I close the door and walk over to the mirror. So that I could be alone, I told Asher I needed to use the bathroom. Finally, after a long night, I can just be alone. Granted, it is in Asher's bathroom, so, somewhat alone.
I look in the mirror and wince at myself. I look like a maniac. My mascara is all down my face, my lipstick smeared. My hair is a mess and my eyes look puffy and bloodshot from all the crying.
Great.
Everyone saw me like this. Asher saw me like this. I plop my face into my hands and groan.
What a fucking disastrous night. And now I have to face Asher. At least I'm calmer now. But still, he saw me lose it.
I walk backward and sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall. I'm grateful that Asher gave me a place to stay, but it's just awkward. Maybe if I just stay in here for a little while, Asher will get the message and leave me alone.
A knock comes on the door and I snap my head up. Fuck.
"Allie, are you alright? Can I come in?" His sweet voice comes from outside the door.
I don't answer, I hesitate.
"Yeah, okay, I'm coming in." The door opens, and I see him looking down at me. "Hey," I say, embarrassed. "Hi," he sighs, sitting down across from me. It stays quiet for a minute.
"I guess you want to know what happened, huh." I look down, fidgeting with my fingers.
He shrugs his shoulders. "You can tell me if you want to."
I smile a little. I know he's trying to be calm so that I will stay calm. My smile fades as I consider what to do.
"If I tell you, how do I know that you won't l-" The words leave me are on the tip of my tongue. But I can't say that. No way. "How do I know you won't tell everyone?" I correct myself, tears stinging my eyes as I avoid eye contact.
"You don't. You're just going to have to trust me."
I meet his eyes. He's sincere. But maybe he isn't, I don't know. Anyone can lie and make it look real. "How do I know you won't think I'm disgusting," I say, looking back down.
"Because I could never think you're disgusting."
I smile softly. "I've only known you for like a week," I chuckle lightly.
"Well," he takes in a breath. "I don't think time matters as much as the person you're talking to."
Maybe I am stupid. Or maybe I'm just gullible. Or maybe even I'm just tired of keeping this in. Of lying to everyone. But something in me says I should trust him. Yeah, I don't know him that well. But I feel like I do. What more could I lose?
"I have never told anyone this before. Not my friends, not my dad, no one. I've never even said it out loud before. So you can't tell anyone," I say, my voice wavering. "Please."
"I promise that I won't tell anyone. We can even lock it in," he smiles and holds his pinky out. I look at it and then back up to him, laughing.
I take it, though, and then we both let go as he smiles back at me. "Okay, so um," I start. This is going to be hard.
"Take your time," he tells me.
I smile lightly at him and nod, taking a second to prepare myself. "It all started about beginning of last year. Jones and I were in the same bio class, and we got paired together for an assignment," I say.
He listens intently, putting all his attention on me.
"I didn't know him that well, in fact from what I heard about him, I didn't even like him. He was the most popular guy in our grade. So, of course, I wasn't looking forward to doing the project with him. But, to my surprise, once we started the project, he became a whole new guy. He was sweet to me. Really sweet."
My mouth breaks into a small smile at the memory, but Asher's face stays neutral as he watches me. "I started liking him, and one day he asked me out. I just couldn't believe he actually wanted to go out with me. So, I said yes."
I feel a tear run down my cheek. That was the biggest mistake of my life.
"We were obviously different in social statuses. He was way more popular than I was and I was worried people would talk. But no one did. Mostly, I think, because everyone was scared if they said something Jones would kill them. That's how he was, he was horrible to everyone else, and only nice to me. That should have been my first red flag, but I was too entranced by the fact that someone actually wanted to go out with me."
I chuckle lightly to distract from the fact that I can feel the pain deep down in my core.
"So, we went out for a while. It was going good, I was happy. I thought he was happy, it was great. Now, we hadn't, uh, well we hadn't," I say nervously. "We hadn't had sex. We didn't do much, just kissed and stuff. And I didn't think it was a problem. He didn't act like it was a problem. So, I was content." I look down, my chest feeling heavy.
"One night," I start back. "Jones invited me over. His parents weren't home, but I didn't think anything of it. I thought we were just going to hang out. Watch a movie or something. But," I stop.
