And, the gun went off.
Her body fell to the ground.
Brooks watched as Dawn's body hit the ground, blood splatter coating the walls. Beth stepped back in shock, it was a good thing Brooks had seen Dawn's excited trigger finger. Three police officers raised their guns, but before they could even aim, their bodies had hit the ground, and Brooks was glaring at the rest of the officers.
"Anyone else?" She yelled out, stepping forward. "No, seriously, I got a shit tone more bullets, and I'd just love to get the opportunity to put them in you naive assholes!" She shouted out, but it was silence. Everyone stared at her, some in admiration, some in fear. "Right, this is how this gonna work. Me 'n' my people are gonna walk outta here, none of y'all are gonna raise your weapons, cause if you do, I'ma come back in 'ere and kill every single one of y'all... We clear?" Brooks asked, but the room remained quiet. She waved her gun around, getting more attention to it. "Look at your dead friends, and tell me if we're clear!" Her voice was raised, angry.
"We're clear." Came from everyone, not in sync, it was messy, scared and shaken... But, it was there.
Brooks wet her lips, and nodded. "Alrigh', then." Nobody turned their backs on each other, Brooks' group backed away... After Brooks stole Dawn's gun, and they made their way out of the hospital.
They all ran down the stairs in silence, and out into the carpark where they saw the rest of their people. Brooks smiled as she watched Beth and Maggie. "Maggie!" Beth screamed.
"Beth!" Maggie shouted, and the two sisters ran to each other, hugging one another tightly as they cried into each other.
Brooks smiled, watching the sight, but was distracted when Rick grabbed her shoulder and forced her to look up at him. "What was that?" He asked, his voice angry and demanding.
"What was what?" Brooks asked, handing Dawn's gun to Daryl.
"You aren't the leader of this group, Brooks." Rick stated, anger flaring in his chest.
She let out a cocky laugh. "Yea, and last time I checked, neither are you. You were gonna let Dawn take that Noah boy."
"I am now." Rick stated boldly. "Next time you undermine me like that? There'll be consequences. You're in this group, you follow my orders - you still remember that, don't you, Brooks? Or you gonna pack your stuff and run away in the middle of the night again?"
Wetting her lips, Brooks nodded. "Aye, aye, captain." Her voice came out bitter and sarcastic, before she walked away from him and towards Sophia and Carl who were nervously watching her conversation with Rick.
/----------\
Brooks found out Bob was dead. He was bitten on the supply run, before their 'final meal' sort of thing. Then the cannibals ate some of him, but they were slaughtered in the church before they showed any signs of turning, so that remained a mystery. Brooks was sad for Bob, but she didn't shed a tear. Sure, she'd known him for about a year or so, but death was just a part of daily life now, that was the bit that shook her the most.
The group got out of Atlanta, as quickly as possible. Brooks didn't speak to anyone. She was thinking about how easily she shot and killed those four people without hesitation. It meant saving Beth, and a boy she didn't even know, so she did it. She killed for Noah, simply because he was with her group, she didn't even know him, and she didn't care too.
83 walkers.
15 people.
Since she left the prison, she'd shot fourteen people. It was becoming increasingly easy, and that scared her... But, also it didn't. Brooks was glad she could protect her people now, that she could kill for them. However, she didn't want to lose that last bit of humanity she had, because now they had Eugene, and Eugene could fix everything.
Brooks still couldn't read social situations, she couldn't read the way everybody was avoiding Eugene, and Eugene was avoiding everybody.
As the sun set, the group sat around in an abandoned warehouse they found on the edge of the city. They were in a small room at the back, the tainted windows allowed no moon light, apart from the couple that were broken at the top. They were too high for any walkers to get in though, and they needed the air for the smoke from their small fire to get out. The group knew how to light a safe fire inside, and how to keep it small and controlled. Not suffocate on the smoke.
Beth and Maggie were cuddled together, little Judith sitting on Beth's lap. Carol and Sophia were cuddled up, too. Carol, however, was also leaning her head on Merle's shoulder. It made Brooks sick to look at, so she didn't. Brooks was in the loneliest corner, her legs up to her chest, her fingers twitching and fiddling. Carl's eyes kept going to her, pitying her, but he knew when he needed to leave her be.
