Harry Styles
"That was amazing, Jay," I spoke up after dinner.
"Thank you, Harry," she smiled at me, "glad you enjoyed it."
"Harry knows how to cook as well," Louis said smiling, "perhaps next time we come he can make something for you."
"I'd love to," I nodded smiling.
"That'd be wonderful," his mum said.
"You'll be coming back for Christmas, right?" Lottie asked us.
"Uh, yeah well, I'm sure I can," Louis looked at me, "I mean, my birthday is Christmas Eve."
"That's right," I nodded, "I'd love to, but I'll have to check with my mum. If she's alright with it, we can go on Boxing Day."
"We'll work out it out, I'm sure," Louis smiled and stood up, "thanks for dinner, mum. Harry and I are gonna go change."
"What time does your plane leave?" Felicity asked.
"Like 7 am," I replied.
"We'll make sure to say bye before we leave in the morning, don't worry," Louis said, "come on, Haz."
He shut the door behind us after we got to his room.
"So, Felicity knows Gemma pretty well," I spoke up as I unbuttoned my shirt.
Louis looked up at me, "uh, yeah. That's how I knew Gemma. I told you that."
I nodded and took off my jeans.
"You alright?" He asked quietly, "does that upset you?"
"No," I smiled, "not really. It's amazing that they know each other... I mean, I guess maybe we would've met at some point in our lives, right? Since they're good friends?"
"Uh, yeah," he smiled, "I mean, our families already sort of know each other, how odd is that?"
"It is a bit odd," I nodded and slipped my sweats back on before sitting down on the bed.
"You should talk to Gemma," he said softly, "and your mum."
"I know," I sighed, "I've just... I've been scared to. She knows nothing about any of it."
"I think it's time you did the right thing," he whispered, "you miss them, don't you?"
"I do," I replied, "Gemma and I used to be inseparable."
He nodded and sat down, "Harry, I'm sure they miss you, too. And I'm sure Gemma had your best interest at heart when she wanted to introduce us, you know? I mean, I'm really not a saint but I guess Felicity made me sound amazing."
I chuckled a little, "yeah, suppose so. Do you think they'll hate me?"
"Why would they hate you?"
"Because I've allowed him to control me," I replied sighing.
"Did it really start that way?" He asked quietly.
"What?" I asked confused.
"Did you ever... like have feelings for him, Harry?" He stuttered out.
"What?" I asked loudly, "you're joking, right?"
"Haz, don't get upset, calm down," he said, "I don't mean this to sound rude or upset you. I just... I wonder if maybe you felt something for him when you were younger. Maybe not feelings... but a sense of feeling needed."
"He took advantage of me," I almost shouted as I stood up, pushing my hair back, "I was a kid, Lou. I didn't ask for it to happen."
"I know that," he said softly, "stop getting angry and just listen. I'm not trying to upset you, you know that. You know me well enough now to know for a fucking fact that I love you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt, ok?"
I leaned against his dresser, closing my eyes.
"Harry, don't be scared to tell me the truth," he whispered as he got up and stood directly in front of me, "I promise I won't think less of you if you say you did have feelings for him."
I bit my lip and looked away, "I didn't have feelings for him. I found him interesting when I was younger. And when I met him again here, I... I liked the things he gave me. He wasn't always terrible... in fact, for a while, he was great. It wasn't a relationship... I felt like it was more like a friendship. He didn't treat me bad... not at first. But if I tried to start dating, he was terrible."
"So, you were friends," he said softly, keeping his arms crossed while he stared at me.
"I... I guess," I stuttered, "I told you, he apologized to me, we talked, and I forgave him. I'm not one to hold grudges against anyone, no matter what they have done to me."
"That's... wow. I'm actually... I don't know what to say," he managed to whisper, "I don't think I could ever have that sort of mentality if someone had done that to me, Harry. I respect that, I do, but I just don't see how."
"Lou," I sighed, "I hate him still for what he did to me. I hate everything he has become. He wasn't like this. He pretended to care when I first ran into him again. He made me feel comfortable with him again, just like he did when I was 16. But... I liked that he offered me things. And... I did finally give in to him a few months after being at university. I would stay at his flat a lot... Zayn hated it. He told me how stupid I was being. But I didn't listen to him. I was 18 when he introduced me to this world of drugs and materials. He would literally give me anything I asked for. And most of the time, I didn't have to ask for it. He just offered it to me. And I think deep down, I did care what I was doing, but I hadn't realized it yet... not until I met you."
