Austin grabs the hay bale and throws it as far as he can. "I hate this fucking place!" he shouts. Angry now and unable to stop the tears that stream down his face. He is weak and pathetic. He feels trapped and undermined. He feels like he has no control over his life, not even when he forces it. He wipes his eyes dry and holds up his contract again. He got it. Flyhalf for the Dallas Cowboys. He should be happy. It's his dream, but even now as he stares at the contract it feels wrong. It feels like it's not his dream and that pisses him the fuck off. For years he sat and listened to his brothers and his cousins speak about their dreams. He knew they would all come true. They are determined people with Cottonwood running in their veins.
They have a choice.
He feels like he never did.
It's as if his life was mapped out for him before he was born. He fills his lungs with air and lets out another scream then attacks another hay bale. He can't even fault his family. They support his choices. They accept him for who he is and what he wants, not one person has even tried to make him feel bad for accepting the football position. So why does he feel like he is letting everyone down? It's not fucking fair. He punches the hay bale again then climbs up the ladder to the barn loft and over to the large open ledge that looks out at that dam mountain. He hates that mountain. His mother says it will call to him. He listens carefully for a long time. But, he hears nothing.
It's silent.
"It won't call till you are ready, Texas."
He turns and sees his grandfather sitting on a bale of hay in the corner. Cottonwood. The real Cottonwood. That's what all the town folk call him. His great-grandmother had started Cottonwood and his mother now carries it. But it is his grandfather who will always be Cottonwood even after he is long gone. "I don't want to hear it," he confesses. His grandfather doesn't look disappointed or heartbroken by his words, instead, his face has an understanding tone to it. "I am afraid you don't have a choice, boy," he says eventually. "I have tried to hear it... it does not call to me," he says. Part of him thinks this whole 'the mountain will call you home' is bullshit. He has dreams that do not include that stupid mountain or this stupid ranch and he refuses to feel guilty about it.
"Because you are trying to listen to the wrong mountain, Texas."
Austin frowns. What the fuck is this old man on about? The wrong mountain? There is only one fucking mountain. But, his life is so fucked up that he might as well humor the old coot.
"What mountain am I supposed to hear, Granddad?"
"She's a faint one. Far away. Timid and soft. She calls. I can hear her. She needs ya, but you will need her more."
"Hear who?"
"Your mountain, Texas."
Austin frowns. He should not have asked. He is now more confused than he was before. His grandfather sighs and stands then walks slowly over to him and sits down next to him. "Mount Eve is just a mountain. Rock and dirt, ain't no mouth to call from," he says. Austin's whole life has been a lie? He has been told to listen for the call of the mountain. It will call to him. Bring him home. But, now he is told it's just rock and dirt? He watches his grandfather's head drop slightly and shake. "Dam woman," he mumbles under his breath. Austin listens carefully and hears a shuffle behind him. Then his grandmother's face pops between them. "I will be quick," she whispers. "Use your words, rancher or you will sleep under my beautiful cherry blossom," she whispers to his grandfather then crawls toward a hay bale. "Oh!" she says turning around and crawling back then kissing each of them on the cheek. "I love you both...and you are both bullish. Ok, that's all," she whispers quickly then crawls away. "Pain in my ass," his grandfather mumbles.
"She ain't gone, granddad."
"I know. I tell ya, Texas. That dam woman hasn't given me moments peace."
"I can hear you!" his grandmother shouts from behind her hay bale. "I know. Hush now, darlin'," his grandfather says. "Fine," he hears his grandmother huff.
"She's my mountain, Texas."
"Grandma?"
"Aye."
"But...I have heard your story. I have read the books Grandma wrote. You were called back to Cottonwood ten years before she came here."
"Aye. I was led back here by her call. She kept me waitin' and listenin' for ten years. Like I said, she is a pain in my ass. That dam woman has never been a day early for anythin' in her life."
Austin peeps over his shoulder and sees his grandmother glaring at the back of his grandfather's head. "You'll cop it for that," he whispers. His grandfather smiles and nods.
"So...what you are saying is the call from the mountain is not the mountain, but the woman we love?"
"Aye. Cottonwood is their haven and we are their caregivers."
"Like my mama to my father?"
"Aye."
"So...for me? Beth?" Austin asks. He knows in his heart it's not. The mountain remains silent even with Beth by his side. But, he loves her. So who else could it be? His grandfather looks at him with a sad smile and then shakes his head softly. "I like Beth. She is a sweet kind girl...but she ain't the one who calls."
"This girl...she will call me back to Cottonwood?"
"She will call you home."
"Cottonwood is home."
"Damit, darlin'. I'm about to kill this boy," his grandfather moans. "Use your words, baby," he hears his grandmother call out.
"She is home...wherever that may be."
"What if her call does not lead me back to Utah? Back to Cottonwood?"
"Somethings you will have to figure out on your own, Texas."
A lump forms in his throat immediately. The stark reality of his grandfather's words hit him in the center of his chest.
No one lives forever.
"It scares me. Knowin' one day you won't..." he starts, but he can't bring himself to finish his sentence. His grandfather wraps his arm around him and pulls him to his chest. The man has never been afraid of affection. "You will be just fine, Cottonwood. I will be in the wind. Just close your eyes and I will be by your side any time you're needin' me, boy," his grandfather says softly. He feels his grandmother on his back. "We love you more than all the stars in the sky," she whispers as his grandfather wraps his arms around both of them and pulls them tighter to his chest. He is only 17, but he knows what real love is. He has been around it all his life.