Rick felt bad for snapping at Brooks, but he said nothing. He was thinking over her words, and how right she was. He had to be the leader of the group again, after he wanted to leave that life behind... It all came full circle.
Brooks stood up, and walked over to sit beside Eugene, who was in the second most isolated part of the room. "I didn't manage to get your berries before I was nabbed, but I can go lookin' right now, if ya need."
Eugene shook his head. "No, there's no need."
Brooks' eyebrows furrowed. "Don't you need them for some important experiment?"
Eugene sighed through his nose. "No, they just taste good, and they're sweet. Our dinner that night was pretty salty."
"Oh." Brooks nodded. "I was sold so you could have a snack? Ya know what, that's okay. Anythin' for you, you're gonna save the world, Eugene."
Everyone looked to her, suddenly realising that nobody had told her the harsh truth. "River..." Carl started, but trailed off. He realised he didn't want to be the one to tear that beautifully innocent smile off of her face. Beautiful was the only word that came to mind when he thought of Brooks' smile.
"What?" She asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Sweetie." Michonne let out, straightening up. "Eugene... He isn't the scientist we thought he was. He lied, to survive. There isn't a cure."
Brooks' eyebrows furrowed, as her eyes turned to slits. Her head turned to him, slowly, dangerously. "Hell did she just say?"
Eugene let out a nervous breath. "I did what I-"
He cut himself off when Brooks' gun was between his eyes. Pressing harshly into his skin, her finger dancing against the trigger. "You lied?"
"Brooks, stop it." Cam tried, nervously looking between Brooks and Eugene.
Brooks let out a slow, sarcastic, forced, humourless laugh. "This son of a bitch-" She cut herself off, a lump forming in her throat, before she whispered out. "How could you?"
"I- I- I-" Eugene began stuttering, but cut himself off when the barrel of Brooks' gun was pushing so deep into his forehead that it was leaving a mark.
"You selfish, manipulative, lyin', fuckin' bastard!" She screamed, harsh and angry tears coming to her eyes that she tried her best to push back, along with the lump in her throat. "How could you?" She screamed, her hands beginning to shake, so she pushed the gun into him even more, if possible. His lips opened and shut, opened and shut, but he just couldn't think of a way to respond. "Give me one fuckin' good reason not to shoot you, in your useless brain right the fuck now!"
"Brooks, you're not killing him!" Rick shouted.
Brooks laughed humourlessly. "If this fat bastard doesn't give me a good reason then I bloody will!"
"Have you never done something you regret to survive?" Eugene asked, spitting out the words before he could even process them. His own voice shaking as he made himself dizzy because of how fast he was looking between Brooks and her gun. "You said that you killed people, was that for fun? Or to survive? Because- because we've all done things to survive, Brooks. Mine may be a little different than most, but we've still done things."
Slowly she lowered the gun, and everyone in the room let out relieved breaths that she didn't shoot him. Every single person in that room fully expected her to pull the trigger and end Eugene... But, nobody made a move to stop her. Truth is, they all wished they had the balls to do what Brooks was prepared to do, but they still wanted to pretend to be good people. They wanted the dirty work done, but they didn't want to do it, they wanted someone to blame at the end of the day. They wanted a scapegoat.
Moving to hold the gun in her left hand rather than her right, she lifted her right fist and punched his head into the wall. He cried out on impact, blood instantly splattering from his mouth, mostly onto the wall but some hit Brooks' cheek. She didn't care. Switching the gun to her right hand, she lifted it once more and hit his temple, watching as tears came to his eyes as he grabbed his head and cowered back. Brooks licked her bottom lip and nodded, laughing humourlessly. "We've all done things, Eugene. We've all lied. But you are the only coward in this room, Judith has more balls than you... Remember that when you go to sleep tonight."
She stood to her feet, looking down on his shaking, pathetic, crying self. She laughed to herself, shaking her head before she pulled her right leg back, just to force it forward and kick him in the crotch, making him cry out in pain. Brooks took herself back to her corner where she slumped down, playing with the gun in her fingers. Eyes tentatively went to her, watching, wondering. Nobody blamed her, they wished they'd done the same, but yet they judged her - because they hadn't done the same.
"Is that my dad's gun?" Suddenly filled the silent room.
