After three hours of intense eye contact with Mr. Gerr and the custodian who came to mop up the mess, I was finally off the hook, meaning I could go back to filing papers for this fine company.
Filing is boring. And this room is bland. And there's no good music. Plus, it's super stuffy for the middle of November. And I really, really wanted some music to play.
So I started to hum.
Suddenly, the unmistakable tone of the Marimba ringtone started ringing through the office.
My phone started ringing, as I got several glares from my fellow workers, telling me what I already knew.
RULE #347.7:
THOU SHALT NEVER USE THY PHONE WHILE IN THY HOLY PLACE OF WORK.
Okay so maybe I exaggerated, but phone-usage was a big no-no here. I rolled my eyes at the idiots and grabbed my phone to answer it.
"Hello??" I hissed.
"Hope??" A voice said back.
"Yeah, you are on phone with Miz Hope. Who is this??"
"It's Lou." She replied.
I froze. Lou was the only family I had left.
"Oh, sorry bout that. I'm at work though, do ye need something??" I hissed, knowing that if I got anymore stressed out, my hair would start to curl.
"I got you a job."
I froze. And gulped. "What kind of job??"
I could hear her chuckle. "Full time, better pay than any other job. In America at first."
I sighed. "What KIND of job Lou??"
"It'll let you be yourself. You can travel everywhere."
"LOU."
"What??"
"What. Kind. Of. Job??"
She laughed again. "Makeup artist."
My blood stopped. Doing makeup and hair was my thing. I was one of the most famous youtubers in England for that reason. Well, that and because I am super lame and like to share stories with the Internet about just how lame I am. This could be great!!
I thought about it for a second. "How much money??"
I could hear her smile. "£24,000 a month."
My heart froze.
"You want the job Hope??"
"Can I keep my YouTube position?"
"But of course." If I kept getting payed from YouTube, I would be able to retire in peace, and much more.
I looked around my office. I eyed all the paper I had spent three months stacking. I looked at the rule book that was 178 pages long. (I counted once). I looked at how boring it was here.
I glanced back at my phone and picked up.
"You know what I say??" I replied. "How fast can you put me on a flight??"
We worked out the details, before bidding each other goodbye. I looked around my office for my last time.
Might as well go out with a bang.
I stood on my chair, and got out my phone. Already, a few people looked over at me. Then, I started to play We Are The Champions on the loudest volume setting and smiled at Mr. Gerr.
"Mr. Gerr I am super mega sorry for your B E AUTIFUL coat, but I must leave now!" I yelled dramatically. "I have things to do! Actual things! With actual people! Sorry about that." I added, looking at the bloke in accounting. "So with all sadness sue, I QUIT."
Now, at my company, people find many excuses to get out of working. So when someone announces that they are quitting, they like to clap. And cheer. And stand up and give hugs all around. Which is exactly what everybody did. As soon as the hugging had finished, I made my way over to Mr. Gerr.
"It's nothing personal, mate." I mumbled, giving him my company coffee mug back.
"Are you sure you can't reconsider? You're the face of this franchise!" He yelled, beads of swear appearing on his eyebrows, making him look like he was crying.
"Sorry." I tried to sound as sad as possible. "But they already signed me up for a new job. And I can't back out." I awkwardly put one arm around him. "Thanks for the memories. Even though they weren't so sweet."
It was going to be a good Monday.