Austin sits up grabbing his chest. That old coot won't leave him alone. He even invades his dreams. Damit. "You ok?" Indy mumbles reaching out for him still half asleep. "Yes, baby, go back to sleep," he whispers leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Ace..." she mumbles. "I got her, sleep baby," he whispers kissing her cheek again and running his hand over her swollen belly. Baby number three and four - twin girls. He does not appreciate his grandfather's sense of humor - he knows he is laughing at him. "I love you," Indy mumbles nuzzling back into her pillow. "I love you too," he says kissing her forehead and slipping out of bed. He dresses quickly then walks softly down to Ace's room and peeps in just as her eyes snap open. She looks up at him and smiles. "Your Mama knows you so well," he whispers, reaching into her cot and pulling her out. "She knows exactly when you are going to wake up," he says cradling her in his arms and walking down to Hazel's room.
He peeps into her room and sighs when he sees she is not there. She has just turned four, but she is more of a rancher than he is. She will lose her hat if she is outside. He creeps down the passage and peeps into the kitchen. Hazel is sitting at the kitchen table trying to paint her nails - she is making a mess. "Your sister is a pain in my a...in my butt," he whispers to Ace who giggles at him. "What are you doing, Hazel?" he asks walking into the kitchen. "You know what I am doing, Dad. Grandma says you ain't dressed till your nails are done. I need to get out to the ranch but I need to finish dressing," Hazel says lifting her hand to show him and then pouting. She has nail polish all over her fingers. Austin chuckles and slips Ace into her high chair.
"You can steer a cattle run, birth a calf, fix a fence, and handle a mare ten times your size. But, are outdone by a tiny brush," Austin says sitting down next to her and inspecting the damage. "Mama does it for me, but I messed it up last night," Hazel groans.
"Well, can you work without nail polish today and Mama can fix it for you tonight?"
"No! Ace tell him!"
Ace lets out an angry squeal. Austin turns to look at her then cocks his eyebrow as Ace stares at him with a little frown. He thought he would only have to worry about them ganging up against him in their teen years. He was wrong. They are close. Their mother made sure of it. It's them against the world. "Fine," Austin says grabbing the nail polish remover and cleaning the nail polish off her fingers. "It won't be as nice as when your mama does it, but I will try my best," he says picking up the nail polish bottle and shaking it. Hazel sighs heavily. "That's all I ask, do what you can," she says. He has seen Indy do this. He can do this. He concentrates hard and brushes the pink nail polish over her tiny nails as carefully as he can. He thinks he has done a great job when he finally finishes. "And?" he asks as Hazel lifts her hands to inspect his work. "Looks like ranchin' ain't your only talent, old man," she says and then grins at him. It's a smile that could block out the sun. "Now do Ace, please. Mama always does hers when she does mine. She likes blue," Hazel says. Austin turns to Ace who already has her fingers stretched out.
By the time he is done, Hazel has made Indy's coffee so he grabs it and the three of them walk back down to their room. The two girls cuddle their mother while she tries to keep her eyes open and give them as much love as she can while Austin places her cup on her coaster and turns it on. "Leave your mama to sleep. Off with ya," Austin says shooing Hazel off the bed and picking Ace up. "We will see you at the school this afternoon. Remember, I have a game," he says bending down and connecting their lips. Goosebumps. Every dam time. "Yes you will coach," she giggles and kisses him again. He is missing nothing - he gets to do what he wants and be with those he loves.
"We are burning daylight! We have a ranch to run!" Hazel shouts from the kitchen. Indy giggles and pushes him away. "Best not test that little rancher. I love you," she says. "I love you too," she adds giving Ace another kiss. "We love you too, sleep," he says pulling the bedroom door closed with Ace giggling in his arms. He never doubted the mother Indy would be. She is an amazing mother, her only flaw is loving her children too much if that's even possible.
Hazel is already outside and on her horse when Austin steps outside. He straps Ace to his chest tightly before mounting Storm. "You ride with me today, Miller," Hazel says as Miller rounds the corner of the house. "You are four. You can't tell me what to do," he says with a grin.
"I have Cottonwood blood, boy!"
"Yeah, well you will have to learn to ride a horse first," he says laughing.
"I ride just fine! Bet I could beat you to the pasture!"
"I'll take that bet!" Miller shouts with a laugh, flicking his reins and dashing forward with a laugh. "Hey!" Hazel shouts flicking her reins too and speeding off after him. Miller came from the direction of the barn. Austin turns and sees Mary-Lou from four ranches over sneaking down the ranch road to a truck partly hidden behind a tree. Miller will be getting a thumping for that. "Looks like he found the ladder in the wood pile," he chuckles to himself. He faces forward again and clicks his tongue making Storm walk forward then looks up into the sky. The day is only just breaking and the sky is still a dark shade of blue. His two grandmothers are shining brightly this morning. He closes his eyes and feels the wind swirl around him gently. "Hi, Granddad," he whispers and the wind swirls a little harder. He is wrapped around every fence post, in every blade of grass, in every new calf that is born. He can see him too, in his mother, his aunts, and his father. He can see him in all his cousins, in his nephews and nieces, and in his own children.
He can feel him.
He looks down at Ace and smiles as he sees her looking up at him with a soft smile on her chubby little face. "You feel him too, huh?" he says kissing her forehead. "I have his spirit, but you have his heart and if my instincts are right - you will be Cottonwood one day," he whispers.
The wind blows a little harder and he pulls Ace closer to his chest. "Ok. I heard you," he grumbles to the wind then clicks his tongue and bolts in the direction Hazel and Miller disappeared.
A Cowboys legacy lives forever...