Brooks looked up, and noticed Beth had said it, while staring at the gun the thirteen year old was playing with. Brooks wet her lips, and hummed. She couldn't think of any words to get her out of this situation, she couldn't even lie, Hershel's initials were carved onto the barrel. "Yea."
"Wait, Brooks, did you see our dad? At the prison?" Maggie pushed.
Brooks swallowed thickly, uncomfortable with every set of eyes on her. "Nah." She mumbled, shifting uncomfortably where she sat. She'd have to tell the girls... But, she didn't want to do it like that.
"You're lying." Sophia realised, causing Brooks' eyes to snap to hers. Brooks may know a lot about anything there's a book on, but you couldn't read about the skill Sophia was born with. She couldn't tell when everyone was lying, but the people she knew well? She could read like an open book, their little patterns being memorised instantly, without her even realising. It was the one time Brooks cursed Sophia's beautiful brain. "Brooks?" The strawberry blonde girl pushed.
Shaking her head, Brooks cleared her throat. "I ain't."
"Yes, you are." Beth insisted, trusting Sophia's intuition more than her own. "Brooks, we aren't going to hate you because you saw something, tell us what you saw. Even if it was just him running, please... Please." Beth begged, and Brooks couldn't say no to those green pleading eyes.
"I escaped with 'im." Brooks let out, before the words even went through her brain. She didn't know what she was saying, until it was said. Until it was in the open, until everyone was pretty much gawking at her.
"What?" Maggie asked, eyebrows furrowing.
"Mhm." Brooks nodded, staring between the two sisters. "But, he ain't 'ere now. You don't want to know anymore, so I'm sorry for your loss, but he's gone."
"No, you don't get to just say that and leave it!" Beth's voice raised. "What happened to our father?" Her grief sounded through thick. She was trying to keep close to her 'I don't cry anymore' promise to herself, but it was hard. Maggie's eyes already burned with tears, but the need to know fought them away.
Brooks used her wrists to rub at her eyes, but she knew she had to say it. She knew the words had to leave her lips. She knew she couldn't hide it anymore. She shouldn't have hid it to begin with. Brooks remembered how devastated she was when she found out about Marliya and Merle, and how badly she hated those secrets and lies... How badly she still hates them... But, then she found herself a part of the problem.
"I escaped with Nancy, Mika, Lizzie, Sebastian, Mrs Kingston and Hershel." The words left her lips bitterly as she stared at the gun that finished them all off. A dry and humourless laugh left her lips as she shook her head. Her eyes didn't burn with tears, her throat didn't throw up a sob for her to yell out. She was numb. Her heart was numb. She just stared at the weapon, with a clenched jaw and angry narrowed eyes. "And I killed them all. They're all dead. I killed them."
"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" Michonne asked softly, looking into her niece's brown eyes which were clear to see without her glasses. She knew Brooks wouldn't have just outright killed her people for no reason, there had to be a good reason.
"Nancy was bit on her way out of the prison, it was too late for her. Lizzie sh- she killed Mika... Tryna prove that walkers are people too, 'n' all that, so I shot 'er in the head."
"You killed Lizzie?" Sophia asked, bottom lip trembling and hot tears in her eyes as she learned about the deaths of her friends. Carol was quick to pull her in, to hold her, support her. While Brooks sat there alone, left to deal with it herself, like she'd always been.
"Mhm." Brooks nodded, continuing. "Next day, Sabastian hung 'imself. Mrs Kingston got confused, and attacked me... I had to put 'er down, this world's too cruel for a woman like 'er... Same day, me 'n' Hershel were hidin' in the bar." Brooks' voice had been pretty strong up until that point, she'd been keeping it together... But, remembering how Hershel went caused an unavoidable shake in her tone. Brooks had to rise to her feet, she walked towards the door and leant against the wall beside it. Her arms crossed over her stomach as she spoke down to them. "Couple men came down, and he hid me. He lied, and protected me because he knew what would've happened if they found me..." Brooks trailed off, trying to stop herself from crying as she remembered the sounds he made.
"Oh god." Beth cried out, looking down.
Maggie pushed through her grief. "How?" She demanded, anger in her tone. Brooks couldn't look her in the eyes. "Brooks, how did they kill our dad?"
