Lilith pulls up to one of the bars Indy remembers passing when they arrived on their first night. It's just as busy and the country music is loud. People are spilling out the doors, they all look happy and she recognizes some of them from her visit to town with Austin. "Ok, so you know the rule of Stetsons being off while inside?" Olivia asks as they climb out. "Yeah," Indy says. "It does not apply here. Stetson's stay on," Lilith says adjusting Indy's Stetson. She smiles and nods then walks in with them. Inside, the bar is even more crazy than the outside and it's like no bar Indy has ever been in. It's more like a big barn than anything else. There are bales of hay everywhere that people are using as benches, a mechanical bull in the corner, and a bar that looks like it only serves beer or whisky. On a small stage at the back is a live band playing country music and in the center of it all is a large dance floor that people are dancing on. They look like they are having a ton of fun as they make the floorboards shake with their stamping. "There! In the back," Olivia says. Indy looks to where she is pointing and sees Austin and his brothers leaning on the end of the bar with beers in hand while they talk and laugh.
They head toward them. As they are walking Indy looks around and her eyes land on the woman she had seen the other day. She is sitting at a table with a group of chatting women. Only, she is not chatting. She is staring at Austin with that same sad look on her face. Indy feels sorry for her, she looks so sad. Indy looks away before she gets to Austin, she does not want the woman to see her looking at her. She needs to ask Austin about her.
"Hello, darlin'," Austin says with a bright smile as he turns around when she taps him on the shoulder. "You clean up nice," he says curling his arm around her and pulling her into him. "You have fun?" he asks pecking her lips. "I did. They are so nice and they feel like sisters," she says. "That's because they are," he says picking up a beer and handing it to her. The music is loud and very happy, Indy feels like it transports her to a happy place. She does not know where that is exactly but she thinks it has something to do with that mountain they all speak of. She has never been particularly fond of country music but her love for it has grown steadily since Austin's little shows in the backyard. "Miss Indy have you ever line danced before?" Burt asks. "Line danced? No," she says. "Oh now that's a dam shame," Burt says, it looks like she has injured him with her answer. "Burt here, is the best line dancer this side of the Utah border," Josh says patting his back proudly. Burt puffs out his chest just as proudly and nods. Lilith, Olivia, and Austin all roll their eyes. "We will have to fix this atrocity, come on," Burt says taking her beer and passing it to Austin before he takes her hand. Austin does nothing but chuckle with Lilith and Olivia as he shrugs.
Burt tugs her into the middle of the dance floor and looks at her with a very serious face. "Dancing is almost as important as ranching. Just let the music take you away. Where is your favorite place to be?"
"Um...Austin's arms."
"Personally that sounds like hell. But, each to their own I suppose. Anyway, dance as if you are in Texas' arms - lose, free, warm, safe, and happy."
"Ok. I can do that."
"So...Stetson high," Burt says holding his head up and jutting out his chin. Indy copies him. "Hands on your belt buckle and your knees slightly bent," he says. Indy copies him again. "Now take eight side steps to the right, the last step is a just touch," he says taking eight steps to the right and tapping his foot on the last step. Indy copies him again.
"Now take eight steps to the left."
Once again Indy copies him. "Then eight heel steps in place. Last, do eight counts of stepping in place and turn ¼ to the left," he says doing the actions slowly as he explains. Indy watches him carefully and copies what he does. "Now we just repeat the steps over and over, be sure to keep your body loose, and don't be afraid to swing those hips," he says. "Is that all? That does not seem too hard. I thought it was going to be a little more complicated," Indy says. Burt lets out a loud laugh and lifts his hand in the air. "Steps are easy when they are slow, try and keep up," he says then waves his hand with a loud whistle. The music stops for a second and then starts up with a new song.
The song is slow at first and Indy can keep up with Burt's steps. The dance floor is now crowded and everyone is taking part in the perfect synchronized steps. The floor vibrates under her boots when they all stamp their boots and Indy does her best to stamp down hard too. She can feel laughter bubble up in her chest and her cheeks hurt a little from her grinning. "A little faster now," Burt says as the music picks up. They move faster and Indy has to concentrate a little to make sure she gets the steps right, it's easy when going slow. But, she is having so much fun she can't stop and by the laughing and whooping around her she can tell everyone else is having just as much fun. Josh and Olivia join them, Josh holds Olivia in front of him and they look like they are one person as they move.
