Back at our motel, I waited outside the room, sitting by the door, while Sparrow "helped" Sam. So, I called Nate.
"So, they are just having sex while Dean is missing?" he asked.
"Yup. It's super great," I said sarcastically.
"You realize this is the second time now that this has happened," he said.
"Oh, yeah, fully aware," I snapped. "But thanks for the reminder."
"Don't be mad at me," he said.
I sighed. "I'm not. I'm sorry. I just want to find Dean."
"So, why don't you just go?" Nate asked. "I'm surprised you haven't gone off already."
At that moment, I looked up and saw Dean walking toward our motel room. "Uh, well, I actually just found him. I've gotta go." I hung up and stood up. "Dean? What happened? Are you okay?"
He ignored my question and nodded at the door. "What's going on? Where's Sam?"
I nodded. "Oh, we're doing this new thing where when our brother goes missing, we bang the first crunchy hippie girl that smiles at us."
Dean looked like he was going to explode. He pounded on the door. "Get dressed!" he shouted and then busted the door open.
"Dean!" Sam shouted with a smile.
"What the hell?!" Dean yelled as he saw Sparrow lying on top of Sam in bed.
"Oh, that's Dean!" Sparrow shouted excitedly and looked at Sam. "Sam, they brought your brother back." She took her time getting up, started getting dressed, and grabbed her shoes. "Okay. It's all right, Sam. I so totally understand that you need time as a family." She stopped and looked at Dean. "But it's just— what were they like?"
Dean gave her a sarcastic smile. "They were grabby, incandescent douchebags. Goodnight."
Sparrow nodded. "Too soon...?" When Dean just stared at her, she nodded. "Okay." Then she walked out and closed the door behind her.
"You're upset," Sam said, pulling his shirt on.
Dean nodded. "I was abducted. And you were banging Patchouli while Maddi waited outside like she got kicked out of her college dorm."
Sam thought for a second. "I didn't think she smelled that bad."
I furrowed my brow. "Seriously? That's your takeaway?"
"I was abducted by aliens!" Dean yelled.
Sam nodded. "I was looking into it."
"Looking into it!" Dean shouted. "I was gone for, like, an hour."
Sam nodded. "An hour—"
"And most of that was walking back to town!" Dean yelled.
I furrowed my brow at him.
"Dean, I think your watch is off," Sam said.
I nodded. "You've been missing for hours."
Dean furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about? No, I haven't." Sam showed him the time with his phone. "4 AM?" Then he was furious again. "4 AM! And you got her sitting outside?!"
Sam ignored the question. "UFO time slip. That actually falls in line with a lot of abduction stories." He walked over to the counter and picked up a bottle of whiskey and a glass.
Dean shook his head. "'Falls in line'..."
Sam poured some whiskey into the glass. "Yeah."
Dean shook his head and sat down on his bed. "Nothing's falling in line."
Sam handed Dean the glass. "Here. Drink."
Dean quickly downed the whiskey.
"Good," Sam said and took the glass back.
Dean nodded. "Thank you."
"Yeah. Now. Come on." Sam poured more whiskey into the glass. "Talk to us." He handed the glass back to Dean and sat on the other bed. "What happened?" he asked, pretending to be concerned.
Dean thought for a second. "Well, uh, there was this—" He shook his head. "God help me, there was this bright white light!"
"It's okay." Sam patted Dean on the leg, and Dean gave him a strange look. "Safe room."
"Okay, ew." I furrowed my brow at him.
"What?" he asked, confused.
I shook my head. "You gotta pick, bro. You can't keep going back and forth between the caring and the not caring. It's giving me a headache, and honestly, when you try to care, it comes off creepy."
Sam furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Are you mad at me?"
"Oh no, of course not." I faked a smile.
"Okay, good, so this conversation can wait?" he asked, and I glared at him as he looked back at Dean. "Please, continue."
I felt myself starting to fume, and Dean gave me a concerned look, but then he cleared his throat and continued, "And then suddenly, I was, uh, I was in a different place. And there were these beings, and they were too bright to look at, but I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of table—"
"Probing table!" Sam said excitedly.
"God!" Dean yelled, "Don't say that out loud!"
Sam nodded. "Right. So, what did you do?"
"I went crazy. I started hacking and slashing and firing. They actually seemed surprised." Dean stood up and smiled proudly at himself. "I don't think anybody's ever done that before. Yeah. I had a close encounter, guys... and I won."
"You should take a shower," Sam suggested.
Dean sipped his whiskey and nodded. "I should take a shower. I'm gonna..." He set his glass down on the table and turned toward the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower now."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
After a few hours of sleep, the three of us went to a diner for some breakfast.
"So, on top of all the demons, and the angels, and the ghosts, and the skinwalkers, it turns out that there's— So if aliens are actually real, what's next? Hobbits?" Dean asked.
I shrugged and raised my eyebrows. "Elves?"
Dean nodded and pointed at me like I could be right.
Sam and our waitress made eye contact as she walked by, and he nodded at her with a small smile.
"Seriously?" Dean asked. "You just gave her the silent how ya doin'."
"What?" Sam asked.
