"No! Fuck that! I am not being a goddamn engineer." I complain loudly to Abraham and Damien. "God, who does she think I am? I wanna...like...scare people and I can't do that if I'm working under cars n' shit."
Abraham chuckles, "You seem thrilled."
I groan loudly and flop on the couch behind me. "How much of a tantrum do you think I would have to throw to be able to like...not do this? I was in a gang and Michonne gets to be the- like- fake police officer? Love her dearly, she's my girl but-" I groan again.
"You don't even like cops." Damien giggles, sitting next to me.
"What if you have to wear makeup?" Abraham fools.
"Die, fucking die." I spit, holding up the middle finger to Abraham. "If you think I'm gonna dress 'nice', you musta' been outside these walls way too long."
He chuckles, "Speaking of which, you going to the party? Seems like...so your thing."
I groan and shake my head, "Now why in the Satan's dick would I go to a party?"
Damien smiles, "I'm going, Alyssa's gonna rip your nose off if you don't go."
"Guess I'll be Voldemort." Damien snorts at my words.
"Parties mean dressing up and male gaze. Men looking at me makes me want to shove a screwdriver up my armpit."
"You could dress so the women look at you," Abraham suggests. "I'm pretty sure Daryl isn't coming."
I raise my eyebrows, "Look at me like I'm an outsider, or look at me like I'm the hottest person alive because...I like both ideas."
Damien raises an eyebrow, "You sure you're not gay?"
I scoff, "Oh I am so sure." Abraham, Damien, and I all exchange glances and laugh.
"I am not wearing this!" I screech as Alyssa hands me a dress.
It's light blue with an open back and a low v-neckline. There are white seams and the dress would probably show half of my butt.
"It's a formal party!" She responds, smiling. "I've never seen you in a dress before! You could even wear h-"
I hold up a finger quickly, "You say heels and I'll shove my fake heel and my real heel down your throat." I toss the dress down on the bed and look at Alyssa with my arms crossed. "Nobody knows I don't have a foot and I know I'm going to get so many 'what happened to your foots' so..." I don't want to bring up the scars to her.
I think for a moment, trying to compromise with Alyssa. "I will wear-" Alyssa cuts me off with a squeal and she runs to the closet next to me.
"How did I not see this?!" She quickly rummages through the hangers and pulls out a leather jacket. It's tight and has a bunch of tiny details, like small spikes on the shoulders and a shorter zipper than the bottom of the jacket.
My mouth drops open, "Oh my god. It's-it's-it's beautiful." I wipe a fake tear and grab the jacket while Alyssa beams in front of me.
"You're gonna look like a total badass." Inejra's voice comes from behind me.
I whirl around and stare at her, "How the fuck did I not know you were here?"
She smiles mischievously, "I have that effect on people. Anyway," She's wearing ripped skinny jeans and a black crop top with a bleached ribcage mimicking hers on the front. Inejra walks over to me and looks me up and down, "Wear that with men's jeans, make sure they look low-rise using a belt, and a red lace corset as a shirt. Also with Dr. Martins."
My mouth hangs open at Inejra's speech about what I should wear. "Do we even have one of those?"
Inejra nods and gets into the first drawer in the brown chest of drawers, "Yeah, that's why I suggested it. I found a journal here and the teenager who lived here was way into fashion."
Just as she's talking, she pulls out, in fact, a red lace corset. I scratch the back of my head and stare at it, "It's very..."
"Not you? Yes, it is. Oh, it so is." Alyssa giggles, grabbing the corset and handing it to me.
Compromise, Adrian. This is the compromise.
I sigh and grab the corset, it's either this or a dress that shows my whole back, scars included.
Alyssa smiles broadly and grabs Inejra's hand, "Get dressed!" She yells as she practically drags Inejra out of the room and closes the door.
Once the door is shut, I stare at the corset that is now lying on the bed next to the dress.
"Oh god," I whisper, rolling my eyes.
"Well hot, motha' fuckin' damn." Abraham catcalls, walking over to me while holding two plastic cups of beer.
I scoff, "It was this or a dress."
Abraham nods and looks me up and down, handing me a cup, "Glad you chose this." He says with a smile.
When he hits on me, or comments on what I look like, I don't mind it. Like how I feel when Damien does that. Abraham and I grew way closer over the time we were on the road and every day he seems more and more like my brother.
I sneer, "Oh if only we both weren't in relationships."
Abraham chuckles, "If only." He looks at the cup of beer I'm holding and says, "I poured a few shots of whiskey in there just for you."
I don't even give him a reaction, I just immediately raise the cup to my lips and take two large gulps. He chuckles, "Slow down there, kitty cat. Pace yourself before you black out."
I look around the room at all the people while wiping the corner of my mouth. "That would be preferable."
Abraham snorts and steps closer, "How about this, we both try to be...civil to these people for two hours. Once those two hours are up, you, Damien, and I can dip and rummage through your backpack for some weed. I know you have some."
I raise an eyebrow and smirk, "Ima' go talk to people." I say, taking another gulp of beer-whiskey and walking away.
Alyssa ran off with Inejra and Carl, they went to go find the other kids.
"Well hello," Someone says behind me.
I stop dead in my tracks at the sound of the man's voice. It's how Abraham's voice sounded, but less playful.
I turn around and I'm met face-to-face with a tall, movie-looking man. He's wearing a navy blue sweater and black dress pants. He's holding a glass of bourbon and he has very light stubble on his jawline.
"I'm Spencer." He says with a smile.
I raise an eyebrow and look him up and down, "Your voice sounds like a little girl's." I say with sass.
