Jason
I stroke my chin, listening to Terrance tell me all the shit that Mel had just said to him not even half an hour ago. I lick my lips and bite it. The shit he is telling me, makes me want to curse her the fuck out. It's taking everything inside me not to go there with Melissa. I'm trying to be the good guy here, but she keeps fucking with me, mentally. Even after finding out that her ass moved in with Cameron, I still told Terrance to tell her that I'm here for her ass. Now, she tells him to give me a reckless ass message? What the fuck?
I stand up from the chair and begin pacing. I swear this girl is the only one that can take me completely out of my element. "I don't give a fuck if she changes her number! She's right! That baby probably isn't mine! I'm glad he bought her ass a fucking car! I'm so fucking done with Mel's ass. For real. I don't care if her ass ends up homeless on someone's fucking corner, I'm not giving her a dime! Fuck her! That's some disrespectful ass shit. I'm just trying to be there for her, like I said I would. Then, she's going to get all cocky about the shit? Man, she better never need me. It's a wrap. Fuck her!"
"That's what I be talking about. You can't love these hoes." Terrance says a bit bitterly. There's a lot of hurt in his voice, because of the shit that went down between him and Kerri.
I almost want to say something to him about calling Mel a hoe, but I just keep my mouth shut. Hell, he's right.
"Baby?" Ashlee is standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a concern look on her face.
I look up at the sound of Ashlee's voice. I really didn't mean to wake her up. That's the reason that I took Terrance's call into the kitchen. I need to really learn to control my temper, but Mel be having me feel like I need anger management. I'm not that type of guy, but damn it . . . I bet Ashlee thinks that I am.
I sit back down in my chair, keeping my eyes on Ashlee. "Terrance, thanks for everything, man. I appreciate you. You don't have to contact her anymore. It's over."
Ashlee raises an eyebrow in confusion.
"No problem. Hey, do me a favor, J?"
"What's up?"
"Ker said that she was coming down there with Antonio. Let me know about that shit."
Only Ker. "She's driving by herself. In fact, she should be here in a couple hours maybe."
I hear a sigh of relief from his end. "Alright. Make sure she's good."
"We know." Terrance knows that I'm going to keep an eye on Kerri. I don't really know Kerri's intentions on coming down here, but I'm excited that she will be here soon.
"Later, man." Terrance says, before ending the call.
I end the call and set my phone on the table. Ashlee crosses her arms and leans against the doorway. I take a deep exasperated breath. Life is so fucking stressful. I swear it feels like Mel is trying to kill me.
"Come sit down on my lap." I lean back on my seat, watching her.
Ashlee shakes her head, looking down. She walks up to the table and pulls a chair out. She moves the chair, so that it's directly in front of me. She sits down and just looks at me.
"What?" I ask her.
"You tell me. Your yelling woke me up. What's going on?"
I run my hand over my face. I really don't feel like talking about this with her. What am I going to say to her? That my wife is being a complete bitch and purposely fucking with my current mental state? When I look back at Ashlee, she is just watching my every move.
"Talk to me."
I stretch my legs, looking into her eyes. Her hair is a mess, but that's from all the fun we were having in my bed, before I put her to sleep. I don't think she realizes how pretty she is without trying.
"Jason." She squeezes my knees, trying to grab my attention.
"What, baby?" I grab her hand.
"Talk to me."
"My wife is driving me crazy." I roll my eyes at the thought of Mel and the shit that she said to Terrance. "Look, I'm just trying to be the good guy and be there for her and the baby that might be mine. Let's be honest . . . I don't know if this baby is mine. I'm a little distant with her, because of the possibility of this baby not being mine. Even with all my doubts, I'm trying to do the best that I can. I sent her a couple grand to help her get a car. She told my dude that her man bought her a car and she doesn't need my ass. Then, she tells him that she's changing her number, because this baby might not be mine. What the fuck type shit is that?" I let it all out. Ashlee is probably one of the best listeners I have ever met.
"Man, this bit . . ." I catch myself, before letting the word all the way out. "After everything, this is what it is. I'm trying so fucking hard to be cordial with her ass, but she is making it really hard. I want to be there, until she gives birth. I just don't think that shit will happen. I want to take a DNA test, but now I feel like with her changing her number, that I should just walk the fuck away."
