Lovesong of the Day:
Best Friend by Rex Orange County
⚠ Very Venty ⚠
I just want to take a second to talk about one of the purest forms of love in one of my most cherished relationships: platonic love. The love between close friends. As many of you know, I'm aroace. There actually aren't very many aroace people in my circle. Right now there's only two, but I want to talk about one in particular.
Morgan moved away to Utah over this summer and I've missed her so badly since she left. I feel like her leaving started this nasty spiral for me. I don't feel in control of anything anymore, but more importantly I feel like I'm always relegated to second-best in all of my friendships. I make it a point to talk about how many friends I have, but I'll admit that's somewhat to hide my insecurity.
This all culminated in me not going to the Treasurer's birthday party last weekend because I didn't want to feel excluded at a party that was supposed to be fun. Well guess who showed up? Morgan. She made a surprise return from Utah. When I say this upset me was an understatement. I didn't go to the party because of months and months and months of feeling like second best, third best, or last choice only for the one person who didn't make me feel like that to show up.
This week, everyone who went kept bringing it up and it felt like a punch to the face. By Thursday, I completely lost it and started sobbing in the bathroom. I decided to finally text Morgan about it and we arranged a meet up for the mall today. That's the single best hour I've had in months. We caught up and I feel much better knowing I got to see her too.