Hop Pop: Ah, Theater night. The one night a month we come together, watch our stories, and forget all our horrible, horrible troubles.
Y/N: I've always had a passion for theatre.
Hop Pop: Indeed my boy. Now who wants popcorn?
Hop Pop pulled out two bags of popcorn, seemingly from out of nowhere.
Anne: Oh, me, me!
Polly: I do!
The two grabbed bags of popcorn and they looked for seats. They found some near the front and Sprig leapt into the middle seat.
Sprig: Oh! Right in the middle! Dibs!
Polly: That seat is mine! No fair. You have appendages.
Hop Pop: Tut-tut. Sprig, give Polly the seat.
Sprig: Say what? Come on, Hop Pop. I got here first.
Hop Pop: That's what older brothers do, Sprig. They look out for their little sisters. Now, move that rump over to that stump.
Sprig groaned as he moved off the seat and onto the stump next to Anne.
Anne: Bummer, dude.
Sprig: It's just not fair. Just because she's a little younger, she always gets special treatment.
Anne: I'm an only child, so I don't relate. All my parents' attention was focused on me. And it was... awesome.
Sprig: Lucky you. What were your parents like Y/N?
Y/N thought back to his days with Mantis and Ant.
Flashback 11 years ago
Ant: Say, Y/N, do you want to learn how to hunt?
Y/N: Blah.
Mantis: You are not taking our son out hunting!
Ant and Y/N looked down sadly.
Mantis: Without me!
The three cheered and went out on a hunt together, coming back cheerful and with a bountiful harvest.
End of flashback
Y/N: Hehehe.
Sprig: Y/N? Y/N?
Sprig waved an arm infront of his face.
Anne: Wake up Y/N!
She gives his a smack around the face.
Y/N: Hey! I was reviewing happy memories from my childhood.
Y/N pouts and gives her a light smack in return.
Anne: Aww, you're so cute when you pout.
Y/N: What was that?
Anne: Nothing!
Mayor Toadstool: All right, now. Everybody settle down. I have some bad news. The acting troupe had to cancel on account of...well, being eaten on the way here.
The crowd boos at this new information.
Mrs. Croaker: We need our stories!
Anne: Hold up, everyone. I have something that might work. It's called a "movie." It's like a play, but totally better.
The crowd murmurs and sounds a bit distasteful.
Villager: A moovie.
Anne props her phone o the stage and Chad, local glass artisan puts some glass against the screen to magnify it.
Anne: Thanks, Chad, local glass artisan.
Chad: Yep.
Y/N: Man, I love Chad, local glass artisan.
Anne: Okay, so tonight I'm going to be showing the timeless classic Love Choice, which has always been one of my favorites because--
Mrs Croaker: Just start the movie!
Anne: You got it.
Anne presses the start button and the movie begins.
Narrator: In the not so distant future, three grounded yet supernatural teens must navigate their feelings if they hope to survive.
Hop Pop: Wait, how could they be both grounded and supernatural?
Anne shushed him and the movie continues. The teens were: Constance the regular human girl, Hunter the cyborg, and Alastair the half deer/human.
Phone (Constance): Oh, Hunter. I know that together we'll make it through this nightmare.
Phone (Hunter): Constance, my cybernetic abs belong to you and you alone.
Polly: Hmm, Polly likey.
Phone (Constance): I know I said I liked Hunter, but I can't help but be drawn to you as well, Alastair.
Phone (Alastair): May I sing you the traditional song of my people?
Sprig: I like this Alastair. He's ethereal, yet approachable.
Phone (Constance): It is now time for me to make my love choice. I choose... I choose...
Just then, a bird grabbed Constance and flew her away.
Phone (Hunter): Constance!
Phone (Alastair): We must go after her!
Both: I'll save you, Constance!
Narrator: To be continued...
The audience gasped in anticipation and frustration.
Mrs Croaker: What? That was the end?
Wally: Who did she pick? I'm so frustrated right now!
Anne: Believe me, guys. Been there. They are making a sequel, Love Choice 2, but it's not out yet.
