𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥 | 𝐠𝐧𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

❛ 𝚗𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚑 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍 ❜ | 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗/𝚍𝚞𝚏𝚏

i live by you
desire

i stand by you
walk through fire

your love is my scripture
let me in through your encryption

•

❝ SOMEONE SHOULD CHECK ON HIM. ❞ Axl says, sipping his whiskey slowly as he watched their usually bubbly drummer mope the night away on a wall. He couldn't care less about why the drummer was sulking, he just wanted to be nosy.

Izzy just hums noncommittally, one of his hands subconsciously rubbing circles into Axl's upper thigh, the other resting on the singer's hip, leaned back in his seat with his hat pulled over his face.

Slash, after taking a large swig of Izzy's abandoned Brandy, looks up at the singer, then follows his eyesight to the other side of the room.

Steven is leaned against a wall, dress shirt untucked from his pants, and his bow tie missing. His head lolls and bobs lazily as he continues to drink himself into a coma.

Slash then looks to the middle of the room where Duff is dancing happily with his new bride and their families. It's sappy. It's beautiful.

And Steven hates it.

Duff had gotten married today, putting a nice, big expensive diamond on the ring finger of one Amanda Margaret Brix.

Some would-be singer that had met Duff at one of GNR's gigs four months ago.

Four months.

Four months was all it took and Duff had already planned the rest of his life with her before he'd even asked her to be his wife.

He hadn't even thought about it. He'd ran to Slash, yammering about how she was the girl of his dreams and how they both decided they wanted to get married, and blah blah blah.

Slash had been confused, but supported his best friend's decision. He had an inkling the marriage wouldn't last, but he, of course, would never bring this up to the bassist.

The same night Duff proposed to Mandy, surrounded by their friends and family, he'd crept into Steven's hotel bed and they fucked like they were the ones getting married.

And like clockwork, everytime, Duff had crept away before Steven could wake and the sun could peek over the horizon.

And just like every time, Steven had climbed into the shower and sobbed his heart out to the point of being unable to breathe, asking himself why Duff wanted him but didn't want him.

So he'd turned to alcohol.

Duff hated when Steven got drunk because he got heartless and it was near impossible to calm him down when he got to that point.

And he was getting there. Quickly.

As the drummer attempted to throw back another swig from his bottle, his mood soured further when he realized the bottle of vodka was completely empty.

He growled, pushing himself off of the wall with a stumble.

Without a second thought, he'd tossed the bottle over his shoulder and headed back to the bar, stepping over glass and ignoring the stares garnered from the sound of a shattered bottle.

"Yup, let's get him." Izzy says, pushing his hips up gently to get the redhead off of his lap.

Axl rolled his eyes with a pout. "Do I have to?"

"Yes." Slash stood, grabbing Axl's arm and pulling him off of Izzy's lap.

Axl stumbles a bit, due to his own slight inebriation.

By the time they're all standing and beginning their trek to the bar, they hear, over the loud music and chatter, "Why does it matter?! You know what, just give me the goddamn bottle! Give me the bottle!!"

"Faster. Faster." Izzy nudges Slash and Axl as their drummer began to clamber over the bar.

Mandy and Duff are the first to acknowledge the commotion — it had stopped their first dance as Man and Wife — which in turn made everyone else do the same.

Axl makes it to the bar first, quickly locking his arms around Steven's waist and pulling him away from throttling the poor bartender who's only trying to do his job.

"Let him go, Steven." Axl fusses, pulling the blonde with all his might. Who knew the little man was this fuckin' strong? "Steven, let the man go. Let him go right now!"

Axl's southern accent slipping out made him sound exactly like his mother, whom he hated being compared to.

Slash, jaw dropped and eyes widened, clasped his hands over his mouth, completely stupefied.

"I could use some help!!" Axl shouted angrily, looking over his shoulder at his best friend and his boyfriend.

Izzy quickly ran to his aid, helping to pull their drummer from the bar top and somehow save his pristine reputation and dignity.

"Let me go!" Steven kicked out his leg, landing his foot right in Axl's gut.

