4 years later
"Emi, come here, honey!"
5 year old Emily who'd run towards the window to see if her school bus was here yet, came back towards where her Mami was standing near the kitchen counter.
Becky leaned down, and kissed her forehead.
"Promise me you're going to be at your best behaviour this year at camp."
"I will, Mami. Trust me na."
"I do." Becky kissed her forehead and Emily gave her a tight hug.
"Well well, why wasn't I invited for this massive love fest na?" came Mind's voice.
Emily laughed. "Of course you're invited too, Auntie Mind!" She said.
"Come here you little bear!" Mind carried her in her arms spinning her around a few times. "God! You're getting heavier each time!"
Emily chuckled. Just then they heard the bus honking from outside.
"I have to go now. Put me down!" Emily said excitedly.
"But I don't want to let you go!" Mind played around. Becky laughed.
"But I have to go! There's a new bunch of 4 year olds from the town joining us this year and I've been elected a volunteer to make them feel at home!" Emily said proudly.
"Okay, okay ka..." Mind let her down and she ran to kiss Becky's cheek.
"Bye Mami, I'll see you in 2 days!" Emily put on her bag and ran out towards the bus. But Becky noticed her stop all of a sudden about 3 steps away from the bus, she looked thoughtful. She ran back towards Becky standing at the door, and then ran past her into the house.
"What's wrong, honey?!" Becky worried. She hardly made it to the staircase when she heard Emily's footsteps running down the staircase, seemingly have retrieved what she returned to get.
"I forgot this, Mami!" She said as she held out the pendant her Mami had gifted her when she was 4.
Becky's heart felt funny. This pendant had so many memories locked inside it. Emily had no clue. All she was allowed to know was that it was a very important piece of jewellery for Becky, and Emily was entrusted to always keep it safe. Becky never opened the locket and Emily was oblivious to the fact that it even was a locket in the first place.
Becky smiled and took it from her, made her turn around, and effortlessly hooked the chain behind her neck. "Go. You're perfect." She said to her little one. Emily grinned from ear to ear and ran out.
As the bus left, Mind came and stood by Becky's side and spoke,"One day she's going to open that locket and bombard you with questions, nong."
Becky's smile faded. She thought to herself for a moment. "Well, then let's hope I figure out the answers before that day comes." Becky walked back into their home.
"You should call her. Or at least reach out to that friend of yours, what's her name, Looknam?"
Becky thought for a moment.
Mind saw this as progress. It had been around 4 years now since Becky had left her life in Bangkok, behind. She was practicing law here now, in Chiang Mai. In the first two years, bringing up the subject of Freen was like asking for hell to reign down on you. These days however, Becky seems to be listening at least.
"Weren't you and Looknam pretty good friends?"
"We were..." She said, then corrected herself "are..." She continued. "I think..." Becky said.
"It's not going to kill you to make one phone call, nu."
"I'm not ready to hear about Freen." Becky admitted out loud. But Mind knew, deep down, she wondered what her ex-partner's life's been like after she left.
Had she moved on? Had she found another? Was it Seng? Did she love him? All of these questions haunted her at night.
Mind had been woken by her nightmares sometimes. Becky has always talked in her sleep. There have been nights where she seems to be having arguments with Freen. Some nights she's weeping before her. But this last year it had gotten better. There were no more nightmares.
"You don't need to hear about her. Simply pick up the phone and ask Looknam how she is."
"I'll think about it, okay phi?" Becky said and then walked on to the kitchen to get lunch prepared.
//
"Hi there, my name is Emily. You can call me P'Emi na.."
The little boy from the new group of 4 year olds seemed oblivious to the hand held out in front of him. His attention was on the sketch pad he carried along with him for this trip. His Mama told him that if he ever felt nervous or out of place, to take it out of his bag and start drawing. And so he was doing exactly that.
"Hey..." The girl's voice sounded again. He hesitantly looked up at her.
"My name is Emily na ka.." She said once again, with her hand held out in offer for him to maybe shake.
"Hi." came his small, meek voice. And then he looked back down into his book and started drawing.
Emily took her hand back and thought for a moment. "You're going to miss out on a whole lot of fun na, if you keep hiding in your sketchpad." She said.
The boy looked up at her.
"Come on, let's go join the others. We can play lots of games and have lots of fun."
"I don't want to play games..." He said.
"Then what do you want to do, nong?" Emily asked him.
"I want to go back home to my Mama." He said.
