(TW!! Mentions of sh and drug usage!!)
Alyssa is asleep on my shoulder when the car we're in slows to a stop, jerking and sputtering.
"We're out." Abraham groans. "Just like the other one."
"So we walk." Says Rick.
I lightly tap Alyssa's shoulder opposite mine and say, "Get up, we gotta walk." I shrug my shoulder, and she groans, rubbing the tiredness away from her eyes.
I open the car door and step out, standing aside for Alyssa to come out.
Without another word, everyone sets off north.
The heat feels like it's slowly killing me, sweat pours off my forehead and what feels like every other inch of my body.
Daryl and Carol go to find water, food, something. Daryl and I haven't talked much though we've been giving each other slight "I love you"s by handing each other a piece of our food or offering a drink of our scarce water.
It's hard to say "I love you" when it feels like if you say it, you're jinxing that they're going to die.
The jacket that's around my shoulders is making me so much hotter though I can't risk taking it off and everyone seeing the fresh marks on my wrist.
Even though Alyssa and I made up, I can't stop. It's been three weeks since our fight and I've tried to stop though, I know I can't. Not yet.
I haven't cried since the house with Damien and he and I both haven't spoken a single word of it.
Inejra, Alyssa, and Carl are still inseparable though I can tell being on the road this long is getting to them, as it is everyone.
For some reason, Nick won't leave my mind. I just keep thinking about him. I'm wearing the "boy shorts" that I wore when I finally escaped from his prison cell of an apartment so that could be why.
We've had a small herd of Walkers trailing us for the past hour and finally, Rick got sick of it.
We're standing at the beginning of a bridge that has a big and steep hill surrounding it.
Without another word, we all know exactly what we're supposed to do-throw the Walkers down the hill.
Slowly, the herd splits up and aims for whomever they see first, three of which, head my way.
I stand completely still until two of the three reach out to grab me and I quickly jerk my shoulder back, causing them to fall down the hill. The next one grabs me but before it can do anything, I toss it down the hill with the other Walkers.
Sasha suddenly grabs a Walker and holds it, groaning as the Walker tries to bite her.
"Sasha." Michonne whisper-yells.
Sasha ignores Michonne and stabs the Walker in the forehead, ruining the flow of our tactic.
"Stay in line. Flank her." Rick orders, grabbing his machete. "Keep it controlled."
"Plan just got dicked." Abraham mumbles, grabbing his knife.
I groan and grab my whip, cracking it and causing a few Walkers to head in my direction.
It's weird, I don't feel any adrenaline. My heart isn't pounding and my fingers don't have that familiar tingle in them. I feel fine, not calm or happy, I just have no emotions right now.
It's nice.
With a single crack of my whip, all three of the Walker's heads are split open, they fall to the ground, and blood splatters everywhere.
I kill a few more Walkers before we're finished, Sasha's on the ground at this point.
"I told you to stop." Michonne grunts through gritted teeth.
Without a word, Sasha stands up and walks away, Abraham and I exchange glances.
A few hours later, Carl says, "Dad, look." His finger points to a small group of cars at the bottom of the hill on the road.
Hope rings through my body, igniting all of my blood and energizing me.
"I'ma head out into the woods," Daryl notes. "Circle back."
"May I come with?" Carol asks.
"No." He says quickly, "No, just me." With that, he sets off to the right.
Should I go with him?
"No." Carol reads my mind. "Let him have his time alone." I nod and look back at the cars,
Drugs. Please drugs. Oh yeah and food, that too.
I head towards a small blue Honda, resting just on the edge of the road.
I pray silently to whatever god there is and open the door with a loud creak. The door is slightly knocked off the hinges so it's a little slanted when it's resting open.
The inside of the car smelled like a mix of rotting steak and cheese. It was enough to make my eyes water and for me to turn and take a deep breath of fresh air.
I lean back into the car and quickly search through it, trying to look through the car without breathing.
The only thing I find are registration papers and an empty can of Fanta.
"Asshole." I mutter, slamming the door shut and walking around to the trunk of the car.