"Fuck!" The redhead stumbled back, clutching his middle. "Fuck, I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna piss, actually. Nope, I think I'm gonna do both."

Duff watched the whole scene unfold, unabashed horror crossing his and his bride's faces, slightly muffled by embarrassment.

Steven sprang free and managed to shove the bartender to the floor.

Izzy groaned, "Slash!!" He glared over at the man.

"Iz, no, this is so embarrassing." Slash's face flushed under all the scrutinizing and disgusted looks they were getting.

"Get your ass over here and get your drummer or I'm actually going to murder him!"

"Iz, please I will literally kill myself. Don't make people look at me." Slash hissed angrily.

"Oh, when I'm done with you, you'll only wish you were dead!" Izzy hissed back, and pointed at Steven who was ransacking the shelf behind the bar, knocking down bottles and glass decor.

"Oh, my god." Slash buried his face in his hands.

"Cheers to the bride and groom!!" Steven suddenly yelled, holding up his stolen bottle of Everclear. The whole room was now watching them. "But especially the groom. The same groom who fucked my bra—" Izzy jumped over the counter and tackled the drummer to the floor, clamping a hand over his mouth.

The blonde looked up at Izzy with wide, angry eyes as he tried to fight out of the guitarist's hold.

"Not here, Steven." Izzy warned with an even angrier look in his eyes. "Not. Here."

Slash quickly rounded the bar, dropping next to the two. "Stevie, what th—"

"Go home." A voice boomed over them.

They all looked up to see Duff leaning over the countertop. He looked angrier than Izzy and Steven combined.

Slash frowned. "Duff, he didn't—"

"All of you." The bassist growled, tone final and unrelenting as it stabbed through the three. "Go home. Now."

In Izzy's moment of distraction, Steven slapped the man's hand from over his mouth.

"Oh, sure, Duff." He hissed. "We can all just forget this, so you can come crawling into my bed tonight to fuck out your feelings."

Duff said nothing, keeping his glare on the drummer. Then, he stomped away.

"Guys, I'm seein' double. And I just saw Jesus across the room. My time is nearing." Axl complained with a groan as he leaned against the bar. Izzy rolled his eyes.

The bartender furiously got to his feet, brushing himself off.

"I'm sorry, sir." Slash quickly apologized. "We'll pay for the damages." That only earned him a hard glare before the man stomped off.

"Like hell we will." Steven spat. "I'd rather burn this place down with us all in it."

"You shut the fuck up." Izzy hissed, standing to his feet. "You don't say another fuckin' word tonight, because I'm trying really hard not to beat your ass. And when I say I'm trying really hard, it's not just because these suit pants are so fucking tight." Izzy huffed, rounding the bar and grabbing Axl before dragging the man out to his car.

Steven looked at his best friend, who gave him a sympathetic smile. "I know this is hard for you, Popcorn, but this behavior....it's not right. This is not how you get his attention. It's how you burn bridges."

Steven shook his head, blonde hair falling in his face as tears welled up in his eyes. "You guys.... You just don't understand." He cried.

"Oh, Popcorn," Slash reached up and tucked a blonde strand of hair behind Steven's ear and out of his eyes. "I understand so deeply that it hurts me too."

Then, he stands and offers the blonde a hand. "Let's go home and get our minds offa this shit-show."

Steven makes a show of wiping away his tears before he grabs Slash's hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, stumbling. "I don't care anymore. Fuck him."

•

STEVEN HAD SPENT THE LAST HOUR AND A HALF WITH HIS FACE BURIED IN THE COUCH CUSHIONS AS HE RANTED HIS HEART OUT.

Izzy pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, eyes closed as he pushed down that same anger that had been refusing to stop burning hot since the wedding.

Truth is, Steven had been drinking the whole day.

Constantly 'pre-gaming' before they even made it to the limos for the wedding, sneaking drinks from his flask during the readings, and still drinking up until they were kicked out.

He'd been stumbling, saying weird shit and ultimately embarrassing himself all day.

Izzy, Slash and Axl were embarrassed for him, but to keep the drummer from hurting himself or someone else, they all had to stick together the entire day.

