Severus sat in the living room of the Manor with Evelyn as she wrote away in her notebook about Merlin-only-knew-what. He had given her a tour of the Manor and, though she commented very little, she seemed to be writing quite a bit.
Despite his assurances to Harry that everything would go smoothly today, Severus felt nervous, even if he would never admit it. The idea that his and Harry's future depended on what this woman thought of him was unsettling. Normally, Severus was not one to care for anyone's opinions of him, but he found himself hoping that she thought highly of him today. He didn't want to be the reason that Harry was sent to live somewhere else.
"Why does he call you Snape?" Evelyn suddenly asked, and Severus looked up at her with a frown.
"I'm sorry?" he replied, caught off guard by the question.
"You're first name is Severus," she clarified, as if it were obvious. "Why then does he call you Snape instead of Severus?"
He shook his head. "I suppose because he feels more comfortable using my last name. In school he and the other students refer to me as Professor Snape. Very few people call me Severus."
"I see," she remarked, noting something in her book. "And would you rather he call you by your first name?"
"I don't care either way," Severus answered with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry, why is this important? What does it have to do with anything?"
Evelyn shifted on the couch so that she was leaning forward slightly, resting her elbow on her knees. "I'm simply trying to better understand your relationship with Harry. Does he feel close enough with you that he's comfortable speaking to you openly or does he still hold back because you are his teacher?"
"I suppose you would need to ask him that," Severus replied shortly.
"I'll do that." Evelyn made yet another note in her book before looking back to Severus. "How do you and Harry spend your time together? Give me an example of what a typical day is like for you."
"It depends on a number of things. Most nights he stays up in Gryffindor Tower in his dormitory. I may only see him during classes or if he wishes to come down to our rooms."
"Does he visit you often?"
"A few times a week usually. After classes or a bit or we may have dinner together."
"But he doesn't spend the night?" she asked, writing more.
"Rarely during the week. He has a few times but typically he only stays in our quarters on weekends. Usually a couple weekends a month he will come down on Friday afternoons and stay until Monday morning."
"Alright, tell me about the weekends. How do you spend them with him?"
Severus thought for a moment and said, "On Fridays he usually gets his homework done while I grade essays or work in my lab. We have dinner, then tea. He talks about his day, classes, and the like. On Saturday he may choose to visit with his friends for a while or we may stay in. I usually leave it up to him to decide. Sometimes he helps me with potions or we play chess. We take our meals together. A few times he has invited his friends down but most of the time he doesn't. Sundays are usually the same except Harry tends to sleep in late. He calls Sunday his lazy day and often doesn't want to do anything. We have breakfast together on Monday before we both leave for classes."
Severus sat back in his chair, watching as Evelyn wrote. Her dark hair fell over her shoulder and she tossed it back before continuing.
"Would you say then that Harry enjoys spending time with you on the weekends?"
Severus nodded. "I would."
"And you enjoy having him?"
"Yes, very much so."
"You yourself were adopted, correct?" Evelyn asked.
"I was. In the beginning of my fourth year."
"And would you say that that made you more open to taking in Harry?"
Severus looked down at his hands, gripping the armrests of his chair as he considered her question. "I suppose," he finally answered.
"How did you come about being asked?"
"The Headmaster asked me to take him in after Harry's relatives made it clear that he was no longer welcome at their home."
Evelyn nodded as she shuffled through her notes, looking for one in particular. "This was when he accidentally used magic and Marge Dursley had to be 'deflated' by the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. Is that right?"
Severus worked hard to keep the smirk off his face. "Yes, it is. Harry had been afraid of being expelled from Hogwarts so he ran away from their home and was picked up by the Knight Bus, which brought him to London."
"Ah, yes, and you picked him up there the next morning?"
"I did." Severus wasn't sure where this line of questioning was headed but he hoped it ended soon. He had little patience for people who asked questions that they already knew the answers to.
"How did Harry react to that? Was he alright with you taking over guardianship of him?"
"Not at first, no," Severus replied.
"Why is that?"
"I suppose because he was afraid. He didn't trust many adults to have his best interests in mind. And rightly so, considering the adults who had been in charge of him the last twelve years."
"Did he trust you?"
"No."
"But he stayed with you anyway?" Evelyn asked. "Why was that?"
"That's something else that you would need to ask Harry. I can only guess, but I believe that out of everyone, Harry trusts the Headmaster completely. He was the one who told Harry he would be staying with me."
"How did the first few weeks go, then? I imagine it was quite a shock for Harry. His whole life had been turned upside down. Did he handle that well?"
Severus sighed. "They were difficult, of course. It was certainly a learning experience for the both of us. Harry didn't know what to expect from me. He didn't know how he would be treated. He was angry and scared."
"Would you say that he trusts you now?" she asked.
Severus nodded. "I would."
