Tired of walking while sweating, because of the hot and big sun that seemed to be focused only on us. This is not the sunset anymore that saved my life three years ago.
"Roanne, sa tingin mo anong meroon sa CST news? Sa tingin mo bakit ganito na lang ang mga ibinibigay nila sa atin? You have fulfilled your dream of becoming a reporter for them. But what you are reporting on? Kung hindi patay na aso, bulok na mga gulay naman! Can't they see your reporting skills? Like today we are reporting about traffic. What the hell is this CST Station, ang tanga nila!" Jevi said. I just shook my head at him. He is also my camera man and friend.
He pouted, and look at me. "Tapos anong meroon kay Cindy at yun at yun lagi yung nasa studio? Wala naman siyang ginawa sa studio kung hindi ang mag-pabebe. If they don't want something good like us, we can move to another station." I laughed at what he said. "We deserve more than this. We deserve headlines, not this!"
Nang makakita kami ng upuan ay pinili naming umupo muna duon para magpahinga.
"You know what Jevi. I committed suicide before." I started.
His eyes widened, so I laughed. "Too bad it didn't work," he joked.
"Crazy." I laughed. "My fiance cheated on me. He impregnated my cousin, then my wedding ended up being my cousin and my fiance's wedding. Amazing, right?"
"Hindi ko naman tinanong," he said, sarcastic.
I laughed, and continued. "Bage got my cousin pregnant, then unfortunately I was not accepted as a reporter at the CST Station at that time. It's a failure." I sighed. "So I committed suicide, but ... A man came. I actually memorized his handsome face. I thought he was a demiGod in the first place just to save me. He saved me ... From death," I told the story.
"So what does that have to do with what I'm ranting about?" he asked, and I glared at him. "I'm just asking." He raised both his hands, showing his defeat when I glared.
"That don't give up, because that's what the man told me! There's a lot of tomorrows and hopes."
"You could have just said that." He rubbed his neck, and looked at me in confusion. "Then how did you get accepted at CST?"
"I was called because they ran out of reporters at that time. I didn't know that happened," I said with a slumped shoulder.
Jevi looked at me. "So if they didn't run out of reporters … You wouldn't be a reporter right now?"
I nodded. "Yes, I'm just an option, I've never been their priority."
"Eh?" I laughed. "Okay ka na ba? Walang galit sa puso mo? Hindi ka na malungkot? Masakit pa rin ba?" He asked, one by one.
I laughed. "Silly, I'm not mad at them, but when it comes to my mom ... It was another case. I thought she's my ally, but it turns out she was not. She's always with Ella's side. My cousin."
"Those numbskulls. Where do they live? Come with me and let's bomb their house. I am going to destroy their place."
I shook my head. "Kahit ikaw na lang." And we laughed.
Then he looked at me. "By the way, why did you keep letting Paul and Cindy treat you like an animal? Are you just going to pretend that you're okay about that?"
If I'll compare my life right now na parang nasa highschool pa rin ako. I would describe Cindy and Paul as my bullies.
Jevi looked at me seriously. "Sukang-suka na'ko na parati tayong ganito. Like we're not upgrading, or we're not having a good scoop, or news."
I didn't answer him, so we went to the van and went straight to CST station. I didn't answer him, because I didn't know if I would want more, or if I would just be satisfied.
This tv station is too big. So almost everyone who wants to be a reporter or actor wants to enter at CST Station. Famous actors, singers, and dancers that everyone knows are also here.
When we entered our floor, we found Cindy na tila sinasamba ng mga katrabaho namin.
"Well this is me Cindy, I am confidently grateful that RMALL'S MASSACRE CASE will be given to me. Who's better aside from me? No one," she confidently, said.
I planned to not get in her way, but what Cindy said immediately caught my attention.
Rmall's Massacre? That case has been closed for three years. For some unknown reason, they could not find any evidence for that case. They had no suspects, because the case was so clean. It is a big mystery and puzzle for the people who want to solve it.
It's like they're looking for a penny under the sea. Finding a needle in the desert.
"It's been closed for a long time, how can you report it?" I couldn't stop interjecting in the conversation, and they just gave me a low look.
They weren't satisfied to say something bad towards me, they love to look at me like I'm a peasant.
Paul, the gay reporter on the showbiz page, applauded. "May nabalitaan ako ... It's a tea!" He approached the gossipers that led by Cindy. He smiled at me first. "Who is this CST news reporter who was cheated by her husband and her cousin, and even made her the godmother of their child?"
I immediately looked at Paul, who was now grinning at me. I shook my head in disbelief.
