39.5 – Healing
You can do this, Dakota. You called, you made the appointment. All you got to do now is walk through those doors and see her. She'll help. You've already been cleared by a doctor.
I took Bobby's words and Sam's to heart. I dropped by the hospital after Bobby lent me a pair of keys. I checked out healthy, which was a relief to me. I could tell everyone some good news when I returned. Before my hospital visit, I had quickly researched nearby therapists and called. Luckily, I was able to be squeezed in.
So while Bobby remained at the house, and Sam and Dean were on their way to rescue Adam, I sat in the car, watching the sun set, staring down the office. Just one session. See where it goes. One session might be all that you need. I'm surprised the office is still open at this time of night. Most would be closed by now.
It took a lot of will power to turn off the car and physically walk myself into the waiting room. I told the receptionist my name and my time, and I went to an empty seat. There were a few other troubled people in the room with me. One was twiddling her thumbs. Another was on his phone, mindlessly scrolling. Another man had his head resting against the wall, eyes closed. I wondered what brought them here.
The man on his phone got called back first. Another lady called the only woman other than me back. I was the second to last to get called in. I followed my guide as she directed me to one of the rooms. A few other doors were shut. I heard the muffled voices. There's therapists here, not just one.
"She'll be here in a few minutes," my guide told me before shutting the door. I took a seat on the couch, putting my hands in my lap. I felt jittery, like I should have brought a weapon on me. Holy water or something so I knew I wasn't confessing my ordeal to a demon who probably caught the news through the grapevine.
There was a plant next to the couch on my right. There was a bookshelf full of volumes. A chair was opposite the couch, and behind the chair was a desk. The chair belonged to the desk as the desk didn't have one stationed behind it. The blinds were pulled on the windows, so I couldn't set the setting sunlight.
The door opened, and I jumped upright. This woman was (obviously) older than me, with streaks of gray in her dark hair. She dressed professionally.
"You must be Dakota," she greeted me warmly. "Doctor Bagley."
"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. I don't know how many people you get like this."
"Not many. Please, sit." She took her seat in the chair across from the couch. She crossed her legs at the ankles. "So...where do you want to start?"
"Ease me into it, Doc. I'm not gonna spill my heart out for you easily."
"All right. Tell my why you're here."
"Well." I put hair behind my ear. "I've been dealing with a lot lately. My life's been crazy. I've been recommended that I find some help for myself, but I haven't had the time to until now." I wrung my hands. "Recently, I—I was..." I avoided eye contact with Dr. Bagley.
"This is a safe room, Dakota. It's okay. Take your time."
"I got into a bad situation," I forced out. "I—I had been...v-violated."
"By a stranger?"
I shook my head. "I knew him. He'd..."
"Have the police been called about him?"
"N-no." I wiped my face. "He's probably long gone by now." Not that the police will want to have Lucifer in their hands if they arrest him. He'd kill them easily.
"My condolences," she said sincerely. "How long ago was this?"
"Fairly recently, Doc."
"Have you been checked out?"
"Yes. I'm healthy." I sniffled. Unless you count the mental scarring I'll have for the rest of my life. "I just...I let it happen, Doc. I let him get away with it."
"Dakota, let me explain something to you," Dr. Bagley told me calmly. "The only person to blame in a case of rape is the rapist themselves, not the victim. The victim is merely that, a victim. What he did to you...it wasn't your fault. You may see it that way, but no matter how you swing it, the only person to blame is the one who committed the crime. Here." She handed me a box of tissues as I felt the hot, frustrated tears on my face. "This is a brave thing to do, Dakota. This was brave of you to come here. Getting yourself checked out was also a step in the right direction. You've done nothing wrong, you're doing nothing wrong. You're doing what you're supposed to."
I blew my nose obnoxiously. "H-how do I go about this, Doc? How do I move on from this?"
"Truthfully, this is always going to stick with you," she said sorrowfully. "However, if you don't allow it to break you, you can overcome it. I sense you're a strong-willed person, Dakota, the kind that doesn't go down easy. I think you're more than capable of beating this. Find yourself a good support system."
I laughed dryly. "I already have that, Doc."
"Good. Don't lose it."
"I never want to."
My conversation with Dr. Bagley went further along than I had anticipated. But I took in every minute of it. It felt liberating, to tell someone outside of the issues in my life what had happened. An outside perspective, a fresh perspective, was what I had needed. Just keep yourself strong, like she's saying, and you'll win. You'll beat this. You'll beat the experience. You and the brothers will beat Lucifer.
"I believe our time is up," Dr. Bagley told me. I frowned slightly, a bit disappointed about that. "I hope this helped you, Dakota."
"You know what, Doc? I think it did," I realized.
"That's good to hear." She smiled. As she got out of her chair, I rose to shake her hand. "If you should need another session, call and make an appointment." She handed me a card. "I would be more than happy to help you heal, Dakota."
"Thank you." I said this genuinely.
After a parting nod with Dr. Bagley, I walked out of the room, back into the cruel world that was my life. But I was prepared this time. Dr. Bagley, somehow, had given me a sense of relief. She hadn't judged me one bit, she had given me a sympathetic ear.
She gave me some much-needed strength in this battle that I desperately needed to overcome.
**In light of what recently happened to Kota, I figured (after someone thought about the idea) to give her some time away from the supernatural and be normal. Thanks to magicolebooks for inspiring this outtake! You gave me an idea I should have thought up when I first wrote this book!
By the way, readers, I believe that "Fighter" should forever be Kota's anthem. Who agrees?**