Emily thought for a moment, and then, heaven knows what made her do what she did next, but she knelt before the little boy and said, "You know... when I was your age, my Mami gave me something and told me, that if I ever miss her, all I had to do was close my eyes and hold on tight to it, and immediately by some magic force, I wouldn't feel so bad anymore. Do you want to try it too? It might just work?"
The little boy nodded. Emily reached around her neck and took off her locket. She put it around his neck and he stared at it in awe.
"It's pwetty..." He whispered as his tiny little finger traced over the word 'Always' engraved on it.
"It's special! Now try it." She said excitedly. And so he did what he was told. Closed his eyes and all he could see in his head now was his Mama's beautiful eyes before he left for the trip. "Promise me you'll have fun na? Don't be shy to make new friends and don't be shy to look up from your book once in a while."
He opened his eyes to see Emily smiling brightly back at him.
"Did it work?" Emily asked expectantly. He nodded excitedly in the affirmative, chuckling with her. "Awesome! I'll let you hold on to that for me for today, as long as you come with us now to play." She said.
"Okay kub, let's go, phi." He said as he rose from his seat and ran outdoors with Emily to where the other camp kids were playing.
"Beckett. My name is Beckett, phi." He said as he ran alongside Emily.
Breathlessly, Emily laughed. "Well it was about time you told me your name, nong."
//
Mind came home from work that day to find Becky typing away on her laptop, lost in studying one of her own cases. She had big news to give Becky and she wasn't quite sure if Becky was ready to hear it yet. Regardless, tonight was the night to tell her, and she didn't want to waste any more time.
She kicked her shoes off and walked on over to the other side of the couch and sat there. "Nong, do you have a minute?"
Becky almost didn't catch the nervous tone in her voice. Almost. She looked up at Mind and saw in her eyes, something was up. She closed her laptop screen and said, "Ka, phi. Tell me, what's up?"
"Okay, you're not going to be happy with what I have to say."
"Okayyyy... go on."
"But it's important that you listen to me, and consider what I have to say anyway. You don't need to answer me now, nong. You can think about it and tell me by the end of this week too. But it's really all for the better."
"All of this is just sounding too vague to me, P'Mind, just spill na."
"I've got an offer for a new job, nong."
"What?! Wow! That's great news! Congratulations, phi!" Becky said.
"In Bangkok..." Mind continued. And it took all but 2 seconds for Becky's demeanour to change.
"That's... wow... that's brilliant news! When do you start?"
"Okay now hear me out carefully. This place here in Chiang Mai we've made our home? It's lent to me by my current employers." She continued as realization dawned on Becky on what that means. "That means, when I'm done with my notice period, we will have to move out, and clear out this house for the next person who will fill my spot in this organisation."
"I get it... that's okay, phi... we can look for another place..." Becky said.
"No, please hear me out completely. I've already got a plan." Mind insisted. "My new employer has arranged a place for me in Bangkok, however, it's enough for just one person to live. So I thought to myself, what about you and Emily, where will you guys stay?"
"P'Mind ka... you don't need to worry about us, I'll just look out for a new place here."
"And have my sister and niece so far away from me? No way, nong! I want you in Bangkok too."
Becky sighed. "Phi, you know I'm not ready to be back there."
"But why not? It's been 4 whole years, nong. That place is your home. Freen and you, you bought that place together. Both of you turned it into a home." Mind didn't miss the way Becky flinched at the sound of her ex-lover's name. It was all still so raw for her.
"Just... come with me to Bangkok, meet Looknam, meet Freen, and if there's anything to be salvaged of your relationship, I'd say pick up where you'll left off. You'll had something so special, nong, what's the harm in checking if there's still something there."
"She cheated on me, P'Mind!"
"I KNOW! But don't you think 4 years of you going incognito would have been ample amount of punishment for her? Hell! I can see it's enough for you."
"There's no guarantee that she felt punished. For all we know maybe she moved on. Maybe she and that Seng guy built a life together."
"I highly doubt it, baby, and even if she did, Freen knows better than to use a home you two loved and built yourselves to live a life with someone else. Either ways, co-habituating with her will at least let me have you and Emily near me. You could pay her rent. You'll don't need to be lovers to be living together. Fact is, it's a huge home that's still partly on your name. You have the right to live there."
"This is all too much, P'Mind."
"I know, nong." Mind said as she scooted closer and gave Becky a hug. She kissed in her hair and said, "I'm sorry for springing this up on you so suddenly, but I do believe it's time you faced your fears. And I don't want to be far away from you or that little baby of yours. You guys are everything to me. Just promise me you'll give it some thought."
"Okay ka... I will."
Mind smiled.
