✎Day 1 of The Chill✐
"So then," Hanji stated, "he said that I was insane and then I said that I was insane but in a scientific way so then he said that he didn't want to work with me anymore but then I was like Molbit my old buddy lab pall is sick so I was stuck with that dickwad who does absolutely nothing and-"
"There is a reason why sentences exist," Levi groaned.
"Hearing that made my head hurt," Erwin stated.
"And we don't even know what your point is," Petra stated.
"My point is that Molbit is never absent, but when he is, I'm stuck with idiots who done don't science good," Hanji stated.
"They may not be able to science good but you definitely cannot word good," Erwin uttered.
Petra let out a sneeze. This caused multiple reactions. First, there was Hanji who put on a glove, took a cotton swab, and took samples in the air in under two seconds. Then, there Levi, who made a disgusted face and tried his best to utter the words "bless you" as considerately as possible. Erwin gasped.
Then there was the girl across the hallway whom they recognized as Sasha. She then ran down the hallway screaming "It's here. We are all doomed!"
"That was weird," Petra stated.
"It's here," Erwin said with a dark expression.
"What's here?" Petra asked.
"The Chill," Erwin stated.
"Also known as," Levi added. He looked dramatically off into the distance. "Cold season."
"Hey, this time, you actually know what's happening," Hanji stated.
"I am always weary of the cold," Levi stated.
"I should get my science together," Hanji stated. "I need to collect the samples of the sick before they begin to drop like flies." Then, Hanji laughed maniacally and ran down the halls, harassing anyone who let out a cough or sneeze.
Immediately, Levi took out a cloth or cravat of sorts and covered his nose and mouth. He also put on some hand sanitizer, then put on gloves on top of that. All of which came from his backpack.
"So you just carry that stuff around?" Erwin asked.
"I refuse to catch a filthy-ass cold," Levi grumbled.
"Don't you think you're being a little too prepared-" then, Erwin began to cough.
Immediately, Levi's eyes widened as he pointed his finger at Erwin. "IT'S SPREADING!" And with that, he ran down the hallway.
✎A few moments later✐
"So then," Eren began, "I said that she was being over dramatic but then she said I was being stupid and then she went on a fifty minute rant about how Pluto should be a planet and NASA conspiracy theories-"
"No one can follow you because your sentence is one big fat grammatical error," Jean stated.
"No one likes a grammar nazi," Eren spat.
"You know what-"
Suddenly, a constant screaming was heard from down the hallway. It increases in volume until they realized who it was.
"What's up, Sasha?" Jean asked.
"It's here!" She hunched over, trying to catch her breath. "Man, I'm out of shape! I literally ran down a single hallway and I can't breathe."
"What's here?" Marco asked. His voice was a bit scratchy and he coughed afterwards. Immediately after, everyone let out a dramatic gasp. They all knew what this meant.
"HE HAS IT," Sasha screamed.
"Marco! I know what you have!" Eren said.
"Say it," Marco demanded. "Say it out loud."
"A COLD!"
Immediately, Armin could be heard screaming from down the hallway. He ran up to his friends, wiping his hands aggressively with hand sanitizer. "It's here!" He screamed.
"We know The Chill is here," Jean stated. "It's been clarified about three times already."
"I absolutely CANNOT afford to get sick," Armin stressed. "I have a biology test this week, I have a math test this week, I have a history test this week, and on top of that, we have that orchestra concert that I have a solo part in."
Sasha cleared her throat and opened a random textbook that happened to be in her hand at the moment. She even took glasses from a random passerby and put them on her face. "According to this great big book of the rules of irony, you basically just doomed yourself to being caught by thE CHILL," she prophesied dramatically.
Armin whined.
"It's okay buddy," Marco patted Armin's back for moral support. "You have a strong immune system, right?" Marco coughed again, making Armin jump away.
"He's a goner, Armin," Sasha said. "You have been touched by an infected."
"NOOOOOO!" Armin screamed as he sprinted away as fast as possible, once again aggressively applying hand sanitizer.
✎Day 2 of The Chill✐
Levi looked like he was straight out of a hospital that treated infectious diseases. He was wearing a cloth of sorts over his mouth and head. He also had gloves, and a long white lab coat that he borrowed from Hanji after it was washed and bleached 27 times.
Immediately, his friends spotted him in the crowd, despite him being even shorter than the freshmen.
"Dang, you might have just worn a hazmat suit to school," Erd stated.
"Or one of those yellow suits that look like you are going to work with chemicals and stuff," Gunther said.
That earned him a whack upside the head from Erd. "Stupid, that is a hazmat suit!"
"I was actually contemplating that, but Kenny wouldn't let me out of the house with that," Levi stated.
"Because you'd look stupid?" Erwin asked.
"Because legally, we aren't supposed to have that in our possession," Levi answered.
"Why do you even have a hazmat suit?" Gunther asked.
