her phone number." I volunteer him.
The man sighs and nods as Peeta writes down my mother's phone number on a notepad.
"One thing I left out. The assailant has the possibility of being charged with capital murder. He will receive the death penalty at the families' discretion."
I nod my head, feeling satisfied with that.
"Also, he's requested to personally apologize to the family of Primrose Everdeen. If you would like to, you may have a few moments but if not, you are free to go until decisions are to be made."
I glance at Peeta, "I want to see him." I mumble, not even giving him a chance to talk me out of it.
Peeta's eyes widen but he doesn't object.
So, they take us back to a visitation area and they bring him out. Lucky for him, the only thing separating me from my sister's killer is a sheet of glass.
The second I lay eyes on him, my head starts to spin.
I turn to Peeta, "I can't do this. I can't do this." I say grabbing Peeta's hands and trying to flee but it's too late.
He's already spotted me and I want a chance to glare into his eyes and let him know that no matter how sorry he is, I could never forgive him for killing my baby sister.
"Katniss. You don't have to do this." Peeta repeats to me, holding my arms down to my sides.
I feel tears threatening to spill but I hold them in, he will not see me cry.
After a few seconds, I get the nerve and march over to the glass. My eyes burning holes into this stranger.
I pick up the telephone that links me to this man's ears.
Peeta stands behind me, his strong hands gripping my shoulders as I can see him in the reflection burning holes into him too.
"You sorry son of a bitch..." I mumble into the phone as I stare this man dead in the eyes, wanting him to fear me but I'm sure I'm nothing more than a stupid girl to him. If he doesn't fear me, I hope he at least fears Peeta because at this point, he may be angrier than I am.
"Ma'am, please listen to what I have to say." He says in a raspy voice.
I take a deep breath and hold it.
"I am very sorry about what I did to your sister."
The second he says it, my eyes fall to the table in front of me, not having the guts to even look at him anymore.
"I made so many mistakes in my life and I just want to apologize-"
Then with those words, I get the fire in my eyes and it flows through my veins again.
"Your apology means nothing to me. It doesn't bring her back." I cut him off.
"No ma'am. I just thought I would tell you how deeply sorry I am-"
I swallow hard, "I don't care if you're sorry or not. You're a stranger and all because you couldn't get your shit together, my sister is dead and so are other people's family members." I start, having to hold myself back from lunging at the glass.
I feel Peeta shift uncomfortably behind me and I am reminded of all the things Prim's death caused, besides losing my sister, it was a domino effect of pain.
"You destroyed me. You're the reason my mother abandoned me again. You are the reason my husband and I almost called it quits because it almost destroyed our relationship. You're the reason that my eleven month old daughter doesn't have her aunt!" I scream, my words growing louder and more frustrated by the second.
I stand up now, staring him dead in the face as he looks down and back up several times, maybe a little intimidated by me.
Ha ha, a killer, intimidated by me?
Good.
"Katniss." Peeta mumbles, trying to get me to back up and calm down but I pull his hand away.
"Let go, Peeta." I snap at him.
"You're the reason that my little sister is dead!" I scream, attacking the glass, causing the man to jolt back. I bang my fist against it, hoping it'll break and I can reach him.
Peeta pulls me back by the waist, along with an officer or two grabbing ahold of my arms.
"Ma'am, please calm down." One says.
Peeta tries stopping his words, but fails.
"Don't tell me to calm down! I've been calm the last two years and now I'm staring at my sister's killer!" I scream at the officer through gritted teeth and try to get out of Peeta's arms. His arms wrap tightly around my waist as he pulls me back again, further away from the glass.
"Katniss, please stop." He mumbles into my ear as I scream fowl things at the man on the other side of the window.
He just sits there, slowly lowering the telephone from his ear, watching me fight.
Eventually, I quit fighting.
Peeta's too strong, it takes all of my energy to fight back but I need that energy to cry now. I fall limp to the ground and begin to sob. Peeta talks to me and tries getting me up but I just can't.