"When do you think that he started to put more trust in you?"
Severus watched the flames in the hearth as he thought back on his time since Harry had come to live with him. He tried to pinpoint the exact moment that he thought Harry had started trusting that he was safe with Severus. Was it the night he had gotten sick? Or maybe it was after Draco had come to visit? He glanced around the living room of the Manor and shook his head slightly. Maybe it was when the topic of staying with him permanently came up?
"I don't know," Severus finally answered. "It seems like something I should remember but I don't. It seems both like Harry has only been here for a very little while and also like he's been here for years. Or like he has always been here."
Evelyn nodded, and though she wasn't smiling, Severus thought her eyes looked brighter, much like the twinkling in Albus's eyes. It only lasted for a brief moment though, because her next question was nothing to smile about.
"According to Madam Pomfrey's report, Harry had sustained several injuries from his relatives before being placed in your care. How were they uncovered? Did Harry tell you about them?"
Severus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No, he didn't. Harry was wearing a glamour charm over his face when he arrived. I didn't mention it at first because I didn't want to make him more nervous; he was obviously going to great lengths to cover it up. We already had an idea about the abuse from the investigation that was taking place at the Dursleys' home, but we had not yet seen the extent of it. I sent word to Madam Pomfrey about my suspicions and we agreed that he would need to be seen. She ran diagnostics over him and uncovered many injuries both old and new."
"What were some of those injuries?" Evelyn asked, making another short note before placing her quill down on her book.
"He had countless cuts and bruises across his face, back, and torso. A broken rib and ankle that his magic had tried to heal but it had set wrong and was causing Harry a great deal of pain. He also had scars up and down his back from older cuts he'd received."
"It says that he was also underweight. How is his weight now that he's been with you for the past six months?"
"Remarkably better. He had a check up with Madam Pomfrey two weeks ago and she agrees. He no longer needs the nutrient potion in the mornings and he doesn't eat as if each meal will be his last anymore."
"That's good to know." Evelyn took another note and paused, staring at Severus intently. "Has Harry been seen by a mind healer yet? It would certainly be something that would benefit him immensely."
"He hasn't, though I agree that it would help. We have talked together about the abuse he suffered, but any mention of someone else and Harry shuts down. I don't want to force it on him if he's not ready."
"I understand, Professor Snape, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be for him when, and if, he ever does talk to a professional."
Severus nodded. "I will speak to him again. You have my word."
Evelyn smiled and put her quill and notebook away in her briefcase before standing up. "Alright then, I believe I have all I need for now. Thank you very much for your time, Professor."
Severus stood as well and extended his hand for her to shake. "Thank you, Ms. Bouchard. It's been quite a while since I've gone through this process myself and I'm sure quite a bit has changed, can you tell me when we might know something?"
Evelyn took a step towards the fireplace and said, "I still have several interviews to do before any decisions will be made, but I promise that as soon as I've made my reports and given my recommendations, you and Harry will be the first to know."
"But you can't tell me how long that will take?" Severus asked.
"I'm sorry, but in the meantime, enjoy your time with him, and have a Happy Christmas."
Evelyn dropped a handful of floo powder into the flames, and in the next moment she was spinning out of sight. Severus felt as if he were the one spinning as he replayed her last words over in his head.
"Enjoy your time with him?" That sounded awfully final to him.
***
Harry looked up from his place on the couch when the fireplace roared to life and Snape stepped out of it. "How did it go?" he asked immediately, standing up and abandoning the game of chess he had been playing with Remus.
"It went fine," Snape answered before turning to Remus. "She said she would finish up the interviews and give us her report as soon as she could."
Remus nodded. "She seemed nice enough, from what little I spoke with her."
"Harry." Snape put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I'm extremely proud of how you handled yourself today. I know it wasn't easy to talk with her but you did an incredible job."
Harry blushed and ducked his head. "Thanks, Snape."
"Why don't you go see Ron and Hermione for a bit? Tell them that I've spoken with their parents and they will be using our floo to go home at four o'clock."
"Can we go flying?" Harry asked, already moving away from Snape.
"No," Snape said quickly, shaking his head. "I want you all to stay inside the castle. It's much too empty with everyone gone for break. I don't want you out alone."
"We wouldn't be alone. We'd be with each other-"
"Harry." Snape's voice had taken on that hard tone that Harry had come to know so well. "You will stay inside the castle. Preferably up in the Tower. It's either that or you bring them down here."
Harry wanted to argue but decided against it. It just wasn't worth it. "Fine," he said as he started for the door.
"Take your coat please," Snape said before Harry could leave.
"Why?" Harry asked, "You just said I couldn't go outside. What do I need a coat for?"
"Because it's winter and the halls are drafty, that's why."
Harry rolled his eyes but stomped towards his bedroom, grumbling about how Snape was a nutter if he thought he was going to catch a cold in the hallway.