"I understand," he quietly replied.
"You probably think I brought all of this on myself now, don't you?" I asked staring at him.
"I don't think that," he whispered, "I think a lot of it could've been avoided if you hadn't of given in to him again. But, I get that he offered you a world of things and experiences, and you probably felt like he was a friend."
I stayed quiet and looked away. I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not telling at 16. I blamed myself for even forgiving him. I blamed myself for it all.
"How many times did you tell him no?" He asked studying me.
"Uh, a good bit," I sighed, "when he first made a move on me I got so fucking pissed. I told you I ended up at his flat... I was already drunk and high before he ever slipped anything in my drink. I woke up the next morning and I couldn't remember anything that had happened. He told me I had drank too much at the pub and that I wasn't thinking clearly, so he took me to his place."
"So, how do you know he slipped it in your drink?" He asked.
"Zayn," I replied feeling ashamed all over again, "Zayn swore to me that he had and I straight up told him he didn't. I told Zayn I didn't believe him... that I didn't think he'd do that to me... but when I stayed at his flat, I found the stuff Zayn described. I felt horrible, Lou, for calling him a liar. I should've known better. Zayn would never lie to me about anything. I chose to believe Darren over him, more than one time."
"Sounds to me like maybe deep down you wanted to believe Darren," he started, "don't get upset by me saying that... I just mean, if you believed him over Zayn you already were in too deep. You were choosing him over your real friends. I don't know a lot about him, Harry, but the one thing he isn't is a good friend. Good friends don't take advantage of you. Good friends don't drug you just so they can take you home. Good friends definitely don't bribe you with shit to get you to spend time with them."
"I know that," I sighed in frustration, "I know all of that. But me being the guy I was, I really wanted to believe he had changed. I really wanted to believe he meant well. I give people more chances than they deserve because I feel like everyone has good in them. I was trying to convince myself that maybe he wasn't that bad... but I didn't. Sure, I had myself fooled for a while, just living it up, but there were times where I would see who he was... his true colors always shown. It only got worse when the house was bought. He thought then that I owed him something... that I should give in to him every time he wanted me because he bought it for me."
"And you did," he quietly spoke, "didn't you? I mean, I may be new to all of this, but you've seen him a lot in a week."
"I told you," I looked back at him, "just doing it and getting it over with is easier for me. He leaves me alone..."
"Yeah, until he wants your ass again," he interrupted, "it's a fucking circle that never even should've been one. This is why some circles ARE meant to be broken. You fucked up, you know that now, so only you can break this. He's not going to go away because you have me. You still have his house, his fucking car... as long as you are tied to him somehow he is NEVER going away. Don't you realize that?"
"He never went away before I had all of that," I almost shouted but stopped myself, "Lou, I lived in a dorm and he still wanted me at his flat almost every fucking night. Just because I give everything back that belongs to him, does not mean he will leave me alone. I know for a fact he won't. If anything he's going to be worse now because I have you."
"Then, you need a restraining order or something," he replied.
"A piece of paper?" I laughed sarcastically, "you think he'll stop? Do you think they'd even issue one to me? Really? I'm a fucking 20 year old in college and he's a professor. Whose side do you think they'd take? Definitely not mine."
"Then, we'll find a way," he said as he grabbed my hand, "because I refuse to let him keep doing this to you, Harry. I refuse to sit by while you allow him to continue to crush you."
I sighed and tried to nod, feeling my emotions overtake me again. He stepped in and hugged me and I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you again," he whispered into my hair.
"Don't be sorry," I smiled a little and leaned my head against his, "I don't mind talking about it with you. I promise."
"Hey, do you want to go out and see my treehouse?" He asked smiling at me.
"Your treehouse?" I laughed, "didn't see it out there."
"Yeah, it's kinda hidden in the trees," he replied.
"Ok, sounds fun," I nodded, "can I borrow a sweatshirt?"
"Yeah, of course," he went and looked through his closet, "I left a few of my bigger ones here."
He pulled out a green Adidas one that looked way oversized for him.
"Wow," I smiled, "looks like that would swallow you."
"It does," he grinned sheepishly, "put it on. Should look amazing on you."
I slipped it on over my white t-shirt and studied myself in the mirror. It fit perfectly on me.
"You look quite stunning in that," he said softly.
"Thank you," I replied and pulled the hood over my hair.