Dean shook his head. "Our reality's collapsing around us, and you're trying to pick up our waitress?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah. Okay. Look. Brings up a question. So, say you got a soul, and you're on a case, and your brother gets abducted by aliens..."
Dean nodded. "Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back."
"Right!" Sam pointed at Dean. "You do, but what about when there are no more leads for the night?" he asked, "Are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?"
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Yes!"
"What?" Sam asked.
Dean nodded. "Yes, you sit in the dark and feel the loss."
I nodded. "Yeah, and you don't have sex with a hippie chick while you make your little sister wait outside."
"Absolutely!" Sam agreed. "But couldn't I just do all that and have sex with the hippie chick? I mean, it wasn't cold outside or anything. You could've sat in the car."
"No, you can't do those things!" I yelled.
"You sure you're not mad at me?" Sam asked.
"Yes, I'm sure!" I glared at him and stood up in the booth.
Dean put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back down. "All right, people are staring.
"You seem pretty mad," Sam said, almost taunting me.
I glared at him. "Ya know what?!" I grabbed my butter knife.
"Okay." Dean put his hand on top of mine. "No." He shook my hand to make me let go of the knife. "Just— Just let that go." Finally, I let the knife go. "There ya go." He let go of my hand and then turned his attention to Sam. "You can't—" He looked back at me and then the butter knife. "Ya know what? I'm just going to take this..." he said, sliding the knife away. "And this too," he said and grabbed my fork.
I shrugged and continued to glare at Sam. "Take the spoon while you're at it."
"The spoon?" Dean asked.
I gave him a look and nodded. "I can get creative."
"All right." He cringed at me and then grabbed my spoon as well. "You're kinda scary sometimes, ya know that?" I shrugged, and then he turned his attention back to Sam. "Okay, you can't do any of those things except sit in the dark and suffer."
Sam shrugged. "It'd be in the dark."
Dean shook his head. "No, you couldn't because you would be suffering, and you can't just turn that off for the night."
Our waitress walked by and grabbed our check. "Thanks, guys."
"Thank you." Sam smiled brightly at her and looked back at Dean. "Why not?"
"Because if you had a soul... your soul wouldn't let you," Dean said.
Sam nodded. "So, you're saying having a soul equals... suffering,"
Dean nodded. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." Then he picked up the check.
Sam thought for a second. "Like, the million times you almost called Lisa. So, you're saying suffering is a good thing."
We stood up, and Dean pulled some cash out of his wallet.
I shrugged. "It's part of what makes you human."
Sam nodded. "Okay! So how do we deal with the little green men?"
"Research. We've got about a century of UFO lore to catch up on, and there's no time for..." Dean paused and stared out of the window. "What's up with that guy?"
Sam and I looked toward the window but only saw the police officers sitting out front.
"Who?" Sam asked.
"The guy by the window giving me the stink eye," Dean said.
"You mean the cop?" Sam asked.
Dean glared at him. "No, not the cop! The guy!" He pointed at the window. "He's right— Oh, now he's gone!"
"Who's gone?" Sam asked.
Dean sighed. "Can we please just get out of here before I hit you?"
I shrugged and looked up at Dean. "You want to just hit him anyway?" I asked as we walked out of the diner.
Sam shook his head. "Okay, I'm confused. Are you mad at me or not? Because you say no, but then you do things that make me think that's not true."
I looked up at Sam. "I thought your brain was supposed to work better without a soul."
"Well, I only know as much as you tell me," Sam said.
"Yes! I'm mad, you idiot!" I yelled and opened my door to the Impala. "If you have to keep asking, chances are, the answer is probably yes!"
"Okay!" Sam yelled. "Jeez."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dean and I were sitting in the motel room, doing some research, when Dean's phone rang, and he put it on speaker.
"Library's closing up soon. I'm almost done," Sam said once Dean answered.
"You find anything?" Dean asked.
"Yeah." Sam scoffed. "Way too much. Everyone on the planet believes in UFOs, and they will not stop writing books about it."
"Yeah, well, at least books have punctuation. All right, keep digging, and we'll see what you got when you get back," Dean said and hung up.
Suddenly, the radio clicked on, and David Bowie's Major Thom started to play. Then the lights began flickering, and Dean and I gave each other a look. Then, a bright light shined through the window.
"Oh, no. Not again," Dean said nervously.
Then the door slammed open, the light shined brightly in, and we jumped out of our chairs. The light flew into the room toward Dean.
Dean furrowed his brow and squinted at the light. "Nipples?"
I furrowed my brow. He could clearly see details, but I could just see a bright light.
Then the light flew quickly toward Dean's face, and his head snapped back like he had been punched. "Bitch!"
"What?" I asked, super confused.
He looked at me. "Not you." He looked back at the ball of light. "Her."
"Her?" I asked.
"Yes!" he shouted, then lunged forward, grabbed the ball of light, opened the microwave, and slammed the door shut. He frantically pressed the buttons, and the microwave started up. He watched carefully. Then suddenly, the light vanished, and he shuttered in disgust. "Ha! Ha!"
I looked at him, confused and worried all at once.
"What?" he asked with an embarrassed smile.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *