We're back at Alexandria, finally. They stopped needing my help and Gabriel was gonna have a stroke if Inejra didn't get back soon. As we're getting back and unpacking some supplies we were allowed to take with us, Daryl and Carol come back from wherever the hell they were with a Whisperer prisoner.
"Dude, what the hell?" I mutter as Carol and Lydia walk out of the cell.
"We're gonna get fucking blown up." Inejra sighs, handing me a box of apples.
"I'm gonna beat her fuckin' ass." I grunt, setting the box down and walking over to where Carol and Lydia are talking. "You fuckin' dumbass!" I hiss, storming over to her.
"We need to find where that horde is before it shows up at our gates." Carol says, looking at me and then the approaching Gabriel.
"So you decide for all of us?! We won't have any gates if you keep flying off of your fuckin' tits and doin' shit without thinkin'!"
"Adrian, please." Gabriel says, putting his hand up to me but then turning back to Carol and saying, "But what she said."
"Doesn't matter anymore," Daryl butts in. "We still gotta find 'em."
I huff, "No, Daryl, we don't. If we just listen to them, follow their goddamn rules, we're fine! They're not even askin' for much, just to stay off their property." I look and see Magna and Inejra watching as Alyssa distracts Beatrice from seeing me on the verge of strangling a woman.
"Adrian, how can you just sit by and let them live knowing what they did to Damien and Cato?" Carol says more than asks.
I step so close to her that I can feel her breath on my face. "Because I want to keep my family alive. I'm not a bloodthirsty, revenge-seeking dike like you are." I'm so fucking pissed off. Jesus she's so egotistical, this could have just cost us everything. The last time we fucked with them, two of the few most important people in my life were killed and beheaded. I'll die before I let that happen to anyone else. "Go fuck yourself, beetle brain." I hiss, turning and walking away.
"Adrian." Gabriel groans. I don't respond, I just hold up the middle finger.
"That went well." Inejra says. "But," She puts a hand on my chest to stop me from walking. "Never disrespect Gabriel like that again."
I scoff, "That was to Carol but, noted. Just- god fuckin' damn it she's so fuckin' stupid. Coulda' just cost us everythin'."
Alyssa walks away from Beatrice after handing her a worm and says, "What's the plan?"
"Slit Carol's throat while she's sleepin'." I mutter, grabbing the same box of apples and walking away.
As I'm walking down the street, I see Siddiq standing on the steps to the cell. He's pale and is sweating, staring at the spikes of the railing like they're speaking to him. Immediately, I can tell that something's wrong. I've been through that shit enough to know that. "Siddiq, you alright?" I ask, walking over to him.
He shakes his head to get out of his trance and looks at me, "Uh, yeah."
I narrow my eyes, "Okay, dumbass, I'm not that fuckin' stupid." I nod to the steps next to him, "Sit." He doesn't say anything, he just climbs up his steps and sits next to me. "PTSD's a bitch." I grunt, scanning his face.
"How'd you know?"
I scoff, "Dude, y'know how much PTSD I have? I've had a panic attack over cleaning products before."
Siddiq nods, "You don't seem like it phases you."
"Now it doesn't," I say, shrugging. "It used to beat me the fuck up but I just got used to it. You will too." I stare into Siddiq's eyes. "The guilt is what gets you the most."
"How do you stop it?"
"You don't. You live with it. You try to fight it, then you can't, so you get people to help with it. 'Lyss is really good about my guilt. The whole group knows how I handle deaths- not very well, so they've kind of learned to make sure I don't blame myself."
Siddiq doesn't respond, he just stares forward for a moment. "I feel like I could've done something." He finally admits, bringing his gaze back to me.
"You'll feel like that. And in some circumstances, you could've done something. But in that one, you tried. Whether or not you think you can 'try harder' you tried. And sometimes you just have to accept the fact that no matter what you could've done, they died regardless. Like my friend Abraham..." I immediately get flashbacks to that night. "I um...I tried to be the one who was killed, just so he could live but no matter what I said or did, it was decided."
Siddiq looks down, "I'm sorry."
I shake my head, "Don't be. I've come to terms with it. Been seven or something years," I nudge Siddiq's shoulder. "You will too."
He half-smiles, "Beatrice really helped you, didn't she?"
I groan quietly and stand up, "I'm gonna go eavesdrop now." I say as Dante walks out of the cell and up the steps.
He nods to me, "Hey Adrian. How's Bea?"
"Fine, that bug she had went away."
"Good, it's getting worse so, glad she's okay." He then smiles to me and walks off, allowing me a clear path to the cell.
When I get inside, Carol is sitting on a wooden chair in front of the man, and a tray is placed neatly next to him. The man is dirty with a bandage on a stab wound on his shoulder. He's got a scruffy goatee and an incredibly receding hairline. Daryl turns to me, "Why are you down here?"
"I lost people...too." I sass, glaring at Carol. He doesn't respond, he just turns back to the cell.
"Let's get started," Carol says, pulling the napkin off of the tray, revealing s dozen jams with two slices of bread in the middle. The man stares at it confusedly as she grabs a slice of bread and a butter knife. "So, what's it gonna be? Honey or jam? Strawberry or apple?" She then dips the knife in a random container and spreads it all over the bread.
The man leans forward, "All of it."
"Not a problem. We have plenty here." Carol says, doing as he asked and putting a dip of each jam on the bread. "For lunch, I was thinking salted fish. I like to wrap 'em up in a fresh piece of lettuce, add a little-"
"What do you want?" The man asks, interrupting her.
"Well, right now we're just gonna talk."
Talking is wasting time before they find out she took him.
"Pass." The man says.
"Okay, then eat." Carol hands the man the slice of bread. He lifts it up and examines it, his lip quivering before he bites into the bread and practically annihilates it while crying.
"Good?" Carol asks.
He chews it up for a moment before spitting it out at her, "No."
She sighs angrily, "Okay," She sets the tray aside and straightens up. "Where's the horde?" When he doesn't respond, she shoves her finger into his stab wound, making him scream out in pain. Blood pours from the injury, painting Carol's thumb. "Tell me."
"Lady, you have the animal in you. If we were out there," He pants, his eyes locked onto the bars in front of him. "I would take you like a bitch in heat." Carol straightens up and puts a ring on, admiring it before sucker-punching the man in the face. Because of the ring, a huge gash is now bleeding on his forehead, seeping down his face like a bloody waterfall. She then continues, punching twice until he lays on the bed.
"That's enough." Daryl says, gently pulling her away.
The man sits up, saying, "You're all weak." Just seeing the man, knowing that he was probably there when Damien and Cato were stripped from me, makes my blood boil. I lightly push Daryl away as he goes to approach the man. I unsheathe my knife and stand in front of the man, scanning his face.
"I'll start with your fingers first, then maybe your teeth, or your hand, see where that gets us, huh?"
"You lie to yourselves." The man says, eyeballing me. "To each other."
I frown and shake my head, "You have no idea who I am or who I was." He pushes his head against the wall as I put my hands on his knees and lean close to him, "This is what I do. It's what I live for. And you don't want to be on the wrong side of the pliers. Not after what you've done."
"What do you fight for?" The Whisperer asks. "Sandwiches?" I clench my jaw and grab the man's hand, holding it against the wall with my knife at the base of his finger. "You ignore the truth when it's staring you in the face. I would never betray Alpha. She rescued me. She protects me. She loves me. She loves us all. She sacrificed her own daughter for us." My face drops. Lydia's not dead. She wasn't sacrificed, we saved her.
"She killed Lydia?" Carol asks.
"Oh...she did. And I am willing to give my life for her." I smirk and remove the knife, backing away from him. Carol then speeds out of the cell with Daryl running after her.
"Adrian," Gabriel says, motioning for me to leave the cell. I nod and back out of the cell, allowing Gabriel to close and lock the door. He and I glance at each other and follow Carol and Daryl.
"...If he sees that Lydia's alive and well and gets it that his great leader lied to him, then maybe that changes something." Carol says as Gabriel and I stand on the steps.
"Please." Daryl says, walking up one more step. "That kid's been through enough."