"I can hear you!" Snape called after him.
"You were meant to!" Harry yelled back. A moment later he reappeared wearing his zip-up jacket and walked out the door without so much as a wave goodbye.
"He's apparently comfortable enough with me to argue about every little thing," Snape said to Remus. Remus grinned and started putting the chess pieces away before he sat down in the chair beside Snape.
"So how do you really think it went?" he asked.
Snape sighed. "I suppose it went as well as I could hope for. But she did say that I should enjoy my time with him, and that doesn't sound very promising."
"I just don't see how anyone could look at Harry and not realize that he is already exactly where he needs to be."
"I hope we find out soon. All this waiting is only going to agitate him and make us all nervous."
"It will all work out. I'm sure of it." Remus reached over to the coffee table where he had placed his cup of tea and picked it up. After he had taken a sip, he said, "Harry wants me to take him shopping for your Christmas present. Is that alright?"
Snape nodded. "Yes, that's fine. I'll need you to stay with him while I go shopping for him anyway. We could perhaps do it all in one day if it works for you. Then Harry won't feel like he's being babysat."
"That's fine with me. How about Friday morning? That will give you and Harry a chance to settle back in at the Manor and it will give me time to finish up some things I need to do here."
"Alright, he's supposed to get me a list of what he wants by then anyway."
"Anything in particular that you want?" Remus asked. "He wants to get you something special."
"I would like a letter from the Ministry saying that he gets to stay with me. If Father Christmas can make that happen, I'll never doubt him again."
Remus laughed. "Yes, okay, but as far as something that Harry can actually buy for you and put under a tree?"
Snape looked over to Remus with a frown. "A tree. Right, we need a tree."
Remus sighed. "Blimey, Severus, you have to get the boy a tree."
"I will," Snape replied. "Or... you could?"
Remus shook his head. "Absolutely not. You can pick out your own tree. Take Harry with you. It'll be fun."
"Fun?"
"Yes, Severus, fun. I know that's a foreign concept for you but do try it out. This is Harry's first real Christmas in twelve years. Make it count."
"Do you think Mum-"
"No!" Remus stood up, vanishing his tea with a wave of his hand. "I have faith in you, Severus. You can do this. And go soon before all the good ones are gone, alright?"
"Yes, yes, alright," Severus grumbled as he watched his brother head for the floo to go back to his quarters. "You're no bloody help at all."
"And don't pick a little one," Remus said over his shoulder. "The Manor is plenty big enough for a really tall one."
"Don't tell me what to do," Severus shot back, though he was already mentally considering how tall the tree could be and still fit inside the Manor.
***
Harry woke up early the next morning and was already waiting for Snape in the kitchen when he arrived.
"What time are we leaving?" he asked as Snape sat down at the table.
"After breakfast," he replied. He reached up to tap the table but Harry beat him to it. Severus's usual toast, eggs and sausage appeared in front of him along with coffee, and a bowl of cereal and milk popped up for Harry.
"You're awfully chipper this morning," Snape said, hiding his grin behind his coffee cup.
"I'm just ready to go," he answered, taking a bit of the sugary cereal that he liked best.
"Are you packed? What's your hurry?"
"I've been packed since last night. I'm not in a hurry. I'm just ready to go, that's all. What's wrong with that?"
"There's nothing wrong with it, Harry. You just seem excited, that's all."
"Well, yeah." Harry took another bite of the cereal. "We're going to get a tree today, right? That's what you said."
"That is what I said," Snape replied.
"And decorations?"
"Yes, those too."
"We'll need a lot." Harry leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he tucked one foot underneath him. "If the tree is massive then we'll need lots of decorations to cover it. Plus the ones for the rest of the house. Like for the mantle and the stairs and-"
"We'll get enough, Harry, don't worry." Seeing Harry so excited about something made Snape feel good, and he wanted to make this the best Christmas the boy had ever had.
Harry finished his cereal and left the table to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything when he'd packed. Once he was satisfied, he came back to the kitchen only to find Snape still eating. He groaned. "Merlin, Snape, what's taking so long? You're going slow on purpose."
Snape glared at the teenager, but Harry only glared back, unfazed by his guardian as he crossed his arms and waited on him impatiently.
"I'm not even packed yet, Harry," he said simply.
"Snape!" Harry groaned. "Can't you just wave your wand and send everything home?"
"I could, but I'm not going to. You can be patient for another hour, Harry."
"An hour?!"
Snape smirked and finished his coffee. When he tapped the table to clear it, Harry let out a sigh of relief before following Snape into the parlor and down the hallway. He turned to look at Harry with a frown. "Do I look like I need supervision?"
"Yes," said Harry flatly before he walked past Snape and opened the door to his bedroom. Snape rolled his eyes and followed him inside, watching as Harry hopped up onto his bed.
