Fade in to the ship from above
Vic's Voice Mail: To hear these options in Spanish, press dos.
Church: I HATE YOU.
Vic's Voice Mail: *beep*
Church: Vic, it's Church, I need to-
Vic's Voice Mail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full.
Church: Uhhmmm I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself.
Willow: Wait your already dead. How could you kill yourself.
Church: I'll find away.
Doc: Uh, what was all that about?
Church: Doc, we are royally screwed. Half our team is down, and I think th-
Doc: No it's not, look! Caboose is already back in action.
Cut to Caboose emerging from Blue Base in the distance
Caboose: I'm okay! I'm okay!
Caboose collapses again, but this time in the warmth of the sun
Caboose: I'm not okay!
Doc: He's fine.
Church: Like I was saying, half the team is down, and the half that's left, sucks. V the only member who can do anything here but she babysitting. So all the Reds need to do is attack us, and we're dead.
Cut to V and Tucker with them naming Amity's kid.
V: And THAT'S how you write your name in buckshot. Now you try V.Jr Valentine.
Valentine: Okay auntie V!
Starts firing her name with a gun.
V: (Sniff. Wipe a tear from her screen) They grow up so fast.
Tucker: They really do. Hey V.Jr want to make cookies and get some soda. Then watch Kill Bill: Volume 1.
V.Jr: Yeah! Your the best uncle and auntie ever of all time!
Cut back to Church.
Baby Alien: Hnnk!
Church: Oh right, and I have to kill this fucking thing. Then the other one.
Caboose: Also I see a big ship. Now I know I'm hallucinating!
Church: Oh, I forgot that part! The Reds also have an enormous ship that was sent by their Command. Probably has a huge fucking weapon on it. Like a nuke, or a biological weapon that's gonna melt our skin, or a genetic weapon that's gonna make everyone in blue armour sterile... awesome.
Doc: Hmm. Maybe this isn't the best time to remind you that technically I'm neutral in this conflict.
Willow: Yeah same here
Church: Doc, Willow I don't think the situation could get much worse. I mean the ship is bad enough, but God knows what kind of reinforcements they have in that thing. Could be a whole new squad! Or a freelancer! Or-
Cut to the Reds mid-sentence, standing in front of a new person in yellow armour
Simmons: Grif's sister?
Grif's Sister: Yeah. Isn't that cool? Wait Hunter!?
Sarge: You know I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives. But I always held on to the hope that he was the horrible by-product of an experiment in a turd manufacturing plant! Wait how do you know Hunter?
Sister: He's my asshole ex boyfriend!
Hunter: I'm the asshole!? No I think your confused your the asshole! You fucking bitch!
Sister: You let me get arrested! I had to stay there for a week!
Hunter: Oh boo hoo. You had to stay in jail. It's not like I got my arm noise broken from your stupid bar fight!
Grif: Hunter shut up! We're talking about this you dated my sister. Kaikaina go home.
Sister: What?
Grif: Go home, right now. Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home.
Sister: Whatever. Make me.
Grif: As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker, I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself.
Sister: I thought you would be happy to see me.
Grif: How did you even get here, we're in the future!
Simmons: Hmm, I think I know how. Did you use your hyperdrive to get here, or just the light drive?
Sister: Which one is the hippie drive? Is that the one with all the knobs or is it the other one with all the knobs?
Hunter: Oh classic drug up sister.
Sister: Hey up your's alcoholic fuck.
Simmons: Yeah, she probably came here just using the light drive. And as Einstein theorized, in his theory of relativity-
Grif: English.
Simmons: When you travel near the speed of light, time slows down for you. Essentially she came forward in time by travelling at light speed.
Grif: That's stupid.
Simmons: No, that's science. Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but then he gets in a ship-
Grif: No.
Simmons: Well, did you ever read the one where-
Grif: No.
Simmons: How 'bout-
Grif: I didn't read any of them!
Sister: Hey. Who's the nerd?
Simmons: Excuse me, I'm not a nerd. My mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart.
Hunter: That's kind of heart warming but you are a nerd Simmons.
Sarge: Alright Missy, there's just one thing I don't get. How'd you join the Army?
Sister: What do you mean? I just signed up.
Sarge: But you're a... you know, you- you got lady parts.
Sister: So?
Sarge: So unless this is the cooking and sewing Army-
Sister: No, I went to join the real Army.
Sarge: Does your gun shoot brownies?
Sister: What?
Simmons: You'll have to excuse Sarge, he comes from the old school.
Grif's Sister: Thanks. By the way, nobody says "old school" any more. Actually, they told me I was too young. So I grabbed an extra suit of armour, and boosted a shuttle.
Grif: Glad you learned something from me.
Sister: Nohoho, I'm just kidding. I always wanted to do something like that.
Hunter: Like how she stole a car because she wanted to.
Sister: It was a great car and stole it from me.
Hunter: Yes I stolen the car but I returned it and then bought it.
Grif: But why did you join the Army? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Sister: Well, you always looked after me when Mom ran away to join the circus.
Simmons: W-wait a second, hold on. Your Mom is in the circus? You know, at first I didn't like you, but you've already made my insults forty-five percent more efficient by just saying one sentence.
Sarge: Was your Mom a flaming sword swallower? We could use somebody to replace Donut.
Sister: Nope. You know how circuses have a bearded lady, and a fat lady? Well, my Mom plays both, 'cause she's like, super-talented.
Simmons: Oh my God. Is it okay if I record everything you say?
Sister: Sure! Anyway, Grif always looked after me, but when he went away, I didn't wanna be alone.
Simmons: Okay, let me get this straight. You felt scared, being alone, so you decided to join a war.
Sarge: She's a Grif alright.
Hunter: Yeah she pretty stupid.
Sister: Hey!
Hunter: Oh shut up.
Grif: Wait a minute, she was the one who was tapping!
Simmons: Duh.
Sister: Yeah. I was wondering why you guys didn't answer.
Simmons: None of us know Morse Code. It's outdated.
Sister: Don't you mean old school?
Hunter: Look both work because they both mean the same thing.
Grif: No, don't you get it? If she was the one tapping, then what happened to Donut?
Cut to a an immense underground cavern, with muffled voices coming from above
Donut: A baby? Wait up! I wanna see! I'm a uncle now! If Amity really did have a kid.
Sarge: Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship.
Donut: But Sarge, we don't know when the ship is gonna get here. It's coming all the way from Earth. That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!
The ship lands, and Donut falls into the cavern.
Donut: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
After a good six seconds, he hits the ground with a thud.
Donut: Ow.