I can't do this. But I'm too deep in now. I can feel myself starting to cry but I try to fight it back. "You don't have to if you don't want to," Asher says softly.
"No, no it's okay." I close my eyes for a second. "We were kissing. And then he started going for more. I-I freaked out, I didn't want to do anything more. So I told him that I just wasn't ready, but that made him mad. He said that he thought he deserved something for all the time he'd wasted on me." I swallow hard as the tears ran down my face.
"I tried to get him off me but he was just too strong. I couldn't." I sob. "He..." I shudder at the thought. "He was just about to... put it in me. I was so scared Asher, I thought he was going to rape me. But then, his little brother walked in, apparently his parents got home early or something. He caught Jones off guard, and that gave me enough time to get out from under him and run."
He looks up slowly, but I can't meet his eyes. "He did what?" he growls.
Before I can even respond he's already up and storming into his room. "A-Asher stop," I stumble, trying to get up. "Stop, please!" I manage to get in between him and the door.
"Asher, stop! Please, stay!" I finally look into his eyes and they look absolutely murderous. They don't look like his. I suddenly get scared because I don't know what he might do.
"Just stop," I hold my hand up to him.
His chest heaves up and down and his fists ball up by his sides. "Allie, move," he commands slowly and deeply.
"Please just stay, please," I beg.
"Allie, he deserves to die for what he did! I'm going to fucking kill him!" He takes another step forward but I stay still.
"Yeah, he's an evil motherfucker! But I'm not going to lose you too for killing him!" I yell, accidentally.
"You won't lose me if I don't get caught."
"Asher," I try to reason. "Please, please I'm begging, just don't leave me. Just stay. Please," I sob softly. "Just come back and let me finish."
He looks down for a minute and then looks back up to me, still, he looks furious. But he know I need him. I see it in his eyes. "Fine."
I smile carefully and grab his hand, pulling him back into the bathroom. But this time he sits beside me and not across from me. I hold his hand so he can't get up again and even if he doesn't want to, he holds it back.
"Okay," I sigh. "After that, I told him that I'd tell everyone, that he couldn't just do that and get away with it. But he said he'd tell everyone I was lying."
"So?" Asher interrupts angrily.
"Asher, who are they gonna believe me or him?" I say more emotionally. "So, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't file a report because by then it was too late. I just, told everyone he cheated on me with Avalon because he did end up going out with her right after we broke up. I guess when Warren did that it just kinda," I shake my head and look down. "Just took me back."
"No one will ever hurt you again. I promise."
I chuckle tightly. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
He looks over to me. "I always keep my promises."
I look away from his gaze.
"How could he do something like that to someone, especially you."
I stay quiet. But it feels good to hear someone back me up. "I-I'm sorry about everything. And I'm sorry I came here, I just..."
"Stop. You're not allowed to apologize for things that aren't your fault. I won't let you."
"Okay," I whisper. "I just, my dad was home and I just couldn't deal with him tonight. He's always been so awful and I knew he'd be mean to me tonight especially."
"Don't worry, I'm glad you're here. In fact, I may never let you out of my sight again."
I laugh softly. He turns towards me and wraps his arms around me. I wrap my arms around his neck and duck my head in his neck as tears run down my face.
"Can I hug you?" He asks quietly. I nod furiously and hold onto him tighter. We just sit there for a moment holding each other. He makes me feel so much better.
After a while, Asher sighs and pulls away. "Are you ready for bed?" He asks.
"Uh, yeah, I'll sleep on the couch."
"No you won't, you're taking the bed."
"No, Asher.."
He puts his hands on my shoulders and I look up at him. "You're taking the bed, Allie," he repeats.
I don't want to take his bed, that would be awkward. But he also isn't letting up. Maybe, it'd be nice not to be alone for once. "I'm not letting you take the couch. What if we just shared the bed," I suggest awkwardly.
He smiles softly. "Yeah, sure, only if you're comfortable with it," he says slowly.
My face falters and I look down. "Can you do something for me?"
"Of course."
"Can you, just, please not treat me any differently than you did before I told you? It's not a fresh wound. I just need you to treat me normally, please."