They take their eyes off of him for three minutes during the after party and nearly got the cops called on them.

"Steven, I think you need some sleep." Slash tried again, for the third time this hour, which Steven ignored.

"Stevie, this isn't healthy." Slash stood, stomping over to the sofa where Steven laid.

He roughly flipped the drummer over and his heart broke for Steven. "You have to stop this." Slash whispered, keeping their eyes locked as he kneeled beside the drummer.

Steven sniffled forcefully, but said nothing. He only turned his eyes to the ceiling. "Maybe I have to die."

Slash and Izzy's eyes widen in alarm.

"Maybe he'll finally understand what he's caused when I'm dead." Steven speculates monotonously.

"Steven, don't talk like that." Slash sighs.

"Why not?" Steven looked to the man. "You do it."

And Steven had him there. Slash pressed his lips together, unsure of what to say.

Axl lifted his head from Izzy's lap, blinking tiredly at the two. Then, he looks up at Izzy, who rolls his eyes.

"Stevie, this.... This thing between you and Duff. You know he's using you for his own benefit. But you have to stop letting him. You have to stop giving in. You have to let him know it's you or her. He can't have both."

Tears fell faster from Steven's face. "I can't." His voice cracked.

Slash frowned, laying a hand on Steven's arm. "Why not?"

Without hesitation Steven replied, "It's not his fault I built my whole world around him."

Slash's heart shatters.

Axl frowns at that, sitting up on the sofa. Izzy's face softens.

They knew Steven was in love with Duff.

That much was evident from day one.

They just didn't know the depths his love had gone to, especially after Duff had constantly played into the drummer's feelings and made him think they could be more than just fuck buddies someday.

"I.... Other people look to the skies at night when they wanna see stars. They look to the horizon for a... a sunset. They search the ocean when they wanna find treasures undiscovered. When they want beauty, they'd look at the world around them. Me? A hopeless fuckin' romantic?" He laughs humorlessly. "I'd stare in his eyes. For hours, if I could. And you know what I'd see? I'd see beauty unimaginable. I'd see treasures and riches untouched, unknown. I'd see the rest of my life. I'd see.... everything."

A little tentative smile pulls at the corner of his lips, before he frowns again. "And what am I to him? Just another notch in his fuckin' belt."

The silence in the room is heavy. It makes Steven look at a wall before he says, "Mom always said I was dumb. And looking at my life so far, she hasn't been wrong once."

The silence returns and is so fucking crushing that Slash feels his legs might not be strong enough to pull him up off of the floor.

No one got the chance to even think of something to say before they heard keys being inserted in the front door. Everyone except Steven froze.

The drummer only kept his eyes on the wall.

When the front door forcefully swung open and then slammed shut again, everyone knew it was Duff. The sound of his footsteps heavy in his boots as he stormed to the living room of Izzy's home.

It was so silent a funeral home could've been on the same sound level as a football stadium during the Super Bowl.

After a while of Duff standing in the middle of the room with his car keys gripped tightly in his fist, he spoke. "You were wrong for that, Steven."

Steven didn't even look at him.

"Today was my wedding. My wife's family was there. My family was there!" Then he looked to the remaining men in the room. "And you all embarrassed me."

Axl's eyebrows drew together and his mouth opened to say something, but Izzy, without even having to look at the man, swiftly popped the singer's thigh, making him shut his mouth again.

"How could you do this to me?"

At that, Steven finally turned his head to look at the bassist. His face was stoic. "Do this.... To you?" His voice was still, emotionless. Giving away none of his feelings.

Duff narrowed his eyes. "You embarrassed yourself today. You showed your ass, Steven. Now my wife's questioning me and my family's questioning me and everything is going to shit on the most important day of my life."

"The most important day of your life?" Steven huffs a laugh. "The most important day of your life was when I finally let you fuck me." The drummer snapped harshly. "And seeing as you haven't stopped running back to me, I'd say that day is still pretty fucking important to you."

Duff's neck flushed. "You couldn't stop being a whore for one goddamn day!"

Steven's eyebrows pulled together as he finally let some emotion flow through him. "Me? A whore?"

