Khairiyat poocho kabhi toh kaifiyat poocho
(ask about my well-being and ask about my situation)
Tumhare bin deewane ka kya haal hai
(ask how your lover is faring, without you)
- khairiyat (chichhore)
_
57. khairiyat (well-being)
"Aaah, why mom not picking my call!" Seojun kept glancing at his mobile - he was awaiting a call from his mother. "Even Gowoon isn't picking the call..."
"Han Seojun!" The band manager called out to him - Lim Heegyeong waving out to the anxious boy - asking him to join the rest of the clan.
"Coming Noona, just - "
He couldn't explain. He got super anxious that morning and had a nightmare the night before. He didn't remember the nightmare, but he felt a sudden rush of pain and heartache when he got up in the morning. The last time his mother had called — a week back — he did not get a chance to answer it nor call back. The idol training was taxing and a headache too honestly, but he liked doing it. He liked singing and everything that came with it was bearable.
Until that night — that nightmare seemed vivid. Seojun was anxious, on the edge of his seat, from the break of dawn he kept a close eye on his mobile. He was worried - unnecessarily he knew that - but he was still worried.
"Hyung - let's go?"
Seojun had to leave with the band for another day of recordings and then training sessions after, and that meant he had to deposit his cellphone to avoid any sort of distractions. He glanced at his cellphone one last time, calling his mother but he got no reply.
The only call he got that day was at his agency - a call from the hospital - a call to deliver him news he never dreamt in this life.
Seojun looked at the woman seated in front of her. Her eyes were captivating - his heart and his mind - and her smile, that smile haunted many of his dreams. Her touch could melt - thaw his frozen heart - and her one glance was enough for him to forget about his miseries. But he could not - he would not - let her close to him again.
He could not for the love of God receive another call - informing him that a loved one died.
And neither would he let anyone else receive the call for him. There was a reason he had distanced himself from all of his friends - Jugyeong and Chorong - even Suho. Not because he was nonchalant or too famous for them, not at all. Rather, he'd have them think of him as a nobody then be weeping on his funeral.
Seojun did not want to live anymore and he did not want to live for anyone either. He was tired, his heart was always running on a treadmill, his mind had a box of nightmares - fresh and new - each time he rested and his eyes, well they had no light in them.
Breathing and living was torture for him and what better way to stop the torture than by stopping to breathe.
"Seojun - " Soojin reached out her hand towards the boy - the cold eyes man - again but Seojun pushed it away, snapping out of the trance he was in. He got up, annoyed at himself for being so reckless around Kang Soojin and dusted his coat.
"Was this a desperate attempt to get my attention? Kang Soojin?" He acclaimed, venomous words playing their part well.
"What?"
"Don't fuck around - especially not with me." He ran his hand through his hair, eyeing Soojin with disregard and disgust. "I never thought you'd be so fucking desperate - to hurt yourself - to get my attention."
Soojin sighed. She wasn't able to understand him and neither did she understood herself. Was Seojun pushing her away or was she so low on self esteem that she could let Seojun walk over her so easily.
"Why are you - "
"You should show the wound to a doctor," Seojun did not meet her eyes, looking everywhere but at her. Soojin looked up, wondering how she'd be able to break those huge walls he had around himself. "Or don't, does not bother me." With that he walked out of the room, without turning back, making Soojin sit back with a sigh.
Seojun had pillars of iron and steel as walls around him, she could see how hard he had built those themselves and as a builder of walls herself - Soojin knew it must have been so hard. So lonely and so - scary.
_
The meeting concluded swiftly - Mr. Choi had addressed Seojun for the advertisement shoot they had the next day before their Busan concert - and the tension between the duo was rather noticeable by the lot. Soojin was in her bloodied clothes, having no time to change and no money to buy herself from one of these fancy shops - until Mr. Choi surprised her with a parcel.
He had bought her a change of clothes - the most expensive one in the shop - and saved her any sort of embarrassment from the stained clothes. When asked, he said that it was the 'easiest' thing the saleswoman could grab for him and avoided speaking anything about the money. Soojin did not have much of a choice either and obliged to change into the formal attire Mr. Choi got her.
It was a duel color dress - grey and white - buttoned down with no sleeves. It fit her perfectly and looked really - really - expensive. She tried getting one of the saleswoman to tell her the price but they would not budge - wonder why. Nevertheless, with the black long boots which apparently 'came with the dress' made her look a different person than she was before.
More like the Kang Soojin she was once upon a time.
The moment she stepped out with that dress and the attitude that came with it, Soojin could feel the hot gazes of people - particularly men - on her and she knew she should have stayed in her stained clothes. She was not used to attention, she never was the one for the limelight and would never imagine how Seojun could handle all of the fame. Although, she did notice how Mr. Choi - who never looked up from his laptop - looked at her for a solid two seconds.
And then he went back to type furiously on his laptop.
Two seconds was ten minutes in Mr. Choi's world.