"Let her make up her own mind." Carol says. "This is the only way and you know it."
"Shit, you're an asshole." I mutter, rolling my eyes and waving to Beatrice as she walks down the road with Gracie.
Carol hears me and turns to me, "Think of Damien and Cato."
"Think of the people who are alive." I hiss, walking down the steps and into the cell. "Uh..." I whisper, seeing the man. He's broken out in a cold sweat, he's pale and is shaking from pain. "God fuckin' damn it. Gabriel," I call, backing out and walking back to the steps. "Get Dante." Without waiting for another second, Gabriel runs off, searching for Dante.
A few seconds later, Gabriel, Dante, and Siddiq are running down the steps with Daryl and I behind them. "What happened?" Siddiq asks.
"I don't know. Adrian went back down to the cell and he was shaking in pain."
"Put your healin' hands on me, doc. I'm burnin' up here." The Whisperer groans, laying down in Dante, arms so he can gently lay him on the bed.
"What's going on?" Dante, asks.
"How the hell should I know? Just make it stop!" Dante and Siddiq crouch next to him, saying things to each other but saying them too quietly for me to hear.
"Pupils dilated," I manage to hear from Dante. "His muscles are convulsing, but no signs of infection. It doesn't make sense." The man suddenly sits up and grabs Dante, vomiting blood on his white coat.
"Ew." Alyssa mutters, groaning quietly. I turn around and look at her with a confused expression, not knowing when the hell she came down here.
The man groans loudly and falls into Siddiq's arms as Siddiq Gabriel and I run into the cell to hold the man down as he shakes and panics, trying to get out of Siddiq's arms. Eventually, the shaking and yelling stops and the man lays on the ground, dead. The door opens and Carol and Lydia step inside, to which Alyssa quickly blocks them from the Whisperer. They take the hint and turn around, leaving the room.
Siddiq stares at Dante then grabs a glass container, "This morning...did you give this to him?"
"Yeah, for pain and inflammation."
"You killed him." Siddiq tells Dante, staring blankly at him.
Dante scoffs, "How? No, that's yarrow."
"It's hemlock." Siddiq says, looking at Gabriel.
"I...I didn't know. I...I didn't know. I thought uh..."
"What? You thought what?"
"I never thought hemlock would be in the bag because, um..."
"Because what, Dante?"
"Because you packed it." Dante says. Alyssa and I look at each other, confused expressions painting our faces.
"Wait, what?" Magna asks as I flop on the couch.
"Dante killed the Whisperer. Gabriel and Daryl are tryin' to figure out what the hell to do with him."
"Did you get any information?"
"Just that he's a pussy. Swallowin' Alpha's b-fucking-s."
Magna sighs and puts an arm around my shoulders as I lay my head on her. "You seem thrilled. I can hear your accent." My mind immediately goes to when Cato told me almost the same thing. I stare at my bouncing leg, trying to distract myself from him. "You okay?" Magna asks, noticing the shift in my demeanor.
"Mhm."
"You know, you've never really talked about them. Not anymore, at least."
My lip quivers and I sniff, trying my hardest not to cry. "Because I can't. I..." I look away from Magna and cry once before taking a deep breath and looking at her. "I don't even know how to say how much I love them because there's not a word good enough. And they're gone and now...I don't know what to do. I don't know who to be, I don't know how to move past it, I've never had a death hurt so bad and...it scares me."
Magna nods understandingly, "Why?"
"Because you can ask literally everyone here, I don't have a good track record of dealing with shit like this. And now I have Beatrice. What if I give up again and she sees it? Just like Alyssa had to eight years ago."
"You won't." Magna assures me, her voice soft. "You've grown since then, you've been through more shit than anyone here and are still alive, their deaths wouldn't cancel that out. Plus...I think they would personally come down here and kill you if you tried to do it yourself."
I scoff tearfully, "Yeah, they'd send me back." I half-smile at the thought of Damien and Cato, "I miss them."
"I know you do-"
"Ew." I groan.
"What?"
"They probably watch us have sex."
"Oh my god." Magna grumbles, removing her arm from around me. I chuckle and pull her back, laying on her legs.