Director: Dear Chairman.
Fade in to the jeep being chased by the Hornet
Director: Sir, while I appreciate your concern, allow me to correct you in one area. I value all our subjects' well being, but I revere above all else our ability to continue as a species; our ability to survive. And no committee, no bureaucrat, will ever convince me otherwise.
Grif: Hey I have a question, why do we agree to come along on these things if we're just gonna be the decoy the whole time?
Washington: Looks like you have it under control. I'll be right back.
Cut to inside the base
Church: Tex? Tex, are you here? Tex, come on. Tex! Allison?
Sound of a gun cocking
Guard 2: Alright, freeze.
Church: Ahw, what?
Guard 2: They told us to be on the lookout for someone acting odd, and you're acting odd. So, hands up.
Church: Hehey, buddy, come on. You don't need to be like all...
Wash enters behind the guard and knocks him out.
Church: ...knocked out. Thanks Wash.
Washington: Church, is that you in there?
Church: Uh yeah, one sec-
Church appears next to the guy he was previously inhabiting
Church: There.
Guard 1: What happened? I feel kinda...
Guard 1 falls over
Washington: What do you think you're doing in here?
Church: I had to see Tex's body I uh, ...she's like me Wash.
Washington: I know all about her Church. Come on, you're not gonna find anything in here.
Church: But where is she? She should be here, right? I mean, shouldn't she?
Washington: We've all lost people Church. What's important is that you remember her. And what's even more important is that you don't slow me down while I'm in the middle of a mission!
Sound of explosion
Washington: What now!?
Cut to Wash and ghost Church standing outside the base watching the chase
Washington: What is going on out here?
Sarge: What does it look like?
Grif: We're running from the stupid plane!
Hunter: Guys just stay focused! I have a plan!
Hunter gets of the warthog and runs to blue base for the gravity lift.
Washington: Well, we need to leave. We have a Warthog at Blue Base. We'll take that and you follow me.
Sarge: What about the ship!?
Washington: Well, take it down!
Sarge: Not that simple!
Grif: If it's so easy, why don't you do it?
Washington: Fine.
Wash fires at the Hornet to get its attention, and starts running
Church: Should we help him?
Grif: We could, or we could take bets on how long he's gonna live. I got ten bucks that says it's less than a minute.
Church: I'll take that action.
Then they all hear yelling from Hunter heading straight for the Hornet.
Hunter: Here comes the Golden Guard!
Hunter land in front of the Hornet. He open the cockpit door and throws the pilot out. He hops into the Hornet and tried to fly it.
Hunter: Thank god this is simple and doesn't have six petals! But beside that. I'M FUCKING AWESOME! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT SHIT!
He flew it over to the others and exited the vehicle.
Washington: Okay, that's nine seats with a few
extra.
The group gathered at the Blue base.
Cut to everyone gathered outside Blue base
Washington: Alright, I need suggestions. The Freelancer Command Facility is an underground complex of secure bunkers and fortified chambers. Let's put our heads together and see if we can figure out a way to get in there.
Grif: I have an idea.
Washington: And "let's not do it" is not an acceptable plan.
Grif: Oh. Well you probably should have said that before you asked for suggestions.
Washington: Next idea.
Simmons: Why don't we call Command, and ask them what the proper procedure is for invading their headquarters?
Washington: Next.
Sarge: How about we build a makeshift nuclear device, and blow the entire place to kingdom-
Washington: No. We have to get in there.
Simmons: Why?
Washington: 'Cause we need to unlock the Alpha.
Simmons: The what?
Church: It's the main A.I. from Project Freelancer. You know all the A.I.s that we've been dealing with over the years? It's where they were all copied from originally.
Simmons: You can't copy an A.I.!
Hunter: The main one? Fuck that. Those things have caused all of our problems. Why would we go looking for the main boss one?
Church: That's a good question. Agent Washington? Do you wanna answer that?
Washington: You'll understand everything soon enough.
Simmons: We're not going.
Washington: What? You have to go.
Amity: Not really. I mean we can just go back to are bases. Why should we come?