Cindy look at Paul in disgust. "Ang cheap mo. Bumaba ka sa ganyan?" inis na sabi ni Cindy.
Cindy and Paul loves to ruin my life, but one thing is for sure. Si Cindy yung tao na ayaw nalalamangan, pero never ka niyang sisiraan or hahanapan ng baho. Unlike, Paul.
I looked at Jevi, because I only told my story to him.
He shook his head. "We're together when you told me about it, and we didn't even seperated our ways yet," he just said. "Hindi ako ang nagsabi, Roanne."
Paul laughed. "Gaga, ratings 'to. Trending na naman tayo——"
"As if!" inis na sabi ni Cindy at tumingin sa'kin. "Ni hindi nga 'yan kilala ng mga tao. Useless." Then they left.
I just sighed and informed Jevi that I was going home, because my work was done.
While driving I passed by at Maxine's bakery. She was my classmate in grade seven, but she transferred to another school in grade eight. Gladly we never stopped communicating, so we are close somehow.
I saw her on her cell phone while laughing. Seems like she's texting someone.
"A bread, please." I act like a costumer.
She looked at me and winced. "Ay sarado kami pag ikaw," she joked.
I just saw her again now, because she was always by her father's side most of the time. A broken family thing.
"Sabi ko pabile——"
"Sabi ko sarado, sana naintindihan mo." Then she stood up and walked out of their store and came to me. "So what's your problem, Colasi?" She used to call me by my surname. She hid her phone, and looked at me. "So anong problema mo? Usually nagu-usap lang naman tayo kapag may ipapa-like ka sa facebook na picture ng inaanak mo. Hindi mo man lang ako inupdate if nanalo ba siya or hindi," she said sarcastically, so I laughed.
"Who is this reporter who was cheated by her ex-fiance, and her cousin?" Without emotion, I said.
She sighed. "Then who is this reporter who's been affected for three years? A very stupid reporter when it comes to her issue, but indeed a very beautiful woman?" inis niyang sabi, then tumingin sa estante nila ng mga tinapay. "Bumili ka na nga lang, pati ako pinagiisip mo pa ng problema mo," she joked, then looked at me seriously. "Don't stay in the past, Roanne. Mahirap maka-alis diyan."
"Max, it's hard to underestimate, you know that? In work, in life, in people, in everything." And I looked at her. "Cindy and Paul are still the same, Ella and Bage are happy too. How about me?"
She looked at me and sighed. "Bibigyan kita advice, pero bibili ka ba?" I looked at her, and shook my head. "Do you want me to come to CST Station, and crush the bones of those two. I could easily break Cindy and Paul's bones——"
"Shut it!" I glared.
She sighed, and look at me intently. "Roanne, the only reason why they do that is because akala nila mas mataas sila sayo," she said seriously.
"So what should I do?" I asked in desperation.
"Be even less?" she asked sarcastically.
I glared at her again. "At any time, Max? Stop joking!" I said in irritation.
"Tanga! Of course, you should probably try to upgrade yourself." She rolled her eyes "Oh hey, before I forgot. What are you going to buy? There's no free in this world, you need to buy our bread for my advice."
I look at her in disbelief. "You're unbelievable."
Maxine kiss me on my left cheek. "There's no friend when it comes to business, by the way I miss you."
After I finished buying, I went home and saw my mom making a lesson plan. Dad fixing his jeep in the garage, and Ranne, my youngest brother, watching TV.
No one paid attention to me, because everyone was busy, so I took that time to make our dinner even though I am tired as well. I called them one by one to eat. Dad apologized, because he didn't notice me coming.
"Iniimbita tayo nila Ella sa birthday party ng anak nila ni Bage," Mama said. "Pumunta tayo."
I tried not to be shocked or show emotion at what mom said, but deep inside I wanted to be angry.
Ranne glared at Mama. "Hindi ka rin talaga tumitigil sa pagkausap kay Ella, Ma!" Ranne said, he's angry.
"Ranne, your mouth is rude. Stop talking to our mother like that," I reminded him.
Ranne glared at me. "Bakit, ate? They betrayed, deceived and cheated you! And now they even have the guts to invite us to her daughter's birthday. Anong pakielam na'tin sa birthday ng anak niya?"
My brother is mad about what they did to me. He doesn't want anything bad happens to me, he immediately gets mad if someone hurts me. And I truly understand that.
"Ranne!" Dad scolded him.
"It's been three years, Roanne!" Mama said, and look at me. "Hindi ka pa rin maka-move on? Tinulungan naman nila tayo, bakit ganyan ka pa rin? Wala kang utang na loob, Roanne."