Polly: I'll tell you who she picks! Hunter! He's a beefcake.
Sprig: What? She should pick Alastair. He's a thinker. A dreamer.
Y/N scoffed at the two's ideas. It was clear where the plot was going.
The crowd argues amongst eachother.
Polly: Listen up! I don't even want to live in a town with someone who likes Alastair.
Sprig: Well, I don't want to live in a town with someone who likes Hunter.
Polly: That does it! Everybody who chooses Hunter, get behind me!
Wally: Yeah!
Toadie: He looks strong.
Felicia: He's so attractive.
Sprig: Well, anyone who likes Alastair can get behind me!
Mrs Croaker: Alastair's my man!
Villager: Definitely Alastair.
Y/N, Anne and Hop Pop didn't line up behind anyone.
Hop Pop: Sprig, just let Polly win this one, before things get even worse.
Sprig: Sorry, Hop Pop. But I've had it with this pollywog and her special treatment. We ain't backing down!
Polly: This means war!
Everyone shouts and leaves the scene to their own house.
Anne: I have a bad feeling about this.
Hop Pop: Eh, I'm sure by morning clearer heads will prevail.
It had not. Overnight the town had evolved into three different sides. The Alastair tribe, the Hunter tribe, and a lone stall in big writings saying "Team Constance". Anne and Hop Pop admired everything for afar.
Hop Pop: Or, you know, not.
Anne: I don't believe this. The town is split right down the middle.
Each side cheered their own respective's leaders name and a quiet voice came from the midst of the crowd
Anne: Hey, is that Y/N?
Y/N had put himself at the front of the Team Constance stall and was twiddling his thumbs as he watched each side. The two strode over to him.
Anne: Whatcha doin bud?
Y/N: Well, I theorise that Constance will instead find love in the person who sent the bird after her and realises she's a bisexual after realising her capturer is a woman. Then when trying to find Constance, Hunter and Alastair begin to admire eachother and find feelings for eachother.
Anne and Hop Pop slowly blinked at him as if trying to understand what he said. He sighed loudly.
Y/N: Gay stuff.
Anne and Hop Pop: Oooooooh.
He had to face plant.
Y/N: However. These two sides think I'm a representation of Constance and as such-
Chad, local glass artisan ran up to Y/N holding a bouquet of flowers. Y/N look them and made a "see" face to Anne and Hop Pop.
Y/N: Here Anne, you can have these.
Anne's face lit up bright red as he pusher the flowers into her hand.
Anne: M-m-m-me? Oh, well uh, thanks d-dude.
Anne pulled the flowers in closely and hugged them tightly.
Anne: I will cherish these forever.
Hop Pop: Huh?
Anne: Nothing! If we don't do something fast, this whole town is going to tear itself apart.
Hop Pop: Polly and Sprig are the ringleaders. If we can just get them to get along, we'll be fine.
Sprig made a shrieking sound which resembled an ostrich being throttled so Anne and Y/N went over to investigate. Stumpy stopped them before they could get any closer and held them back.
Female frog: Amazing, Leader Sprig.
Male frog: You have the voice of an angel.
Stumpy: Deer Sprig, you have a visitor. Oh! Constance Y/N! I'm so sorry I didn't recognise you.
He let go of Y/N and made a deep bow.
Mrs Croaker: Should we throw them in the deer prison?
Sprig: No, no. It's okay. Thank you, Deer Stumpy and Deer Croaker. Take five, deer friends.
All: Mmm.
The others disperse.
Sprig: Anne, great to see ya. Are you here to join our deer choir? And these are for you m'lady.
Sprig gave Y/N some peppers which he snacked on hungrily.
Anne: Nope. I'm here to tell you this dumb feud with Polly is dumb. And you need to end it. Just let her have this one, dude.
Sprig: You're an only child, Anne. You don't understand. I'm always giving up things for Polly. Well, no more! The only way to end this is if Polly submits to me!
Anne: But--
Sprig: We're done here.
He gave a signal and Maddie and Mayor Toadstool leap from the bushes besides them and take her away.
Maddie: Ha!