He dug through his closet until I seen him pull out a green beanie. It had the Green Bay Packers emblem on it.
"What is this?!" I shrieked excited.
"Uh, it's just an old beanie," he laughed, "I got it from Felicity as sorta a gag gift one year. She used to tease me about this boy who liked..."
I grinned at him even bigger as he stopped and looked at me.
"Don't tell me..."
"That's me," I nodded excitedly.
"No way," he grabbed the beanie from my hand and hurried out of the room while I followed, "Fizzy!"
"Fiz, can you explain this to him?" I laughed when we reached the living room.
"How'd you know she was called that?" Louis looked back at me.
"Gemma used to call her that," I replied smiling.
Felicity looked up at us confused from the sofa, "what's going on?"
"This beanie," Louis started as he gave it to her, "who was it about?"
Felicity looked at it, a smile on her face, "I forgot I gave you this. It was about Harry, actually. I told Gemma what a huge fan of football you were and she told me about Harry's love of American football. We got this as a gag gift for you."
I smiled and looked at Louis who still was in shock, "you're joking. Unbelievable."
"Wow, this is strange," she laughed and gave it back to Louis.
"You don't say," Louis smirked and handed me the beanie, "here, keep it. It's yours anyways. I'm gonna run up and get our cigarettes.
I chuckled and put it on while Felicity giggled, "Harry, I'd have to say, I'm actually very happy it turned out to be you. I used to tease him about Gemma's brother... and well, here you are."
I smiled, "yeah, I'm glad, too. You two should get together sometime. I know Gemma would love to see you again. She's living in the Waterloo apartments now."
"Oh, those are lovely," she smiled up at me, "how is she liking it?"
"Uh, as far as I know she loves it," I replied, "haven't really seen it much myself. She stays busy with work."
"Understand," she nodded, "I haven't talked to her in a while myself. I moved to live with my fiancé. We've texted some and she's going to come to the wedding next year."
"That's lovely," I nodded, "congratulations."
"Thank you," she smiled at me, "hope you can come as well."
"Uh, I'd love to," I replied.
"I'm so surprised by this," she shook her head giggling, "that you turned out to be her brother."
I grinned a little, "was quite surprising to me as well. She had us meet his first day."
"Aww," she said, "she must've known you two would be brilliant together."
I knew my cheeks were flushed as I smiled, "yeah, she's amazing like that. I've gotta tell her about this when I get back."
"Would you mind if I called her?" She asked and got up.
"Uh, no, of course not," I managed to reply, "she'll be excited to hear from you, I'm sure."
She grinned and started dialing my sisters number, "I just want to tell her you're here. She'll flip."
I tried to smile. She'd flip alright. I hadn't talked to her hardly at all in the past year, other than texts. And I knew now that I had to explain everything to her when I got back.
"Gemma, hey it's Fizzy," she exclaimed, "it's so good to hear from you! Guess who's standing here with me..."
I smiled as she put my sister on speaker, "hi, Gemma."
"Harry?" My sister said excitedly, "you're with Felicity?"
"Uh, yeah, came to Doncaster with Lou for a weekend," I replied.
"Oh, how lovely," she said, "so glad you two are hitting it off so well! And that you got to meet Felicity finally!"
"As soon as I met him, I knew he was your Harry," Felicity laughed into the phone, "he's such a charmer."
"He always was," Gemma laughed.
"I'm not a charmer," I smiled as Louis came strolling up beside me.
"He's lying," Louis shouted smiling before asking who it was. I mouthed Gemma to him and he laughed a little, "yeah, Gem, he's definitely lying. You and I both know it."
Gemma giggled, "hi, Louis. Glad Harry got to go with you."
"Me as well. We've had a lovely time," Lou replied smiling at me, "we're gonna go outside."
"I'll text you, sis. I love you," I said into the phone.
"I love you too, Harry," she suddenly sounded a lot happier and it made me feel so much better.
Louis grabbed my arm while he smirked and hurried outside.
"She called her," he laughed shutting the door, "wow."
"Yeah," I nodded while we walked into the garden, "she sounded very happy to hear from me."
"Yeah, well, I'm sure your mum would like to as well, love," he replied and lit a cigarette.
I lit one myself while we wandered out into the trees. We stopped in front of his treehouse. It was pretty big. "It's lovely."
"Isn't it?" He grinned, "wanna go up first?"
"Sure," I replied.
"Just be careful with the steps up," he said.
I smiled and headed up the steps that were built into the tree. It was so small and cute on the inside.