"Yes, a whore." Duff snapped. "You're a whore for attention. Anytime anyone finds happiness in anything that doesn't involve you, the world has to watch you spiral and make a goddamn fool of yourself!"

"Hey." Slash warns with a look that Duff blatantly ignores.

They didn't expect the next thing out of Steven's mouth to be a laugh. When they do hear it, they all look at him, confused.

Duff slowly crosses his arms as the drummer sits himself up and begins laughing some more.

"I'm sorry, is this funny to you?" Duff sneers.

"Yes." Steven replies immediately, calming his laughter. "It's hilarious, actually."

"And how do you figure?"

"Because I 'ruined' one day for you." He paused. "You ruined my life."

Duff scoffed at that. "You ruined your own life. You're pathetic Steven. You can't love yourself, so you go out and beg others to love you because you just can't fathom the thought of having to live with yourself."

"You're projecting." Another burst of laughter fell from Steven's mouth and Duff's jaw clenched, his fists growing tighter. "You can't even say your wife's name. Can't even lay in bed next to her and go to sleep without creeping out of your bed and crawling into mine. You're so caught up in living this lie that you're starting to believe it's all true."

Everyone is silent as Steven continues, standing to his feet and slowly approaching Duff. "One thing I know for sure...." His voice drops to a whisper, but they all can still hear him. "You can't stand that woman. You despise her so much that you close your eyes when you fuck her. Wanna know why? I'll tell you why."

Steven briefly pauses. "Because you can't even get hard without thinking of me. You can't cum without thinking of me. You can't make her believe you love her without thinking of me. And when you shut your eyes and fuck her in that same bed that we fucked in, all you see is me."

Axl covered his mouth and Izzy looked down, biting his lip to hold back a laugh. Slash couldn't hide the blush on his face as he listened to those words fall from Steven's mouth.

The Steven that was all rainbows and sunshine and happiness all the time, was the same Steven saying such dirty words without batting an eye.

Duff kept his own eyes on the floor, jaw still clenching but fists loosening.

"But hey," The drummer backed up, creating at least three feet of space between them. "I can't blame you for making me fall in love with you. I only blame you for making me think you loved me too."

Then he looks to the others, who stared at him in shock. "I'm going to bed now." He says to them all, but it's more directed to Slash, an offer taken up from Slash's earlier requests.

•

❝ KNOCK KNOCK. ❞ Slash says as he entered Steven's bedroom.

The blonde is tying up his upper-back length hair, his back to the door as he says, "Y'know, saying knock knock and just walking in defeats the whole purpose of actually knocking."

Slash laughs softly, gently lowering himself down on the edge of Steven's bed. "I'm just coming to check up on you. You alright?"

Steven gave a small smile as he sat beside his best friend. "I guess I... I don't feel like I'm wearing a backpack full of cement blocks anymore...." He trailed off.

"But...." Slash pressed, leaning a bit closer.

"I still love him. And I'd still fuck him." Steven smiled.

Slash rolled his eyes with a giggle. "You know, even though you were glaring holes through him, I still figured you would want to."

Steven blushed. "Shut up."

There was an actual knock on the door, then.

The two look up to see Duff standing in the doorway, one hand in the pocket of his leather jacket. "Steven, can we talk?"

Steven narrowed his eyes at the bassist. "Did you not hear me when I said I'm going to bed? I don't want to talk."

"You're talking to Slash." Duff raised an eyebrow, eyes briefly glancing over at Slash.

Steven is silent for a moment. "I owe him all the time in the world for all that he's done for me. I don't owe you shit."

"Steven." Duff sighs. "Please."

"Please what?" Steven leans back on his hands. "Go outside and beg someone to love me? So I can live with myself just for the rest of the night and then go do the same thing the next morning?"

Slash gently lays a hand on the drummer's bare thigh, wordlessly asking him to stay calm.

Duff sighs, looking down.

Slash whispers, "I'm gonna be downstairs."

Steven glares at the guitarist who only gives a cheeky smile as he stands. When he passes Duff he gently pats the other man's forearm.

