Hope they bite you
Thought you said you
Would always be in love
But you're not in love no more
'Green Light' by Lorde
==========================================
As a black Jaguar pulls away from the brownstone in Lucerne for the last time, a teal blue convertible pulls up to a cozy apartment block in Berlin, Germany. Inside a man named Ludwig lies on his bed, wheezing as he tries to breathe through his blackened lungs. His wife is in the other room, cooking, and boiling water in the kettle for tea.
Outside the apartment, you sit inside your convertible for several minutes, adjusting your sunglasses, gripping your steering wheel. Your heart is beating in your chest loudly, feeling like it weighs a ton. You hear them in your head, laughing as they pull away from the brownstone, the brownstone he bought you. That was the house you two were supposed to run away to together and now here he is, running away from it as fast as he can.
You hold your wheel tight, clutching it for support. You press your lips together to suppress a sob, seeing him pull away, not even saying goodbye. You sit for a few minutes and gather your strength to steel yourself, you still have a job to do... you can cry when you get home.
You keep your scarf around your red hair and get out, adjusting your trench coat. You walk up the old staircase that leads up to Ludwig's apartment. You walk in and regard Ludwig's wife, singing softly as she works. You walk over and gently tap the bedroom door as you walk inside.
"Guten morgen Ludvig," you speak in fluent German. "Es ist ein schöner tag, yes?"
Ludwig looks at you and smiles widely. "Ja, es ist ein sehr schöner tag Fräulein."
You smile gently and take off your sunglasses. "Darf ich mich setzen?"
"Ja, hinsetzen," Ludwig nods and coughs harshly as he beckons you closer.
You walk in and sit down on Ludwig's bed and look over at his cigarette, still burning in the ashtray next to his bed. You smile as you reach over and butt it out. "Naughty boy, you know Ilse doesn't like it when you smoke."
"She does not but I've been smoking for 63 years," Ludwig says as he pulls out another cigarette. He offers you one and you sigh before taking it. You both smoke in peaceful silence and you eye Ludwig closely.
"You know it's not your time Ludwig... why did you summon me?"
Ludwig thinks for a moment while he smokes. "Well... I know I am dying and I know I will die soon... I want to move the date up Fräulein Eurydice...if you will hear me out..."
You nod quietly. "I'm listening..."
"Well, it is like this," Ludwig says as he puffs and scratches his eyebrow. "I am 77 years old and I'm still sharp. I have my bad cough and I can't walk much but I can still hold a conversation with my wife no problem."
"Alright..." you say slowly as you puff from your cigarette. "Go on..."
"Well, I figure, I go out now, Ilse won't see me suffer. We've known each other since we were kids, I'd hate for her to see me growing frailer and frailer... I'd rather go out now on this beautiful day."
You sigh heavily and look out the window. "So, the kiss of death is what you want Ludwig?"
Ludwig smiles and nods. "Ja, if you'd be kind enough to give your blessing."
You puff your cigarette quietly, letting the smoke pass through your nose. "I suppose it's alright ja." You think for a moment. "Eine frague en dich Ludvig... Bevor du gehst..."
"Ja, go ahead Fräulein..."
You sigh heavily, feeling the heaviness in your heart. "You and Ilse are childhood sweethearts, but you spent time apart in your 20s. You took another wife for some years before you two reconciled... Do you.... do you ever think about your second wife?"
Ludwig thinks it over and sighs himself. "Not much now, no... that was so long ago Fräulein. Once me and Ilse were back together, there was no one else for me but her."
You nod, taking that in, your heart sinking. Your heart never seems to stop sinking these days. You slowly look over at the vase of beautiful daisies sitting at his side and you give him a small smile.
"Diese Blumen sind wunderschön Ludvig..."
He smiles gently. "They're yours mein lady...my way of saying thank-you..."
"Danke für das Ludvig," you smile gently as you take his flowers and look in his eyes. "Und jetzt ein Kuss für dich..."
Your eyes begin glowing ultraviolet and Ludwig smiles contently. "Danke mein lady..."
"Auf wiedersehen, Ludvig," you say kindly and lean into him. You kiss him softly and his eyes gaze into you before closing gently. You kiss and feel his spirit pull through him and into you, travelling down you to fall into your chest. Your chest glows as you pull away from him and inhale the last of your cigarette before butting out both your cigarettes. You put your sunglasses back on, sighing heavily as you do.
