(TW!! Mentions of torture and suicide!!)
We're bringing Alyssa back to bury her; there was no way in hell I was leaving her there. I held onto her the whole way home and with each passing second, she got colder. Negan left before we got back, though, he made sure to run it by me first. I told him it'd be safer if he did because I don't have the energy to fight his fights for him anymore.
As soon as we get to Alexandria and the group sees me carrying my little sister's body, all eyes are on me. I can't even look at anyone, not now. Not anymore. I blame everybody, I know I shouldn't, I know it's all Carver's fault and if there was anyone other than him to blame, it should be me. But we all failed to protect her. Every single one of us.
Her screams of agony from when Carver stabbed her and twisted the knife ring in my head. Everywhere I go, the screams are there right behind me.
"Adri!" Beatrice yells, running over to me with Magna. But, as soon as they see Alyssa's body wrapped in a sheet, they skid to a stop. "No," Beatrice whispers. Just at their reaction, my lip begins to quiver and I look down at the ground.
"Adrian," Magna whispers, bolting over to me and hugging me over Alyssa.
Feeling Magna's arms around me shatters me once again. Without warning, I break down, sobbing into her comforting arms. I know everyone's looking, I can tell it went oddly quiet, but I don't care. While holding me, Magna and I fall to the ground, her tears now staining my shirt.
The world's lost its color again, but I know it won't return this time. Beatrice can't bring it back, Magna can't, Daryl, Negan, nobody can.
Because we were too fucking weak to get up and fight, my little girl is dead.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," Magna whispers into my ear as Beatrice joins the hug on the ground.
"Is that Alyssa?" I hear from behind me.
Oh god.
When I turn my head, Inejra is standing there, a look of pure terror slathered onto her face. "Is that Alyssa?" She cries out, taking a step back.
I stand up and run over to her, hugging her tightly before she runs off. "I know, I know," I repeat, our sobs intermingling with each other. Inejra screams into my arms, her body weight causing me to stumble but I manage to stay standing. "You were the last thing on her mind, 'Nej." I say, taking the red Red Socks hat off and placing it on Inejra's head. "All she was worried about was me finding you. She didn't say she was scared of death, or excited to see anyone after death. It was all you."
Inejra wails and squeezes me tighter, her body shaking with each loud or quiet cry. "At least she doesn't have to deal with Alden flirting with her anymore."
Inejra and I laugh tearfully and break the hug, "Yeah, well, maybe in the afterlife he still will."
She looks around, "He didn't make it either?"
I shake my head solemnly, "No..."
"You don't care?"
"No..."
She forces a smile and hugs me again, "Alyssa was so lucky to have you, Adri."
I shake my head, "She was lucky to have you, Inej'. You were her sun and she was your's," My chin quivers and I cup Inejra's cheek. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect her."
"Don't. I see the marks on you, you did everything you could." A frown twitches onto my lips and I hug Inejra again, swallowing the painful lump in my throat. When I break the hug and turn around, almost everyone is staring at either me or Alyssa's covered body, something that will forever haunt my dreams. The looks in their eyes, the scared, sad, understanding looks just irritate me beyond expression. And now I know I'll be on high watch for relapsing or killing myself. Great.
"Adrian, do you want to say a few words?" Gabriel asks, stepping away from Alyssa's grave.
I hesitate and glance around at the crowd of people. I hate being sentimental, I really hate it. But I think I have to for her.
With a deep breath, I nod and step forward so everyone can see me. "Alyssa didn't die fast and painless. She'd been sufferin' for days on end, protectin' my name, Maggie's...the whole group's. She endured hours of seemin'ly endless torture just so I wouldn't get hurt. Because that's who she was. If you were loved by Alyssa, you were loved. She loved in a way no one else could, in a way no one else can. People and animals." I half-smile through my tears, staring at the disturbed dirt below me.
"I mean, even durin' an apocalypse she was a pescetarian." A few people chuckle around me. "I always wonder how different my life would've been if I never had her as a sister. If I would even still be here...but I guess now we'll find out." Magna puts her arm around me and urges me to continue with a reassuring smile.
"She never moved on from Carl and I never thought she would. I honestly thought she was gonna have a stroke every time Alden flirted with her." More chuckles. I trace one of the tattoos she drew on my forearm, "I loved her. I love her. And now she's not in pain anymore from what those pricks did." I nod and look around, "And I'm okay with that. Though, I guess it's a little selfish that I want her to be here with me."
Just as I say that, a ladybug flies and lands on the tattoo I was tracing. The one that symbolizes Damien, Cato, Alyssa, Inejra, and I. The ladybug has three dots on it, breaking up the deep red color covering its wings. "Bartholemya," I whisper. I look up again and nod to everyone, "She is."
"Hey, hate to ruin the moment, but we got something coming!" Jerry yells from the wall.
I swear to god.
Quickly, Maggie and Daryl run to the watch post to look and see what it is. After a few seconds, Daryl yells "Everyone, get ready!" I grab Beatrice and make sure she has her knife ready. But, to our surprise, the gate opens willingly and storm-trooper-looking soldiers come into our walls with Eugene in front of them.
"Oh, what the hell?" I groan.
"They're here to help." Daryl says to me, climbing off of the ladder. "Eugene wants to speak to all of us at the church."
I sigh and nod, nodding to Magna and Beatrice to follow me. Beatrice stares at Alyssa's grave as Magna leads her away and to the church where everyone is already starting to gather.