"Faster!" Burt shouts as he laughs. The music gets faster and Indy feels like she is spinning around now on an unstable floor as it bends and vibrates under her boots from all the stamping. She misses a few steps and has to start counting in her head in an attempt to keep in step. Lilith joins them too and slots in front of Burt. Indy knows she is done for when Burt shouts "Faster now!" as the music once again picks up its pace. She is missing steps and looks like a drunk horse, she feels like one too. She is also out of breath from laughing and her thighs are burning. She can't keep up.
She feels a familiar body slot in behind her and large warm hands grab her hips. When she peeps over her shoulder she sees Austin grinning at her. "Just move with my body, baby. Lean into me," he says. She relaxes her body and lets Austin take over. He moves the eight steps to the right, eight steps to the left, eight heel steps, and eight counts in place, and then turns them a ¼ turn to the left. All in sync with everyone else, smooth and fast, not a step out of place. He also uses his hands to keep her hips pressed against his while he uses his hips to move them with a delicious sway. Now she is breathless from the dancing and from how he is moving behind her.
"Faster?!" the lead singer calls out. "Faster!" Burt shouts back. "I am going to die," Indy squeaks out between her giggles. Austin chuckles and then she feels him lift her slightly as he moves faster along with the music and everyone else - she feels weightless and as if she is dancing on a cloud with her feet less than an inch off the floor. She is not even trying to follow along to the steps now as she is laughing too hard and Austin is doing all the work anyway. She doesn't think she has ever laughed this hard or had this much fun as Austin's siblings laugh along with her while they shout their encouragement. The music comes to an abrupt end and the dance floor cheers. Burt pulls her in for a hug and pats her back. "I knew you would be a ton of fun," he says then rolls his eyes when Austin pulls Indy back to him with a disgruntled grunt.
The music changes to a soft country song and Austin turns her to face him, pulling her close to his chest and wrapping his arms around her as he sways them gently. Lose, free, warm, safe, and happy - that's what Burt had said and that's what Indy feels right now. She is in love with Austin and nothing will ever change that. She peeps around the side of his arm and sees the woman looking at them. She is not doing anything and it does not look like she has any intention of coming over, but she looks so sad and on the verge of tears. "You having a good time, baby?" Austin asks. "I am...but there is a woman that keeps looking at us. She looks so sad. Do you know here? She is at a table on the other side. She has black hair," Indy says. Austin frowns and then looks over and scans the bar then suddenly stops, his body freezing. He must have found her and from the look on his face, he does know her. He does not look angry or annoyed, just sad and a little guilty. "My ex," he says and looks down at Indy. Oh. "Let's go, baby," he says picking up her coat and helping her into it. Everyone is busy, caught up in their conversations so they make their way out without saying goodbye.
"Austin, I don't want to push..."
"I should have told you the story long ago. I was scared you would think I was just another asshole. We will talk at home, baby," he says as they head to his truck.
"Texas!"
Austin halts them and then turns them around gingerly. It's the woman from the bar. "Beth...don't," Austin says pulling Indy slightly behind him as if he is weary of what the woman will do. "No...I...sorry. I just...I don't know what I wanted to say...I just couldn't not say hi. We promised not to be enemies remember," she says, she sounds so sad it breaks Indy's heart. "I remember. I just don't want you to fight with her."
"I would never...you know me. I am not like that."
"I know. I know you are not like that. It's just that it's the first time I have seen you in a long time and I didn't know how you would react. I didn't know you would be here, this was not intentional."
"I know. You are not nasty, Austin. You would never rub a new relationship in my face."
"Why are you here?"
"I...I felt like I was going crazy after you left. I needed grounding...I came home. You know how it goes. I still live in Texas...just home for a little. Have you moved back?"
"No."
"Oh. Ok," Beth says and then tries to peep around Austin at Indy. "Hi, I'm Beth. Austin's ex. Sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to," she says softly. Indy comes out from behind Austin and gives Beth a small smile. "Hi, I'm Indy," she says. Beth looks at her with a sad smile. "You are very beautiful and you look kind," she says. Indy does not know how to respond so she just says a small thank you.
"Is she...her," she whispers, her eyes flicking to Austin.
"Yes."