He chuckles, "See this is the part where you introduce your..." His eyes look my body up and down. "Self."
The way his gaze is, it makes my whole body tense and every hair I have on my body stands straight up. "Adrian Dixon."
He nods, "Like Daryl's wife?" His smirk falters ever so slightly before he smirks fully again. "Well, Adrian, having fun?"
This is some dumbass small talk.
"No," I respond flatly, taking a drink of my alcohol.
He mirrors me and takes a drink of his bourbon. "Oh, well it's a great thing I'm here. I can certainly change that for you."
He doesn't move, but he's hunting, I can tell.
"I'm okay." I'm desperately trying to get him to walk away, but guys are very persistent.
He raises his eyebrows and his smirk turns into a full-blown smile, "Oh well you're just a ray of sunshine, aren't ya?" He looks around over his shoulder, "Where's your husband."
I clench my jaw, "Bathroom."
He cocks his head to the side, "Really? Because I just saw your little sister Alyssa go in there."
I narrow my eyes and my gaze hardens, "So were you watching her?"
He shakes his head, "Nope, I was in there before her. Saw her go in when I came out. Plus, just an observation."
I roll my eyes, "You seem to be quite the observer."
"Oh, I so am. Wanna know something I'm observing?"
No.
He doesn't wait for a response, "Well I'm observing a very beautiful woman."
I swear I almost threw up. This man looks like a pipe cleaner, I could drop him in an instant and beat him in eleven arm wrestles and he thinks I think he's hot? I prefer my men dirty and redneck, thank you.
"That was disgusting." I groan, chugging the rest of my drink.
"Really?" He asks, taking a step closer. "You know what's not disgusting?"
"Well, well, seems like we're having a hell of a fun time." Abraham's voice comes from my right. My whole body relaxes and I release a breath of air that I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Enjoying the view?" Damien asks from the right of Abraham.
Spencer takes a step back, "Just engaging in friendly conversation." He holds a hand out to Abraham. "Spencer." Abraham shakes it firmly, gripping Spencer's hand roughly.
"Abraham." He responds, staring harshly into Spencer's eyes.
Spencer smiles confusedly and a little nervously before retracting his hand and shaking it out. He offers it to Damien and Damien shakes it, a little less rough. "Damien."
Spencer nods nervously and pulls his hand away, "Well," He starts, turning to look at me. "I'll be around." He says, walking away.
That was bold.
"Prick," Abraham grunts.
"Oh, you have no idea."
Damien sighs and takes a drink of his beer, "Why do I like men?"
I scoff, "Why do I like men?"
Abraham nods, "Well if it's any consultation, I myself happen to love women."
I scoff, "Must be nice."
Randomly, my heartbeat picks up. I look around and it feels like everything around me is louder, causing my brain to shake.
I hear people laughing and talking indistinctly behind me.
They could be talking about me. Why are they laughing?
Breathing suddenly becomes harder to do and I mindlessly begin to fidget with my hands to keep them from shaking.
Damn it, not again.
Damien and Abraham both immediately notice a change. "You alright?" Abraham asks, taking a step closer as I look around rapidly.
"Hey, Nick. Glad you could make it!" I hear from near the front door.
My blood runs cold, "Nick." I whisper.
I grab a bottle of whiskey and make my way towards the front door, my heart pounding and my breathing rapid.
"Adrian woah!" Abraham runs in front of me and holds both of my biceps as Damien takes the bottle out of my hand. I try to shove Abraham off without drawing attention but to no avail.
"Adrian, it's not Nick," Abraham reassures me. I told him about Nick when I was drunk out of my mind at the party at the church, sometimes I regret it.
"I heard them," I say, disassociatedly.
"Adrian, how much have you had to drink?" Damien asks.
Abraham shakes his head as he looks into my rapidly moving eyes as I try to scan the room for Nick. "It's not that." He says softly.
"Then what is it?" Damien asks, urgently trying to find some way to get me to calm down.
"I'm gonna take her outside." Abraham queries, putting his hand on my back and motioning for me to walk.
"Do you want me to come with?" Damien asks.
"No," Abraham turns back to Damien. "Find Alyssa, or Daryl...both."
Damien nods and walks off, trying not to draw attention.
When we make it to the front door, I see the gateman- Nicholas, walking off.
That's not who Nick was, I know it wasn't.
Abraham opens the door for me and I step outside, the brisk air cooling me down.
My breath shudders as everything is quiet again and I sit on the front porch steps, Abraham sits next to me.
We sit in silence for a moment, enjoying each other's company before I finally speak, though quietly. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
Abraham looks at me and I look at him. "Nothing is wrong with you." He assures me. "You think you can be a badass with trauma and your brain not give out sometimes?"
I scoff and shake my head, "I tried to enjoy it."
Abraham nods, "I know you did. Pretty impressive how long you lasted. I wanted to leave like twenty minutes ago."
I nod, "Same."
"You are one badass chick, Adrian. I know you say that you're badass, but sometimes I think you don't believe it."
I scoff, "How much have you had to drink?"
He chuckles, "About my body weight."
I snort, "I can tell."
"You know that happens to Alyssa?" He asks.
I look at him curiously, "What?"
"Panic attacks like that. It happened like twice when we first met. She would say her clothes were too tight and everything was too loud. Must be hereditary."
"Oh god, I hope the rest of my mental disorders aren't hereditary because she's fucked."
Abraham chortles, "She's a big girl. She's got it." He looks deeper into my eyes as if trying to read my soul. "So do you."
I sigh and lay my back on the floor of the porch. "Where have you been all my life?"