"Ludvig, Kaffee ist fertig!" Ilse calls out as you get up from the bed. She walks to the bedroom with a tray with his coffee, toast, and eggs as you pass through her. She visibly shivers in her living room as if someone's walked over her grave before walking into their bedroom. "Ludvig? Ludvig? LUDVIG?!" she shrieks as she drops the tray on the floor, and you slip out into the hallway.
You browse your next appointment in your pocketbook as you walk down the stairs. You head to your car where a few bouquets sit in your passenger seat and dig through them before you find your camera. The handheld camera Eren Jaeger gave you, a replica of your father's camera. A consolation prize for being alone apparently... You hold it up as you see the Berlin TV Tower not too far from where you're parked and take a picture.
You hear a call from above your head and see the always present white bird dive down to your car. It caws at you and you sigh.
"I know Eren, I saw it with my own eyes..." The bird caws again and you roll your eyes. "Don't be so dramatic Eren, I'm not going to lose my shit. I have a job to do right now. Not get off my car, I have to be in India in 12 minutes."
The bird caws one more time before flying off and you step back in your car to head off to your next appointment with an Eldian named Aashvi in Mumbai.
Eren and Mikasa arrive in Shiganshina a week later, after taking their time driving through the Marley continent. They take countless pictures of their road trip, camping out at truck stops, and sleeping in motels. The first night, they sleep in his car together, moaning as they kiss passionately before Eren opens his eyes and Mikasa opens hers. She gasps in horrified shock and Eren blinks in confusion before realizing what's happened. She's seen the glow, the fucking cursed green glow in his eyes.
"Fuck, shit!" he hisses as he pulls out quickly and sits up, panting heavy. "I'm sorry Mikasa...I'm ...sorry, I don't know...what the fuck's wrong—"
"It's okay!" Mikasa pants quickly as she gets up as well. She looks into Eren's eyes lovingly. "I don't care Eren... I just want...to be with you..."
Eren looked at her in disbelief. "This doesn't...freak you out..."
Mikasa holds his face in her hands, caressing his cheeks. "No..." she says softly before kissing him and climbing on top of him. They kiss passionately as Eren's cock slides into Mikasa once more and they embrace tight as they begin moaning and bucking again.
The trip continues and Eren feels even freer, knowing he doesn't have to hide himself from his love. Everywhere they stop, they fuck like mad rabbits, so incredibly thrilled to be back in each other's arms. So thrilled to pick back up where they left off.
They get an apartment downtown, a small two-bedroom close to Mikasa's office and Eren immediately enrolls in Shiganshina University to finish up the last courses he needs to graduate. He dives right back into school, hardly believing how much he's missed being with his peers and relaxing with his textbooks late into the night.
Mikasa's the perfect girlfriend, encouraging him to hit the books hard to graduate at the top of his class. Her, Zeke, and her parents provide him with all the support he needs to do just that. As the months pass by, Eren spends less and less time with his guitar and more and more time studying and finishing assignments and spending late days in the lab.
One night he drives home and is surprised to see Mikasa's mom's car in the parking lot so late.
"Baby! I'm home!" he calls out when he walks in the door. He sighs heavily, drops his backpack on the dining room table and goes and plops down on the sofa to turn on the TV. He can hear Mikasa and his mom in the room they use as their study and they excitedly come out, Mikasa holding a bunch of thick books in her arms.
"Ahh good evening Eren," Mrs. Ackermann says cheerfully.
"Hello Eren," Mikasa smiles wide, her short black hair shining. She leans in and gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek, always more respectable in the presence of her parents.
"Hey you," Eren smiles as he eyes her textbooks. "What have you got there?"
Mikasa flushes and hands him the heavy books and Eren's eyes widen when he realizes they're prep books for the MCAT, the series of exams he'd have to do to get into med school.
"Oh wow..." Eren says as he looks them over.
"Yeah, I was telling Mom how you've been on the fence about taking the exams," Mikasa laughs gently and her mom nods emphatically.
"I don't see why you shouldn't take it Eren. You can't be in a rock band forever. It's time to get serious about your future, both of your futures."
Eren flushes as he looks up at Mikasa's mom. "I...I am serious about our future."
"Soo... no time like the present right?" Mikasa smiles gently.