Beth's eyes widen slightly and then pool with tears. She looks like she is in so much pain. Indy's heart squeezes for her. "Beth..." Austin says softly. "Sorry...I just..." she starts but her words trail off as she wipes a tear that slipped down her cheek.
"I am not trying to hurt you, Beth."
"I know... it's just... it's hard. Seeing you has opened some wounds."
"I did not plan for this, Beth. None of it. I would have avoided it if I had the foresight back then."
"I know and I appreciate you being so kind about my runaway emotions right now...you too Indy."
"We should get going."
"Yes. Sorry, I am keeping you. It was good seeing you again."
"Really?"
Beth gives him a watery laugh and shakes her head. "Ok, it's painful....but, it's part of my healing...I will be stronger tomorrow," she says then looks at Indy. "It was nice meeting you Indy. You have a good man in Austin. I wish both of you the best of luck," she says then looks back at Austin.
"Goodbye, Austin."
"Goodbye, Beth."
She turns and walks away, past the bar and to her car. "You ok, baby?" Austin asks, looking at Indy with a worried face. She nods, but only because she is biting back tears at how sad Beth looks. She is nursing a broken heart and Austin looks so guilty for hurting her that she does not want to make him feel worse by crying. "Let's go home," he whispers and tugs her into his truck.
They drive back to the ranch in silence. Austin looks like he is deep in thought and so Indy leaves him be for now. They drive past the ranch house and eventually come to a stop somewhere on the ranch. Austin turns off his truck and cuts out his headlights. It's dark and she can't see where they are.
"This is my favorite place on the ranch," he mumbles. Indy can't see anything. "Where are we?" she asks. "Just an open field...everywhere in Cottonwood is my favorite place," he mumbles still as he turns the cab light on above their heads. He looks sad. She knows it's because he feels bad for hurting Beth. She is not jealous that he is cut up a little about another woman's painful feelings - it's who he is. She respects him for not scoffing a Beth's very real pain.
"I grew up with Beth. Her parents own a farm here. They are good people. So is Beth. I always liked her, we were friends for most of our childhood. She is funny, kind, caring...all the good things. When we got to high school things changed, our feelings changed and we started a relationship. She was a good girlfriend, always sweet. I never introduced her to my family. Not officially. Not as my girlfriend. My family knows hers and they have spent time together....just the way it is in this place. Everyone knows everyone. I did love her Indy. I would never have let the relationship grow and progress like it did if I did not. When I got my scholarship I tried to end things with her. I was leavin' and thought it was for the best but she showed me her letter of acceptance to Texas and told me she had chosen to go to college there. It felt weird but I was not excited at the prospect - I just put it down to nerves. I was leaving Cottonwood and that scared me. So I found comfort in Beth coming with me. We moved in together, while I played football and she studied. It was great. She made my house a home, she was good to me and I tried to be as loving and caring as I could back to her. When my football career ended she was there for me. When my grandparents passed she was there for me. As I was when her father passed and her younger brother died in a car accident. We were good to each other. We loved each other. Then...she started speaking of marriage. She started talking about children. She would make a good wife and she would be a wonderful mother. But, I did not feel the same as her. I released then after all these years with her I still had not brought her home and introduced her to my family as my woman. The longer she spoke about marriage the more I understood that I did not want to marry her. I thought I was being a coward and so I tried to push these feelings of unrest aside. But, I could not change how I felt. I tried, but I could not. I came home. Spoke to my father, and he was kind about the situation. He understood but could not relate. He knew he was going to marry my mother the first time he saw her. He said I would know when I know and if I didn't know...I should listen to that. I went back to Texas. Beth was waiting for me. She knew. She just didn't want to admit it. We spoke for a long time. A full week of discussions. Sometimes they were sad conversations. Sometimes heated. Sometimes happy. But, we were breakin' up - we both knew it. I moved out. She helped me pack. Helped me carry my things to my truck...we slung no nasty words at each other. We loved each other, we always will in some way. But, I could not marry her. I could not make her the mother of my children and it would have been cowardly of me to stay. We would have ended up in a lot more pain and anger. It was the right thing to do, we both knew it. But, it was painful. The relief I felt after only made me feel guilty and when I would run into her, the pain in her face made my guilt worse. So I left Texas. I never intended to hurt her. But I could not live a lie."
