Katniss POV- (A few hours later)
"Come inside, Katniss. It's nearly 9 o'clock and it's freezing outside." Peeta opens the front door up.
I turn and look at him, "I am not ready to come inside yet." I whisper.
"Katniss, come on? I'm sorry about earlier but you can't just stay out here."
"Why couldn't I?" I shoot.
"Because it's still winter. I'll be very surprised if you don't get sick from this little strike of yours." He says, putting a blanket over my shoulders.
"It's not a strike."
"It seems like a strike to me." Peeta says quietly.
I snap my head, "It's not."
"Just please come inside. I'll even sleep on the couch and Willow can sleep in the living room with me so you can be alone." Peeta says but there's no self-pity in his voice.
I stand up and push past him inside our warm house.
He closes the front door and locks up the house.
"I am not sure if you heard me three hours ago, your dinner is on the table. Probably ruined now." Peeta says.
I shrug.
"Hey, I went out and told you but you never came in." He says, annoyed.
"I'll find something else." I say, walking into the kitchen, he follows me in there of course.
"No, let me." He says.
I turn and face him, "Stop."
"What?"
"Just please, stop?" I snap.
He sighs, "Katniss, I'm still not even sure why you're mad at me."
"I'm not either but I want you to let me take care of myself."
"Okay, well not to be rude but just because you've striked on being a wife and mother, Willow is nearly out of milk so you better get some more or you're dealing with her when she's starving in the middle of the night."
I scoff, "You really think I hate you both." I roll my eyes and sit at the island.
"I didn't say that but I'm just being honest with you. Why can't you just not be mad at us? I can't necessarily speak for myself but Willow has done nothing wrong."
"I'm not mad at either of you."
"Then quit acting like it. You're hurting Willow more than you're hurting me by acting like this." He says getting some cereal from the cabinet and milk from the fridge.
"Peeta, I swear I'm not trying to be a bitch. I love you both but I need some time to myself for today at least."
Peeta scoffs, "What's going to happen tomorrow? You're not just going to act like nothing happened. I know you all too well. I love you but I just need you to work with me. I know you're having a hard time but ignoring me doesn't make it any better. Ignoring Willow doesn't help anything either. It's no different than what your mom did to."
I close my eyes.
My eyes and nose burn as tears threaten to spill over.
"I'm sorry." I choke out, my voice cracking at the end. "I'm not trying to hurt anyone but that's all I seem to be good for." I cry.
"Katniss-" He starts but I cut him off.
"No, Peeta. I don't know why I'm acting like this and I know I'm no better than our mothers but I promise I just can't help it." I say frantically.
"I'm sorry about what I said earlier but it's not fair to me or Willow."
"I know it's not." I almost yell.
He sighs and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me but I don't hug him back.
I try to act like I don't care that he's hugging me or showing me affection but I do care and we both know it.
"Katniss, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be an ass but you're frustrating me. You and Willow mean the world to me but Willow can't take care of herself. I can't just worry about you all the time anymore and I'm struggling with that. It's destroying me to see you act this way but I can't just run to you like I have in the past. Willow needs us."
I look up at him with sad eyes, "Maybe a piece of me is jealous of her which is the most pathetic thing."
"Katniss, we've spent the past four years together and we've just worried about each other. We've never really been in a situation where someone else is more important than the other. I don't expect it to be normal for awhile but she's more important than me and she's more important than you. I'm not saying we aren't important but she is priority now."
He's right.
It's no different than what I told him when I found out I was pregnant.
How Willow was priority over us and that's just how it should be.
"Remember? A part of me and a part of you and shouldn't two important people put into one be the most important to those two? Respecting that piece of yourself in her and that piece of me?" He says and it makes me feel worse.
I nod my head, "I'm sorry. I'm trying to balance it all and I want to take care of you both but sometimes you don't let me. It's frustrating because you say we are a team but it feels like you do everything."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I truly don't mean to make you feel that way. I just know how hard you worked and all the pain you went through. I just want you to know that I can handle being a father. I want to be able to show you that I appreciate your sacrifices."
I look up at him.
"I know you can handle it but I can handle being a mother. I know you don't try to make it seem this way but it makes it feel like you doubt my efforts."