Eren chuckles and sighs as he weighs the books and opens them. "I guess so, you're right. I can't lean on being a musician forever..."
"No, you can't. What you need now is stability more than anything Eren," Mikasa's mom smiles. "This is how you get stability..."
Eren looks at Mikasa and she smiles happily. "Please...for your dad and for our future Eren..."
Eren smiles and caresses Mikasa's cheek. "Okay... for our future Mikasa..."
--------------------------------------------------------------
A few months later, and just a week before his 26th birthday, Eren's doubled over his dining table. He's deep in his studies, looking over his prep books. He sighs heavily, the MCAT really is the most merciless exam and he's still so rusty with his knowledge. He's only been back in school for six months and for the last two months, he's been studying for his finals and the MCAT, scheduled to take place in July.
He yawns as his eyes glaze over as he scans the pages, and he startles as he gets a phone call from Zeke.
"Hey Zeke," he yawns into the phone.
"Ahh Eren, I see you're busy with your studies..." Zeke chuckles
"Yeah like I am most nights," Eren says sleepily. "What's up?"
"Ahh nothing much, just wanted to let you know LaMarcus left to go back to Marley this morning."
"Uhh huh," Eren says, shifting uncomfortably. "How was he?"
"Oh, he was good...sad to give up the house in Reisswoods but a little relieved too," Zeke says uncomfortably. "Wasn't very happy with not seeing you once when he was in town..."
"Yeah well I've been busy. You told him I was busy right?"
"Pffft no."
"Wha—why the fuck not Zeke?!" Eren says in irritation.
"Cause I'm sick of making excuses for you Eren," his brother says, his tone just as irritable. "The man's not an idiot, he put two and two together long ago... He came to grab her things from the basement and sort out the foundation's donations..."
"Mmhmm, have you figured out what you wanna do?"
Zeke sighs heavily. "Well...would it be too much to hope that maybe you'd like to give some input into how the money should be spent?"
Eren groans softly. "I dunno Zeke... I dunno how the fuck it should be spent..."
Zeke groans himself. "Could you, I dunno, come for a visit sometime this week? We could, I dunno, talk about it?"
"Probably not," Eren mutters and wipes his eye. "Studying's kicking my ass lately."
"WOW EREN. OKAY, umm need I remind you that this foundation was set up in memory of your dead wife and daughter?? Can you not spare them one fucking hour of your time to go over donations?"
Eren sighs heavily and Zeke scoffs in anger. "Don't give me that horseshit Eren! I've done more for my sister-in-law and niece in the last week than you've done in the last year! You better get your fucking ass over here, I'm so beyond fucking furious with you right now!"
"What the fuck for?!" Eren scoffs himself.
"Because I had to look that poor man in the eye and tell him his murdered sister's pictures had been put in a box in the basement! The look he gave me when I told him when and why is gonna haunt me for the next few weeks... so you fucking owe me Eren!"
Eren taps his fingers on the table and taps his foot on the floor. "Okay... fine. I'll come for an hour and not a minute more..."
"Wow, gee thanks for your generosity..." Zeke says sarcastically.
"Fine, I won't fucking come at all!"
"Eren, if you know what's good for you, you'll come. And you'll leave your stubborn jerkass shit at home cause I have no fucking patience for it!"
"Fine," Eren mutters. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, when you come, be prepared to come and give input. I mean it..."
"Fine, I'll come on Thursday," Eren says. "Say hi to Pieck for me..." He hangs up and sighs heavily, dropping his head on the pile of notes and books in front of him.
--------------------------------------------------------------
That same night, you wear your shades and hold a bouquet as you step out of a nursing home in Vancouver, Canada. You drop the bouquet in the passenger seat and grab your camera as always. You smile sadly as you lift your arms to take a picture of some glass condos with the mountains in the background.
The white bird calls your name as it lands on the roof of your car and you roll your eyes and turn to him. "Yes I heard Eren, you know I did. I don't need you giving me an update on your life every time you decide to spit on my grave a little more."
The bird caws some more and you scoff.
"I don't want to talk to you when I get back! I have nothing to say to you," you scoff and swat the white bird away from your car so you can hop in. You breathe heavily as you sit there, unwilling to go forward.
You groan softly as you feel your chest shift as it always does when you hear him address you so dismissively. You feel your heart grow heavy as you hear him in the back of your mind and shake your head in disbelief, it never ceases to amaze you just how much he wants you out of his life. You and the children.
