Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone - Paul Tillich
Alex♤
I can't remember my life before I was ten, it's just a blur of black with ghostly figures dancing across my desolate mind. The more I try to remember the more questions I'm left with until eventually I give up trying all together.
But I know what my life had felt like. It was loneliness and it would sting in my chest and corrupt my mind. It was a shadow that stood by me always watching despite the lack of light because in darkness the loneliness was everywhere.
Sometimes I do wonder if I had a family, if I had a mother who would busy herself in the kitchen or a father who would play ball with me or maybe even a sister, someone I would always protect.
Well I used to think like that and when Eric found me and took me in I was expecting for someone to come looking for me and yet nobody did. I would sit by my bedroom window with my face pushed against the glass and I would stare at the condensation and draw patterns on it with my finger. People walked by and not one person turned in the direction of the academy. No one was coming for me and I had to let that hope go.
Then when I was introduced to the guys my whole life changed. I no longer felt alone and I had people who had a similar story to me. We grew so close together because the only people we had to trust were us and ourselves.
I've always had them and I always will, my brothers are the reason I have hope, hope that one day we will make a name for ourselves, hope that one day I will remember and not forget. They are the reason I breathe and the soul reason as to why I will never stop fighting because all we can do is move on.
Loneliness was my weakness and now it is my solitude, with the darkness now gone the light is the people around me. I suppose loneliness does live in everyone but maybe that's what makes our bond all that more stronger. With loneliness comes the chance to face greatness because at the end of the day it's only you, you have to battle with and some of my best fights were won by looking into the mirror.
Max is throwing combos left and right at the defenceless punching bag. His shoulders are filled with tension and his knuckles make a scraping sound against the leather material of the bag. I can only imagine how much that must hurt and yet he doesn't seem to care.
He seems angry and although I can only see the back of him I just know his face is grim. The man radiates furry, hence him being the one to beat.
Me and Kingston are taking it easy today, for once. I'm holding the bag steady as Kingston throws steady jabs at the centre of it. Sweat has built up above his brows and along his hair line and I'm not surprised considering he's wearing his compression long sleeved shirt. Sometimes I wonder how he hasn't passed out from heat exhaustion.
"Man are you sure you don't want to take off your shirt or something? You're sweating out buckets," I look at him with concern.
His jab slides off the bag without hitting it and his shoulders tense up, his jaw momentarily sharpens before it slackens.
"No," he replies curtly and I take that as my cue to stop talking.
"How do you think Blair is doing with Damien?" Asks Kingston through grunts, he seems to be punching the bag a lot harder now and I struggle to hold it steady.
"She's probably getting mindlessly flirted with," I reply and I try not to keep the jealousy in my voice. I don't even know why I'm jealous. I can picture it now, him making her blush with his stupid so called 'charm' and his infamous smirk. It riles me up knowing he's alone in the arena with her. God, what am I thinking?
Snap out of it Ace.
"Jeez at least try not sound jealous," snorts Kingston. I let the bag fly into him for that one. "Prick," he mutters under his breath.
"I am not jealous," I defend.
"Well to answer my question for myself she is probably doing alright, she seems okay that one," Kingston wipes his eyes with the towel before continuing.
"If anything she's most likely to be the one kicking Damien's arse, he just doesn't know when to shut up," Kingston grins. He has a point.
"Yea probably," I say.
Kingston stands straight rolling his shoulders back with a groan before taking a seat on the floor beside the bag and I follow suit, behind us I can still hear the relentless punches emitting from Max as he doesn't stop or slow down.
I hand Kingston his water bottle before saying, "Do you think she could genuinely make it here?"
Kingston pauses with the bottle in mid air before swallowing his previous mouthful and he shrugs.
"Possibly, from what you've described and what I've seen of her she seems to have something that has spiked your interest," he comments and I freeze. What does he mean by that? Is he implying that I like her something? Impossible. I snap out of my thoughts at the sound of Kingston's low laughter and I give him a frown.
"I'm not saying you're in love with her or anything, although I wouldn't be surprised if you were."
I definitely scowl at that one.
"All I'm saying is, is that we as a group do not trust people that easily and you have taken, per say, a liking towards her. The Alex I know is cautious and around her you're carefree. If you trust her then I do and so yes I do believe she could make it. But could, not certainly."
He begins dabbing up all the sweat droplets leaving me to think about his opinion.
I suppose I have taken a keen liking towards her, if that's what he wants to call it, and she has made me feel somewhat normal. It is nice having a new face around here especially since it's only been me and the guys and Eric for over seven years.