"If I answer that, I'd have to eliminate you," Levi stated. Suddenly, his eyes widened as he screeched like a little girl. He pointed at a specific scientist walking up towards the group, holding plastic bags in one hand while a cotton swab in another. "Stay away, you spawn of germs!" Levi condemned.
"Is anyone catching The Chill yet?" Hanji asked. Her voice sounded like it dropped two octaves, and it was rough as sandpaper.
"Sounds like you're catching it," Erwin said.
"STAY AWAY!" Levi held a bottle of disinfectant spray at hanji threateningly.
"Are you even allowed to have that-"
"DON'T QUESTION ME!" Levi bellowed. "Tell me! Have you seen the germs? Have you walked with them?"
"This isn't the Salem witch trials, Levi," Erwin sighed. "Just calm down, and put the spray away before you blind someone-"
"It's getting to your head!" Levi screeched. "You're infected! You're all infected!" He then ran away, threatening anyone who got within five feet of him with his spray bottle of disinfectant.
✎Meanwhile also behind around under therefore during that Day 2 of The Chill✐
Around that time (expressed by unnecessary prepositions and transitions and such), Armin walked miserably into school. He had been struck down with The Chill. His head ached, his limbs felt like noodles, and he couldn't breathe through his nose which was constantly runny.
"Yo, Armin- whoa you look terrible," Reiner called out.
"I feel dead," Armin stated.
"So the chill got you, too?" Reiner stated.
"What does it look like?" Armin asked.
"So I'm assuming you came to school because you have things you can't afford to miss?" Reiner asked.
"Yes," Armin tried to sniff.
"Bertolt's got The Chill, too," he pointed to the tall boy huddled in the corner taking off three sweaters. "He's been going through heat flashes and cold spouts or whatever they're called."
"And I'm here to infect the entire school population with my infectious disease," Bertolt said through his stuffy nose.
"Same," Armin called out.
"Why is it so cold?" Bertolt asked while putting all of his sweaters back on once again.
"The temperature is just fine," Reiner answered.
"Do you feel sick at all?" Armin asked.
Reiner shook his head. "I have a strong immune system."
"My goal is to get everyone sick," Bertolt coughed. "I will spare no one."
"I think this 'Chill' makes everyone delusional," Reiner stated. "Everyone is going insane-"
"SICK!" Someone shouted from down the hallway. "You all are SICK! Struck down by the devil's sickness!"
Everyone turned around. Levi was standing at the end of the hallway, still holding a bottle of disinfectant in one hand, a cloth in the other.
"It's just a cold," Armin stated.
"It is not just a cold!" Levi spat bitterly. "You will suffer! We will all suffer!" He shouted before walking away.
"See?" Reiner asked. "Everyone is insane."
✎Day 3 of the Chill✐
Armin walked into the school. He was feeling better than the day before. He was still sick, but at least he could function fine enough to get through the school day. However, something was different that day. The school was emptier. There were only a few people left.
"Get down!" Sasha shouted as she jumped at Armin, knocking him behind a trash can.
"What is it now?" Armin asked, unamused, expecting there to be another war.
"It's a war, Armin!" Sasha cried out. "It's a war!"
"I knew it," Armin said as he was about to facepalm, but Sasha grabbed his arm and forced it against the wall.
"Don't touch your face," she ordered. "You will get infected!"
"I was already infected!" Armin shouted.
At first, she stared at him, then she drew her hand back and ran away shouting, "I MADE CONTACT WITH AN INFECTED MAN."
"Nice job, Armin," Bertolt complimented.
"So you're doing better?" Armin asked.
"Yep," Bertolt smiled. "And I was able to infect three other people yesterday, including Reiner."
"The halls are so empty that I'm pretty sure whoever wasn't infected before is absent today," Armin stated. "The people who are here have probably been struck down with the Chill at one point."
"I agree," Bertolt answered. "Well, I have to go to class and try to infect more people while I still have a sniffle," Bertolt said. "Bye!"
"Good luck!" Armin waved.
✎Also day 3 of The Chill✐
"Out of my friends, I am the only one who is left," wrote Hanji in her science journal. "I was so in enveloped in science I forgot to get sick like a normal person, and now, I am alone. And I feel a cold coming on. It is The Chill..."
Hanji shivered before continuing he entry. "Erwin has been taken down. His symptoms are much worse than everyone else. First, it was Molbit, then Petra, then it slowly spread. Even Levi eventually fell to the disease that we know as the common cold. I end this journal saying, that while I tried to track the progress of a growing apo-cold-lypse, I had made little progress. I was only able to confirm one thing. When one person has a cold. He or she has basically doomed all of mankind."
"In conclusion," she wrote, "the chill has won over us once again."
On that note, she closed her science journal and started fell to her knees dramatically. "I can't believe that Levi died to this disease!"
"Here's an idea," Levi stated from right next to her. He took another tissue from the tissue box he carried around and blew his nose. "Quit telling people that I'm dead!
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