Eugene stands before them, holding an ugly hat. "Ezekiel, Yumiko, and I set out on a journey. Charged ourselves with findin' hope in our darkest of days. Suffice to say, we hit the proverbial jackpot. It's probably best that I step aside so y'all can hear it from the horse's mouth. I give you Mr. Lance Hornsby, diplomatic representative of the Commonwealth." With that, Eugene steps aside and a man with brown hair and a creepy ass grin steps forward.
"Hello. I'm Lance. Thank you for allowing us into your home. I must say, I am impressed with everything you've built here and what I've heard of your other communities. But it's clear you've fallen on hard times." Lance says, looking around. "And that is where the Commonwealth is more than willing to help. If you remain, we can provide labor and materials to help you build back all you've lost. However, if any of you are interested, I do have another, potentially more interesting choice to offer."
Most of the group is leaving for the Commonwealth in the morning. I don't know how I feel about it but Beatrice seems to want to go, so I agreed.
I'm lying wide awake in bed with Magna sleeping soundly next to me. Alyssa's screams force me to stay awake and it's horrific to hear that over and over again.
The ceiling above me is dark and blends in with the dark walls, though, all I see is Alyssa's face. Her closed, swollen eyes and pale skin. The missing piece of her tongue and missing fingernails. But also, her bright smile and infectious laughter.
This group doesn't care about her. They would've tried harder to protect her. And if they don't care about her, they don't care about me. All this group does is care about themselves.
I huff angrily and sit up, whispering, "I'm done."
I climb out of bed and grab my whip, knife, and gun, putting my belt around my waist and holstering all three. Then, I grab a backpack and shove a change of clothes inside before I hear Magna say, "What're you doing?" In a tired, raspy voice.
I pause and turn to her, "I'm leavin', Magna."
"What?" She exclaims, climbing out of bed and walking over to me. "Why?"
"I've never been a part of this group. Ever, and now I'm even more isolated. They don't care about anyone but themselves and I'm fuckin' sick of it." My bag plops to the floor as I straighten up and face Magna. "You can come with me, or you can stay."
"What about Beatrice?"
"If you stay, she'll stay with you. If you come, we'll ask her."
Magna hesitates for a moment. I know she's thinking about Connie, Kelly, Yumiko, and Luke. And I'd understand if she chose to stay because of them, honestly. But I don't have more than one reason to stay.
"I'll go." She says, finally.
My eyes widen, "Seriously?"
She smiles and cups my face, "I love you, Adrian. You're the most important thing in my life. And I'm not gonna let you leave like that. Not without me."
I nod and look at the door behind us, "I'll go talk to Bug." With a not-so-quick kiss, I turn and walk out of our room, the darkness of the hallway swallowing me whole.
When I creak open the door, Beatrice is fake sleeping, I can tell by her twitching eyelids. "Good thing you're not pursuin' a career in actin'." I joke dryly, sitting on her bed.
She smiles and sits up, "How'd you know?"
I shrug, "I just do." The words get caught in my throat before I can say them. What if she doesn't want to go? Who am I kidding, of course she will.
"I wanna go with you." Beatrice says before I can even ask the question.
I raise an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"
She nods, "Remember, I was out there alone for like three months before Damien and Cato found me. I'll be fine."
Honestly, I forgot about that. I take a deep breath and nod, pulling her in for a hug, "Pack one pair of clothes. We leave in an hour." Beatrice nods in my arms and breaks the hug, quickly scrambling out of her bed to find her backpack.
When I get back in the room, Magna isn't in there and neither are our backpacks, though, I can hear noises in the kitchen. "Bug," I call as I make my way to the steps. "Come down to the kitchen when you're ready."
In the kitchen, Magna is putting some canned food and fire starters in our backpacks, though, the Alyssa-connected contents of my backpack are on the counter. The drawing, the bracelet-making kit, and the tattoo gun. "You have to pick one, Adri," Magna tells me.
I sigh and nod. I mean, I could teach Beatrice how to make bracelets but the drawing is more important to me. I can always teach her with a new bracelet-making kit. When I grab the drawing, Magna puts the other two things on the counter next to the refrigerator. "We each have four cans of food and a bowl. You can pack whatever else you think you'll need."
After Magna and I have packed, Beatrice comes down the steps with her oddly-full backpack. I raise an eyebrow and motion for her to come to me. When she does, I say, "What do you have in there?"
"Nothing," She huffs, crossing her arms.
I tilt my head and grab her backpack, placing it on the counter to go through.
Inside, she has her favorite stuffed animal, three jackets, a pair of dress shoes, and three bug books. I look at her, "You can choose between one bug book or your stuffed animal. Wear a jacket when we leave, the other jackets are stayin', so are the dress shoes."
She frowns and stares at the contents on the counter, "Camien." She decides, pointing to the stuffed bear. She named it Camien after Damien and Cato died, combining their names. I nod and hold out the three jackets, a camouflage one, a black one, and a navy blue one. She stares at the jackets, "Black."
"Good choice." I agree, handing her the jacket and putting Camien in her backpack.
Once our bags are fully packed, we don't even bother sneaking to the wall and trying to avoid the Commonwealth guards. Once we get to the wall, I climb up first to catch Beatrice, the Magna climbs over last.
I slowly back away from the wall, taking one last good look at Alexandria. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" I ask Beatrice and Magna.
"Why wouldn't I go with you?" Beatrice scoffs, staring up at the night sky.
Magna grabs my hand, "I want to be with you, no matter what."
With a final nod, hand in hand with Magna, we run into the woods, leaving Alexandria behind for good. Leaving Daryl, Ezekiel, Inejra behind.
I'll come back for her.
No matter what.