"And if it's yours?" Ashlee looks deep into my eyes. "Is that the kind of person you are?"
Damn. No, it isn't. I look down at my legs. "What do you suggest?"
"Well, maybe it's best if you guys do keep a distance from one another. As long as you both have mutual friends, you can still know what you need to know about the baby. Then, when she gives birth, go up there and take the test."
I nod my head in agreement. I look back into her eyes. I frown a little, because I thought Mel would be the last person that I go through all this shit with. "Okay."
She gives my hand a light squeeze. "It will be okay. Don't let her change her number upset you. I mean, you changed yours, baby."
"I got a new phone." I make up excuses. I know damn well that I could have kept my same number.
"Mmm . . . " Ashlee stands up and pulls me up. "Can we go to bed.? Why are you up so late?"
I stand in front of her and look down at her. "Because I have to wait up for my friend. She's supposed to be calling me, when she is twenty minutes away."
"Oh."
I kiss her lips, softly. "Go to bed, baby. I'll make breakfast for you."
She nods her head and lets go of my hand. She turns and walks away from me. I watch her, until she walks out the kitchen. I fall back in my seat and grab my phone off the table. I immediately go to my photos to look at pictures of Mel and I. Damn we looked so fucking happy. When the hell did we become so fucking unhappy? When the hell did she become this cold hearted woman that suddenly sounds like she hates me?
*****
Kerri walks through the apartment before me. She had just arrived not too long ago. I follow her inside my place, carrying her bags.
"Damn, Ker baby. Are you moving in?" I joke with her, but I have a little fear in my voice. I mean, I know Kerri being around can shake some things up between Ashlee and I. We've been doing so well. We're not official or anything, but she is my baby. And I'm sure that I'm hers.
"Well, I don't have to actually leave for school for another two months." She turns around to give me a bright smile. "I'm all yours, Jay baby."
Shit! Just looking at the glimmer in her eyes, I already know that she is up to something. Kerri is definitely up to something. This girl is always playing a game with someone's feelings.
"You can have the room across from mine, Ker." I say as I try to head to the back, but Kerri gets easily distracted by Ashlee sleeping in my bed with a sheet half way covering her body. I step in front of Kerri and close my bedroom door, hoping that she will keep her opinions to herself. I push open the bedroom door across from me and put her things at the door.
Kerri walks inside the room, eyeing me. "You are something else." She shakes her head, looking around the room. "At least I have a bed."
"Yeah, I have to get more furniture for this one. For the most part, I've been working on the nursery. I'm thinking about having Leslie down here with me the first month of my baby's life."
Kerri tosses me a look of disbelief and then sits on the edge of the bed. I can tell that she wants to lecture me by her whole composure. She's probably trying to figure out rather or not she should curse me out by Ashlee sleeping in my bed, or me having thoughts of Leslie coming down to see me.
"You're a dumbass, Jason. I thought you knew better, but I don't anymore. You're a true fuck up."
I knew it. "How?"
"For one, you got some girl laying in your bed. You're still legally married to Mel. Our friend. Secondly, you're thinking about inviting Leslie down here for a little bit of time, but you kicked Mel out."
"I didn't kick her out. I told her that she should go home." I close Kerri's bedroom door. "Man, you can save all that. I'm not sure if you've had the chance to talk to your girl, but she pretty much told me that she's changing her number. And she told me that she doesn't think the baby is mine."
Kerri rolls her eyes, shaking her head with disappointment in her eyes. "You two are going to give me an early death, trying to fix this shit. It's like you two enjoy hurting one another. It's sad. You two could have made it work."
I lean against the door, thinking about her words. "I wanted to make it work."
"Then, why did you take her home?"
"Why didn't she come with you? I swear on everything inside me that if she would have walked through the door with you, I would try with her. Instead, she chooses to be with Cameron."
"World's smallest violin. Wake your girl up and tell her it's time to move around. She has to share you now."
I give a weak smile, but I know that she's telling the truth. "Whatever."
"Take me out tonight."
I open the room door and step out. "Yeah. I'll feed your greedy ass. Maybe we can talk about you and Terrance."
She rolls her eyes again at me. "Get out my room, big head."
I grin, closing the bedroom door, after I walk out. Kerri drives me insane, but I'm happy that she's here with me. Maybe she can help keep me sane.