I pop the trunk of the car and look through the trunk, finding absolutely nothing.
"Fuck dick." I groan, slamming the trunk closed and turning on my heel.
I look and see Alyssa repeatedly stabbing a Walker out of anger. Probably hanger.
"Anything?" Rick asks.
I shake my head, "Just singed nose hairs." He nods and looks around at everyone. "Same."
After a short while, everyone approaches my car where Rick and I are standing, and admit they found no more than I did. I can tell everyone is pissed off and disappointed. I don't think I've eaten for three days and every time I have a chance to, I tell Alyssa I've already eaten and I give the food to her.
"Let's just wait for Daryl to come back and we can head off." Rick says, walking and sitting at the edge of the road.
I sigh and look at Alyssa who is wiping sweat off of her forehead. I get a quick hot flash and immediately walk over to where Rick is sitting and sit down near him. The rest of the group quickly follows.
My body stays tese and ready for anything as I rest my back up against a tree, my sweat-drenched shirt clinging to my skin.
Damien pants, "Think there's a pool around here?"
I scoff, "Yeah, just a few more feet."
A stick crunching quickly catches our attention and we all sit up immedeatly. Daryl emerges from the woods, foodless and sweaty.
He nods to Rick as a silent, "Did you find anything?" And Rick shakes his head. Daryl sighs and steps out of the woods, approaching me and sitting next to me.
I look over and see Abraham drinking a bottle of burbon. I immedeatly reach my hand out for him to give me the bottle and he takes another swig before the warm bottle of brown liquid gets handed to me.
I take a big drink of it and let the liquid tingle down my throat, my stomach warms and I take another drink.
"Adrian." Alyssa says.
"Yeah, yeah." I groan, waving her off and taking another drink.
Abraham reaches his hand out and I take another gulp of the bourbon before handing it back to him.
I can't hear Tara, Eugene, and Rosita's conversation though I know it's not good. I'm too busy chugging this damn bottle of bourbon.
Suddenly, a bunch of sticks and leaves crack, symbolling more than one thing is heading our way. We all immediately sit up and four rabid and bloody dogs stand before us, growling and barking.
"Aw fuck." I whisper, grabbing my whip and standing up.
I look at Alyssa who's eyes are practically glued to the growling dogs. I can't read her face but I can tell she's not looking at them like she used to.
"Adrian." Rick whispers, "Use your whip."
I nod and anchingly slowly stand up, my knuckles white with how tight I'm gripping my whip.
As I raise my whip to crack it on the dogs, silenced gunshots kill each of the dogs one by one. I look to the right and see Sasha standing with her sniper held in her hand.
I quickly look to Alyssa who is just staring at the dogs, her eyes wide though her face is emotionless.
Rick stands up and breaks a stick off of a tree behind him, breaking it into smaller sections and handing each of us a stick.
Alyssa stares at the empty collars that are surrounded by nothing but the blood of the dogs'. She's holding her kebob of dog meat and staring at it.
I walk over to her and sit next to her. "Kill or be killed. Those dogs were gonna-"
"I know." She says quickly. "I know...I'm not...upset." She looks at me with her eyes wide and glossy. "Why am I not upset? I shouldn't want to eat this. I'm...I'm supposed to-"
"You're not supposed to do shit, 'Lyss. Eat that or starve." How I said it was harsh but she knows deep down that that's the truth.
"I'll eat it with you. You take a bite, I'll take a bite." Inejra says, sitting next to Alyssa.
Alyssa nods, "Okay." She whispers.
I nod and stand up, "You're a badass, Alyssa Walsh." I squeeze her shoulder as she takes a small nibble of the dog meat and walk away.
A few hours later, we've been walking for a while. Finally with full stomachs though almost empty water bottles.
I'm walking behind the group with Damien, both of us walking slowly and thirstily.
Daryl veers off to the left, leaving the group.
I raise an eyebrow and jog up to Abraham, "Where's he going?"
"Find water." Abraham responds.