When Slash disappears Duff is silent for a beat longer, eyes glued to Steven's lips. "She knows." He says.

Steven frowns. "What?"

"Mandy."

"I don't give a fuck about your wife."  Steven rolled his eyes, indicating that he did in fact care as he angrily pulled back his blanket, attempting to crawl beneath it.

Duff rolls his eyes also, entering the room and stopping the shorter man's actions. "She knows about us. Me and you."

Steven stared up at Duff for a moment before narrowing his eyes and yanking his arm back. "There is no us." He seethed, pushing himself back onto the bed to put some distance between himself and the bassist.

Duff's eyes trailed down to Steven's thighs and the drummer instinctively tried to pull his shirt down to cover them. "Get out."

Duff only stands to his full height and shoves his hands into his pockets. "I told you I had to talk to you."

"Talk all you want. I'm goin' to bed." Steven says, attempting to turn over and continue his mission of crawling into his blankets.

"Why do you have to be such a petty bitch all the time?" Duff scoffed.

Steven only swung his arm and backhanded Duff. Right across the face.

Duff's jaw clenched and he wiped at his mouth.

"I have every right to be a petty bitch." He snaps. "You've used my love for you against me for years. You made me think you loved me just so you could have a quick fuck. And you always, always chose some floozy over me the next morning."

"Stevie, it wasn't—"

"What?!" Steven snapped. "You're gonna tell me it's not what it literally-fucking-was?"

"I just couldn't do it, alright?!" Duff was fuming, voice finally raising.

Steven was unflinching. He asks, "Do what?"

"I couldn't.... My parents...."

Steven rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.

"I never, ever wanted to disappoint them. They want grandkids. And you know how I'm from a big family. Family's everything to me."

Steven shook his head. "What, so now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you just because you can't tell your mom that you like fucking men?"

Duff shot Steven an angry look that the drummer couldn't care any less for.

"I don't like 'fucking men'." Duff spat. "I'm in love with you. I like fucking you. But I.... I just couldn't... stay in one place. And my constantly trying to hold onto both things was driving me crazy, not to mention pushing you further away from me."

Steven's glare eases up but his anger still simmered.

"And Mandy knows. She knows I'm in love with you, that I want you and only you. But both our families are so fuckin' strict on religion and marriage and family and I just couldn't fight them on that." Duff choked up. "I love my siblings, my nieces, my nephews, too damn much. I just...."

"Couldn't love me." Steven swallows, jaw clenching as he felt tears sting at his eyes.

Duff nods and Steven's last little bit of hope for them diminishes. "So what? You just want me to forgive you for making me jump through hoops to love you?"

"No." Duff says quickly, shedding his strong, cool demeanor as he stepped closer to Steven. "I just.... I want to apologize. Because I love you so much and I hate seeing you hurt."

"But you're not man enough to stand up to your family."

"Steven—"

"You're a grown man, Duff!" Steven scoffs. "Why do they need to know who you love or where you stick your dick? That's creepy!"

"I told you; they want grandkids."

"So just adopt! All of these children already in the world, lost, in need of families now. Floating through some fucked-up system that does nothing for them and kicks them to the streets the exact second the clock strikes 12 on their 18th birthday."

"They don't...." Duff shakes his blonde head. "My family doesn't see that way as.... clean. They say they don't want...." Duff swallows then. "'Damaged goods'."

Steven felt like he'd been shot. "And is that how you see me?" His voice cracked involuntarily. "Damaged goods?"

"Steven, no—"

"I was a system kid. You know that. So I'm just a triple-fuckin'-whammy for your fucked-up, creepy, religious family!" Steven growled. "S'that why you only fuck me in the shadows?"

"Stevie—"

"Is that why you chose her?"

"Steve—"

"'Cause I'm not good enough, right?!"

"No!" Duff yelled, shutting him up. Steven's wide, teary eyes stared at the bassist in shock. "You're more than enough. You're the best goddamn thing that's ever graced my life with its presence. I never had to prove myself to you. I never, ever did. You've loved me regardless and I couldn't even gather the decency to even love you out loud."