I open my room door and close it quietly. I walk over to the foot of the bed and just look at Ashlee lay on her back. I climb onto the bed and take the sheet off her naked body. I toss it to the side and spread her legs enough to put my face between her thighs.
I look at her face to see her reaction to me licking on her. I used to love waking Mel up this way. I stick my tongue in and out of her, hitting the inside of her walls. I feel myself getting hard as she bites her lower lip and let out a small moan.
I take my face from between her thighs and kiss from her navel all the way up to her neck. She wraps her legs around my body and grabs my face with her hands. I kiss her lips, softly. I rub myself against her wetness, wanting to put myself inside her. Ashlee and I have been in this position many times. This is by far the most teasing shit ever. I begin kissing and biting her neck.
"Oh, Jason."
The way she moans my name is enough to send me over the edge. "What are we waiting for?" I say in her ear. "Baby, I'm not going to hurt you."
I look in her eyes and she is looking at my arm, trailing her fingers up and down on it.
"Ash, what's wrong?"
"This is too fast." She whispers. "All this." She looks at me with sadness in her eyes.
Damn. I didn't want her to feel sad about us doing this. I roll off her and lay next to her. "Come here, baby. Let me hold you." I stretch out a little.
Ashlee gives me a hesitant look, before laying her head on my chest. She puts her leg around my legs, laying on her side. I put my arms around her body.
"Are you mad?" She asks, looking up at me.
I shake my head and close my eyes. "Babe, I really like you. I don't want to just have sex with you. I want something with you. I like how you are here for me."
"I don't do anything." She lays her head back on my chest.
"You do. You cook for me, listen to me . . . You're here."
She puts her arms around my waist. "Well, I'm trying to be a friend."
I look down at her. "I don't want another friend. I want you to be my girl."
"How do you know this? Don't you think that we're moving too fast? You still have trust issues. I mean, you want a relationship."
"Yeah, I do. You're acting like I'm proposing, girl. I'm asking to be your man. If we get together and you think you don't want it, we can break up."
Ashlee doesn't say anything. She just keeps her eyes closed, but I know that she is wide awake.
"You don't want me to be your man?" Ashlee doesn't talk much about her feelings. We've just been going with the flow.
Ashlee takes a deep sigh. "Jason, I'm afraid that you're going to be back with your wife. I'm afraid that I'm just a rebound girl. I mean, you're still trying to heal. I can see that. What makes me so special that I can replace what you shared with her? I just don't wanna be hurt. I know that eventually you and her will be together, so I don't mind being here for you right now. I just don't want to complicate this by having sex with you. I can get attached."
I think about her words. I really didn't know that this was the reason why she keeps me at a distance. I should have known, because most of my frustrations are about Mel and our failed marriage.
"Ash . . . Look at me." I sit up in the bed, pulling her up. Ashlee sits up in the bed, meeting my gaze. I need her to look in my eyes, while I talk to her. "Look, I'm not the kind of guy to go around and hurt females. I'm not that kind of guy. I only like to be with one girl. Yeah, she was important to me, but I know in my heart that it's not going to work."
She looks down at the sheets without saying anything.
I decide to continue. "I really like you. You're not a rebound girl. You're someone that I want as mine. You can get attached to me, because I'm not going anywhere."
She looks back at me and then look around the room as though she's searching for unknown answers. She looks back into my eyes. "You promise?"
I give a small nod, not looking away from her. I don't have intentions of hurting her, or walking away.
She lays down on the bed on her back and look at me, biting her lip. I just look at her face, knowing that she's not ready for us to do this. I can't have sex with her, if she's going to regret it afterwards.
I get between her legs and lay my head on her chest. I put my arms around her and kiss her breasts. Ashlee strokes the back of my neck, while wrapping her legs around me.
"You're my baby?" I ask her.
"Yes."
"I promise that I won't hurt you." I give her my word. "Get attached, because I'm attached to you."
I lift my body up and kiss her on the lips, softly. I pull away from her to look in her eyes. I can see that she is scared shitless of getting attached to me. As badly as I want to go to the next level with her, I know in my heart that it's not right.
"Okay." She lifts her head up and puts her lips against mine. She puts her hands on my face and pulls me back down with her. I let my hands carress her butt as I rub against her. I grab the sheets next to us and try to cover us up without breaking the deep kiss that we're sharing.
