Jason
I sit outside the building complex, thinking about everything that Melissa and I went through. It's nine twenty three at night, and I had just pulled up in front of the apartment building in Atlanta, Georgia half an hour ago. I've just been sitting in the car, staring at the building lost in my own thoughts. I can't believe that my baby might be pregnant by another guy. This shit hurts. The same dude that she swore up and down that she wasn't giving anything to ... Including her body.
It hurts my heart that I had to share her with someone else. I know that it's not exactly fair that I feel this way. I mean, yesterday night she just found out that I had been cheating on her. In my own defense, I had never meant to hurt her. That's why I was trying to get us out of Chicago quick as hell. I didn't want her to find out the shit that I was doing behind her back. Hell, I knew I fucked up. I just didn't know how to handle her cheating on me with Cameron. My baby was letting some dude taste her and put his lips on her. That shit fucked my brain up.
My jaw tightens as my phone rings loudly. I already know that most likely it's Mel calling me for the millionth time. I look at my phone screen and shake my head at the sight of her pretty face. Damn . . . I can't believe that my baby might not be carrying my child. I ignore the call and lean back in my seat. My life is so fucking stressful at times. I realize that I caused a lot of this shit, but my life feels so fucking off track right now. Mel is supposed to be here with me. Instead, I left her back home and decided to start life over. Without her.
Most might say that I'm being a hypocrite, because I did fuck Diamond behind her back. Well, I used protection with Diamond, because I knew better. Mel went and fucked Cameron and didn't bother using protection. Not only that, but she's been talking to him this whole damn time. Every single time that she told me that it was over, she had lied to me. And the worse part about it all is that she knew that she might be pregnant with his baby and let me get all excited and shit. She had the nerve to say that Kerri is foul for the shit she pulled behind Terrance's back, but in my book she's worse.
And let me not get started on Kerri's ass. Kerri is supposed to be my best friend. I looked at her like my little homey. She always had my back and looked out for me. I can't believe that she knew that Mel was pregnant by Cameron and didn't tell me. I feel betrayed and hurt by both my girls.
My phone rings again and I hit the ignore button. I don't really feel like talking to Melissa right now. I already know that she's been crying and the things that she will say. It's the same old shit. Cameron means nothing and she wants to be with me. I'm so passed the shit that happened, and all I want is a divorce. I can't believe that I got this big ass tattoo of her name across my chest. I was willing to do anything to show her that she's where my heart is at.
I hit my steering wheel angrily. I can't believe that we did this shit to each other. It will be easy to forgive and tell her to come join me, but I know myself. I know well enough to know that I can't handle the shit that she did behind my back. She thinks that I fucked up with the little shit that I did do . . . Well, I will most definitely be reckless now. It's just best for me to walk away completely. When her baby is born, I will take a DNA test. I just think that we need a little break from one another. All we seem to do is hurt each other. But damn . . . I love her ass like crazy.
I push open the car door and pop the trunk. I hate that I'm about to start my life without the one person that I've been making plans with. It feels different that Mel isn't around me. I slam the front door and make my way to my trunk and pull out my one box. I can't wait for Terrance to come through with the rest of my things. When I had spoke to him earlier, he told me that he will leave out in the middle of the night. He had some things to do. At least I can trust that Terrance will always come through for me. It's crazy the shit that Kerri did to him. I don't even know what the hell is going on between them. I didn't ask him, because that shit isn't my business. My business is back in Chicago, crying her eyes out.
I slam my trunk and make my way to the apartment complex. The door flies open and a pretty dark skinned girl hurries out. She holds the door opened for me with a pretty smile on her face. I check her out as I walk pass her. She blushes a little and looks away from me.
"Thanks." I say to her, before she closes the door.
I turn around to check her out from behind. She looks good.
I continue inside the building, until I see an elevator. I just stand there, letting Mel take over my thoughts. I find myself getting angry and sad at the same time. I'm upset that I left Mel and came alone, and I'm sad that I felt like I had to leave her. Part of me felt like I should have listened to her. I had always told her that we were bigger than that. I didn't give her a chance to explain to me. All I heard was that Cameron might be her child's father, and I was gone.
Man, this girl had made me cried more than I felt is necessary. She knows that I love her ass. She knows that I'm down for whatever, when it comes to her happiness. I just don't understand why she felt that she need to be with Cameron. Hell, sexually . . . I know that I take care of my baby. Whatever she likes, daddy gets it done for her. She doesn't have to ask twice.
I stare off in space, thinking about the night after prom when Mel and I were laying in bed and talking with one another. That night everything felt so right. I felt like I had my baby with me. Truthfully, Mel is the only girl that can get me to act all soft. She has a way with me that makes me want to be that kind of guy for her. I always said she deserves the best. I meant what I said, when I told her that I am the way that I am for her.
"Are you going to get on, or what?"
I snap out of my thoughts and turn around to the voice. It's the pretty girl that had opened the front door for me. I let my eyes travel from the sandals on her manicured feet all the way up to her cut off shorts. My eyes go up to her yellow button up shirt. I finally let my eyes rest on hers and notice just how pretty her almond shape eyes are.
"Well?" She asks with a smile on her face as she walks pass me and steps onto the elevator.