"I was so scared of being alone, being casted out, that I.... I let it pull me away from you. I.... I used you. And I know you'll never forgive me. I don't forgive myself. But I just wanted you to know that I chose you."

Steven's eyebrows furrowed. "The fuck does that mean?"

Duff shook his head in disbelief, taking a moment. "I chose you, Steven. Not my mom, or my dad, or fuckin' Mandy, not anyone. No one but you."

Steven felt his heart leap, but he wasn't giving in as easily as he had before. "It only took you... I don't know, five years?"

Steven saw Duff's heart break at the question, but he didn't care. This is only a small sliver of the pain that Steven's felt for years.

"I'm sor—"

"I swear to your God, if you say 'I'm sorry' one more time, I will punch something and that something will be your face."

Duff swallowed, jaw snapping shut.

"Why?!" Steven yelled, tears clouding his eyes. Duff flinched, but the movement was so minute that if you hadn't been staring directly at him, you wouldn't have even noticed it.

"Why now? Why so long?!" Steven asks, dropping his head into his hands as he cried. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm a fuckin' idiot, Stevie. It took me so long because I'm an idiot and I.... I was scared. It's not an excuse but it's the only one I've got."

"So you're afraid to love me but not to fuck me?" And even though he tried with all his might to force anger into his voice, all the came out was a cry; insecurity showing itself in ugly layers that Steven had tried so hard to keep buried.

"Why did I ever think I could be enough for you?"

Duff's heart really did break this time. He kneeled on the floor in front of Steven as he felt tears spring from his own eyes.

"Stop that right now." The bassist starts firmly, gently tilting Steven's face to make the man look him in the eyes. "You're more than enough. You're so goddamn perfect that I don't fuckin' deserve you. No one on this whole earth deserves you, Stevie, because you're.... You are everything good in this world. In this life."

Steven shook his head, looking away. "Don't - Don't make me fall in love with you again." He sniffled, letting his tears fall freely. "You.... You married her. And I was miserable. I was miserable and I still. Loved. You."

"She knows I love you, Stevie. She knows I only want you. God, I haven't even slept with another person since you."

Steven was confused as he rolled his watery eyes. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Duff swallows. "I haven't fucked anyone besides you these last five years."

Steven scoffed. "You're a goddamn liar!"

"I'm not, Stevie."

"What about all those girls after the gigs? What about those strippers you flirted with onstage? The groupies?"

"Nope."

Steven didn't believe it. "And Mandy?" He crossed his arms. "If you aren't fucking these women, why do you always take them to your place when they come flocking to you? What do you do with them if you don't fuck them?"

"Give 'em money." Duff shrugged. "It's all they want anyway. "Just pay for their hair, nails, clothes, bills, whatever. They won't care what the fuck you do."

Steven scoffed again, shaking his head. "You're really fuckin' dumb."

"Well it's the best trick I had."  Duff rose to his feet before dropping down beside Steven onto the bed.

"Trick?"

Duff nodded. "I was so bad at hiding my love for you that everyone knew it, and they would always question me. So Mandy and I came to an.... agreement. We get married, for our families. But she gets to see who she wants and keep her mouth closed and I get.... I get to be with you."

Steven groaned in frustration. "You're confusing me. You're fuckin' confusing me." His hands flew to his head and his fingers became tangled in his hair.

"Stevie. Stevie, stop that." Duff gently grabs the drummer's hands and loosen them from his blonde locks. "Just talk to me, okay?"

When he managed to free Steven's hands, the man was looking at him.

"Just ask me anything. I swear I'll answer."

Steven shook his head. "If this was the truth all along, why not just tell me? Why put me through all this shit? I had to watch you get married!"

"I know, Stevie. I know, and I'm so fuckin' stupid. I was gonna tell you the night we announced the whole 'getting married' thing but you wouldn't even look at me. Not even when we.... And after, you just rolled over and ignored me."

"After that night, no time was ever the right time. You were always running off somewhere, saying you were busy. You wouldn't stay after shows, or practice, or interviews, or fan signings. Nothing. Whenever I was around, you never stayed too long. You always had somewhere else to be."