Washington: We can't infiltrate Headquarters with just three people. You're coming. That's an order.
Grif: Order? You're not our Commanding Officer. We don't even know what rank you are.
Washington: I'm a Freelancer!
South: So am I. And I'm with them I'm not going.
Grif: Not a rank dude.
Simmons: The other Freelancers never gave orders, they just offered to trade favors.
Luz: That's true like Tex only really help if you asked for money.
Washington: Okay, then let's bargain. What do you want?
The Reds conference, with random mumbling between the real words
Grif: Three words guys,
Sarge: New base-
Grif: Gold plated vagina.
Hunter: New high tech armor and weapons.
Simmons: Shut up.
Amity: Lasers.
Simmons: Always with that.
Grif: Nudie mags.
Sarge: Robots and lasers. Lasers, and robots.
Amity: A milkshake.
The Reds turn to the Blues and Washington
Sarge: Alright, we talked about it, and we figured out what we want.
Washington: Alright, let's have it.
Sarge: We want you to demote Grif.
Hunter: I want to be promoted.
Washington: Done.
Grif: What!?
Hunter: Oh fuck yeah!
Simmons: Another wasted opportunity.
Washington: Congratulations. You are now Private Grif again.
Sarge: Got anything lower?
Washington: Private... Junior Grif?
Sarge: I was thinkin' something with an insulting adjective, or... maybe a demeaning adverb...
South: How about, Minor Junior Private Grif, Negative First class?
Sarge: Heh heh, I like the way you think.
South: Thanks I guess.
Hunter : Just take the compliment.
Grif: You realize you just doomed us to certain death just so you could insult me, right?
Sarge: Hey, if we do get killed, at least we'll go out on a high note. Well, everybody but you. That's to be expected, you haven't had a high note in five years! Why break the God damn streak.
Washington: We still need to figure out how we're getting in there.
Caboose: Mister Washington? I have an idea.
Washington: I really shouldn't even bother asking, should I?
Church: I don't know, Caboose? An idea? I think he's bluffing.
Caboose: No uh, it's a really good idea. We drive there.
Church: Yeah, he was bluffing.
Caboose: We're going to Freelancer City, right? The place where Freelancers are from. And this is a Freelancer car! If they think that we are Freelancers, because we are in their car, they will just let us right in!
Luz: That's a pretty good idea.
Washington: But you don't look like Freelancers. Or Recovery Agents.
South: ...They can't see them inside of a tank.
Luz: This can't end well.
Cut to Project Freelancer - Operational Command Center. Wash and Church are in the Warthog, everyone else is in the tank. With Hunter, Luz, South, and Amity. Flying in.
Church: There's no way this plan is gonna work.
Washington: Just stay quiet. Follow my lead. At least the others got in.
Sarge: Grif! Get off me, you weigh a ton.
Grif: Stop pushing me! Ow!
Simmons: Okay guys, it's hard enough to fit in here oh! Wh-Who did that?
Grif: Alright, whose hand was that? Is Donut in here?
Caboose: I can't breathe.
Guard: Alright. Uh, story checks out. Looks like there was a new incident at Outpost 17-B. Glad you fellas made it out okay.
Washington: Yeah, thanks.
Church: Yeah, it was crazy. We lost a lot of good men. Especially Joe... Joe Johnson. He was a great guy. I remember he had a girl back home named... Fritzy.
Washington: Stop embellishing. They already believe us.
Church: He also had a dog named Mister Chomps. Anyway he's dead now, it's sad.
Guard: You're clear now. So drive on to Building Three.
Washington: Understood. Thanks, soldier.
Church: Can't believe that worked.
Washington: Yeah. Seemed like it was too easy.
Church: Wash, you're gonna learn when you work with us, there's no such thing as too easy. You're just being paranoid.
Washington: Yeah. You're probably right.
As they roll into the compound the Meta is seen hanging off the back of the tank.
Cut to a cliff over looking the compound. And the mysterious German women voice is heard.
???: Iz the ship ready?
Man: (Radio) It's all ready coming to you now. Remember we need to do this quick.
???: I know that you fool. But this is going to be fun.