Melissa
I listen with my ear to my door as Jason and my brother play the game and talk shit.
"Hey, is Mel dating?"
I cover my mouth with my hand and smile as soon as Jason asks my brother, Charles, about me.
"Naw, man. You know Melissa. Hell, you're the closest thing she has to a boyfriend."
"I know . . ."
And that is the end of their conversation about me. They go on to talking about some movie that is coming out soon. I lean against my bedroom door wondering why Jason is asking questions, concerning my nonexistent dating life.
*****
"Mel, I think that you're moving too fast. I think that you need to sit your ass down and think about your actions. You're steady making decisions without thinking about them. What is the hurry, baby?" My mom asks with hurt all in her face and voice.
I don't say anything as I tape my box close. After Cameron and I got done talking earlier today, we agreed that I should move in with him right away. He wants to be able to take care of me better. I know that I'm moving so fast, and I totally agree with everything that my mom is saying. I understand how she feels, but I just don't want to be in this house anymore. Cameron made some valid points about me being closer to him, because he stays out south.
"Baby, you still need to heal from the hurt and pain that you feel from your marriage not working."
I look up from the box, narrowing my eyes at her. She should know better than to bring him up. Not a second go by that I don't think about him. I miss him like crazy. I'm trying to move on and heal . . . Doesn't she see that?
"Don't look at me like that, young lady. You're moving entirely too fast. I don't know anything about Cameron."
I stand up, rolling my eyes at her comment. Hell, I don't know too much about Cameron, but I guess I will learn a lot about him. "Momma, he could be my baby's father. I'm not talking about this anymore. I'm going."
She stands in my door way, shaking her head. "Mel, I think you need time, before you decide to go jump into something new. Maybe you and Jason can work through this."
"How?" I scream at her. "He told me that he didn't want me in his life! He told me that we shouldn't talk again, until the baby is born!" Tears fall from my eyes. "Damn it, mom! I'm doing what I think I got to do for me and my child. Cameron loves me and he wants to be here for me. I'm going to let him! Leave me the fuck alone!" I lash out at her.
I'm mentally fucked up in the head. It's hard for me to keep it together. Most will probably say that it's the baby that has me acting all emotional, but it's not. It's the one person that always bring out these emotions. Jason. He is all the way in Atlanta and he still has me crying and cursing out my momma over his ass.
I wipe my tears and finally look at my mom. She has tears in her eyes as she watches me. I grab another box, angrily. I begin to put items in the box, refusing to make eye contact with my mother.
"I don't want to talk about this again. I'm leaving."
"What time is he coming to get you?"
I shrug my shoulders. He didn't give me a time. Hell, for all I know is that I might have to drive my shit over to his house. I've only been to his house a couple times, so I hope that I can get there okay. I wipe my tears from my cheeks and just sit on the edge of the bed. My mom rushes up to me and moves the box from in front of me. She gets on her knees and put her arms around me. This is like the millionth time that I cried in my momma's arms like a baby. I have never experienced so much hurt and pain in my life that I feel right now.
"He doesn't love me." I say through my tears. "He doesn't care."
"Shh . . . " My mom tries to calm me down.
I cry harder in her arms. "He doesn't want me." I can't believe that he finally let us go and he is dead ass serious about it. This is why I didn't want to tell him about Cameron and I. I already knew that he would walk away from us.
"Everything happens for a reason, baby. Don't you cry over something that you can't control." She pulls back to look into my eyes. She puts her hands on my face and forces me to look into her eyes. "Let him go. If you don't, you will continue to feel this way. Cameron will not help ease the hurt, pain, or whatever you feel. You have to do that. You have to let him go in your heart and then you will be able to heal."
I nod my head, but I don't have a clue on how to let him go. "When will it stop hurting?" I really need an answer to this question. I just need the pain to go away. I don't want to cry over him anymore.
My mom strokes my face. "Time heals all pain."
And what the hell is this supposed to do for me now? I close my eyes and instantly see Jason's face, giving me a smile. I picture him saying that he loves me more. I smile to myself as I open my eyes. I love thinking about him. It hurts and it makes me feel good at the same time.
"Momma, I got to finish packing and give Cameron a call. I'll be fine."
She gives me a sad smile, standing up. She gives me a kiss on the forehead. "If you need me, baby, I'm here."
I nod my head. I just want to be left alone. I don't want anyone to be here for me. The only person that I want is Jason, and he is gone.
*****
I get into the bed with Cameron and lay on my side. Cameron instantly turns the game and the lamp off on his nightstand. I feel him move around as he tries to get comfortable in the bed. I know that he can sense that something is wrong with me. We haven't spoken more than a few words to one another. He's been trying to make me smile, but it hasn't been working.
"Bae, what's wrong? Are you upset, because I was an hour late? I told you that I got held up. I didn't do that shit on purpose."
Jason would have never been an hour late. He would have never got held up. He was always on time.
"So, I'm just going to get the silent treatment from you? No hug, or kisses . . . And now the silent treatment." Cameron continues talking to me. "Or maybe it's not me."
I get out the bed to send a text to Terrance. Jason had said if I need anything, we can communicate through Terrance. I walk to the bathroom with my phone, ignoring the fact that I just left Cameron laying in bed without answering any of his questions. I close the bathroom door and lean against it. I look at my phone and try to figure out what I can possibly need.
Ter, u up?
I know that he's up. It's only ten at night. Terrance is always running the streets. My phone vibrates with a message from him.
Whats up?
Can u tell Jas that
I pause trying to figure out how to end the text message. Tell Jason what? I question myself. I don't really want to ask for any money from him, because he has to still take care of himself. His parents might be paying his rent and bills for a year, but he still has to feed himself and gas his own car up. Fuck it, I'll ask for money. It's the only thing that sounds believable. I really don't need any, but whatever.
Can u tell Jas that I need money? I need to get a car. I'm having a baby n don't want to be on CTA.
This sounds believable. I know Jason doesn't have enough money to buy me a new car, but I just want some communication with him. I'm hoping that he just contacts me.
I will text him later.
K. Thanks.
I stare at my phone for a few minutes, before just deciding to go back to bed. It's not like Terrance is going to respond to my last text. He's just going to give Jason the message. I know he probably wishes that he didn't have to talk with my ass at all. I open the bathroom door and make my way back to the bedroom. I already know that I'm going to have to deal with Cameron.
Cameron has the bedroom light on and he is sitting on the edge of the bed. I don't make eye contact with him as I climb into the bed. I can feel that he is upset just by the tension in the bedroom.
"So, instead of talking to me, you run your ass into the bathroom with your phone? Is that the type of shit that we're on? We just started this shit, and you're already acting sneaky as fuck."
I sit up in the bed. "I can't take a shit?"
"With your phone?" He questions back to me. "You've been acting pissy all day. I don't fucking understand you, Mel. Do you want to be with me?"
"Yes, but I do still hurt from me and him. You act like I'm not supposed to care. He was my husband. You're so fucking insensitive."
Cameron turns away from me. He hangs his head and shakes his head. He stands up and walks out the bedroom. "I'm on the couch. This shit is too much." He slams the bedroom door after himself.
"He could have cut off the light." I mutter to myself as I lay back down. I pull the covers over my face to block the light. I'm too lazy to get up and turn them off. I will just deal with Cameron tomorrow sometime. He might be right about me giving him a fair chance. Maybe I'm the insensitive one.