"One day you'll regret this... you'll regret every single ounce of what you've done," you say quietly. "And I won't be around to hold you when you do..."
You sniffle as you close your eyes and breathe in deep. You feel your eyes begin to water behind your eyelids and furiously wipe them away. "God, I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over you Eren Jaeger! I'd give anything to transfer my pain to you right now!" you sniff and suppress a sob. You press play on your car's tape deck and sigh heavily as you pull away from the curb as Lorde's Green Light plays. You drive through the glass-condo stretch of road before you as you take your time driving home.
♫ Those great whites, they have big teeth
Hope they bite you
Thought you said you
Would always be in love
But you're not in love no more ♫
You press your lips together as you listen to a song you've listened to so many times lately, you've lost count. Lately, all you've done when you've gotten home is plant your garden and listen to your songs. All the sad breakup songs, you never in a million years thought you'd play. Not on earth and definitely not in eternity.
♫ But I hear sounds in my mind
Brand new sounds in my mind
But honey I'll be seein' you 'ever I go
But honey I'll be seein' you down every road ♫
♫ I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it. ♫
You sniffle and wipe your eyes with your palms as you keep driving. You so desperately want to move on from Eren, so callously move on from him as he has from you. But he haunts you, his voice in your head haunts you. The way you coincidentally pass him on the street every now and then haunts you. If he notices you, he doesn't reach out for you, he doesn't even flinch.
You toss off your sunglasses and your head scarf as you drive with one hand as you always do now. You look over at the hourglass, Eren's hourglass, that now hangs off your rearview mirror as a keychain. You can still see the two small grains dancing closer to the edge. You crumble and let out a great big sigh as you drop your face into both your hands. Your teal convertible goes on driving for you as you sob quietly into your hands. You don't know why these two grains of sand are still dancing, you don't wanna see them anymore. It's too much torture trying to imagine what could possibly lead them to fall that hasn't already happened.
You dry your eyes as your car pulls to a stop light. You sit there in your car, miserably listening to Green Light as a car pulls up next to you. A guy in the driver's side wolf whistles as he leans across his passenger seat.
"Hey baby! You look good enough to eat!" he yells out greedily.
Your eyes slowly widen, you forgot to cloak yourself when you left the nursing home. You look over at the man and he grins wide.
"Hey gorgeous, where are you headed to tonight?"
"Hell," you answer flatly.
"Cool, want some company?" the guy laughs.
You close your eyes, so tired of the catcalls and wolf whistles. You can't even imagine kissing someone and they're so quick and open to fucking you... he was so quick and open to fucking others... You slowly turn to glare at the man.
"What makes you think I'd ever waste my divine gifts on a piece of useless flesh like you?" you sneer in suppressed anger. "I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!"
With that you turn your eyes to his car's hood, and it bursts into smoke and flame. The man lets out a shocked scream and jumps out of his car before the flame overtakes it as you coolly turn to drive off without another word.
You huff in tears, thinking back to how quick Eren was to start fucking people once he moved to Lucerne. How he fucked people in your house, the house he bought for you. That was supposed to be the house where you started again, that was supposed to be where you raised a family. Where you were supposed to be free.... How the FUCK can he even sleep at night with what he's done to you?!
♫ Cause honey I'll come get my things
But I can't let go
Oh I wish I could come get my things
And just let go ♫
♫ I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it ♫
--------------------------------------------------------------
Later that night, your car drives down the sands of the paths as you make your way back home. As you pull up to your beach cottage, you look over the garden you've begun around the front entrance. It's spreading out, looking oddly sad as the brilliant warm hues are bathed in the blue light of eternal night.
You get out of your car and gather the bouquets you've collected today into your arms. You walk to patches of sand and dig your flowers into the ground, making sure to arrange them prettily. You sigh as you do, watching yourself care for another garden. You smile sadly, thinking back to Oliver and how much he cared for his.
"Oh? What is this here? I've seemed to catch a pair of praying mantis in a lover's quarrel... Ahh the female praying mantis devours her mate when she's through with him for nutrition for her and her offspring... quite interesting if you ask me..."
Your eyes widen as you suddenly hear him so unprovoked in your ear, see the image of a praying mantis in your eyes...see it biting into its mate's head.
