Melissa
"What the hell, Mel? You said it wasn't a date, but you're up in there wrapped in dude's arms."
We are now face to face. "Really, Jason? It wasn't a date, but now it is, because you've decided to invite Leslie."
"I mean, you didn't tell me that you invited someone to our date."
"Our date?"
He shakes his head at me. "Come on, Mel, stop it. You know I take you to the movies, and you take me to the movies. It's been our tradition for the last two years. Now you got this Aaron kid touching you all over."
I laugh at his exaggeration.
"It's not funny, Mel. I'm not laughing."
*****
I lay in Cameron's arms with my eyes closed, listening to the television. We're laying in bed and supposed to be watching a movie together. Cameron is laying on his back and I have my head on his chest.
"Baby, you sleepy?" Cameron asks.
"A little." I put my leg over his and wrap my arms around his waist like he's a body pillow.
I feel Cameron's lips on my forehead. I smile a little from the touch of his lips on my forehead. He kisses my nose and I giggle, lifting my face up a little, so that he can kiss my lips. Cameron gives me a light kiss on the lips, and I lay my head back on his chest.
Cameron clears his throat a little and begins rubbing my thigh. I move my hand down his chest to his boxers. I kiss Cameron's chest, lightly. I climb on top of his lap, placing tiny kisses on his chest. I open my eyes as I sit back upright on his lap. I pull my tank top off and fling it around the room. I lean back onto Cameron's chest and kiss him lips, passionately.
I can feel his hands massaging my back as he holds me against his chest. He moves his body underneath mine as his tongue dominates mine. I break the kiss with him and take a deep breath as though I'm fighting for air. I touch the side of Cameron's face.
"Are you mad at me?" I know that he's hurt, but I want to know his feelings. Jason and I used to talk all the time. He used to open to me all the time about how he felt. He held nothing back.
"Mad? No. I could never be mad at you." He answers with honesty in his voice. "Are you mad at me?"
"For what?"
"Me and your friend getting into it."
I smile at him, mentioning this. "Don't worry. Most people get into it with her."
He continues rubbing my lower back, and I grab his hand. "I told you that I'm ticklish."
Cameron doesn't say anything as he tries to kiss my lips again. I mush him in the face, playfully.
"Your breath stinks." I tease him.
Cameron laughs and sits up in the bed. "Give me a kiss."
The moment he says these four words I think about Jason. I give Cameron a weak smile and grab his chin, kissing him square on the lips. Cameron grabs the back of my neck and tongue wrestle with me. I giggle against his lips, trying to push him in the chest.
Cameron presses his forehead against mine. "If we have a daughter, I hope that she's as beautiful as you."
I just continue to look in his eyes, trying to take my thoughts off Jason. Cameron interwine his fingers with mine.
"What will you want to name her?"
"We can think about it."
I put my arms around his neck and give him a peck on the lips. "I love you."
I love you more. I think about the words Jason would say back to me.
"I love you too, ma."
Naw, I love you more. I would say back to him. Then, he would tell me he said it first and make a silly face or stick his tongue out at me. Damn . . . faking it is harder than I thought, but I will fake it, until I make it. Eventually, I'll fall in love with Cameron. Hopefully.
****
Cameron walks into the kitchen with a silly grin on his face. I look over my shoulder at him and give him a light smile. I go back to the task at hand, preparing breakfast for us.
Last night was sweet between us. I actually let him in my heart a little and we made love. It's weird to be with Cameron, because I still feel like I'm cheating on Jason. I have to keep reminding myself that Jason and I are getting a divorce.
Cameron walks up behind me and gives me a gentle kiss on the side of my neck, wrapping his arms around my body. I lean back on him and close my eyes as he begins rubbing my stomach.
"Morning, beautiful." He whispers against my skin.
I tilt my head up to get a better look at his face. "Morning."
Cameron gives me a peck on the lips. "My baby in the kitchen cooking for us."
I giggle at his words, turning around completely in his arms. "Well, you deserve it. I have to keep that energy up, baby."
Cameron licks his lips a little, keeping his eyes on me. He puts his index finger underneath my chin, lifting my head up a little. "I love you."
"I love you too, Cam."
He quickly brushes his lips against mine and then leans over me, grabbing a piece of bacon off one of the plates. "Baby, I have a couple errands I need to run."
"Oh."
I know what his errands are. He's a dope dealer, and I'm aware of this. This is not the kind of life that I envision for myself. I'm not the kind of girl that can be with someone like that, but here I am.
"I'm about to take a shower and head out. When I come back home, you want to do something?"
I fake a small smile. "Of course."
He kisses me again on the lips and grabs another piece of bacon. "We'll for sure have dinner together. I love you, ma."
I wait for him to walk out the kitchen, before turning back around to the stove. I sigh and begin to fix my plate.
*****
"Hello?" I answer the phone almost immediately. It's so boring to sit in the house and do nothing all day.
"Hey, Mel." Jasmine's voice comes over the phone. "I was wondering if maybe you would like to hang out today?"
I don't say anything right away. I don't know how I feel about hanging with Cameron's little sister. I've gotten over her revealing to her brother that I was pregnant. . . I think.
Jasmine clears her throat. "You and I are sort of family. I'm just trying to get to know you a little. You're dating my brother. I'm dating your brother. There's no reason why we can't try to be friends."
"When you told your brother about my pregnancy, after I told you why I was keeping it a secret, what were we trying to be then?" I question her. I suppose that I'm not over it, like I thought I was.
"I told you that day that me telling him wasn't to hurt you."
But it did. I think to myself. I could have gotten away with carrying this child full term, if it weren't for her. If it weren't for Kerri . . . If it weren't for me, being a liar and cheater. I guess it could be anyone's fault, but it ultimately falls back on me.
"What do you have in mind?" I ask her. I am now dating her brother and might be having his child. I might as well try to be a part of his life. Be a part of his world.
"Anything." She breathes out, and I can swear that I can feel her smiling a little. "Want to try something simple? We can go out to dinner?"
"We can't do dinner. Cam is supposed to be home in time for us to go to dinner with one another."
"Oh, we can double date. Charles and I, and Cam and you. What do you think?"
No. I think to myself. I don't want to go on a double date with my brother, nor his girlfriend. I barely like going out with Cameron by myself. Instead of saying how I feel, I push my thoughts far far away. "Sounds perfect. I'll call Cameron and set something up. I'll give you a call back later, Jasmine."
"Call me Jazzy. That's what your momma calls me."
I'm aware. "Okay, Jazzie." Her nickname sounds so foreign leaving my lips.
"Later, Mel." She ends the call.
I look at my phone for some time, before finally deciding to send Cameron a text. I hate my new normal.