He tilts my face up with his finger so that I'm looking at him. "Of course," he reiterates. He leans in and kisses my forehead, making me smile a little.
His fingers wipe the tears off of my cheeks and he pulls back. "You can sleep in my clothes since you don't have any others." He stands up and walks into his room.
I pause before walking in behind him. "O-kay," I say slowly. He holds out a t-shirt and sweatpants. I laugh softly, already knowing that they will be ten sizes too big. "Thanks."
I walk back into the bathroom and close the door. It feels like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I've never told anyone that before. I look into the mirror and smile.
Splashing water on my face, I attempt to get some of my smeared makeup off. And then, I put on the clothes he gave me. I look back in the mirror and laugh.
They looked ridiculous on me. They were so big. I had to roll down the waistband in the pants because they were falling off. But they were still too big.
I pull my hair down and fluff it out. Well. I'm about to share a bed with Asher. Wouldn't be the first crazy thing to happen tonight.
I walk out of the bathroom and see Asher's bare back facing me as he sits on the edge of the bed. He turns around at the sound of the door. His face breaks into a small smile as his eyes look me up and down slowly.
"Well," he stands up, walking around the bed and over to me. "You look cute."
I roll my eyes. "These are so much bigger than me," I complain.
"Yeah, and that's why you're so cute in them." He boops my nose with his finger and smiles brightly.
"Don't call me cute."
He turns and walks back to the bed. "She's back."
I shake my head and walk over to the bed. "Why is your shirt off?"
He turs back around with a small smirk gracing his lips. "I can't sleep with my shirt on." I sigh and look down. "Fine."
He walks over and turns the lights off and then crawls into bed. I slowly get in too, but I can't relax. I'm way too tense. But Asher, he gets comfortable as soon as he hits the sheets.
"My gosh, loosen up. You feel like a damn board," he mumbles, facing the other way. I fake laugh and lay all the way in the sheets.
They're really comfortable. So fluffy and warm. Well, the warmth is probably from Asher's hard body lying beside me. He isn't on his side, he's basically in the middle.
I can barely concentrate on going to sleep because occasionally I feel his back brush against my back or his leg brush against my leg. Finally, I get tired of the fire in my stomach every time I feel his touch.
"Can you please just scoot over! I barely have any room over here!" I exasperatedly say.
Only his torso turns so that he can see me. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your bed?" He grins menacingly at me. I groan and plop back down.
He scoots over maybe an inch but still I feel his touch every now and then. Maybe I can try to just tough it out and sleep.
Wait, oh shit. No, I can't go to sleep. If I have a nightmare I'll scare Asher. I have to try and stay awake. It'll be hard though, I'm so tired.
I lay there and try my very best not to fall asleep. I do everything. I think of everything. Twice.
I don't know how much time has gone by, so I look over at the digital clock on his desk. 2:42. You've got to be kidding me. I sigh softly and lay back down.
"Go to sleep Allie," Asher groans from beside me. I nearly let out a scream. "Oh my- I didn't know you were awake," I breathe, holding my chest.
"Of course I'm awake how could I sleep when you've been tossing and turning for the last couple hours," he grumbles, turning around and facing me. His eyes stay closed though.
"Geez, sorry."
"You haven't slept since we laid down, go to sleep," he groans.
I look around nervously. "I can't," I mumble.
He sighs. "Why not." His eyes remain closed.
"I get nightmares and I don't want you to get freaked out."
His eyes open and look up at me. He props up on his elbow and looks up at me cutely with tired eyes. "If you don't go to sleep I'm staying up with you, I know you're tired."
I smile softly and hang my head back. "You'll be running for the hills by morning if I have one."
"Yeah well, I think I'm willing to risk that," he says lazily as he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me down into him. "What are you doing?" I tense at his touch.
"Making you go to sleep," he mumbles into my hair.
"Yeah, yeah, get off me, Romeo," I laugh, pulling his arms off of me. He chuckles.
"Whatever you say, just trying to help. Now go to sleep, I'm serious."
"Alright, fine, goodnight," I smile slightly, laying back down. I mean, maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a little sleep. And his sheets are so comfortable.
Soon, I fall fast asleep.