"I know I had no right to be, but it started making me mad the longer you kept avoiding me. So I started getting mean, and I started talking about my marriage more, picking up girls more. And I'd make sure you were always around to see and hear me do these things."

Steven was frowning. "I told you you were projecting."

"Huh?" Duff looks at him, confused.

"You called me an attention whore." Steven recounted their earlier argument. "It seems to me that you were just pushing your insecurities onto me because you couldn't stand the fact that I was putting distance between us. I was standing my ground."

Duff swallowed, looking down.

"You're not the same man I fell in love with." Steven shook his head, making Duff look up. "How am I supposed to go back to normal after this? You're married!"

"No I'm not." Duff says, keeping his eyes on the floor.

Steven was silent a moment. "You're confusing me again. 'Cause I saw you marry her. You put the ring on her, said 'I do', and kissed her in front of your whole family. Your marriage was official."

"Remember when I said I chose you?"

Steven's face softened and he shut his mouth.

"After you all left, dad started asking questions. So mom started. Then, Mandy's parents started. Mandy, the soldier she is, didn't say anything. She let me make the first move. So I did. I.... I told my whole family, her whole family. I told them I was.... I was in love with you and only you and that Mandy and I's marriage was not real."

Steven's mouth fell right back open.

"Her dad and brothers tried to kill me, our mother broke down, our siblings were fighting.... It was chaos. Mandy helped me get out. She said she'd call here tomorrow morning to see if I'm okay."

Steven eyes him warily, unsure of what the truth was or if he should even trust Duff's words. "You ended your marriage on wedding day.... for me?"

Duff rolls his eyes fondly. "Everything I do is for you. Sometimes it's stupid, fucked up, damning, but it's for you. It'll always be for you."

Steven's heart hammered out of his chest and a smile split his face. "What about your family?"

Duff shrugs. "My parents disowned me. My siblings wouldn't look at me. But I'm pretty sure my nieces and nephews are still very positive I'm bringing gifts when I see them again."

Steven giggled. "I'm sorry about your parents. They seem almost as bad as mine."

Duff only sighs, falling back into Steven's bed and staring at the ceiling. "Parents fuckin' suck."

Steven nods wordlessly, eyes falling onto Duffs white, half buttoned dress shirt. He'd still been in his wedding clothes.

"I like this look." Steven says, subconsciously reaching his hand out and running it over Duffs half-covered chest.

The taller blonde jumped a little, not expecting the touch or the softness of Steven's voice.

He looks up at Steven, feeling the air he breathed thinning. "Mandy said you'd like it."

Steven smirked, hummed to himself, gently grabbing the expensive cross necklace that hung around Duff's neck.

The bassist hated that he didn't know what was going on in Steven's head.

"Mm, she did?"

Steven's tone did something to Duff that had his cheeks flushing and his pants growing ever-so tighter. "Yeah." His own voice sounded breathy in his ears.

Steven looked back into Duff's eyes. "You gave up your whole family for me. Why?"

Duff paused, pulling his mind from the dirty places it resided so he could properly answer Steven's question. "Why not?" He shrugs again.

"I mean, choosing you was just my way of letting the universe do the easy part. I took the hard part and I'm willing to work day and night for it."

"The hard part?"

"Healthily regaining your trust. Letting my love for you take the reins this time, instead of letting my mind plant all my fears into the universe. Instead of letting my fears create obstacles, walls, that kept me from being honest with you, kept me scared to love you the way the universe originally intended."

Tears brimmed in Steven's eyes.

"I'll crawl on my hands and knees over glass in Hell before I'd let you be pushed so far from me ever again." Duff gently grabs the hand on his chest, laces their fingers together. "All the words in all of man's creation couldn't begin to answer that question, Stevie. There's no one answer."

Those tears in Steven's eyes? Yeah, they're falling.

Duff lifted his free hand to Steven's face and wiped his tears. Why are you cryin'?" He chuckled.

Steven leans forward, resting his forehead against Duff's. "I found the man I fell in love with."

plz ignore any spelling errors :)

much love <3

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