"Eury?" you hear as a hand touches your shoulder and you let out a startled cry to turn and see Eren Jaeger standing over you.
"Eren," you gasp and groan. "What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that?!"
"I'm sorry..." Eren says sadly. "I know you don't like me coming around unannounced. I just wanted to check in on you..."
"I'm fine," you say flatly as you turn back to you flowers as Luna meows and comes out the door. "Hello, my precious little love," you coo as you pick her up and stand up to turn and face Eren. "Well, will that be all?" you ask dismissively.
Jaeger sighs as you turn and walk into the house before he follows you. "Yurie, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I didn't expect him to go this far."
"What do you mean you didn't expect him to? He's you, you're not doing anything to me that you didn't do to me back in 854 Eren," you scoff.
Jaeger sighs heavily. "Would it make you feel any better if you hit me?"
"Hit you?!" you spin around in disbelief. "You're joking right?!"
"No..." Jaeger says and opens his arms. "Go ahead and hit me..."
You shake your head in full irritation. "God you're such a baka. Hitting you wouldn't make me feel shit. I don't want to hit you."
"Well why not?!" Eren snaps. "I fucking hurt you, all I fucking do is hurt you! Aren't you angry? Aren't you furious?!"
"I am! I'm fucking enraged but not with him, with you!" you say passionately.
"How the hell can you not be angry with him?!" Jaeger says in disbelief. "He knows what he's done to you and he's still hurting you..."
You swallow hard and look down at Luna with her big feline eyes. "He's... he's hurting. He just needs someone to hold him right now. I can't be angry with him for needing her...I told her I was okay with this and I am...I really am." You sigh heavily. "I've given this a lot of thought and I think he'll come back. He needs Mikasa right now, but she'll help him come around to me. She was my friend; she was my bridesmaid. She'll help him come back to me..."
Jaeger looks at you quietly. "Eury... he's not coming back..."
"He—he is..." you say uneasily. "He just got with those other girls because he needed a distraction. And I can't fault him for that, I'd need one too if I knew what I did. And now he's with Mikasa and I can't fault him for that either... he's just lonely. At least he's only with one woman now... He just needs company..." You kiss Luna's head desperately and look up at The Founding Titan. "He'll come back to me, I know he will...he'll see me in her and he'll come back to me. It might take years, but you'll see...he'll be back..."
Jaeger looks at you sadly as tears begin to well in your eyes. "Eury...."
"Please Eren, just go..." you say as you let out a shaky breath. You shuffle in your heels, your chest hurting, and tsk before putting Luna down and going to your fridge to grab your bottle of wine. Eren watches as you start guzzling it tearfully. "Eury... stop..." he says when you're still guzzling after a solid minute without taking a breather.
You shake your head feverishly as you keep drinking and Eren comes over and grabs your bottle out of your hand. "EREN GIVE THAT BACK!" you shout unsteadily.
"NO! All you fucking do is drink Eurydice! It's not safe for you!"
"The fuck you mean it's not safe?!" you slur as you try and grab it. "Fuck being safe, I'm already dead! Now give me back my goddamn bottle!"
"No."
You pout tearfully and lunge for Eren, desperate for your booze. Eren struggles as he holds the bottle high in the air while he holds you back with one arm.
"GIMME BACK MY GODDAMN WINE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" you shout in despair.
"NO! YOU'RE DRUNK!"
"SO FUCKING WHAT?!" you sob and claw at him. "LIKE YOU GIVE A FUCK!"
"I DO!" Eren shouts and runs outside with your bottle.
"GET BACK HERE EREN!" you scream as you follow him and watch as he uses his good arm to chuck the bottle into the ocean. You shout in protest as you see it shoot across the sky and drop into the far-off waters. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"
"Because you can't keep fucking drinking Eury!" Eren shouts. "Take your feelings out on me all you want but you're not fucking solving shit by drinking!"
"Well what the fuck else am I supposed to do?!" you sob desperately, tears rolling down your cheeks.
"That's why I'm telling you to hit me! Take your anger out on me!" Eren says anxiously. "I know you want to deep down; you need to take your rage out on someone, take it out on me...don't fucking hurt yourself by drinking yourself stupid every night!"
You sniffle and wipe your eyes as you stand next to Eren and burst into tears. You shake and cry, your tears dropping into the ground to pool and pour into the sea. "Why—why is he doing this to me?" you tremble. "I don't understand! What did I do to him to make him treat me like this?!"