Mayor Toadstool: [groans] Got you.
Anne: Oh, come on. This isn't cool, Sprig. This isn't cool!
Sprig: That's Deer Sprig to you.
Toadstool: And stay out of Alastairville.
As Anne left, Sprig cuddled up against Y/N.
Sprig: So m'lady, are we in your favour?
Y/N: Sprig, you know I'm a guy, right?
Sprig: Y/N! Who has won you over more, me or Polly?
Y/N thought for a moment and he got an idea.
Y/N: Well, maybe if you stopped this quarrelling we could sort this out in the best way possible.
Sprig: Ooooooh. I see what you mean.
Sprig called all of his Alastair clan members and followed behind Y/N. Y/N smiled, knowing how to bring peace between the two tribes. As they reached where Hop Pop and Anne were, he found that Polly and her tribe were already behind them.
Y/N: Oh, well that makes thing alot easier.
Y/N stood between them, opening his arms out and spoke loudly so each side can hear him.
Y/N: Team Alastair and Team Hunter. I stand before you with the solution to each of your problems. We shall resolve this dispute in the ways of-
Toadie: War!
A glop of mud flew through the air and landed on an Alstair's head. Both sides roared as they charged into combat. Y/N quickly shot up and flew out of the way and next to Anne and Hop Pop.
Y/N: I don't get it, why did they just start attacking eachother?
Anne: Mob mentality is really weird, Y/N. Imagine it like a swarm of hornets.
Y/N: But how can that— ooooooooh. Bollocks.
Most hornets individually were territorial, attacking anyone who comes near their hives. However, they were also smart, knowing when a fight was unwinnable and retreating. However, should they swarm and see a threat, there is no retreating.
Both sides fought bravely and with great valour, desperate to win Y/N's affection. It was all quite flattering but so so deadly. There had to be a way to stop it, but then-
Sprig: Polly! No!
Sprig had jumped infront of a tomato that was about to hit Polly, saving her from the blow. He lay on the floor motionless and both sides stopped fighting.
Polly: Why, Sprig? I don't understand. Why?
Sprig: Because seeing you in danger made me realize...it doesn't matter what's fair. What matters is that I'm here to take care of you. We surrender, Polly. We... surrender.
He collapses to the floor in an act of death and defeat. Polly wails dramatically.
Polly: Brother...No...No!
After a few moments of silence and stillness, Sprig got up and broke the silence.
Sprig: Hoo! All right, folks. Pack it in, we're done.
Polly: Yeah, this thing is pretty played out.
The crowd cheerer as they dispersed and cleaned up the town.
Anne: Wait, what?
Y/N: You mean this was all an act?
Hop Pop: Oh, that's just the way we are, kids. You should have seen last year's avocados versus almonds fiasco. We almost tore this place to the ground.
Y/N: Wait, aren't avocado's poisonous?
Mrs. Croaker: Whew, good thing it's over. I don't even remember what we were fighting about.
Sprig: I can't believe we almost killed each other over a work of fiction.
Polly: I know, right? Can we watch another one?
Sprig: Hmm...
The next day they decided to hold another cinema night. The family went to the front and Polly hopped onto a seat and patted the middle one, signalling Sprig over.
Polly: Hey, Sprig! Over here! I saved you a spot.
Sprig: And I brought you some sweets.
Polly: You're a good older brother, Sprig.
Hop Pop: Aww, well, ain't that nice. Now scooch over. I need a seat.
Anne went up to the stage again and readied her phone against the glass.
Anne: Hello, everyone! For tonight, I've picked a conflict-free independent film called My Dinner with Anders. But before we start, a little context.
Crowd: Just start the movie!
Anne: You got it!
As the movie played on, Anne tapped Y/N in the shoulder with a blush on her face. He turned to her and she handed him one of the flowers from the bouquet he had handed her yesterday.
Anne: H-here. You can have it, i-if you want.
As Y/N took the flower, he held it between his fingers. Then he came to a realisation: Anne didn't just think of him as a friend.
Y/N (thinking): Bollocks. This isn't going to end well.