I think for a moment before saying, "I'll go with him." I nod to Damien and he nods back as I follow silently behind Daryl.
I don't want him to know I'm behind him just yet so I stay at a distance where I can see him but he can't see me.
My footsteps are slow, silent, and calculated, trying not to make any sticks or leaves crunch under my weight.
Daryl walks for a few minutes before exiting the woods and sitting at the edge of it, in front of a barn.
I approach him but stay a few feet away, not wanting to make my presence known just yet.
He grabs a cigarette out of his pocket and puts it in between his lips, lighting it and taking a drag of it before blowing out a thick cloud of smoke.
He stares at the barn, puffing the smoke out of his mouth and fidgeting with his fingers.
He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and holds it as I slowly approach him, still making sure to be completely silent.
He takes another puff before taking the cigarette out of his mouth again and going to snuff it out on his hand.
Before he manages to burn himself, I slowly grab his hand and take the cigarette out of it. He looks at me as I take a puff and put the cigarette out in the dirt.
Daryl looks back at the barn as I lay my head on his shoulder, both of us still not saying anything.
I hear him sniffle so I look up and see him trying his hardest to contain his cries.
My eyes soften and I wrap my arms around his neck, burying his face in my shoulder.
He hugs me back as he cries on my shoulder though I can tell he's not crying as hard as he wants to.
"Daryl," I say softly. "I can walk away, I can let you have alone time." I break the hug and cup his teary cheeks. "But you don't have to do it alone."
I don't know what it is, but it's incredibly hard for me to comfort him right now. It feels like I have no idea what to say.
"You're allowed to cry. It doesn't mean you're weak." Daryl doesn't say or do anything, his lip just continues to quiver and he stares deeply into my eyes.
God seeing him like this, Daryl. The sight alone makes me want to curl up in a ball on the floor and sob my eyes out. It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and is squeezing it. I feel like I have a ball in my throat, every time I think about it, I need to cry. I have to swallow to be able to contain my tears.
Without another word, I give him and downturned smile and hug him tightly again. "I love you." I whisper. "I love you. I really do."
He sucks in air through clenched lips, the thought of that still jinxing everything is making him hesitant. "You don't have to say it back." I continue, breaking the hug and kissing him.
I give him a small smile and stand up, ready to go back to the road that the group is on.
Just as I'm about to leave, his hand grabs my shoulder and we give each other a full, standing hug.
"Your back's healed." He says.
Your back's healed = love you.
I nod, "Yeah. Yeah, it is." I break the hug, wipe away a stray tear on his cheek, and begin walking, his footsteps follow closely behind.
Once we make it up to the group, they're all standing in a half-circle, it looks like they were waiting for us.
Rick turns and is holding a paper out to Daryl. Daryl looks at it before grabbing it. He tilts it so I can see.
"FROM A FRIEND." It says.
I look and see a few water bottles and jugs of water on the ground, untouched by our group.
"What else are we gonna do?" Tara asks.
"Not this." Rick replies, looking around. "We don't know who left it."
"If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it." Eugene says, stiff and unmoving. "But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend.
Inejra groans, "God, just take the damn water before we all die of dehydration." She goes to reach for a bottle but Gabriel grabs her.
"Not yet." He says calmly. Inejra groans but doesn't protest when he pulls her back in line.
I hesitate for a moment before walking toward the water bottles. "Adrian," Damien says quickly. "What are you doing?" Tara asks.
I hold the bottle up to my eyes and look intensively, "Searching for broken tabs." I look at the group. "If they put something in the water, the seal on the lid would be broken."
When I don't see a broken tab, I unscrew the cap to the water bottle, sniff it, and look inside. "If it smells like cinnamon, is cloudy, or fizzy, it's drugged."
When nothing is different from a regular bottle of water, I bring it up to my mouth to take a drink of it.
"Adrian!" Alyssa squeals. She quickly slaps it out of my hand and it bounces away, the water splashing everywhere.
I stand up, "Asshole?"
"We can't." Rick grunts, glaring at me.