Jaeger shuffles next to you and pulls you in to hold you. You sob pathetically into his chest, and he sighs heavily as he holds you. "I...I'm sorry Eury... I know how much this must hurt..."
"You don't know shit!" you sob bitterly. "You have no idea how much this hurts..."
Eren doesn't respond, he just holds you as you cry into his chest. He keeps quiet, holds you, and rubs your hair gently. You sniffle and whimper, quieting down as you begin to feel comforted in his arms and you raise your head to look up at him. He looks down at you sadly, his eyes dull and green and you lift yourself on your tip toes to gently kiss Eren Jaeger.
He inhales as he kisses you back and you moan softly as you feel his arms wrap around you and pull you in tighter. You both kiss with such need and hunger and Eren dips down to pull up your leg before you remember yourself and pull away.
"Fuck..." you mutter, your wet cheeks burning in shame. "I can't believe I fucking did that..."
Jaeger sighs as he looks at you. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given in..."
"I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place!" you exclaim. "God, I'm such a fucking idiot!"
You spin away from Eren, hiding your face in your shame. You can't believe that after everything that's gone on between the two of you, you still have the audacity to want Jaeger, to need him. It's the Porco situation all over again.
"You're not an idiot Eury... you're hurting too. I know you don't think I care but I do..." Eren Jaeger says as he comes to stand in front of you again. "I know the hurt of someone moving on, believe me. I really do..."
"You—you do?" you ask slowly. "How?"
Eren shifts and throws his hands in his coat pockets. "I....I know one day Mikasa will move on from me and that really hurts me... I don't want her to move on from me either..." he says, his own eyes beginning to water.
You feel a small burning sensation in your heart as you process what Jaeger says. "You... don't want Mikasa to move on..."
"No..." Eren sniffles. "I... I want to spend eternity with her, and I can't..."
"THAT'S who you want to spend eternity with?! Not the woman standing in front of you but the woman who's gonna live another 50 years and forget your face?!" you ask incredulously and Eren flushes in shame, avoiding eye contact with you. You scoff. "I...I can't believe this..."
You turn to your ocean and walk towards it, trying to process this information. "But...but we're married... we have kids together..." you say slowly. "We're supposed to be a family..."
You stand for several minutes before slowly reach your hand out to the sea and a calm wave from far away quietly comes towards you, carrying your wine bottle back. You take it and look back at Eren Jaeger who's looking at you sorrowfully.
"I know that must hurt to hear Eury... I'm sorry..." he says. "If you're angry... it's okay to hit me..."
"Why are you trying to get me to hit you?" you ask quietly. "Why has that always been what you suggest?"
Jaeger sighs and rubs the back of his hair. "Because you're a god Rose..." he says calmly. "You already control the seas and the skies with your emotions, and you've made it rain on Paradis every time you cry... you could really affect the island and its people if you get angry..." He walks up to you and holds your arms. "I know that's not something you wanna do Eury, I know you'd never want to hurt people..."
You look at Eren in slow disbelief. "Right... because that's your job. It's your job to hurt people and it's mine to heal them and clean up your mess..."
"That's right," Eren smiles gently. "That's what you are, you're a healer...you're gonna heal the world Eury..."
You look away and you feel such a strong mix of emotions. You're a healer and a reaper. You give comfort to so many people around the world... but you're hurting. You're hurting more now than you think is possible... you hurt so much right now you could scream.
"This world of mine..." you say slowly. "It's... so cruel Eren. You created it for me and it's still so cruel. It was supposed to be perfect..."
Eren nods quietly. "It is... I know it is..."
"It was supposed to be perfect Eren... and yet there's still war and famine and... abuses of power and evil people... evil men who—" you blink back hot tears as you hear your own screams in your head. "There's... still evil men who will hurt people... who hurt me. I wouldn't be here standing in front of you if an evil man didn't hurt me!"
You sniffle and let out a shaky heavy breath. "This cruel world... maybe... maybe it would be better if it didn't exist... people wouldn't go hungry or be killed...they're all suffering so much Eren because of you...because of me..."
"Eury..." Eren says calmly, searching your eyes in concern. "What are you saying?"