I can't deal with this.
I should have never come in here but I had to at least give that man a piece of my mind and hold him accountable for killing a little girl.
After a few minutes, I hear an officer tell Peeta that I need to get up and that we need to leave.
I feel his arms lifting me up off the ground and he carries me out into the cold but not before I notice the man is no longer in the room. I don't bring my head up though. I just stare at the darkness, knowing that this is how I'll be feeling for the next few weeks and I'm not impressed or looking forward to how it'll affect Peeta and I. Or worse, how it'll affect Willow. I'm not so sure I can muddle through this like I did in June.
Peeta puts me in the car but I don't budge, I sit slumped over with my hands in my face, I feel so embarrassed for Peeta. His wife is a nutcase and he has to deal with her now, but then I remember how the grief affected him before and I don't feel as bad.
"Katniss, please sit up so I can put on your seatbelt?" Peeta asks softly.
I bring my torso up but still cover my face with my hands, I can't face him yet.
He gently tries pulling my hands down and away from my face.
"I don't want you to see me cry." I mumble to him.
"Well, I don't want to see you cry either but why don't you want me to see you? I've seen you cry." He states.
"I don't want you to feel like I'm being a crybaby or hypocrite because two years later, I still allow even the mention of her name to ruin me and I forced you to get over your family." I mumble, ashamed of myself and my selfish actions.
He finally convinces me to allow my hands down but I don't look him in the eyes.
"Katniss, please look at me?" Peeta asks softly, grabbing my face and forcing me into his blue eyes. I finally allow my eyes to meet his.
"I don't know why you think that I would think that. You have every right to still be upset, especially right here, right now. You were a skilled griever and I needed help. I went overboard and I didn't think about you and all the commitments you made to me and I made to you. I was a complete asshole most of the time and yeah, you're not always easy to handle but you never would've pulled what I did." He says to me.
I shrug.
"I'm serious, Katniss. Besides, when Prim died, I was just a live in boyfriend. When my family died, I was your husband and a father. It was way different."
"I'm a hypocrite."
"You're not. Because you put your foot down, look where we are. You got me back on track. Before today, we were both happy again, Katniss. All because of you. Because of Willow."
He squeezes my hand, "It took a lot for me not to breakdown when I heard what you did. You're healed Katniss, but sometimes, wounds reopen. You just got to patch it up and learn to love the scar."
I feel a single tear roll down my cheek now and he reaches up to wipe it away.
"You don't ever have to act like you're invincible in front of me. Even the strongest people need to cry sometimes and that's okay." He says softly.
"Is that why you cry sometimes?" I mumble the question.
"No, that's why you cry." He says, wiping another tear away with his thumb. "Because you are the strongest person I know but sometimes you can't always hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sometimes, you gotta share it or just pass it all off too me." He says, looking me straight in the eyes.
I love Peeta so much. I reach out and hug him tightly, closing my eyes as he kisses my neck.
"Things will never be the same. And there will be some days that are better than others. Like I said, sometimes wounds reopen and it's okay to bleed but just make sure you patch yourself up again so you'll be stronger the next time you get cut." Peers says and I've never heard him describe pain in a better way.
I frown, "Why didn't you leave me after Prim died?" I ask him.
"I was hurt but I knew it was nothing personal. I missed you but I loved you even more. I knew you needed me to carry your world because it was too heavy for you to face alone. And I'm always going to be here to share in your grief or take it all away. Never to abandon you and let you hold it alone." Peeta assures me.
"Good because I still really need you, Peeta." I say, crying again.
He pulls me into another hug and we just sit there for a few minutes and I take him in.
His sweet scent and his breaths and heartbeat-things I haven't even able to savor in a really long while.
"Let's go home." He says, pulling away slowly.
I nod my head and he presses a kiss to my forehead, then closes the car door.