"Y'all forget I was in a goddamn gang." I roll my eyes, "I know this shit like the back of my hand. I've done this shit." Everyone looks at me.
"What? I didn't kill nobody." My voice is a little higher than usual but not high enough for anyone to notice.
Bank? Armed robbery? Super convincing.
Thunder cracks across the sky before water droplets rain down from above. Like small, refreshing, cold cylinders of silver.
I tilt my head back and allow the rain to pitter on my face, mixing with the sweat and dirt.
I giggle excitedly and hold my arms out, fully allowing the rain to drench me.
My arms wrap around Alyssa from behind and we both giggle happily. "Jeez, I never knew how much I loved rain." She sighs, smiling.
"You don't." I giggle, "You used to cry when you woke up in the morning and your windows were wet."
I look over and see Daryl staring off. He's not smiling, he's not moving. He's not him.
I release Alyssa and she runs to Carl and hugs him.
I walk over to Daryl, "Really enjoyin' the rain, aren't we?" I joke, not sure how to assess the situation.
He doesn't reply. He doesn't smile. He doesn't do his typical Daryl scoff. I frown and my shoulders drop.
Are enters my lungs in a deep inhale when I decide to hug him again, both of our wet bodies mashing together and making our clothes stick to each other.
I press my body up against his and cup his face, kissing his forehead.
"Everybody, get the bags. Anything you can find." Rick orders grabbing a bag.
Before I fully let go of Daryl, the thunder picks up. This time, it's not a comforting rumble of the Earth's tears. It's a crack, like the sky above us is shattering.
I look up and the clouds are black, not grey. Judith's cries are drowned out by the thunder and Alyssa looks at me with a pale face.
God, Alyssa hates storms.
"Let's keep moving." Rick orders.
"There's a barn!" Daryl yells.
"Where?!" Rick replies.
"We'll show you!" I yell back, pointing to the way we came from.
We run fairly quickly through the woods, trying to beat the angry storm behind us.
The heavy, pouring down rain and the clap of thunder drowns out our yells for directions but we safely make it to the barn Daryl and I sat in front of.
Rick grabs his pistol and opens the barn door quickly. He holds his gun ready as he searches through the stalls and areas where an intruder could be sleeping or hiding in.
The rain pounds on the roof and walls of the barn as I help look through the barn.
Once we've cleared the barn, we let the rest of the group in and build a weak fire.
When the fire begins to die down, Glenn says, "I'll try."
"Nah, too wet." Daryl says, pointing to the dark brown sticks.
Rick looks over at Carl who is sleeping next to Alyssa who is sleeping next to Inejra.
"He'll be alright." Carol says. "He bounces back more than any of us do."
"I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this." Rick admits. "But I think I got it wrong. Growin' up's gettin' used to the world. This is easier for them."
"This isn't the world." Michonne says. "This isn't it."
"It might be." Glenn sighs. "It might."
"That's giving up." Michonne voices.
"It's reality." Glenn sasses.
"Until we see otherwise, this is what we have to live with." Rick declares.
It goes silent before Rick continues. "When I was a kid... I asked my grandpa once if he had ever killed any Germans in the war. He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff, so...so I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet."
Rick scoffs, "He said he was dead before he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself, 'Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.'"
Rick goes quiet again before continuing, "And then after a few years of pretending he was dead...he made it out alive. And that's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves...that we are the walking dead."
It's quiet again, minus the rumble of thunder and the patter of rain.
"Damn." I whisper.
Daryl shakes his head, "We ain't them." Rick looks at Daryl with intrigue.
Daryl doesn't continue, he just sits up on his knees and breaks a twig to put in the fire.
"We're not them." Daryl doesn't look at Rick so Rick says, "Hey." Softly.
When Daryl looks at him, he continues. "We're not." Daryl looks at the fire before standing up.
"We ain't them." He rasps, walking away.
(Summary:) The group fights to find food and water. Adrian stops Daryl from self-harming and Alyssa eats animal meat that she watched the group kill. The group has to take refuge in a barn when a storm begins to become deadly.