Peeta frowns, "That is the furthest thing from what I want you to feel. I want you to feel appreciated, not useless."
"I know."
"Katniss, I'm so sorry. I really am."
"I just want you both to be happy and I'm not helping anything."
"You make us both happy but I promise I'm gonna start making you feel like a mother."
"What do you mean?"
He shrugs, "I'm going to let us work as a team because I didn't realize until now, that I haven't really been a team player."
"You've been more than a team player. You're doing everything you can and I appreciate that but I wanna play too." I explain.
"I promise I'm going to do better from now on but I want you to still go to the doctor just to make sure nothing else is going on." He tells me.
"I don't want to go to the damn doctor, Peeta."
"Our promise." He says.
I groan, "We've made so many damn promises, I don't even remember half of them."
"Katniss, our promise about each other's health or well-being? I think you need to go to the doctor, baby. This isn't heathy what you're feeling."
I start crying again.
"They're going to take her away from me, Peeta. No mother wants to ignore her baby or feels jealous because her husband is giving a baby more attention."
He frowns, "There's nothing wrong with you and they won't take her from you. They can't do that and there is no reason to. You're not starving her or beating her or doing anything that could get her taken away from us."
"What if they do?"
"They won't, Katniss. You're overreacting. I'm sure that they will say it's perfectly normal and give you some medicine and you'll feel better before you know it."
I sigh, "I just don't want to lose you. Either of you ever."
"You won't."
He sighs, "Eventually, we will all die."
"Why did you say that?" I sob.
"Because it's true and you know it. I'm not trying to hurt you but you know that it is true but you're not losing either one of us any time soon."
"I hope I die first so I don't have to be around when you go." I say.
I don't want him to go through that but I don't want to be in a world without him or Willow, it would hurt too much.
"Well, I hope I die first. Either way one of us gets screwed over."
"Maybe we will die together." I mumble.
"Then Willow is hurt twice."
"We can't protect her from that." I say truthfully.
"Let's please just quit this fighting and talking about dying. I want to make you a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. I was going to wait until we took Willow for her checkup but I can't stand seeing you so hurt and upset."
I don't say anything but just nod my head.
"I'm sorry, Peeta. I don't want to feel this way." I tell him truthfully.
He nods his head and pulls me into a hug.
I hug him back this time and bury my face into his shirt.
"I know you don't but you can't help how you feel. I'm sorry that I haven't been the person you need me to be but that's going to change." Peeta says.
I nod.
"Now please, go make us all three happy and go in there and at least hold Willow?" He whispers to me and I can tell it would mean a lot to him if I did.
It would mean a lot to me if I just sucked it up too. I've been aching to hold her all day but I've been pushing the need back which only makes it grow stronger.
We go into the living room and Peeta carefully places her into my arms.
Her little blue eyes meet mine and I start to cry again.
How could I have felt any way I have about this precious little girl?
She's so innocent and I hurt her.
I scared her to death last night and I've ignored her all day and screamed and yelled at Peeta too.
"I'm so sorry, Willow." I choke out and Peeta pats my back, frowning.
She just looks pitifully at me and her lip begins trembling and she starts crying too.
I cry harder and hold her to me.
It's not her hungry cry or her dirty diaper cry, it's just a sad sounding cry.
"She shouldn't be hungry. She ate less than an hour ago." Peeta says.
I frown, "Take her." I say, handing her to Peeta as she wails till her face is bright red.
He takes her from me yet she still cries.
He pops the pacifier in her mouth but she spits it out and stares at me as she kicks and screams.
"She's probably crying because I came in."
"No, she was fine with you holding her until you started crying. She's probably upset you're crying." He says.
I doubt it.
Finally, I can't take it anymore.
I force myself to suck it up and wipe away my tears and try to look a little happier.
"Willow, I stopped crying. I'm sorry, please stop?" I say, holding back tears.
"Stop crying, please?" I say softly to her and pat her tummy as she kicks her little legs.
And just like that, she stops and stares at me with her sad eyes.
They're the same color Peeta's turn when he's upset.