"I can ask Finnick to keep Willow until tonight if you want?" Peeta suggests.
"I feel like we are abandoning her." I shrug.
"Katniss, we aren't abandoning her. We just need to take a few hours for ourselves so that we can ensure we are able to care for Willow when she gets home." He says.
I sigh, not feeling like we need to be arguing right now, "I don't care what we do let's just get out of here." I say.
"How about we spend a few hours at home and then go pick her up later? I think that some talking or lounging could do you some good. You think?"
"I don't know." I say truthfully.
All I know is I want that man gone too or else I want him to feel absolutely miserable for the things he did. He hurt Peeta and me and my mom and Rue. Hell, he even hurt that stupid cat who still mews for her occasionally. But the thing that pisses me off most about this all that he hurt Willow.
She will never know what she missed out on because of this man.
Prim would've been her favorite person. I know it and Prim deserved a niece as beautiful and kind as she was and she got it. Now she's not even here to see her or see how far Peeta and I have come. She's not here to allow Peeta and I to see how far she'd go either and I was so looking forward to it.
I remember her first day of middle school, she was already so grown up and mature for her age.
Maybe it was the fact that I was basically raising her or maybe it was because of my dad but she was forced to grow up too quickly.
We finally get home and Peeta and I go upstairs.
We lay in our bed together, which is kind of lonely without Willow and the house feels sort of empty without her too but we just lay there together. I listen to his heartbeat and he holds me close to him while we both sit in silenced pain.
"You know, the worst thing about this is that Willow will never get to know her." I tell Peeta.
He takes a deep breath, "Sure, she will. You're going to keep her memory alive, I know it."
"I don't know that."
"You know, it upsets me that my brothers couldn't be here to know her either but at least they died by a true accident. It makes it worse that he took that from our daughter and she wasn't even born yet." Peeta says spitefully.
"I wish our families weren't dead, Peeta."
"You know what I think?"
"What?" I mumble.
He takes a deep breath, "I think if no one else is, Prim is Willow's guardian angel or something. Always looking out for her and protecting her."
"I hope so." I say softly.
Because if that's the case, I know I shouldn't ever have to worry about Willow. I know my sister will keep her safe, if not my father or Peeta's brother or father will.
"Maybe both of our family takes turns watching over her." Peeta suggests, reading my mind.
I smile to myself, feeling content by the thought.
"Listen, Katniss. I know that we both have bad days like this and that's okay. I hate leaving Willow with people unless we just have to but sometimes, this is nice. Not that we are upset but that you and I get to spend a little time together by ourselves." He says soft-spokenly.
I nod, "I think so too. It's refreshing."
"I always feel like we are closer after times like these, whether we are sad or not."
"I agree." I tell him truthfully.
Moments alone with Peeta always make me feel more hopeful and content, no matter what kind of day I've had.
"I love you." Peeta mumbles sleepily.
I close my eyes, "I love you too."
"We have like 2 more hours until we go get Willow. How about we catch up on some sleep?" He suggests.
I smile sadly to myself, "That sounds really good."
After a few seconds of silence, he starts laughing to himself.
"I just imagined Willow as a teenager and we both still go in to check on her every few hours like we do now." Peeta chuckles, managing a real smile out of me.
"Go to sleep, you weirdo." I giggle sleepily and yawn.
"You go to sleep." Peeta says, pulling the comforter up over us and scooting down further.
I smile to myself as we hold each other close until I wake up a little later, completely paralyzed with fear.
"Katniss. You're alright. Katniss, I'm right here. You're safe." He repeats over and over until I can finally catch my breath.
"Sh, it's okay." Peeta says, pulling me into his lap and rocking us back and forth.
I cry into his chest for what seems like hours but is only a few minutes.
"Every time I close my eyes, all I see is that man." I choke out in a high pitched cry, "He was in my dream and he was trying to hurt you and Willow. He was trying to take you from me too." I sob.