"They didn't." Brooks admitted, allowing a long pause to eat at the room. "I killed Hershel."
Silence engulfed the room again. The loudest silence anybody had ever heard. Not even Abraham's empty stomach dared to rumble, Judith didn't make a cry, Gabriel didn't pray, and no walkers came near to disturb it. The tension in the room was so thick, that you couldn't even cut it with a knife as the expression goes. Everybody just stared. Beth's chest didn't shake with sobs, because it was too tense. Too hard to comprehend... But Cam was the first to break it. "What?"
Brooks nodded, looking to the gun in her hands as she explained. "They beat 'im... He was alive when I got there, but it was too late. He begged me to save 'im, and I did. I saved 'im from a slow and painful death. 'is eyes were closed... He never saw it comin'."
"Oh, daddy." Beth sobbed, finally giving in, her face hiding in her hands. Tyreese reached over and took a tired Judith out of Beth's lap, because Beth couldn't take care of the toddler while grieving her father.
Brooks wet her lips, continuing. "He wanted me to tell the two of ya, that he loved you. He wanted me to say how he tried 'is best to get to ya... In 'is last moments, the two of ya were all he could think of."
Maggie shook her head, forcing back her grief. "After all he did for you? You just hid? Let him take it all? He's dead, Brooks, because of-"
Brooks interrupted Maggie's yells. "Because of those men." She said, taking Maggie and everyone by surprise. "Yea, I hid... Because there was five of them and I had one bullet. They had two guns each! They would've killed Hershel anyways and me after they passed me 'round like a fuckin'-" Brooks abruptly cut herself off, not able to speak the 'what could've happened' scenario. "So, yea, I feel guilty, and I'll carry this to my grave... But, that doesn't mean 'is death is on me! Fuck y'all who're blamin' me, 'n' judgin' me, but I refuse to take all your shit all over again! I ain't runnin' away in the middle of the night again, cause y'all assholes bully me into it! I don't deserve that."
"Runnin' away was your choice, don't put that on anyone else." Daryl said, still feeling the grief and anger he felt all those years ago.
Brooks shook her head. "I was ten, Daryl!" She let out. "Ten, 'n' bein' bullied by your asses! Hershel, Mrs Kingston 'n' Seb all died on my thirteenth birthday! It was my birthday! I'm sorry that I didn't go on a suicide mission when I should've been partyin', or eatin' cake or some shit! Though, I suppose it was no worse than my sixth birthday. You remember that, Merle? You remember watchin' Will beat me to hell 'n' back? Before he put my hand in the goddamn fire!"
"I was a different man, Bambi." Merle mumbled his defence.
"I don't give a fuck?" Brooks, without a hint of humour, laughed and shook her head. "Daryl, it was my eighth birthday when I waited on the side of the road while you fucked some woman in the back of your car! I was nearly run over, but you screamed at me 'n' told me it was my fault!"
Daryl clenched his jaw, nodding. "Brookie, I-"
"No." Brooks shook her head, scoffing, as she pushed herself off the wall and uncrossed her arms. Her arms waved around as she yelled, the gun waved around. "The point I'm tryna make is that I've dealt with people's shit all my life. I've been beaten, attacked, lied too, bullied, made to feel like everythin' that ever happened was my fault!" Her voice lowered, to angry shake instead of an uncontrollable yell. "Hell, even the past two years, most of y'all acted like I didn't exist. You weren't avoidin' me, just actin' as if my existence wasn't important enough to even acknowledge, which ultimately is worse... That ain't happenin' no more. Cam, I really have to thank you, because if it wasn't for you then I wouldn't be able to say this... Fuck all of you to hell 'n' back, I ain't takin' your shit anymore." There was a long silence, and Brooks let out a heavy breath. When she spoke next her voice was soft, as comforting as she could make it. "Maggie, Beth, I'm sorry 'bout your dad, I really am. If it makes you sleep better at night, the men who killed 'im had a slow and torturous death." She turned her head to Rick, before slowly looking around everyone. "I'm goin' on first watch, Ginger Snap, you'll take over for me in two hours."
She said all she had to say, and staying in the room after that would've been awkward. So, without another word, Brooks left the room to go on watch. After thirteen years of bottling everything away, taking people's abuse with a smile on her face - she finally stood up for herself.