But when Han Seojun glanced at her - seated across from Mr. Choi with his manager - he could not take his eyes off her. There was a hint of both awe and anger in those hazel eyes. Even so, Soojin did not look at him, she really needed some time off with the way Seojun kept brushing her off. She wanted to pretend that everything was okay but it still and will always sting whenever Seojun acted cold towards her.
She ignored Seojun - who still gawked at her with no shame - and sat besides Mr. Choi, helping him with the documents and files.
"You will need to arrive at the studio - 9 am." Mr. Choi said as Seojun reacted in no way - not even a nod as his eyes kept their focus on Soojin - the girl who was as inattentive as him. "Han Seojun - shi, is everything okay?"
Soojin looked up from the laptop to meet Seojun's eyes - the cold and dark eyes - for a split second until Seojun broke their eye-lock. He faced Mr. Choi, nodding in agreement - despite hearing nothing. Nodding and humming a yes was his go-to mantra, because he never really paid attention to anything.
He could never pay attention with the havoc his mind created - mostly the nightmares that he got to feel in 3D. But lately, a certain someone - a beautiful fucking someone - was getting his attention and he knew it, she knew it too.
Even then he could not help himself but give her his attention.
"Tomorrow 9 am, noted." Seojun's rolled the words without any care. "Are we done here?"
Mr. Choi nodded - Soojin was still staring at the singer with a grim expression. "Yes - for the studio tomorrow, we'll have one of our project members and photographers with you. Neither of us will be available tomorrow, I'm afraid - there's a team meeting..."
Seojun didn't like that idea. He was rather quick to interject before Mr. Choi could even finish his sentence.
"I am not comfortable with strangers." Seojun raised his eyebrow, his snobbish voice was further more irritating than his cold voice - Soojin noted. "I'm not going to fret or worry about being amidst people I didn't assign this contract to. So, we ensure the deal in its entirety or we don't."
Mr. Choi let out a sharp breath. He didn't like to be spoken to in an overbearing tone but he also knew Han Seojun was an important investment to their company at the moment. So he nodded, "alright then, Miss Kang will be there with you tomorrow. I suppose that's okay - "
Of course it was. Mr. Choi had learnt how Soojin was a key to successfully complete this contract with little to no turmoil. Seojun and Soojin had a past which was only convenient for him and the agreement.
Or so he thought.
Seojun sat back, unable to counter that as Mr. Choi glanced at Soojin. "All okay with you?"
Soojin nodded - like she had a say in any of this.
The meeting concluded - thankfully to Soojin's content - and Soojin could finally get the fuck out of this place that kept suffocating her and Seojun's eyes, that kept pinning her. Plus her arm seemed number - and she had to get out of this insanely gorgeous outfit.
"Miss Kang - " Mr. Choi held his firm stance in front of Kang Soojin who seemed rather little in front of him - even though she wasn't that short. "Let's get the wound checked - it might cause an infection." He held her arm, rather softly, eyeing the bruise in concern.
Soojin realised that the bruise was bleeding yet again - the medicine wasn't applied properly and she would have to definitely get an injection to prevent any sort of infection.
The long pointed needles and the hospital smell - reminded her of her father and his stupid fucking face.
"Should I book an appointment at the nearest hospital - "
"No," Soojin was terrified by the mere thought of coming across her demons from the past. "It's not much - it'll heal."
"It doesn't look like a small bruise."
Soojin took a step back from the confused man. She withdrew her hand but couldn't get it out of the grasps of the concerned team leader.
"I didn't take you as someone who is scared of needles and syringes?"
Soojin was offended. She looked sharply at the amused man, her eyes narrowed. "It's not the syringes, they're nothing - I hate -"
My father and the thought of meeting him, despite it being impossible.
"I hate hospitals." She averted her gaze, the memories of yesteryears seemed to get out from the locker in her mind. "And everything about them."
Mr. Choi softened - a quality he didn't know he had - when he saw the tensed creases on her forehead.
"Alright, how about we call a doctor back at the office? That won't involve going to the hospital."
While Soojin sighed - accepting defeat and accepting Mr. Choi's hospitality, Seojun couldn't help but feel an unexplainable surge of insecurity seep through him. He didn't want to care about Soojin, but he couldn't bear to see someone else care for her either. He was all over the place - his heart said something way different than what his brain commanded.
What was this madness?
He watched the duo leave - Mr. Choi following the girl - while he sat back in deep contemplation. This should not bother him, he has nothing to do with either of them and he made it clear too.
Yet it did.
"Kang Soojin - "
Soojin and Mr. Choi turned back to face an ecstatic Seojun who had taken quite a couple of steps towards them.
"What?" Soojin asked, sour about their earlier confrontation.
"Wait back." He said, meeting her eyes - ignoring everyone else in the room.
"Why?"
Seojun clearly didn't think it through. He gulped - eyeing the upset woman and her all the more upset boss.
"I need some help with the agreement I signed," He made a very lame excuse. "Some of the terms are beyond my compensation."
"Comprehension."
Soojin scoffed - a small smile on her face just the same as on Seojun's.
"Fine. Let's do this your stubborn fucking way."
_
A/N if you guys don't want Mr. Choi, that's okay, I'll take him >>>