"Yeah, I'm sorry." I say as I follow her. "You're beautiful." I have never been the type to bite my tongue on how I feel, and I wasn't going to start now.
She blushes and looks down at the floor. She peeks at me and shakes her head. She pushes the number four button on the elevator. "What floor?"
"Four also." I set my box down on the floor.
She gives me a shy smile. I'm a sucker for good girls. That's why I fell for Mel. My baby used to be innocent.
I lick my lips and look at her from the corner of my eyes. She pretends to be focusing on the elevator doors, but I know that she wants to look at me.
"I'm Jason." I decide to break the silence. "I'm new to the neighborhood. So new that my things aren't coming, until tomorrow." I give her a big grin.
"Jason, I'm Ashlee." She holds her hand out to me. I take her hand and give it a light shake. Then, I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it gently. She giggles a little and snatches her hand away from me just as the doors open up. "Charming, huh?"
I pick my box up and follow behind her out the elevator. I don't say anything as I watch her walk in front of me.
"What apartment are you in, Jason?"
"Um . . . Apartment four fifteen."
"That's across from me. It's all the way down the hall. Looks like we're going to be neighbors, huh?" She tries not to smile, but I hear it all in her voice. "Where are your parents?"
"Naw, this is my place." I have a big smile on my face. She turns around with a questionable look on her face. She doesn't say anything as she stops at her apartment door and points across from her. I turn around to see that she was right and my place is across from her. I turn back to her and she is just standing at her door, checking me out.
"Well, I'll see you around."
I give a silent nod, staring at her. She turns around and opens her front door.
"Ay . . . " I say to her, before she walks into her front door. I know that I'm dealing with a lot of shit right now, but I so badly want this girl in my life.
"Yes?" She turns her head around to look at me.
"Maybe tomorrow you can stop by and help me unpack."
"No, thank you. I don't go into a person's place that I don't know." She rolls her eyes and takes a step in her house.
With that, she has me all the way on board with wanting her. "Dinner?"
She turns back around and pauses for a second, looking into my eyes. I can tell that she is thinking about it.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask her, thinking that is the reason she is so hesistant on going out with me.
"No. I don't date."
I suddenly think about Melissa. I look away from Ashlee, feeling upset with myself. I know that I told Melissa that I wanted a divorce, but we still have to discuss some things. As much as I want to get to know Ashlee, I know that it wouldn't be fair to come on strong to her. I'm still a married man. I don't want her to be a rebound girl.
I look in Ashlee's eyes and she is just looking at me, waiting for some type of response to what she just said.
"Alright. I'll see you around, Ashlee."
"Maybe." She gives a tiny grin and walks into her house.
I continue looking after her, until she closes the front door. I turn around and look at my own front door. I should be happy that I'm finally where I said I wanted to be. I'll be starting school in a couple months, and I got a decent place. Everything is coming together, but the one person that I want here, isn't by my side.
My phone rings and I already know who it is. It's my wife calling, but I'm not ready to talk to her. I need some time away from her.
*****
I had just gotten done blowing up my air mattress. I put a sheet over it and try to lay down and relax. I grab my phone and look through the many messages that Mel had sent me. All of them pretty much say the same things. She's sorry about not telling me the truth. I shouldn't be upset, because I'm having a baby with Leslie. I should forgive her, because she forgave me. And it goes on and on. . .
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door. I groan and get up. I know that I don't know anyone in this building, except Ashlee. I can't help but to smile as I make my way to the front door and look out the peep hole. Ashlee is standing outside my door in pajama shorts and a tank top with her hair wrapped up. She is still sexy to me.
I open the door for her and stick my head out. "So, you don't go to a person's house, but you like knocking on their door at eleven at night?" I tease her.
She giggles a little as she holds a plate out to me wrapped up in alumni foil. "My momma cooked a big dinner, and I thought about you. You said your things aren't coming, until tomorrow. I wasn't sure if you stopped by a store to get groc . . . " She stops short. "I'm sorry. I'm babbling. You want the plate?"
"Yeah. Thanks." I take the plate from her and we share eye contact for a few seconds.
She rubs her hands over her clothes. "How old are you?"
"Eighteen. You? I'll be nineteen in a couple months."
"I just turned eighteen in May." There's more silence between us. I can tell that she wants to talk to me. "How do you have your own place?"
"My parents." I really don't want to reveal too much about myself to her. I don't know what type of girl she is.
She gives a little nod. "Well, enjoy the food. I have to get back in the house." She turns away and walks away from the door. She looks over her shoulder. "Night."
"Night." I say, quietly.
I wait for her to go inside her place, before I go back inside of mine. I put the plate of food in the refrigerator. Any other time, I would have been hungry as hell and dog the hell out of whatever was on the plate. Tonight, I don't have an appetite. I miss my baby. I miss her voice, laughter, and cuddling with her at night. Mel always thought I was lying, when I said that I couldn't sleep without her. I never lied . . . I lose sleep, when she isn't next to me.
I walk back to the air mattress and lay down. I grab my phone and begin looking at pictures of her and us together. Damn . . . I want to call her, but I don't know what I will say. It's clear that I want her in my life, but I will never forgive her for fucking Cameron. As much as I miss my Melly baby, I still want a divorce.