She doesn't know anything about me and I know nothing about her and I find myself wanting to know her secrets and I more shockingly want her to know mine. Things about ourselves can stay hidden for years before we find them and I'm just finding out now that maybe just maybe I could possibly begin to trust again. But with a maybe comes two sides. The side where I can trust Blair or the side where Blair destroys us all.
Max interrupts this silent peace with his body as heaves himself down in front of us. His body is dripping and he intakes the oxygen as quickly as he breaths out the carbon, rapid and fierce.
His brows remain furrowed and his lips are drawn in that neutral line. It's only possible to tell he is angry by his eyes and his eyes today portray nothing.
"Looking forward to training Blair?" Questions Kingston handing the exhausted fighter his towel. Max takes it but doesn't use it and settles it simply on his lap.
"No, because I'm not doing it," he replies in a bored tone.
This wakes me up.
"Yes you are," I interject sternly. Max's eyes set ablaze as he lours at me.
"I'm not, I've got better things to do with my time that don't involve training some chick on how to throw and dodge a punch," he sneers and I want to just hit him. I curl my fists up and with much effort I shove as much of my anger as possible behind my mental shield.
"Max you specify in defence, with how small and weak she is she will need to learn defence more than anything," I reason through gritted teeth.
"Then why did you bring a girl like her into this place if she is so small and weak? This place isn't built for people like her. Our world will crush her down and who will be left to pick up the pieces? You and me and that is a burden I refuse to take on," Max's voice is filled with finality but this conversation is far from being over.
"You're worried about her?" Questions Kingston and I'm starting to think this guy can just read into everyone's emotions without trying. Max blinks back slightly startled and his flame is momentarily abolished. The flame doesn't come back but his face goes blank and I know he is blocking whatever he is feeling behind his mental shield.
"I don't like her but I'm not that heartless, I don't want her to die. I just don't want us to be dragged down because she turns out to be a dud," he quibbles avoiding our eyes.
Kingston sighs next to me and takes back his towel from Max's lap.
"She reminds me of you," I find myself saying. Max's whole body seems to tense up at that thought.
"What makes you say that?" he spits out and I know he's trying to sound intimidating but I can hear the nervousness behind his tone.
"She has the same anger that you have. It boils over the edge until she can't control it, I've seen it first hand. She's a born fighter just like you are-"
"Stop," Max yells and I abruptly shut my mouth.
"She'll never be like me because she is nothing," he loathes and before I can speak again he thrust Kingston's empty water bottle into my hands.
"Go make yourself useful and mind your own fucking business." He stands up and marches over to his punching bag and begins to hit harder than before, the bag swings against the back wall and he doesn't stop.
"You better go," urges Kingston giving me a sympathetic smile before standing up also.
Walking out of the open hallway I can't help but want to just scream at Max for how blind he is being. Him and Blair are more similar in ways than he actually thinks. But I guess that is just something he is going to have to figure out for himself. I pause as I hear someone yell from the arena.
I know it's probably weird of me but I open the door and peer in through the sliver of a gab and see Damien straddling Blair's waist of who is thrashing around and looks visibly panicked. Anger flushes through me too quickly for me to be able to block it out and it comes straight for my heart. The water bottle almost pops from how tight I am clenching my hands.
Is he hurting her? I thought I could trust Damien to be alone with Blair, I know he is a flirter but I never took him to be the kind of guy who forces himself upon someone.
Just as I was about to step in and punch the living shit out of Damien I see Blair slowly calm down and begin assessing her situation.
In no time at all she has lurched herself forward and his now straddling a surprised Damien and instant pride floods through me but it is short lived as I catch the glint of anger on her face. Well at least I think it's anger, you can never tell in this bloody light. I close the door not wanting to intrude on their session.
Blair will surely make it here, the way she pushed Damien just proves that. The anger she has though isn't the anger that is natural she has a reason as to why she feels so much rage like Max, he has trust issues which is why he hates nearly everyone within walking distance and wants to beat the living daylights out of everything, she is similar except her anger I don't know the reason for and I want to know the reason.
But as I said before there is a side of Blair we can trust, that we can let into our lives and there is the side of Blair that could destroy us all and I'm afraid that teaching her to fight may just give her the key to unlock her complete potential and that in time could destroy the world.
What do we think of this chapter? I love how powerful Blair is starting to become, she deserves it.
Do you think her and Max are similar?
I also think I might start to try and write longer chapters, it's so hard though lol.
Please comment, vote and share.
Happy reading <3