I bury my face into Peeta's arm, "Katniss, it's okay." He says, trying to coax me out.
"Her eyes were the same color your's turn when you're sad." I tell him, muffled.
He sighs, "You know she was only upset because you are."
I shake my head, not wanting to believe it.
She's probably upset because I held her or because I've ignored her all day.
"Take her back but don't cry." He says and I look up. He slips her bundle into my arms again.
I look down and she looks at me attentively, watching my eyes.
I put a sad smile on.
We all three sit in silence for the longest time.
Peeta leans his head on my shoulder and we all three just sit in each other's company.
Soon, Willow starts to get a little restless.
"How about you feed her one last time and then we go to bed?" Peeta suggests.
I sigh, "That's probably a good idea."
"I need to go take a shower. Do you have it covered?"
I nod my head, "Yeah, I can handle it. I'll be upstairs with her in a bit."
Peeta kisses my forehead and disappears upstairs.
I get Willow and I situated for a feeding and
I look down at her as she stares up at me and hungrily eats away at my breast.
"I'm sorry about today, baby. You are one of the best things that's ever happened to me and I love you so much but you don't understand how scary this is for me." I whisper to her in the same tone I used when she was in my belly, which seems like ages ago but wasn't more than two weeks prior.
"I am so lucky to have you and Daddy though. You know, I never knew my heart needed either of you and maybe that's why I've been so afraid. I just love you more than you could ever know and I'm not doing a very good job at handling that." I explain.
She just suckles away and stares expressionless at me.
"I promise that Mommy is trying. She really is but you didn't come with any sort of instructions and Mommy and Daddy are just winging everything."
She blinks again.
"It'll be okay soon. I'm sure you don't even realize half of what's happening but sometimes, I feel like you understand but just don't know how to communicate it yet."
She stares up at me, "Maybe I can tell you everything I can't tell Daddy since you don't truly understand yet." I laugh, even though there's nothing I can't tell Peeta.
"Maybe I just need someone to listen to me that can't talk yet." I sigh.
I sigh and she finishes eating.
I burp her and she spits up all over my shoulder and herself so when Peeta comes down the stairs, I'm cleaning her and getting her ready for bed.
"I'll have to shower now. She just puked all over me." I say and he smiles and sits on the couch.
I place her in Peeta's arms and she tries lifting her head up to look at him but her neck quickly tires and she just lays her head on his bare chest.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." I say, standing up.
I start up the stairs but his voice stops me.
"Katniss?" Peeta calls and I turn around.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"I love you."
I smile sadly at him, "I love you too." I say and go up the stairs and into our bedroom.
I get in the shower and when I get out, Peeta and Willow are laying on our bed.
Willow lays next to him with her little legs in the air.
Peeta smiles at me and I pull my towel tighter over my body.
I get dressed and then lay on my side of the bed, Willow in the middle.
"When you get a little bigger, you can sleep in between us, Willow." Peeta says.
"After a year, she's sleeping in her crib." I say but I know I'm bluffing.
I know I'll end up letting her sleep with us all the time if she wants to.
Peeta chuckles, "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted." He says with a yawn.
I nod my head, "Peeta, I'm still really sorry about today. I promise I'll go to the doctor as soon as I can but please just don't take anything I said today to heart. Just forget it all."
"Katniss, don't worry about it. I wasn't my best today either. Just let's try to be more patient with each other until we can find our new normal. Okay?"
I nod, our new 'normal.'
Willow's 'normal' is going to be determined by our actions and lifestyle and I don't want us fighting to be normal for her.
Peeta's normal sucked and so did mine and I'll be damned if Willow's does too.
"Let's get to bed." He says, standing up, taking Willow off the bed.
He presses a kiss to her forehead and she looks at him, "Say 'Goodnight, Mommy.'" He says holding her out to me.
I press a kiss to her forehead too and her eyes meet mine.
He lays her down, "Goodnight, Willow." Peeta says and goes over to flip the light off.
He turns it off and gets back into bed and pulls me to him.
"Goodnight." He kisses my own forehead now.
"Goodnight." I mumble and snuggle closer to him, warmth from him and our blanket radiating my body.
With that, I fall into an easier night's sleep.