I hear Peeta sigh deeply, "We are both okay, I promise. And so are you. He's never going to hurt us again." He assures me.
I close my eyes, taking in his warmth and reassuring words.
"I shouldn't have let you see him. I knew it would be too hard on you." Peeta scolds himself.
"It's not your fault." I mumble truthfully. Because I know that if he wouldn't have let me go, I would've been mad at him for it.
"Do you want me to go call Finnick and tell him to bring Willow home now? So you can see she's okay?"
"No, I know she is okay with Finnick and Annie but I'm a little shook up about it still. I just don't want her to see me crying. You know how she takes in other people's emotions."
"I know, but it might make you feel better to see her sooner than later. Maybe you'll be okay by the time she gets here anyways." Peeta says.
I sigh, "I just hate this. You always comfort me and baby me when I'm upset but when it's you, I treat you like you're being weak." I say, sitting up completely.
"You do not. You babied me for at least 3 months after my family died and you do any time I'm upset, so don't say that." Peeta says.
"Well, I feel like I don't. I'm not good at comforting people, especially you. I'm going to be a horrible mother when Willow is heartbroken one of these days. I can't even help myself, how do I expect to help her?"
"You're the best at comforting Willow and I. You might not see it but I know there's never a better feeling than when I'm upset and coming home and being in your arms makes it all bearable. When Willow isn't feeling good or when she's exhausted, she wants to be in your arms. Not mine. Just think about it."
I swallow, "Thank you." I whisper, still choked up.
"I'm being serious." He says, pushing some hair out of my eyes and tucking it behind my ear.
I sigh, "Thank you for saying that. I feel the same way about the both of you." I say truthfully.
Peeta and Willow never fail to turn my whole day around and make me feel so loved.
Peeta sighs.
"Are you hungry? We haven't ate all day."
"No but I should probably eat something." I say truthfully, feeling my stomach empty and achy.
Peeta gives me a sad smile, "What sounds good?"
"I don't know."
"Alright, well let's go find something that does." He says and we get up.
Peeta and I sit at the island while we wait for the food to finish up.
"I can't believe that Willow is almost a year old." Peeta frowns and points to a picture of her on the fridge.
It was when she was just a few days old, so tiny and pink.
I sigh, the statement almost hitting some more nerves.
"I don't want her to grow up anymore." I say.
Peeta wraps his arms around my waist and presses his lips to my forehead and just holds them there.
"I don't want her to grow up either. Because if she grows up, that means that you and I are getting older too and I don't like that either." Peeta tells me.
"I don't either." I mumble.
"But you know what?"
"What?" I ask.
"Depending on what the future holds, when Willow is gone, it'll just be me and you again and we will have a lot of forever and always to finish." Peeta says sweetly.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, "That doesn't sound too bad but I'm afraid that once she leaves, that you and I won't know what to do and we will end up leaving each other." I tell him truthfully.
That's always been one of my biggest fears about Peeta and I having kids.
"Katniss, I spent years with you before Willow. And we didn't have kids and I was so happy and I still am. And just because one day she's going to leave and it's just gonna be us again, doesn't mean that you and I aren't going to still love each other." Peeta reminds me.
"I know but I'm still afraid that's what'll happen."
He sighs, "I don't know what the future holds but I can promise you that even 75 years from now, I will still love you with my whole heart."
"I will love you too." I tell him truthfully.
It's not that I doubt it but you never know what'll happen.
"Now remember how sometimes you and I both need to remember that just because we don't know what'll happen in the future, that it doesn't mean it'll always be bad?"
I nod.
He chuckles sadly, "That is one of those times."
I smile a little.
"Now let's quit thinking about stuff like that and let's live in the present, okay? We are all three safe and healthy and happy and that's all that matters. I know today was rough but tomorrow will be kinder." Peeta says and it sounds like I'm talking to the old 16 year old Peeta again.
The Peeta he was before he was hurt so badly by the world.