It's quiet in the truck when Austin's last word is said. The pain on his face hurts Indy. It's like she feels what he feels. Like there is an invisible string that links their feelings and their emotions. She loved Austin yesterday, but today she loves him more and her respect for him grows with each passing second. She knows it was painful and hard for both of them and it might have been easier for Austin to treat Beth poorly until she left him. But he had respected and loved her and himself too much to be so callous.
"I didn't tell you for various reasons. Shame and guilt for inflictin' pain on someone I love. Fear...that you would see me differently...you pulling away from me scared me. It still does."
"I do see you differently," Indy whispers. Austin's head snaps to her and she can see the worry in his eyes. He is scared of losing her. But, she too now has a rising fear that she is stamping down. "I respect and love you, Austin. More than I did yesterday. You could have done what Luke did. You could have strung Beth along and ruined the girl. Your actions hurt her, yes. But, you stayed true to who you are. That's not cowardly, that's brave. You were careful and you treated the situation as best you could. Beth knows that...you did right by her and I know she is in pain but as she heals she will have beautiful memories to look back on and she won't feel like those years she spent with you were wasted. She will cherish them because you didn't darken them with bad memories or horrible words. She will find the person she was always meant to be with and be all the happier for things ending between you and her," Indy says, forcing her tears not to come and pushing down this ever-rising fear in her chest.
Austin nods at her words and laces their fingers together. But, her panic is rising and she can see on Austin's face that he has cottoned on that there is something wrong with her. She does not want to make this about her and her feelings so she is trying to push down her panic. But, she could see on Austin's face he is not going to let that happen. "Come here," he says pulling her onto his lap. She sits in a straddle facing him and tries to stop the wobble of her chin as her tears cloud her eyes. "Talk to me, baby. You are scaring me," he says. "I want to marry you. I want your children. Lots of them. I want one hundred children by you. I am telling you this now so you know exactly how I feel. I am sorry for putting you in this position, but I need you to tell me now if you don't feel the same. I can't. I am not strong like Beth. The more memories I have and the more time I spend with you only makes I love you more and more. If this is not where we are leading I need you to tell me. It will still rip my heart apart, but it would hurt my heart more knowing you feel obligated to stay with me...please. I could take it now, but not in five years. Not in five months...not even in five days," she says and hiccups from trying to brave her little speech without crying. She does not want to guilt him into staying with her. If Austin is not the marrying type, he should be free to choose that without guilt.
Austin's worried frown smooths out as she speaks and by the end of it, he is smiling at her. Why is he smiling at her? "Is that the reason for your tears, darlin'? Is that all?" he asks. Indy nods. "Oh well, that's no problem at all," he says still grinning. "It's not?" she hiccups again. His grin turns lopsided and he takes off his Stetson and then fiddles on the inside of it. She tries to peep over the rim to see what he is doing but he holds it up a little higher, blocking her view. "Nosy," he whispers with a little chuckle then throws his Stetson on the passenger seat. She looks at his hand but can't see anything because his hand is in a fist.
"If you worry how I feel toward you it only means I have not shown you enough just how much I love you and so I will spend the rest of my life lovin' you so much that you will never doubt how I feel about you again. I want to marry you. I knew when I knew and I knew the second you climbed out of your car. It's as simple as that. I never questioned my feelings because there was never a need. I knew."
Now Indy is smiling, she is crying again too, but they are happy tears and her chest feels like it is about to burst. "So Indy Gold..." he says opening his fist and holding up one finger that has a thin gold band resting on the tip. "Marry me, be my wife," he whispers. Indy laughs then, nodding and sliding her fingers into his beard. Pulling him to her and practically slamming their lips together. She tries to kiss him but her laugh is bubbling up too much and so is Austin's, she continues to try and kiss him though. "You don't want the ring?" Austin mumbles into her mouth. "Oh! Yes. Yes, I do," she says pulling back and holding out her hand. Austin slips the ring onto her finger and she looks at it, she knows her eyes are sparkling. She loves it. "It was my grandmother's. My grandfather made it from the gold in the river. It's scratched up with their memories."
Indy is a mess.
She is crying again, and laughing - she does not know what she is doing really. But, she is happy. Really fucking happy. "So...uh...about those one hundred kids? I would love me some kids, but one hundred?" Austin asks with a smirk. Indy giggles and kisses him again. "Two hundred," she mumbles into his mouth and then laughs harder when Austin fakes a dramatic heart attack.