//
That night, Becky opened up a chat window she'd been ignoring in the first few months that it kept lighting up with texts.
Then the texts came after longer intervals. Her birthday, Christmas, thanksgiving. Then this year, they just stopped coming in all together. Becky finally began to type back tonight.
To P'Nam:
Hi P'Nam... Are you up?
From P'Nam:
Oihhh! Holy shit! Thank Buddha! Girl, you're alive!!!
To P'Nam:
Classic Looknam Ontara reaction. I've missed you, phi.
Becky typed and sent.
From P'Nam:
Then come home, nong.
Came Nam's immediate reply.
To P'Nam:
So much has changed, phi.
From P'Nam:
Here too. But not what we feel about you
The words were meant to hold so much. Becky refused to let it get to her. Instead she decided to type out a little disclaimer.
To P'Nam:
I know it's been a while. But I don't think I'm completely ready to address everything about what I left behind. I hope that's fine with you, phi. I wouldn't like to talk about certain things and certain people.
From P'Nam:
I understand... I think.
To P'Nam:
Thank you naka
Becky smiled sadly as she turned in her bed. She looked at the time, it was 10 pm. Emily must be asleep at her camp.
To P'Nam:
How have you been, phi? Are you still working at the same place?
Becky continued to catch up with her long lost friend. Nam too kept the conversation going around her work, her rent, the latest gossip on the streets, a little news about marriages and kids amongst a few of their mutual friends. But neither of them brought up Freen.
To P'Nam:
I have a daughter, phi. Her name's Emily
Becky typed and hit send. And then soon after, she sent Emily's photo, one they had clicked right before Emily left for the camp that morning.
Becky waited as she saw the three dots to indicate Nam was typing. But the dots kept appearing, then disappearing. Then they would bob up and down for a long while and then disappear again. Clearly, Nam was at a loss for words at Becky's revelation and Becky now began to worry.
From P'Nam:
Suay mak... she's beautiful, nong!
Came Nam's reply then.
To P'Nam:
Phi, you were typing for 15 minutes. What is it you're not saying?
Becky had always admired the fact that Nam was as blunt as it gets. She would always say what's on her mind. And right now, she wanted that Nam to speak her mind.
From P'Nam:
She looks so... extraordinary... There's something about her eyes. They're familiar na. Anyway, I take it you're seeing someone then?
Becky stared at that last bit. And immediately replied.
To P'Nam:
No no, there's no one in my life right now. I adopted Emily when she was one year old.
From P'Nam:
Alright that makes sense. Wait, so you've been with no one... ever since...?
To P'Nam:
Phi... I'd prefer not to talk about this yet.
From P'Nam:
Of course of course. Anyway listen I've got to go, can I call you tomorrow? Can I trust that you won't go MIA on me all over again, nong?
To P'Nam:
I promise, phi. I'll be right here. No more MIA
From P'Nam:
Okay ka. Goodnight nong. I'm so happy you finally reached out na
To P'Nam:
Goodnight phi. I'm glad I did this too. But do me a favour, let's keep this between us, please
From P'Nam:
Sure. Right. Okay ka.
//
Freen was up early today, even though she had no reason to be. Her son wasn't home. She didn't have to be at the gallery today. She could have easily slept the day in. But her eyes shot open at 7 am out of habit, and she couldn't bring herself to fall asleep after that. So here she was, for once allowing herself to whip up a good breakfast even though it was just going to be her.
Hold that thought. She heard the lock in the door turn and in came Nam, dressed for work, looking smart as ever.
"To what do I owe the pleasure? P'Nam visiting me before work? Is it the end of the world?"
Nam sat across from her on one of the stools by the kitchen island. And that's when Freen noticed her demeanour. "Phi? Okay mai?"
Nam looked up at her then, "Huh?"
"Which world are you in?" Freen asked.
"Uhh... nothing... got some food for me?" Nam asked trying to change the subject. But Freen was not going to let it go. Nam was usually a very open person. The last time she acted this way was in high school when she was asked to keep a secret from Freen.
Freen served her some fried rice and watched as Nam stuffed her mouth with food, still not making eye contact.
"P'Nam, what are you keeping from me?"
"Keeping from you? I'm not keeping anything from you. Why would I keep anything from you na? You're my best friend, nong, I could never keep anything from you." Nam mumbled with her mouth still full.
Freen laughed, but then began to worry. Something was clearly bothering Nam, and she felt she couldn't tell Freen right now. But Nam DID come over at 8 am, before work to her place, so she must feel guilty for holding something in. She decided there was only one thing she could do.