You think for a minute, your mind racing with memories. It races back to a moment from years ago when you sat in the backseat of Eren's car while he cried out in agony, causing the world around you to shake, causing the volcanic Stohessian Mountains to blow smoke high into the sky. Those mountains... those mountains you looked at for comfort as you lay in that dark penthouse sui—
"Eury!"
You startle out of your thoughts. "What?!"
Jaeger looks at you with what you can only process as a look of sheer worry. "Look at your hand Eury..."
You slowly look down and see there's flames in your hand, crawling out of your palm and fingertips. You look at it in quiet disbelief and Eren takes your hand in his to put you out.
"Eury, you can't go thinking these things...not even for a second." Eren says calmly. "You're becoming disappointed and angry in your world, just like I was in mine. You can't go thinking those thoughts, or else you'll—"
"I'll what?!" you say, your eyes suddenly flashing at his and his flash back.
"Or else you could turn into me! Turn into Ymi—" Eren stops, his cheeks flushing. He's said too much. You look at him slowly and your eyes widen in realization and Eren becomes flustered. "Eury... think. Think for one fucking second, you don't want to go anywhere near those thoughts! I know you don't, you're not me, you're not Ymir! You're supposed to help me lead the world to peace, remember?"
"You? I'm supposed to help you lead the world to peace?!" you say, your irritation beginning to rise as Eren nods frantically.
"Yeah! That's exactly what you're supposed to do!"
"Why the fuck should I?" you scoff. "Why should I help you do anything?!"
Eren looks at you in disbelief and takes a step back. "Eury..."
You stand there staring at Eren, feeling a heat in your heart that's beginning to slowly grow. You feel it in you and suddenly feel ill, nauseous. Nauseous for what you're thinking, nauseous for how you're feeling. In a moment of desperation, you turn to run into your ocean, desperate to get these thoughts out of your head. You run in and throw yourself in further as you let out a cry of disbelief. You throw your head into the water, trying to purify your mind and watch as the souls trapped in your heart release into the ocean below to become twinkling sea stars.
The Founder walks on the water to come help you sit up as you gasp in horror at yourself. You throw your drenched head up and look at him tearfully. "I'm—I'm sorry Eren, I didn't mean to think that way! I can't believe I did!"
"It's okay," Jaeger says gently. "You're hurt too, I get it Eury... but this is why, this is exactly why I've been telling you to stay away from him... you're getting too emotional Eury... just like me." He holds your hands in his and looks at you with concern. "You have to let go of him Eury!"
"I can't! I just can't!" you sob. "You don't think I've tried?!" You let out a heartbreaking sob and cry into your hands. "I can't let go! He's my husband, he's the father of my children! He bought me a house; he saved my life!" You look up at his mirror and let out a choked sob. "You saved my life too! If neither of you were in my life, I would've died months before I did! I would've died by his fucking hand! How could you ask me to let go of that?! I still love you both, I still want you both! How could neither of you want me?!"
Jaeger looks at you sadly, unable to answer. He swallows hard and tucks your wet red hair behind your ears as you shake in tears. "I...I should go... I'm not helping you... I'm making you worse by being here..."
"Eren, please, don't go..." you sob pitifully as he stands up. "I need to talk to you! I don't have anyone else! I don't want you to go!"
"I'm sorry Eury," Jaeger says desperately. "I gotta go..."
"No stay!" you sob pitifully as you grab at his body while on your knees. "Why her? Why does it always have to be her? What does she have that I don't? Why don't you wanna be with me? Please Eren, don't gooo..."
Eren looks at you sorrowfully as you tearfully plead with him. "I'm...I'm sorry..." he says quietly.
With that, he vanishes, leaving you sobbing in the water that's beginning to lap around you unstably.
"No, no, no, please! Please don't leave me!" you wail. "DON'T LEAVE ME EREN!!!" you shriek and collapse into your waters, sobbing uncontrollably. You sob hard, thinking back on all those memories of him running away from you. Leaving you in your loft studio while you slept naked, leaving you on a train. Leaving you to go answer hook-up calls, leaving you at that label party, leaving you to go film a sexually charged music video. Leaving your arms to fall into Mikasa's. Leaving you at your own funeral to drive away on his bike. Leaving you on that cliff, those rumblings loud and vibrating the ground around you before he turned and drove away...
"Don't leave me here Eren..." you whisper, knowing all he ever does is leave you.
♫ I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it ♫