I looked at mom, when she said that. I didn't even say something against the freaking invitation! Yet, it's my fault again in her eyes.
"I'll go first, I'm still full." I faced mom and tried to smile. "Ma, if you want to go to that party, then you should go. Just please don't bother me anymore about that." I sighed, and look at her seriously. "Nakakasuka na." And I went straight to my room.
THE next day when I went to work, the issue about Rmall's Massacre became resounding.
That's the mall owned by The Ramos Family, which why they called Rmall. The letter 'R' in the mall stands for Ramos. But for unknown reasons, and problems that could not be solved. Rmall was bombarded with bullets and bombs at sa limang libo na tao na nasa mall nung araw na yun. Tatlong daan lang ang natira.
No one knows who is behind it, and three years into the case. They still don't know why the incident happened, until the case was closed, and now reopened again.
"Roanneee! Roanneee!" I turned to Jevi who was running closer to me. "Roanne, kausapin mo si Director. Baka mapilit siya ng ganda mo! Nakikiusap na'ko, pakiramdam ko para sa atin ang Rmall's Massacre. Big break na'tin 'to!"
I looked at Jevi, I knew he was sorry for our situation. We are really lowly people compared to the other employees at the CST station, so I understand him wanting to get big news or headline report for us.
I sighed. "Jevi, you know who they will hire about Rmall's Massacre. Let's not hope——"
"Roanne, you should probably try to raise yourself. Upgrade! Don't wait for the big things to happen, do something about it!"
Maxine's words suddenly came to my mind, because of what Jevi said.
Right, I need to rise, improve, upgrade. I have to prove something, because that's what I told myself.
I smile at him, while he's looking at me. "You're right, Jevi, I'll talk to the Director."
I didn't wait for him to answer, and I went straight to the Director's office. I knocked before entering, and found the Director reading the papers.
"What are you doing here, Roanne?" He asked without looking at me.
I sighed and spoke. "Director, I am not as good as Cindy, I am not as good as Paul … But can you please trust me on Rmall's Massacre, Director? Trust me on this. I will do my best to make this case work and accomplish. I will do my best to give justice to those people they killed … To those people who keep on finding justice until now. Please? Director, give me a chance," I said determinedly, and he looked at me there. "And I will spread the truth."
"All of us knew how big this case is, Roanne. Actually I'll tell you the truth. You don't belong here in the very beginning, Roanne." That hit me. "You don't have the confidence while reporting, you don't have the fearless poise while speaking. All you have is your sad face, and in pain feelings."
I bowed my head. "Director," was all I said. The words he spoke hurt me, but he was right.
"Why can't you just let go of your past, and face your reality? Because if you keep on living on you and your ex-fiance's memories. You'll stay on reporting dead animals, traffic, wilted vegetables. Naapektuhan nang nararamdaman mo ang report mo, Roanne. And I don't see anything that connects your feelings to each of your reports, so I'm giving you just such a case," he said seriously.
Now I understand why he's giving me those cases. I feel guilty for Jevi, because if it wasn't for me and my emotions, I might be an in-demand reporter, and might not get belittled. I even involved him in the misfortune of my life.
But I've moved on as far as I know. I think I'm fine. I didn't know that I was still sad, while they were happy.
I don't have feelings for Bage anymore, so how can I still be like that? Or should I say I am still pretending that I am okay? I may not have feelings for Bage anymore, but I couldn't move on from what they did.
"But, I will trust you on this one." And that made me suddenly look at the Director. "Make me enlighten that I am wrong, that you deserve a better report than before. That you belong here. Make me feel embarrassed, Roanne. I will give you the case, and make us all proud of you. Moving on is the key, Roanne. I don't want to see that kind of feeling in your eyes. I want feisty? Fearless——"
"Like Cindy?"
He nodded. "Despite her attitude, she's strong and brave, Roanne. Strong to handle death threats, and brave to face them. She used to have death threats, Roanne that's why I always gave her the biggest case. Unlike you, you are a coward. Cindy is not scared of pain and death."
Well, I am scared of pain, but I am not scared to die. In fact, I can suicide if he wants. Can Cindy do that?
"So I'm expecting you to be brave. Because the moment that I gave you the Rmall's Massacre case. There's a lot of threats in your life from now on. Reporters are not just a reporter, they're sacrificing their life as well."
I slowly smiled at the Director. "Thank you very much, Director. Thank you. I won't promise that I won't be not scared anymore, but I'll try to be brave as much as possible."
And I said a few more thanks before leaving his room.
I will do it, because I can do it.