"Aye, Jas . . ." Kerri barges into my bedroom without first knocking on the door. She stops when she sees me on top of Ashlee.
I break the kiss with Ashlee and rests my forehead against her shoulder. This is so fucking embarrassing. Kerri had to know that a closed bedroom door means don't fucking come in.
"What?" I ask, annoyed by her already.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had company."
Kerri is so filled with bullshit. She knew that Ashlee was in my bedroom. I really don't want to play her game, so I decide to ignore her and just bring it up later.
"I'm Kerri." She introduces herself to Ashlee. "Most call me Ker. Jason's wife called me Ker. I'm her friend, also."
"I'm sorry." I whisper into Ashlee's ear.
She is just looking confused. She loosen her legs from around my body. "Hi. I'm Ashlee."
"Nice to meet you." Kerri bounces her ass right into my bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed and turns around to face us. "Jason had told me about you. Has he told you anything about me?"
I lift my head up to look at Kerri's face. "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not see me and her trying to . . . " I don't finish my sentence, because I think that Kerri knows where I'm going. Instead, she just looks at me as though she's waiting for me to finish what I have to say. I have a feeling that I will be kicking Kerri out faster than I drove Mel home. "Get out."
"Damn. I was just trying to introduce myself to her." Kerri smiles sweetly at us and stands up. I rest my head back on Ashlee's chest. I really didn't know that Kerri was going to be on this much bullshit with me trying to be with someone else. Yeah, I knew that she was team Melissa, but did I really think that she would come busting through my bedroom door like the fucking police and interrupt what I'm trying to do?
I hear my bedroom door close. "Sorry." I mumble and lift my head up to look into her eyes.
"That's Kerri?"
"Yeah, but she's really harmless." I'm hoping that Ashlee can't tell that I'm lying. Kerri is about as dangerous as they come. I'll have to talk with her later about her actions and my rules for being in my house. "I'll talk to her. I'm sorry." I can't stop apologizing for Kerri.
"Well, I don't think that we should continue. It will just be too awkward. Besides, I have to be at work at eleven. I'm going to get dressed and take a shower back at my house. I'll see you later."
I really want to tell her that I don't want her to go, but how can I blame her for wanting to run away from my life? The moment that we try to make things official between us, Kerri comes in and makes her take a couple steps away from me.
"Okay. I will take you to work."
She gives a light smile. "I know that you will. You're my man."
So, we're still going to try for a relationship? I kiss her forehead and then bring my lips down to her. "You're right. I am. I will never hurt you."
*****
I look down the hall, while knocking on Kayla's door. After I took Ashlee to work, I decided to spend some time with Kayla. I should have a conscious about the shit that I'm doing, but I don't.
Hell, I don't know if Ashlee is talking to other dudes. I couldn't even see my wife cheating on me. I was spending a lot of time with her. She never acted like she was around someone else. I beat myself often for not noticing the signs of her fucking around with Cameron. How could I have known that she was with him, if she never changed her ways around me? Well, Ashlee could be doing the same exact things that Mel did to me.
When Kayla opens the door, she peeks down the hall and then grab my hand. I follow her to her bedroom without saying a single word. Kayla and I have an mutual understanding. She's not my girl . . . She's just my fuck buddy, until I get my mind right.
"I spoke to your girl today, and she told me that you and her are official." Kayla looks over her shoulder at me as she walks into her bedroom.
How can Ashlee say that she doesn't like Kayla, but then tell her about her life? I will never understand females. I don't like Cameron's ass, so I doubt that I will ever be able to have a decent conversation with him.
"We're not talking about my girl."
It feels weird claiming Ashlee and knowing that I'm about to cheat on her.
Kayla pulls her top off, revealing her C cups. "You want me to suck your dick?" She asks, sitting down on the bed.
Did she really need to ask this question? Like, I'm going to turn down a head job? I unzip my jeans, walking up to the foot of the bed.
"Open up." I grab her by the hair as she opens her mouth wide, ready for me to put my dick inside her mouth.
I hate who I have become. The lack of trust that I have in me is creating this person that I've never wanted to become. The first time that I cheated on Mel, I did it because I was hurt that she let Cameron give her head. That night replayed in my head a million times. I kept blaming myself for leading her straight to him.
I grunt a little as Kayla go to work on me. I try to flush all the images of Mel and Cameron out of my head and concentrate on Kayla.