It wasn't often that Harry came into Snape's room and he was never quite sure that it was okay, but Snape had never said it wasn't either. Usually he just stood near the doorway while he waited for him to do whatever he needed. Harry had never sat on the bed before, but today seemed like a special circumstance as he didn't trust that Snape wouldn't just take forever on purpose just to annoy him.
Harry watched as Snape set about walking around his room and tapping things with his wand, causing them to disappear.
"How do you do that?"
"How do I do what?" Snape asked, causing several books to disappear from a shelf that stood against the side wall.
"Make everything disappear without actually saying a spell?"
"It's called non-verbal magic and it's something you'll learn in sixth year."
"Can't you teach me now?"
"No," Snape replied as he opened his wardrobe. "You're too young and it's very advanced."
Harry craned his neck to see his clothes. Snape saw him out of the corner of his eye and sighed. He moved away and motioned towards the clothes. "Something you're looking for?"
"I was just seeing if you had anything in there besides black," Harry answered with a grin.
Snape narrowed his eyes. "I like dark clothes."
"Yeah, but it's almost Christmas. You can't wear black on Christmas."
"I most certainly can."
"Mrs. Weasley is not going to knit you a black sweater."
"Mrs. Weasley is not going to knit me a sweater at all," Snape said as he shot Harry a glare.
"Ha!" Harry laughed, "That's what you think! She's probably already got it finished."
"I have no intention of wearing a knitted sweater of any color."
Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape. He crossed his arms and sat back against the headboard. "Don't be mean to her, Snape."
"I wouldn't-"
"She's one of the nicest people I know. She helped me get through the portal my first year, she always sends me Christmas presents even though I know she doesn't have much, she let me stay there last year when the twins and Ron broke me out of my relative's house, and she knitted me a sweater my first year before she ever even knew me. If she knits you one, you better be nice about it!" By the time he'd finished his rant, Harry was glowering up at Snape before he turned away from him with a huff, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his outburst.
He felt the bed dip at his feet as Snape sat down. "Mrs. Weasley is very important to you, I take it?" Harry nodded once. "I have no intention of being anything but kind to her, Harry. I owe her a lot for how well she's treated you. Likely one of the only adults to show you such kindness, right?"
Harry nodded once more. He didn't understand why he felt so strongly about Mrs. Weasley, only that he did and he didn't want Snape to be mean to her. "Sometimes, when she hugs me- I know it's stupid- but sometimes, I think that must be what it's like to get a hug from your mum."
Beside him, Snape nodded. "I understand that feeling all too well. I don't think it's stupid at all."
"You don't?"
"No." Snape sighed. "When I first came to live with Albus and Minerva, I think it was harder for me to get close with Minerva because I had so many wonderful memories of my mother. Sometimes, though I don't think she holds it against me, I think it hurt her feelings. Especially since I accepted Albus as my adoptive father so easily. But it was different with him. There was no love lost between me and Tobias Snape. At least, none that I wanted to admit."
"What do you mean, 'none that you wanted to admit?'" Harry asked, turning so that his legs hung off the side of the bed and he was sitting next to Snape. They were close enough that their knees touched. He stared down at them as Snape spoke.
"I've never really told anyone this, Harry, but a part of me, I think somewhere deep inside, always held out some sort of hope that my father would want me to come back. That he would miss me or that he would change and I could go back to live with him. I wanted that to happen."
"But he hurt you," Harry whispered.
Snape nodded slowly. "Yes, he did. But even still, he was my father."
"Snape?" Harry said after what felt like a long while.
"Yes?"
"I understand that. Is that okay?"
Snape put his arm around Harry and drew him in close to him. Harry felt rather than heard him sigh and he nodded. "Yes, Harry. It's okay. Anything you're feeling is okay. Even if you're feeling lots of things at once."
"I just wanted them to love me," Harry said softly.
"I know." Snape leaned over and for the first time ever, he dropped a kiss onto the top of Harry's head. "You deserved to have them love you, Harry. Children should not have to want to be loved. They should never know what it's like not to be."
"And anything I feel is okay?" Harry asked, turning slightly so that his shoulder was under the crook of Snape's arm and his head rested against his shoulder.
"Anything," Snape assured him, though he wasn't sure where this was going.
"I love you," Harry whispered so quietly that Snape had to strain to hear him.
But he did. He did hear him and he froze, staring down at the top of Harry's head. Just as Harry opened his mouth to say something, probably something along the lines of 'It's okay if you don't feel the same way,' Snape snapped out of his thoughts just in time to reply.
"I love you, too."
Harry's head snapped up but before he could say anything, Snape nodded.
"Don't even ask me if I mean that, Harry Potter. I have never lied to you and I never will."
Harry sighed and leaned his head back against Snape's shoulder, content to just be still for a while.