Louis came up after me smiling, "whatcha think?"
"I love it," I glanced at him, "not too small, obviously. Probably felt bigger when you were younger, right?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "haven't been up here in ages."
"Seems that way," I grinned while I picked up leaves and tossed them out the window, "your sisters' not like it?"
"Daisy and Phoebe?" He asked. I nodded as he continued, "they used to, yeah. They're going on 13 now though, so you know..."
"Yeah," I smiled and leaned back against the wall, "what was it like growing up like that? How old were you when your real dad left?"
"I was a baby," he replied quieter, "but you know, that's life."
"So, all of your sisters are your step sisters," I said.
He nodded a little.
"I was 9," I told him.
He looked up at me, "well, you got a chance to know him, then."
"Yeah," I sighed, "I still talk to him. He makes sure of that. My mum met Robin though a bit after and he's been great to her, as I imagine your step dad is."
"He's great, yeah," Louis nodded, "always made me feel like I had someone I could look up to."
"That's good," I said quietly, "were you mad, Lou? That your dad left?"
"I was when I was younger," he replied, "in school I often wondered why he didn't want me. I'm pissed my mum was done that way. She didn't deserve it. He could've at least tried to have been in my life, like your dad."
"Mine does yeah," I said, "I'm sorry you grew up that way."
"It's fine now," he smiled, "besides, it's his loss."
"You're right," I smiled back, "did you always live here?"
"Uh, no, we had another house when I was young," he explained, "my mum was left with me and bills... she managed. She met John and I'd have to say he's treated her very well. And he's treated me like I was his. He helped me so many times."
"That's amazing," I said with a sigh and put my head back.
"How was it growing up in Holmes Chapel?" He asked.
"It was pretty simple," I said, "I loved my home, my friends... it was all great until my last year of school."
"When'd you figure out you were gay?" He asked curiously.
"Uh," I chuckled and pulled my knees up, "I always felt like I was different. Probably when I was 8."
"That early?"
"Yeah, well, I just remember telling my mum I had a crush on a boy," I laughed, "she didn't really think much of it until I got older. Then, she sorta just realized I was like that."
"I was about 11," he said, "I knew I didn't really like girls, but I'll admit that I did date some in an attempt to feel normal."
"I never really tried that," I smirked and looked at my hands, "I did do stuff with one girl, it was out of spite though. It was one of my many attempts to get Darren away. Didn't work obviously."
"How... how do I go back tomorrow and act normal around him?" He asked staring at me.
"I don't know," I replied, "I think it's best if he doesn't suspect you know anything, if you can do that."
"It'll be quite hard," he sighed and scoot over to sit next to me, "but I'll help you however I can."
"I really don't deserve you," I whispered and leaned my head against his, "I made this bed... shouldn't I lie in it?"
"You've done enough lying in it," he said seriously, "I'm getting you out of it. You don't deserve to live your life fearing someone."
"I don't fear him," I whispered before finishing, "ok, maybe I do."
"Someone who takes advantage of you and then buys your life," he started seriously, "he can't be pleasant."
"He's not... not anymore," I sighed, "he'll try to act that way to everyone else but I know the real him. And if I get pissed or something, his real side always shows."
"Is he... aggressive?" He asked.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "there was one time I came home late and Liam thought I had gotten in a fight."
Louis looked even more outraged now and I regretted telling him.
"It's... it's usually my fault," I stuttered, "I get high with him and I don't think clear enough to fight back..."
"Stop," he said loudly, "DO NOT blame yourself ever for that. God, Harry, no. That is never your fault. I don't give a shit if you are high out of your mind!"
I tried to nod as I looked away. He gently took my arm in his and pulled me close before laying his head on my shoulder.
"I love you, Lou," I whispered.
"I love you, too, Haz," he said softly. I smiled a little and put my head on his as we sat there.
We stayed in the treehouse for hours it seemed talking, mostly me just pouring my heart out to him. He didn't mind though. He listened to every word I said.
Morning came quickly and we had gotten up and ready to go. We made sure to tell everyone goodbye before we left for the airport. I was going to miss his family, but I knew I'd be back.
When we landed back in London about 10:30 that morning I felt my mood change. Being in Doncaster had lightened a load I didn't realize was so heavy. But I knew being back meant I'd have to face it again. If I could've, I would've asked Louis to stay in Doncaster... the thought of it being just us made me happy. I wanted that more than anything.