She reached out and placed her hand on Nam's. Nam finally looked up at her.
"Hey, whatever it is, tell me in your own time. Whenever you think it's appropriate, na?"
Nam nodded. She then did something that was so unlike her. She got up from her seat, came around the island and pulled Freen into a tight embrace.
"This morning keeps getting weirder." Freen exclaimed even as she hugged Nam tighter. Next thing she knew Nam mumbled, 'Thanks for breakfast' and hurried out the door for a new day at work.
"Have a nice day, tirrak?" Freen teased. Nam flipped her the finger, and closed the door behind her.
//
It was lunch time now, and Nam decided what better time to call Becky and catch up on 4 years of lost time. The phone rang 5 times before Becky finally picked up, and Nam's heartbeat was already racing, knowing she was going to be hearing this voice after 4 whole years.
"P'Nam!"
"Nong! Hi!"
Becky chuckled, and the laughter was so pure, it was like time travelling back to their days at high school.
"Is this a good time to talk?" Nam asked.
"P'Nam, don't you go around getting all formal with me. I know it's been a while, but it's still me and hopefully, you're still you."
"As me as I could be without you around!"
"I'll make up for it, I promise." Becky said. "So what are you doing phi? Is it lunch time already?"
"Uhh, cai, I mean, I got an early start to my day today, had to stop by at Fre... at a friend's place before work so..."
Becky didn't miss the slip, but she chose to not think too much of it.
"What's Emily up to?" Nam asked.
"Oh! She's not at home. She had a school camp for 2 days, so she should return this evening."
This got Nam thinking. And thinking real hard. But before she could voice any of her questions, she was distracted with a voice from Becky's home.
"No no, it's P'Nam." Becky was telling the third person.
"Cai cai, gloat all you want." Becky told the person.
"Who's that?" Nam asked.
"Sorry, that's just my sister, P'Mind. Have you met her before?"
"I don't think I've had the pleasure, but I've heard about her, definitely."
Becky chuckled. "Cai... well she's been hounding me to call you for months, reminding me that I should stay in touch with the one friend I have."
Nam laughed loud and hard at this. "Well she does have a point. What if I started hating you?"
"Would you ever, phi?" Becky asked seriously
Nam thought about it for a second. "Meh!" She said and they laughed.
Once again Mind was mumbling something from the other end and Nam couldn't quite understand why she was so interested to know what that voice was saying, there was something about Mind's voice, it was just so, alluring.
"I'm putting you on speaker, P'Nam, for some reason P'Mind feels the need to butt into our conversation!" Becky said, her tone mixed with irritation and jest.
"Hi Khun Looknam..." Came the voice more clearly now.
"Hi, Khun Mind. Hi."
There was silence between the two of them then. And Becky butted in.
"That's it? That's what you wanted to say to my friend, P'Mind?"
"Uhh.. mai cai... I had more to say, but I've forgotten."
Nam understood the feeling, because suddenly her throat felt dry too. "Khun Mind ka, that's okay... so how are you doing? Does nong Becky bother you much?"
"Oh she can be a handful, Khun. 4 years ago I would have liked a warning that she was coming back into my life and bringing one little angel with her too. I can't get enough of that little bear now."
Nam laughed. "The more I hear about Emily, the more I want to meet her."
"Soon.." Becky said and at the same time Mind spoke, "Come over!"
Nam laughed.
Becky continued, "I think what P'Mind means is you are always welcome to our home, P'Nam, but we may be coming to Bangkok soon."
"Oi! That's great!" Nam exclaimed excitedly.
"Nong Becky may come live with Freen again na..." Mind said.
"Wait what?! NO! P'Mind no. P'Nam, don't listen to her. Nothing of the sort is happening."
Nam's heartbeat was racing again. She wasn't sure what to feel about it all, Becky coming back to Bangkok, but not wanting to be near Freen. It was understandable, but would Freen understand when the time came?
"P'Nam? You there?" Becky asked.
"Cai, cai, I'm still here, nong."
"Ka, as I was saying. I'm not living in anyone's home. I will be looking out for a place of our own, for Emi and I to live in."
"But that's going to take you time, nong..." Mind argued. "Until then, I'm sure Freen won't have a problem having you stay over."
Nam could see what Mind was trying to do. She wondered later if she should talk to Mind separately to get her point of view on things. Who better would know everything Becky isn't saying than her own sister, right?
"That's not up for discussion, P'Mind. It's final." Becky said, now sounding highly frustrated.
"When will you guys be coming down?" Nam asked.
"Sometime next week." Mind said.
To be continued.