Sarcastic comebacks

Hey how you doing?

------1
Whatever is eating you, it must be suffering horribly
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Person: why aren't you at church?
Guy: who's this?
Person: God
Person: why are you texting in church? Pay attention
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Me: here's a picture of what you mean to me
Them: but it's a blank piece of paper...
Me: exactly
------4
Teacher: I enjoyed reading your book. Who wrote it for you?
Student: I'm so glad you liked it. Who read it to you?
------5
Friend: why are you so stupid?
Me: to understand you
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Piss me off again and your next period will come out of your nose
------7
Do you know what's funny? Not you, so shut up!
------8
Fake is the new trend and you seem to be in style